I never thought I would actually make it.
12 years ago, I had though if i made it to 40 with out killing myself, it would be a miracle, but had been making improvements.
11 years ago, I started taking care of Dad because he would not take care himself, and I was in the best shape of my life.
10 years ago, life was going good to start the year, then my Dad go Cancer, and I started having less time for myself.
9 years ago... i burried my dad and started taking care of mom who was starting to slip.
8 years ago, was starting to fend of my idiot brother
7 years ago, I had to get a lawyer to defined myself.
6 years ago, I finally got my shit together and graduated from University!
5 years ago, I started having heart problems again.
4 years ago, I started having severe sleep issues from stress...
3 years ago, we managed to get through Covid, but it felt like starting over with half the support no longer there...
2 years ago, my health started to really slide.
1 year ago, I had just got out of hospital, more heart problems
2 seasons ago, after putting down my dog, my Mom had a terrible fall.
1 month ago (and a bit) mom goes into long term care, freeing me from having to take care of her.
1 week ago, i was able to actually go out and see friends for the first time in over a decade...
1 day ago, i had a great time playing table top games with friends again...
So many ups and downs over the past dozen years...
I am not sure how I am too feel any more.
I feel a bit less lonely, but many of my friend who I would love to spend time with are still far away, almost all having family issues of their own, which will keep us apart still going forwards.
I am unsure what is all going on for me yet... this year will be the first year where I get to think about myself first, the first time in a long time. I need a lot of rest.. I need a lot of recovery. for the past 11 years, I have been taking care of the elderly and dying.. while dodging back stabs from various family members. For the past decade it has been stress, and worry and just feeling like I have to keep the plates spinning... and now, there are no plates.
I am not sure what to make of all this...
I feel like i am starting over almost.
what do I want for the next 365? To sleep.. rest and relax, and mostly sleep.. i have not been sleeping much the past few years and the doctor tells me it is showing. I need to get into shape.. i am back to being the heaviest i have ever been again... and I want to find time/energy to draw more. I have ideas, and I want to get them out and shared. I also need money, but doctor is unsure I can ever work a full time job again, since the past decade has taken a massive toll. Hopefully in a month or 2, i can open up some commissions, since there have been a few inquiries to such.
For now, I am going to bed.. and spend the day having pizza and games and cake after I wake up.
=^.,.^=
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1 month, 3 weeks ago
13 Jan 2025 10:17 CET
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