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17,000 -- and anxious reflection

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I just realized that I've passed 15,000 comments on FA.  Plus 2,000 on IB.  That's not 17K comments received, that's how many I've written.

Holy cow.  I though that was impossible.  It's hard for me to envision how much stuff that is and how I could think it all up.

The reason this surprises me is that I'm about the quietest person who has ever lived.  I never talk to anyone except myself.  I can't carry a conversation in a bucket.  I'm pretty sure I place on the schizoid spectrum.  Even online, I absolutely hate chatting with people.  I do everything possible to avoid small talk, because I am simply hopeless at socializing.

Yet, I feel this compulsion to say something amusing on peoples' works.  Comments mean a lot more to me than views, and it disappoints me a great deal how comments have greatly decreased across the board on all web sites for everyone over the last few years.  Good or bad, I always want to know what people think about my stuff.  It's okay -- I can take it.  I'm getting old.  Almost nothing offends me anymore.  Life is too short to hold grudges or get pissed over stupid crap.  Only one guy is on my block list, and that guy was a spammer.

Alas, especially over the last 10 years, I've never felt comfortable leaving comments, and well over half of the comments I start writing, I proofread and then decide to cancel.  Nope, someone is going to misinterpret that and spaz out.  I'm always nervous that I'm going to say something stupid, offend someone, and get banned.  I always favor making jokes and trying to be funny, but that's the most nerve-wracking thing to do, because it just seems to get you in the most trouble.  Sure, people have a sense of humor... until they don't.  I want to leave even more comments than I do, but... not only is it difficult -- it's terrifying.

17K, and I've only been suspended once?  That's quite a milestone, and I'm proud of it.

On that note, don't expect any art from me until the end of the year.  I'm totally freaking out over last-minute Christmas shopping, and (literally) rehearsing fake reactions to opening Christmas gifts I don't want.  In real life, I have to fake almost all my emotions because I don't feel them the same way other people do.  It's really, really difficult to pretend to enjoy meeting with my family.  I do NOT like the holidays, and would much prefer that the tradition to give each other presents and gift cards would just die in a fire.

So, um... Merry Christmas?  See you guys next year.

Viewed:	28 times
Added:	1 month, 3 weeks ago 18 Dec 2024 15:03 CET

9 Comments on this Journal

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CrinkleCorgi

1 month, 3 weeks ago

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It's a lot nicer when you don't have to walk on egg shells like on FA

Waccoon

1 month, 3 weeks ago

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@ CrinkleCorgi

I think the communities are pretty much the same, but of course the admins are way better over here. 8)

I seriously regret trying to get on the FA staff years ago. It was horrible.

CrinkleCorgi

1 month, 3 weeks ago

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@ Waccoon

now I'm kinda curious of how had they were

Selene

1 month, 3 weeks ago

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Merry Christmas
I have very much the same problem but over the years I learned to give a shit about what others think.
*hugs* though I´m still hating chatting with people over chats and such.

dahan

1 month, 3 weeks ago

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That's an impressive number of comments :) Looks like I've written about 900 comments here, which is a lot more than I remember having written.

Merry Christmas!

Memprys

1 month, 3 weeks ago

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I've been here ten years and have recently passed my first thousand. 17k isn't a lot for someone who is engaged in their art, whether they have been practicing it or not. It shows your dedication.

TheRealMedley

1 month, 3 weeks ago

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"

Alas, especially over the last 10 years, I've never felt comfortable leaving comments, and well over half of the comments I start writing, I proofread and then decide to cancel. Nope, someone is going to misinterpret that and spaz out. I'm always nervous that I'm going to say something stupid, offend someone, and get banned.

This is me to a T, I have this negative condition where anything and everything I say can and is always taken the wrong way and as an insult, even something as innocuous as "I like that shade of green you used" can and will be taken as me being the world's most aggressive angry troll for some reason, so I stopped commenting in general.

I try to participate more in journals like this where it feels more safe to comment but even then I just don't do much more than look and read now days, its tiring being social offline due to work/family obligations, and then online as well, also at a certain point its like what do you even say in the comments anymore?

Comment I hage getting

"Cute ^^" , "Sexy ^^" or anything in the same vein, like I'd rather not get anything if that's all I'm getting.

Then again I have also stopped giving more descriptive posts so maybe that's my fault.

On your last bit, gotta ask, are you on the spectrum? This is something a friend of mine suffers from during birthdays and holidays and he has learned to just be himself and socially blunt with others and tell them, gift cards, cash or very specific items down to the most minute detail so he isn't disappointed. I personally love the holidays but not for family or gift giving, its a time when I can bake and cook massive feasts to my hearts content and not worry about waste. Cooking and baking be not only my passion but also my life's work.

Waccoon

1 month, 3 weeks ago

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@ TheRealMedley

I don't really care what people think of my comments or if they block me -- it's when they start crying to the admins.  Granted, that's only happened on FA (of course), but I've butt heads with admins over silly little issues more times than is reasonable.

Then again, I used to piss off everyone around me when I was a kid, so I have a lot of self-doubt when it comes to my manners.  It wasn't until I started studying sociology in college that I really became self-aware of my behavior and why people hated me so much.  Things have gotten much better since then.

Yeah, there's definitely things wrong with me, but I've learned to adapt over the last few decades.  It's tiring having to constantly look at things from a political standpoint and not being able to just act natural.  I can deal with my family, but I really don't like it.  It'd be a lot easier if we just got together for a nice family dinner, but everyone insists on doing the parties, raffles, and gift swapping thing.  It drives me up the wall.

TheRealMedley

1 month, 3 weeks ago

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@ Waccoon

I don't really mind the blocking, its the brigading that gets me, because usually I get dog piled when the comment is taken the wrong way, and that's what stresses me out, and then for weeks after it I get random people just making rude or mean comments on my art/to me, which yeah I just delete and move on, but I don't want that to be part of my daily routine, deleting hate mail and blocking people.

I dunno what it is about me that people hate, I'm not loud or boisterous, I keep to myself, have tame interests, and do my best to be accommodating to others, I don't ask for anything, do as I'm told, and don't rock the boat and only add to conversations if I have any knowledge on the subject. IRL I'm the epitome of the quiet one, and above all I go out of my way to not be a burden on others. Yet I still get hated for reasons beyond my comprehension. Maybe I really am an asshole and I am just too blind to see it?

Aint nothing wrong with not wanting to waste time on pointless parties, its a personal preference and you're allowed to have them, if it were up to me I'd keep it to just kiddo, me and husband, but nope gotta be obligated to interact with my own family, and workmates, just grin and bare it and be thankful its once a year.

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