I'm not okay anymore, I haven't been for a long time. I can't log on to any site because I feel like I have to show progress but I have nothing, just ideas that rain down but I can't complete them because my ability to concentrate has been reduced to the point of absurdity.

I can't complete any comic pages, not even a single picture because in my head I know I should work on something else I want and at the same time another idea comes to me that I want to work on but the cycle repeats itself over and over again. I've been stuck in a vicious circle that I've realized these days and that I want to break before it sinks me. I haven't been able to draw new things, I haven't been able to draw my OCs, I haven't been able to advance on my projects, I don't enjoy my free time and most importantly, I haven't been able to sleep well.

But it's time to break this cycle, this horrible habit, and fix this mistake I made and grow even more. I want to start making speedpaints in Clip Studio, I want to draw my OCs in canon and non-canon situations. I want to reconnect with my audience without feeling pressure from clients, I want to be an artist again, a friend, to feel complete again and not fragmented in images and projects that I have not been able to complete.

Today is that day, today I must break with this because it is affecting me horribly, it has isolated me, I have withdrawn into myself, it has made me lazy and even worse, tonight a thought crossed my mind that I never thought I would have, to end it all. No, that is not me, I want to show my stories, share my work, make a community, and when the time comes I can leave knowing that I did what I wanted. But to achieve this I must change not only my lifestyle but get rid of my fears, insecurities, and that is what I will do today.

I will speak with the people who I still owe their projects to, and I will give them their corresponding refund because I must take action on the matter before my head explodes. Today I am going to change for the better, wish me luck because this time I am going to need it.

Thank you for your time and I hope you have a great morning, afternoon or evening.