Feels like a lifetime. Though I guess it's true when they say years go by faster the older you get, or at least it's felt that way recently. Unfortunately going to be a busy day at work, but it should all pay off next week for this planned vacation.
...But i guess now is probably the best time as any for some introspection, and updates for anyone who cares. I had planned to get back into posting regularly months ago, with the thought that I would only have to work 4 days a week. Working in the food service industry, this means a lot of walking around and being on my feet (I have sciatica and other chronic back and leg pains) for very long periods of time so not having to put myself through an extra day of that was great. Too bad I was told that the amount of hours I worked no longer applied to the position I was in (full time) while I was on Leave for my mental health taking a nosedive. Living in California, where our rent costs more than my monthly paychecks combined, made working part time impossible to envision. So what do I do? I suck it up and work 36 hours, meaning an extra day but at least it's a half day, right? Too bad that still kicks my ass, and leaves me coming home and staring at a half-dozen unfinished drawings and writing projects with little to no energy or motivation left in me.
That's not to say I've given up; more so that I'm horribly unfocused with my work, working on something then when I stop feeling good about my process I move over to something else in the hopes of at least just DOING something. I don't want to give up on the things I've spent so much time on though, so that's mostly the motivation for keeping me going. Fuck giving up, as long as that's there.
Plus, I'm now actually starting to look at things in a different way work-wise. I've spent the last 7 years in a department I didn't even originally apply for like I owe them something. So, after being asked if I wanted to apply for another department (and mulling it over again and again) I decided to take the chance. I don't know exactly when it'll happen, but hopefully it should put me in a better place mentally, work-wise. Obviously I don't want this to be my life forever, hell I would be happy making a very modest living drawing stuff but in the modern capitalist hellscape that is America that's more of a dream than anything. But for now, it's a job that I can do well at least and is stable.
Well, that turned into quite a ramble. Anyways, happy first day of Fall, people!
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1 year, 6 months ago
22 Sep 2023 21:32 CEST
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