Welcome to Inkbunny...

To view member-only content, create an account. ( Hide )

Birthday boy + Art update

Today is my birthday. I unironically want to kill myself.

In two year, I have had everything bad you can imagine.

health problems.
money problems.
mental problems.
deaths in the family.
animals I love dying.

3 years ago, I barely had any grey hair. now, they're everywhere because of how much I stress and worry. I feel like shit. I often just break down in tears during the day.
everyday, I think it can't get worse, and to be honest it's hard for me to imagine it could but I also am worried because I know very well every time I think I've reached the bottom, life finds a way to show that what I considered "bottom" will be what I consider "good times" in the near future.

Life is so complicated.
I hate every second of it.
I want to go back.

------------
ART UPDATE
There is no art update for now. my mind just isn't in the right place to draw.
it is also WAY TOO FUCKING HOT HOLY SHIT as I am typing it's 23:17 and it's still 33°c in my room, it's crazy it's like i live inside of a volcano.

Still, I do plan to make another comic, featuring my favorite yellow rapping dog, in a near (or far?) future, which will feature mindbreaking, abuse, tentacles and more.
these themes may or may not be influenced by how I feel atm. (no, to tell you the truth, it's not - I don't usually like mindbreaking unless it's certain, very specific scenarios which only I am able to imagine... I think? I never really looked into mindbreaking anyway since it's not my thing. it's complicated, I am complicated, don't ask and just enjoy whenever it happens).

Viewed:	49 times
Added:	1 year, 5 months ago 24 Aug 2023 19:02 CEST

7 Comments on this Journal

Leave a Comment...

SageOfShadow

1 year, 5 months ago

link

The only thing I can do is propose a virtual hug and my sincere appreciation of your art style that assure me that I will like nearly anything you make. So, I will most assuredly enjoy as asked ^^ *hug*

NeonDemon

1 year, 5 months ago

link

Edited 1 year, 5 months ago by Owner

@ SageOfShadow

thanks. this comic has been in my mind for a while now (https://inkbunny.net/s/2316855 these sketches of parappa were a direct reference to that, especially the one where he's been hit and is bleeding, almost 3 years ago, and I had this idea in mind much before even drawing it!) and i want to do it someday.
I wish I had a more happy journal to post. the amount of reactions here is a direct mirror to how people react to others not being fine : apathy. if the other isn't filled with happiness and love, people turn their head and go "oops, didn't see, not my problem, lol!", which only makes the other feel worse and making the problems bigger. I hate it.

unfortunately I'm not going through a good time in my life at all so I can't post about coom, memes and fun.

SageOfShadow

1 year, 5 months ago

link

@ NeonDemon

Ah, I believe it is more about “I don't think anything that I will say will help them to have a better day, so why bother ?". Not everyone goes the “Eh, let's try anyway” route. I wouldn't blame people for that. After all, it isn't always wrong.

No problem about not being able to post about positive things. If you wanna speak your mind and need a bit of moral support, never hesitate, even if this website/community isn't really made for it. You will always have a few people that will answer present ^^

NeonDemon

1 year, 5 months ago

link

Edited 1 year, 5 months ago by Owner

@ SageOfShadow

I do think that's how people work.
irl at my work, everybody knows I don't feel well, but they just prefer to look elsewhere. I don't expect or want them to try to fix me, it'd be wishful thinking, but like ... why do the opposite and just pretend to not know? in fact, I think people are more aggressive or hard on me because they feel something is wrong or off about me, so it's a defensive reaction, because they don't feel at ease. like, they go "oh no the awkward/quiet/weird guy, I don't want to deal with him" in their head.
it's a symptom of modern society, nobody has time for anybody anymore, and the internet has turned this behavior to the extreme where, if you aren't an icon of positivity, you're an outcast. "don't care, you aren't funny, i'll go find someone funny bye". I've been friendless for most of my life because I have personal problems, which made people avoid me, which made my problems bigger, in an endless cycle. all it'd have taken to break was trying to look past me not laughing and smiling continually - it doesn't make me a monster to be different, after all, and I'm certainly not going to bite anyone's head off. on the contrary, being alone, i'd love to have someone close to me and care for that person, and vice versa. it's just depressing.
maybe you're thinking i'm too cynical. maybe I am. but maybe I'm right. or maybe I'm wrong. we can't know. I wish I could know, sometimes, exactly what people think, that would put my mind at ease.

people are complicated and I don't understand how to deal with that. I think it's easy to tell, lol.

SageOfShadow

1 year, 5 months ago

link

@ NeonDemon

Na, I mean, I'm kinda cynical too so i'm not well placed to say who is cynical or not. Plus I don't exactly know the definition of the word XD

I just believe there is multiples ways to explain a single phenomenon... and there is pretty much no wrong ones. What you say is right for some people, what I say is right for some other, and we surely are both wrong for the rest.

Eh, I'm sure no one knows how to deal with people. There is just those that care about that, and those that don't. I'm not very good at that either.

Oh, and what a dingus I am, "happy birthday". Or at least I don't know... "birthday" ^^

Zarpabro

1 year, 5 months ago

link

Please stay safe <3
I wish I could help more...
Take all the time you need for yourself

notknow

1 year, 3 months ago

link

Bit late but it seems life hasn't been kind to lots of us, some less and some more... hang in there and don't forget to eat and drink, we can survive this.

New Comment:

Move reply box to top ↑

Log in or create an account to comment.

Help

Information

Policy & Legal

All artwork and other content is copyright its respective owners.

Powered by Harmony 'Gravitation' Release 80.

Content Server: Virginia Cache - provided by Inkbunny Donors. Background: Blank Gray.

The Inkbunny web application, artwork, name and logo are copyright and trademark of their respective owners.