S by fourball < Journal | Inkbunny, the Furry Art Community

48 Comments on this Journal

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GarretMvahd

2 years, 6 months ago

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Noms on you. We are here for you

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ GarretMvahd

Been too many years with only online words.
I wish I could meet people irl who are ok with me being who I am

joykill

2 years, 6 months ago

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Dude that's just life. Peaks and valleys. Just remember that not every peak is going to be high. I'm damn near 40 and I take it day by day

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ joykill

That's just life, eventually it's going to be your time just live and let things happen naturally.
I heard that poison since i was 12 and now I'm 30 and I got nobody around me, All I can do is talk online, and sometimes you want a hug and there is nobody that can give you one

victimdwarf

2 years, 6 months ago

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Do something truly for your self what makes you happy

You have to answer to no one for your do and don't

Or try something new brightening your own horizons

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ victimdwarf

Drawing used to make me happy, but the price I pay every time I put a line in the canvas is getting too high.
Another new class, maybe another college course again? How about a new gym?
Keep doing new things and eventually you will be 50 without no one ever knowing who you are because nobody wants to talk to a guy who draws the shit I do irl

victimdwarf

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ fourball

Then do a search online these days there is a club/group for everything there most be for erotic/adult fan art artists

damntohell0

2 years, 6 months ago

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please dont be like that. you belong here with us.

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ damntohell0

Only existing on the internet got stale.
I want to belong in a place where I can actually hug someone instead of reading *hug* on a screen

damntohell0

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ fourball

i get what you mean...im so sorry dude. i really wish i could help you.

Atrolux

2 years, 6 months ago

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now sure how i can contribute but i genuinely hope things go well for you

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ Atrolux

That's a thing that seems to repeat.
There are so many nice people online who want to give you a helping hand, but because I live in the middle of nowhere, and the closest online person that wants to help me is 4 or 5 countries away, it is quite impossible to help me in what I need.
I'm desperate for life but due me doing what I have done I can't be myself anywhere. I just want social interactions where I don't feel afraid to talk.

Taleir

2 years, 6 months ago

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I had found myself in a similar state of frustration regarding my own performance (though without the suicidal thoughts, but that could easily have changed if I were in a tight situation).

If it really is just the lack of focus and frustration in being unable to complete important tasks, you could ask your doctor if Adderall (or its cheaper generics) is safe and suitable for you to try. Not to sound like an advertisement... Lol!

It helped me a lot, including breaking me out of irritating pitfalls like decision paralysis and I felt a lot more satisfied actually getting the things I want to do done. But it is kind of a big deal to get on it; if you go for it, approach it with the respect it demands and request the minimum effective dose and the extended release formulation, which is a lot safer and not as harsh coming up on it after taking it.

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ Taleir

I already take 3 different pills that try to help me with that, but hell, I have been taking pills for over a decade now but they won't fix my problem, the pills are not magic.
What pill is going to make people show up in my life that are ok with who I am and what I draw?
I carve a human social life, and the only people that want to talk to me only exist various countries away.

Taleir

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ fourball

Apologies, then. I was only going off what you wrote about poor energy and motivation.

sora21345

2 years, 6 months ago

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hope life work out 4 u

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ sora21345

Thanks, I hope the same

lock444

2 years, 6 months ago

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Damn that’s rough. I’m sorry your going through all that. I don’t know what more to say than I’m rooting for you.

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ lock444

Thanks, I really apreciate when I see your messages in the comments, that helps.
I think my loneliness finally got to me hard, the past few years I have only lost people in my life and fuck, nobody seems to want to get in my life anymore, only online friends who live far far away and with my age it feels like is too late to do anything.

lock444

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ fourball

its no problem at all. and hey loneliness is something we all deal with and just cause a connection with someone is online don't mean that connection is any less meaningful than those made face to face.

Plinko

2 years, 6 months ago

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Preaching to the choir, honestly been in that same slump for some time now, especially the "don't belong anywhere" part. Just know you're not alone in any of this, we need to keep pulling forward the shit has to break eventually.

*hugs*

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ Plinko

I have been hearing that things will get better for so long now, since I was 12.
I'm 30 now, how much more do I have to wait for that to happen?.
Im exhausted

MDarrock

2 years, 6 months ago

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Well, don't do anything harsh, first of all. And i would suggest you do a little exercice daily. It doens't have to be anything extravagant. A walk or a little jog should do the trick. Activating your body and getting the blood flowing a bit more can do wonder! Give it a try and even if you don't feel all that more motivated, at least it doesn't cost you much other than the time you put into it (as long as you don't get yourself hurt).

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ MDarrock

I already work out on the regular, tho I have become more lazy with it past few months, I still do.
Fun and depressing fact : I used to be ripped, being in shape doesn't help you a single bit.

Autumnbear

2 years, 6 months ago

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I wish things would get easier for you. We're here for you Fourball... <3

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ Autumnbear

Thanks, just wish the people who cared didn't lived so far away

Taticub

2 years, 6 months ago

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Sorry to hear you're feeling very unmotivated for anything. Maybe just offer yourself a nice hiatus from art for some time? Either way, I hope things get better for you.

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ Taticub

I already took time off.
I like drawing, maybe a bit too much to really stop doing it, I just hate the loneliness that comes with drawing what I draw.
Do you imagine anyone talking to something like me irl?

Taticub

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ fourball

i guess when it comes to finding someone in RL who would enjoy what you draw would be hard but im sure not so much online.

ArionEquus

2 years, 6 months ago

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For what it's worth. I still appreciate when I see something of yours float through my inbox.

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ ArionEquus

Thanks, it stills helps a bit knowing that what I do is appreciated somewhere

knolden

2 years, 6 months ago

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Never forget you have fans and people that appreciate what you do.

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ knolden

I know I should be more thankful about having fans, but after a while it just becomes too cold, only people online are willing to say anything, and it becomes really hard to deal with the loneliness

GreenPika

2 years, 6 months ago

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I know these feels. At least you got some fans.

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ GreenPika

I appreciate the fans, but iy makes you wish you could meet some of em, being able to talk without feeling ashamed.

GreenPika

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ fourball

eh yeah. on line stuff only goes so far sometimes. I hate how physical isolated things can be sometimes.

Issarlk

2 years, 6 months ago

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Do you have shelter and food? That's already quite nice. Don't focus on what could be, but on what you have would be my advice.
A lot of things in life are overrated. Wealth, spouse and kids, a nice house, a good job, happiness even ! All of this is not worth stressing about.

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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Edited 2 years, 5 months ago by Owner

@ Issarlk

I just want social interaction, being able to to talk without feeling ashamed of what I do, of what I draw.
But I live I the middle of nowhere, and the only people who want to talk to.me live in the other end of the world.
I just want to talk to people irl, looking them in the eyes and not through a microphone or text.
I am human, right?... after a while you stop feeling like one and you see yourself as a monster.

Issarlk

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ fourball

I'm gonna get lynched for suggesting this, but how about putting the porn artist stuff into the closet, stopping that for a while.
You totally can draw enjoyable SFW stuff and I bet you like it too. Get another artist name, show that wholesome stuff to IRL people you meet, if your art hobby comes into the conversation, that's one less problem to deal with.

Sleepyly

2 years, 6 months ago

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I have been struggling with these issues for the last 6 years. Its tough, but if there is something i learned this year is that you gotta keep going, stop looking back and look forward because the present and the future are the only things that you have.

It might take a while for you to cheer yourself up again but it will be so much worth it. I realized just how better i am when im more positive and how that increases my chances of success exponentially as a result.

Keep going.

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ Sleepyly

Is so hard to be positive anymore

JackalSurprise

2 years, 6 months ago

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Any chance you can get yourself medicated?

A friend of mine has been suicidal for many years, and was finally able to get a doctor to prescribe him some meds. It's been two weeks so far, and those thoughts and urges have quieted down enough he can focus on making progress with debt and other things.

I don't know your situation, but I know it's hard to make any progress at all when your mind is trying to cave in on itself. Here's hoping it helps.

fourball

2 years, 5 months ago

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@ JackalSurprise

Been taking pills for over a decade, they don't really fix the main problem that is I don't have people I can talk to irl.

noryn

2 years, 6 months ago

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If you don't belong anywhere you belong not even with the damned. So spit in the eye of god and build your own place even if man or god says "no."

Knightshade

2 years, 6 months ago

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*hugs*
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time... but please remember these 2 things.

1.Life is like a rollercoaster.... enjoy the view when you are up and hold on tight when you're going down.

2.I or any of your followers would happily let you talk out and vent your frustrations to us to keep you from going the way of Chester Bennington and countless other kindhearted and good people.

slippyismyhero

2 years, 6 months ago

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DO NOT KILL YOURSELF. Stay alive for those that love you.

Get help and support. No one is truly alone. Find a good doctor that can treat your depression.

Kenopsia

2 years, 6 months ago

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This really gets me. I made art years ago under a different name. I loved making pictures. I never had good speed and took hours over what should have been the simplest things but I strived to improve and loved it. Then one day, I just stopped giving a damn and I never really found the reason why. Makes me sad every now and then when I think about it. Even trying to come back to it. The flame just isn't the same.

You do good work and I hope that whatever's stopping you, you'll get past it.

Diraulus

2 years, 4 months ago

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Gotta balance out the online world with the physical world for sure. Everybody needs physical contact. Online can be a lot of fun and safe but it can't be everything you put your time into. Maybe phone call old friends or just start spending time in outside places.
I love your Nicole artwork so much!

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