This journal has been very hard for me to write, both without going on a tangent and without getting angry or crying. I know I’ve ignored several people and snapped at a few others while writing this, but it’s a sensitive topic to me, and I’ll apologize for my outbursts once I’m done writing.
I’ve dealt with dysphoria and mental disorders my entire life. Big whoop, everyone seems to have low self-esteem and mental disorders today; I know I’m not special. But I wanted to speak my peace since everyone seems to be comfortable reaching out these days and I’ve never seen anyone else dealing with this issue.
I was circumcised as a baby (non-essential and non-religious, just systemic procedure), and I have never been okay with that. I have a long and terrible life story I may be convinced to share in my PM's if anyone really wants to hear with many events that have catalyzed many of my physical and mental problems throughout my life, but I now firmly believe that first trauma is what set me down the path I’ve been on for most of my life.
Circumcision is genital mutilation. I had my body violated as a child, had a part of me amputated without my consent. I was likely awake and without anesthetic, as that’s how the procedure is normally administered. I may not vividly remember the event, but the body remembers things the mind cannot. I have visceral reactions and behavioral disorders that studies indicate may be linked.
I’m going to link an article here that I feel words this issue far more eloquently, and one I think is important for people to read.
TLDR (I’m finally getting to my point here): I’m undergoing foreskin restoration. I’m doing this to feel whole and to feel confident in my body and to regain the control I’ve never had over my life. I know it’s not as popular right now or as momentous to a lot of people as something like transitioning, but to me, this is a life-changing event. As a victim, I’m taking a stand against a barbaric practice, my lazy, negligent father who consented to the surgery, and the so-called “doctor” who hurt me. I’m proving to myself that not even a surgeon’s blade can destroy who I am. I am restoring non-surgically; it is not only more cost-effective, but provides more accurate results, with tissue regrown from the remains of what I have left. It is also symbolic for me in not using a knife to restore a knife wound.
From now on, I will be much more outspoken against circumcision. I’ve not been vocal about any issue in the past because of my own shyness and fear/anger towards cancel culture, but if there is one thing I adamantly and unapologetically stand against, this is it.
To me it's not so much perverted in a sexual sense (unless one finds it sexual), but more in a moral sense. So much so for me that it's a trigger (and those who know me know I NEVER use the term trigger). I just find it culty and sadistic, and anyone like my dad who claims it has health benefits is either delusional or lazy. Yes certain risks are higher WITHOUT PROPER HYGIENE, but the surgery also has many health risks including a low chance of spreading STI or causing infection leading to greater disorders (this is of course ignoring the HUGE list of long-term physical and mental side effects it has on victims like myself). I have a visceral reaction against it and I'm horrified to this day knowing that the practice was used on me, and that I'm "damaged goods" (or at least I feel that way).
To me it's not so much perverted in a sexual sense (unless one finds it sexual), but more in a moral
It's understandable how someone it's done to feels like their downstairs stuff got messed up. Why I also see it from the angle of it being a perverted act may stem from being told once when I was a kid that if you are in a public shower situation, you never never never shuck your foreskin back exposing the head of your penis in the presents of the other guys. I was told it is the same as having a hard on at everyone else. Quite naturally, there was a time I wondered, "What does a guy do in the case that he is circumcised?" Of course now days, I realize that is overlooked in that situation.
It's understandable how someone it's done to feels like their downstairs stuff got messed up. Why I
I'd never heard of that, probably because I never had one growing up :p Although I guess it makes sense because I've never seen uncut men expose their tip outside of sexual situations.
And it is messed up down there; the tip keratinizes meaning the glans loses its luster and sensitivity and instead becomes dull and, although still soft, dry and smooth as the rest of my skin. It's literally the same as de-hooding a woman; the exposure to the elements causes desensitization and depending on the length and severity of abuse, can cause permanent nerve damage. Restoring the foreskin especially through tugging regrows what little of the specialized tissue remains; that means the inner skin around the corona that is naturally mucosal is once again able to rehydrate the glans without air or fabric chafe drying it out. Over time as the body sheds dead skin as it naturally does, the glans is supposed to lose its keratinized surface and return to its original sheen and sensitivity. So while there is a sort of "cure" or restoration that this process will hopefully do, I have been damaged in more ways than the initial mutilation. It literally just looks and feels the same as the rest of my skin atm.
I'd never heard of that, probably because I never had one growing up :p Although I guess it makes se
I'm so glad you're taking a stand against this barbarous act, I hope you're doing better now that you've gotten that off your chest. I'll be here for you, so don't be afraid to drop a pm
I'm so glad you're taking a stand against this barbarous act, I hope you're doing better now that yo
I'm feeling a bit better, but still waiting for the tugger I ordered to arrive. The treatment should take about 2-3 years so I won't be "finished" and all better until then, but I'm at least happy and hopeful with the journey finally starting.
I'm feeling a bit better, but still waiting for the tugger I ordered to arrive. The treatment should
Thanks, I know I'll need it! Starting this has made my mood swing wildly from super excited to livid to depressed, and I know I can't live anymore without one, but I hope I can muster up the patience to wait. I'm also banking on my body's quick healing to hopefully regrow fast too.
Thanks, I know I'll need it! Starting this has made my mood swing wildly from super excited to livid
