So, this is actually kind of funny, two of my friends apparently knew/figured out my sexual orientation when the three of us were in elementary school.
Apparently they had a discussion on one of the days I was absent, I was probably home sick or just didn't feel good in general, that when I got older they could only see me being with a girl and not a guy.
I wasn't told this until sometime last week or earlier, forgot the actual date, by Kaylee. She's one of the two friends.
While they have it all figured out, my child brain at the time thinks that I'm straight because that's all I've ever seen and heard of.
Anyways cut to middle school, I'm in eighth grade and still think I like guys. A guy friend of mine liked me, he made that known by kissing me on the cheek before running off to get on the bus. I had an after school program thing that helped me with my grades, so I couldn't run after him. I just said that he was going to be in so much trouble the next day. The kiss felt weird and I was kind of pissed afterwards.
We didn't date, he did try to get me to go on a date with him though.
That summer after eighth grade while we were moving, AGAIN, I realized, "Hey, maybe I'm bi and lean more towards girls??" I kept quiet though, because I didn't want to talk about it with my family.
Fast-forward to ninth grade, I'm going to Manzano in Albuquerque. I got it in my head that, "Hey I'm bi, that's fine." I still don't tell anyone though because frankly, it ain't their damn business who the fuck I like.
I'm in ROTC, left it after the second year was over. Anyways, that first year of being in it, some girl in PE tells me I look sexy in the uniform. I very awkwardly say thanks, because not going to lie she was really pretty..... and I'm uncomfortable with getting compliments because I think they're weird X'D.
Back to my friends that figured it out way before me. They're in a different high school and in art class together. It was either Kaylee or Shay, the other friend, that said, "Hey, I wonder what Janarra is up to." with the other replying with, "She's probably dating a girl now."
NOPE! Still single as fuck! Sorry girls! I'm terrible at being myself apparently!
Then another guy friend of mine admits that he likes me. The summer after tenth grade was over, he kisses me on the lips. That's another story for another day.
Same thing with the one from eighth grade, we don't date.
Then I switch schools again because it was getting expensive with my mom driving us back and forth to Albuquerque. By us, I mean me and my brother Trevor.
Now I'm going to school at Moriarty High School and actually get to ride the bus again!
Anyways, in the second semester of eleventh grade my ex, we're still friends, asks me out to the Military Ball for ROTC. I'm like, "Fuck it, I'll go with him."
We date for the rest of that semester, not that much school days left anyways, and a couple weeks into twelfth grade. It ended because he was starting say to that my friend, his ex girlfriend, was trying to break us up. In reality she was happily dating her boyfriend, who was a friend first before asking her out. Another reason for it ending was because I realized I didn't like him like that. Apparently one of my friends didn't get the hint because she asked if me and him would ever want to get back together. He said yes and I just stayed quiet because frankly, no I didn't want to, but I wasn't going to be a bitch about it.
Also, in that same year I finally realize that I don't like guys at all. Though apparently another friend of mine thought I was asexual since I'm not into romance that much. She's bi, so I wasn't uncomfortable with talking about it to her. Still didn't say my orientation, I just told her that I wasn't asexual and have preferences.
Then literally this year alone, my ex tells me that he still loves me and that he wants to be with me forever and marry me. I WAS exceedingly uncomfortable! THAT WAS ON HIS BIRTHDAY OF ALL DAYS! I was trying so hard to explain that I don't want to get back together. He did get upset but at least he understands that I don't like him THAT way now. Again, we're still friends.
Also this year, I spent the night at the friends house that thought I was asexual. Her dad, who at the time hadn't met her boyfriend yet, started to tease her that day saying, "You're not kissing any boys are you?" Her family already knows that she's bi.
I swear all of us were dying from laughter at what her dad said, and at her reactions to the teasing! Then he brought me into it!
He was still funny about it though. Anyways he said, "What about you, Nori? Are you kissing any boys?" I literally yell no, to which he responds with, "Kissing any girls?".
I give my usual response of, "I just don't like romance." and sit there quietly petting their cat not wanting to confirm his assumptions. He thankfully drops it and says, "Screw it, I'll boycott romance with you." We all die from laughing again. Hey, at least he likes me XD.
I tell Kaylee about that day and she dies laughing with me! Then some time after that is when she finally tells me what her and Shay figured out all those years ago. I guess she asked Shay at one point if they should tell me but Shay was like, "No, let her figure it out on her own."
THANKS FOR WAITING THIS LONG TO TELL ME GUYS!!!
On another note, I'm going to be making me and Kaylee a canvas painting of our pride flags with song lyrics that are special to us on them.
Hers is going to have song lyrics from the song Enchanted by Taylor Swift.
Mine is going to have song lyrics from the song Silent Scream by Anna Blue.
I'm severely tempted to just hang mine up in my room when it's finished so it will be the first thing any of my family members see upon coming into my room. I'd be like, "Yes. That's me. Deal with it."
Though, I probably won't knowing my fucking self.
So yes, I'm gay. If you don't like it, fucking leave this account and don't interact with me at all. I ain't going to give any homophobes time out of my day arguing with them.
Also, please don't ask why I've decided to come out. I don't want to explain it.
