Thank you to everyone. Thank you to everyone who has commented on my previous journal. Thank you to everyone on telegram, who took the time to say something. Whether it was a simple thing like
"
"Hello"
or
"
"How are you?"
or even a simple question like
"
"Are you okay?"
Even when I have been at my lowest and have had fears of self harm or being too afraid to say anything, you all stopped to say something and reassure me, comfort me, give me a shoulder to cry on. All of these things mean so much to someone like me.
The next thing I want to say is this.
There is a reason for why I might not be as active on telegram, and why I don't seem to be much for the trends and so on. The reason is, I have Asperger's. To those who don't know what it is, I'll break it down for you. Asperger's is basically a form of high functioning Autism that affects ones communication skills. Someone, like me, with it often says or does things which might be seen as inappropriate. One with it might not understand what is being said clearly, such as a joke or the tone of voice someone is using. Despite that, someone with it is special and stronger in other things. Some are stronger than others with logic, others are stronger with the arts and in many ways have more knowledge of something and more passion for it such as military vehicles or Harry Potter. I for one am one of those with Asperger's who struggles with communication. But, as you've probably seen, make up for this in the form of literature and writing as well as having a passion for British Trains and railway modelling. It's also the reason for why I might be talking to everyone on telegram and elsewhere one minute, then silent the next. I'm not being spiteful or ignoring anyone wanting to talk to me. But for those who feel that I am, this is why. I sometimes get overwhelmed or find it hard to say something. Sadly this isn't helped by the fact that I suffer from depression and have high levels of anxiety.
Finally I want to say this, to those who have rejected me and ignored me deliberately.
I'm done
I'm finished. I'm not going to put my neck out on the line for you. I'm not going to try and make you see sense. I'm not going to let your ignorance stop me from living my life. I'm not going to block you either. To do such a thing would be taking the cowards way out. It will be letting you get the better of me. I'm going to see you around here and elsewhere. I'm not going to fight you. I'm not going to name and shame you. I'm going to carry on as normal. I'm going to just walk on. Take the noble route. Walk away like a true gentleman, with honor and dignity.
And that's it. I've said what I wanted to say.
I'm still suffering with high anxiety and depression. I know it's going to take more time. And with that, I want you all to know that I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere. I will get in touch with everyone wishing to speak to me. It might not be today, might not be tomorrow, but I will get back to you. I will continue to be kind and friendly. I will continue to offer my help and support where and when I can. In the meantime, I wish all of you the best. I hope that during my absence you continue to be who you are. Enjoy life and what is given to you or what you give to others.
Last but not least. Despite all the ups and downs I just want to say
