Well, it's been about 5 days since I was handed the ol' pink slip. And while I'm still emotionally recovering, I have taken enough time out to know for sure that I gotta make some big changes to myself or I am not going to be able to handle living.
One Door Closes, Another Opens
So some of us know that 40 hours of work, 12 hours of travel, and trying to handle education on top of that is absolutely not easy. To some, doable. To some, utterly insane. I'm actually in the latter camp. My grades have been slipping and I have been passing and failing classes for a couple years because of it. I just simply cannot concentrate. Especially as of late, with them changing the rules on me.I'm really happy that this chapter is over. It means that now, after some evaluation, as nice as it is to have extra money, I don't need it. I don't need the obscene hours at work. I need maybe a couple days a week working enough hours. This'll give me time to work, focus on studies, and even live a little. This is what I'll need moving forward until I graduate.
Creative Return
Another thing I look forward to is reviving myself creatively.Some of you may remember that I was working hard at learning how to color.And I made strides. But it's been so long that the skills feel like they're beginning to atrophy, and I do not want that for myself.I intend on doing a few things to keep this up. Coloring, Writing, and hopefully becoming somewhat of an assistant or inspiration to other artists in some way shape or form. I never feel more alive than when I'm focused on doing something creative.And I have done nothing creative for a long time.
Communication
Now, this part should be the easiest.I don't have a job right now so I should be able to jump in, join calls, game with others and the like. And while, I should (and do) want to be pulled in more often, at the moment, I'm needing to adjust again to my schedule. I slowly became more of a hermit over the course of an entire 2 years. So now is the time I get my normalcy back before I jump into doing a bunch of other stuff.
However, Monster Hunter, I'd be glad to have others join me in this! I'm having a blast on this game! (grabbed it before all this craziness went down thank GOD).
Damaged, not broken.
Emotionally, I'm kind of fragile. For the most part, I seem to be okay, and I am pretty good at putting up a front of calm and collectedness, which does me no favors it seems. Right now I am filled with anger, resentment, and spite toward the people that put me through all of this. Filled with stress at being uncertain about finance. We're fine, but I detest having no part in it for now.), and moreover....I hate the nihilistic feeling that it's left me with, since this is yet another example of people I was supposed to trust turning their backs on me and either abandoning me, or screwing me over despite themselves. It's a pain that's deep, but I've grown used to it.
I am on the path to recovery though. Every day that goes by I'm growing stronger and more determined to get things right. I'm hopeful. I'm recovering. And I'll get better and find somwhere better. I need time. This time I have a lot more of it to spare.
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Anyways, that's where I am, and where I will be. Thanks for reading.-
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6 years, 2 months ago
06 Mar 2018 10:29 CET
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