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ZephonTsol

As it turns out...

It's NOT Skyrim.

I did a lot of thinking tonight and a lot of talking with my little brother (a furry who stays silent on the internet). We got down to talking about things and I eventually stumbled onto WHY I hate Skyrim...

or Minecraft...or My Little Ponies.

It has NOTHING to do with the media and everything to do with my youth in high school. See, in rural Buttfuck, Nebraska, there's not a whole lot to do outside of school so TV and media played a big social aspect in my peers. The cable TV I wasn't allowed to have but they could, the movies I had no money for, so on and so forth. I was constantly shunned because I either didn't understand their references or had no context for what they were talking about due to the fact that I had little exposure to the topic or, more likely, little reason to really like it at all (see Tommy Boy or any other SNL movie that came out around the late 90s really).

Because they shunned me, I grew to hate it. As I became more of a music nerd and strove to better myself at that, the exclusion grew more visceral and real. To this day, I *still* have no drive to ever attend a high school reunion because I would go there and likely start fistfights. It continued during early college until I found a true set of friends who DIDN'T judge me over things...and would, instead, help expose me to them. Believe it or not, I wasn't sure WHAT to think of the original Xbox until a friend sat me down and played Halo with me.

Fast forward to present day.

Minecraft and MLP have been constant topics in my circles of friends. Skyrim to a lesser extent. Now imagine yourself wanting to hate someone because they constantly like something that you have little interest in (because that's how it's always been in your world). But those people you want to hate are your dear and beloved friends. Hating them is utterly out of the question to you...so what's left to express your hate towards?

The topic itself.

To reiterate, I've never really had a problem against Skyrim or MLP or Minecraft or anything else I have no interest in but is still popular anyhow. But this latent "hate it because it's popular and you'll therefore be shunned' feeling has been buried inside my psyche for so very long that I had no idea it was even there to begin with. It's only after LONG talks with people who, instead of telling me to just shut up about it, told me to talk through it and challenged me to look deeper. That maybe there was a deeper reasoning to my irritations.

And there is. It's not the topic, it's me. Or rather, it's my childhood screaming at me to hate because that's how it always was and that child is convinced that this was how it always *would be*.

It isn't. Skyrim's not a bad game. It just doesn't interest me at all. I'd rather play Sonic Generations or any of the other games coming down the pipe that I *am* looking forward to. Minecraft never interested me because I saw little point, but that didn't make it a bad game either. My Little Ponies...

...okay, I still have a bit of a weirded-out sensation when it comes to bronies and some of their insufferable antics, but that's an actual solid reason against THEM, not against the show itself. But I've felt left out because of it all. Felt like I should feel sad because I don't take part in it all or, if I do, not as big as others.

I understand myself now. This feeling I have is the best I've felt about discovering myself in...geez, I don't even KNOW how long. I am not making any claims to instantly being an un-angry person, but now I know better than to direct hatred towards something JUST because it is popular and I'm not interested. And I know that if I'm to grow, my friends will likely need to know this. Not to change them, but to help them be aware to not let me do this kind of angry behavior anymore. To put it in my face that I'm hating based on a long-standing bias rather than factual evidence.

Too many people hate because they have been trained to. Look at radical evangelicals or even most Catholics. Fighting against it is near impossible because they were trained to. I was trained to hate against popularity because it was painful. That, at least, is workable. I *can* conquer it, though it's likely to take time.

But understanding yourself is always the first part of bettering yourself.

So no, I don't hate Skyrim. I think that the advertising could've been dialed down about a zillion notches. I think it's about the same as any other Fallout-like thing that exists. But it's not a bad game.

Just doesn't interest me. Now to work on tuning out the loudness of everyone else who does and who doesn't mean to rub it in. Whoof...that's gonna be hard.

<<<EDIT>>>
I've just read something in a fantasy book that's kind of poignant and very very true. It kind of needs to be here, where everyone else can see it. I'll quote the author instead of the character.

"Until a person learns to laugh at himself, his life will be a tragedy --- at least, that's the way he'll see it." - David Eddings

Ask yourself how many people *coughfurriescough* you know that are like this.

Are you?

About time I stopped, isn't it?
Viewed: 25 times
Added: 7 years, 1 month ago
 
AlexReynard
7 years, 1 month ago
<big damn grin>

I am so incredibly happy for you, Zeph. I've totally been here. After Mom kicked me out, I spent years just trying to figure out what I liked and didn't like. She'd often force me to agree with her opinions, so I developed a pattern of liking things based on someone else's opinions of them. Even when I became aware of it, it took time to fix. I had to consciously ask myself, 'Do I like this because I genuinely enjoy it, or because I feel like I have to?' But the more I worked at it, the easier it got. Like pedaling a bike; it's work at first until you build up enough speed to coast.

I know that you will get better at recognizing this thing within yourself, and changing it. Because you have incredible determination. You have endurance beyond anyone else I know. :)

>This feeling I have is the best I've felt about discovering myself in...geez, I don't even KNOW how long.

<LEAPS at you and gives you the incrediblest hug ever> ^__^
ZephonTsol
7 years, 1 month ago
You flatter me, Alex. My endurance/determination is just...there. Maybe it came from this same effect that took hold in high school. Maybe from my family and the greek tragedy it turned out to be for a long time.

M'not really sure. I know I have it though, but maybe it's just more pronounced given the set of circumstance and happenstance that have shaped my life.

Doesn't seem to matter much, when I think about it. I'm still kind of giddy about this concept of understanding something in my life that I feel like I've been driving towards for months now; an idea that has shaped who I am and the self-loathing I contaminate my relationships with. I've been bound and determined to figure it out and I feel like I've uncovered a *very* significant piece of the overall puzzle.

Haven't been really able to sleep, anyhow.
AlexReynard
7 years, 1 month ago
>M'not really sure. I know I have it though, but maybe it's just more pronounced given the set of circumstance and happenstance that have shaped my life.

Very likely. But I think it's also simply a part of you too. someone else in your situation might have given in and become bitter, depressed or cruel. Something in you kept you from giving in. And even when you had to ask for help, that's a part of it too; knowing when you need more than what's within you. :)

>I'm still kind of giddy about this concept of understanding something in my life that I feel like I've been driving towards for months now

Ain't it great? I know what it's like to have an epiphany like that, and I'm so glad you're feeling it too. <more hugs>

>an idea that has shaped who I am and the self-loathing I contaminate my relationships with. I've been bound and determined to figure it out and I feel like I've uncovered a *very* significant piece of the overall puzzle.

<nod> Sometimes the hardest things to change are the things that are constantly with us. They become like background noise. Like, how often do you notice your heartbeat?

>Haven't been really able to sleep, anyhow.

Tried fapping? ;)


BTW, if I had to try to nail down what the appeal of MLP is, I'd say it's probably sincerity. There's so much irony and hipness in entertainment nowadays, it's a breath of fresh air to just relax and enjoy something genuine. At least that's a big reason why I like it. (That, and I tend to like anything that's big on characterization.)
Alfador
7 years, 1 month ago
" AlexReynard wrote:
Tried fapping? ;)


Oddly, fapping tends to put me to sleep when I do it in the middle of the day, but keep me awake with my heart pounding when I do it at nighttime. Which is the exact OPPOSITE of the effects I'd want it to have!!
AlexReynard
7 years ago
Depends. Usually it knocks me out. Other times, my fap fantasy gets away from me and I start focusing on it and turning it into a real story. :)
Relee
7 years, 1 month ago
I'm glad to hear you're aware of that, Zephon!

I've been saying that for months, the reason a lot of people hate MLP and especially the Bronies is that they feel excluded. The show doesn't 'work' for them and there's going to be this natural jealousy when you see people forming a joyful community, excited beyond belief, and nothing you can do will make you a part of that. But, nobody is intentionally excluding you from it. It's just not your thing. It hurts because it's all up in your face but there's nothing you can do about it.

You already have your thing, from the sounds of it. I can't understand music culture but it sounds like that's an important thing to you. Of course, it might seem different because it's not NEW and IN YOUR FACE and all that. I can't really tell you to do this or that with your heart, feelings are going to happen one way or the other, but try not to hate people just because they're part of a community you can't be a part of. You have your own personal source of joy.


Sorry if that all comes off awfully preachy for a guy you hardly ever talk with. I'm always out here. ^.^
ZephonTsol
7 years, 1 month ago
Hah! Music is definitely about as new as the stone age. As for in your face...well, tell me, how would a movie be without it's soundtrack providing the edginess or fanfare when needed? I guess I just never looked at it this way before of how...weird it all is.

I can't really hate the bronies. But I can look upon their...leaps of strangeness and shrug. At least, now I can. It's so very very WEIRD, really, but hey...

Laugh at yourself and your life will be a comedy, right?

I guess the thing is, I never viewed it as such because the bronies will be around for a few years, sure, and then they'll move on.

Music is timeless.
Alfador
7 years, 1 month ago
*huggles a ton*

Also, this is why I keep pushing you to experience the things I keep annoying you by referencing (eg. ponies, Homestuck), because, far from belittling you because you don't get a reference, I make references in the hopes that you'll get them and we'll share enjoyment of an experience we've shared. So I push to have you experience what I've experienced and know I'll reference in the future.

Just think of all the times we've talked about World of Warcraft!
Shuyo
7 years, 1 month ago
Don't feel -too- bad for yourself, it isn't exactly difficult to hate My Little Pony. ;3
LandonFox
7 years, 1 month ago
Mmm!  Looks like some real good came of this.

Don't worry about not being perfect.  It doesn't work like that.  People and their skills are not machines.  We are not built, but rather we grow.  We do not acquire skills like possession, but strive for mastery.  Simply being aware of what you need to do to improve and practicing means you'll get there eventually.
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