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AvaBun

Fauxships

by
You know what, fuck it. I didn't ask for this and it's becoming a recurring issue. So now that I've wasted two or three years on it I finally have an answer for every 'friend' who has ever said "You need to change to be a part of my life."

It is: "Okay. Bye."


Seriously. I do not want friends who change me, I want friends who accept me. I thought that friendship was all about two people having a commonground and accepting each others' faults to enjoy each other's company in that common interest. Since coming to FA, for some odd reason, that is being given to me as a completely wrong assumption.

Apparently I make a lot of assumptions, for that matter. I'm stubborn, I'm too open, I jump to conclusions and I have a problem with friends disregarding my emotions. Boo hoo. I'm 22-motherfucking-years old and I didn't waste the 17 years before I came to this fandom arguing with my friends over that shit. I shouldn't have to now.

I'm done playing nice. I'm done letting people who find themselves in my life try to run my life. I'm trying to be nice and friendly to everyone, friend or not. If there's an issue with me, bring it to me. Don't sit on it for 7+ years or some shit and then throw it at me like a goddamn holy hand grenade. If you don't bring it to me I can't do anything about it. If i'm going to be a bad guy for not reading your mind and sucking your dick the way you would prefer, I am obviously not a person you would want as a friend in the first place. I would be the bad guy from the get-go, so get going.

Enjoy life. I have work to do.
Viewed: 136 times
Added: 7 years, 1 month ago
 
Gatbeix
7 years, 1 month ago
You should't have to take that kind of shite from anyone, people don't seem to understand that friendships and relationships are not for changing the other person. You don't have to like everything about each other and it's great to have some constructive feedback, but it is absurd to choose to hang out with someone and then trying to change them. If you didn't like the way the other is, why choose to be friends in the first place?
LupineAssassin
7 years, 1 month ago
I go through the same shit myself. It's degrading.
OOOeyGoooey
7 years, 1 month ago
dont worry Paupe! i accept ya for who you are, your pretty awesome! <3 *big rainbow hugggs~!*
Shokuji
7 years, 1 month ago
It's good to listen to your friends when they're only trying to help better yourself as a person. You know, call you out on bad choices you may be making and stuff like that. But forcing chang on you just for their own benefit? Yeah, I can see where you're coming from on that. Just try to make sure you see the difference when that happens so you don't tell honestly concerned friends to "enjoy life" when they're doing it for your benefit, not theirs.
AvaBun
7 years, 1 month ago
Well that's the thing. If someone's proposing a change i should make to become better as a person, as a friend, why wait 4 years after the fact and then state "yeah, i had this problem a long time ago and..."

it doesn't make sense. And claiming fear of approach, as a friend, is silly. At that point I'm not a friend but a presence to be feared
Shokuji
7 years, 1 month ago
Perhaps they were just waiting to see if things would change on their own. Or maybe they were worried they were going to sound pushy or something. I'm not sure, but I know the answer to this problem: Communication.

Not just talking, but sit-down & deep conversations whenever they're needed. Get a clear understanding of what each party is thinking & feeling. Avoids all kinds of problems. =) And I know they were the ones clamming up for years, to combat that just make mention that you're always available to talk about things that you may be doing wrong. Hell, I've just done that recently via a journal.

The door is open for someone to take if they need to, and that's all you can do. But realize that even then you can't force people to walk through that door. So don't worry about it. =)

Hope things get better for you on the 'friend front'. =3
AvaBun
7 years, 1 month ago
I've already ended it all honestly. A lot of issues ended up being friends defending friends from friends, even though issues that they were white-knighting over had ended years prior. Combinations of avoidance and not talking made it so that simple issues stayed fresh for those who kept them bottled up long after they expired.

You're right, it's all about communication. Lacking it can leave someone's impression of you as a person completely out of date.
Ruffy
7 years, 1 month ago
A good friend will cuff you on the shoulder if you're making a less than smart decision but they will never try to change you.  You're a great person as is, don't lose that to people who want to mold you into their idea of you.  Be you and people who like you for you will find you
OreoClarity
7 years, 1 month ago
You hit the nail on the head with your journal... I completely relate.
prufen
7 years, 1 month ago
I don't relate.  I have never bothered much with friendship.
RuscoIstar
7 years, 1 month ago
You are one of the most awesome internet people I know, always soft and kind. But that kind of "friends" that want to change and mold you to their liking... YEAH YOU TELL THEM!

The fuck are they thinking? That they really own you?

That kind of possessive people is the worst. The worst! I have (tho at this rate I could say 'had') a friend whose girlfriend practically has prohibited him to hang out with anyone, stopped him from using the internet and. They live together, we practically can't visit, she ruined our last surprise for his birthday and has made him practically into a miserable shadow of his former self. Why doesn't he dump her? I really don't know, but now I glimpse that maybe he accepts how she is and what he likes and what he doesn't... BUT SHE ISN'T!

Your stance here is the most sane. It isn't like you are doing something wrong or harming someone or yourself, are you? THEN WHY THE FUCK THEY WANT TO CHANGE YOU?
chiro
7 years, 1 month ago
i can tell ya why he dosnt dump her
do you ever heard the word "love" or do you even had that feeling? i am sure you dump never a person who you love even if she cuts your friendships (when you really love the person) ... ofcourse thats bad but love makes blind =3 and thats a fact! maybe your friend dosnt see or dont want to see what she doing with him because he love´s her ... thats normal o,o
RuscoIstar
7 years, 1 month ago
Yes, I know the feeling. I'm even daring to say that I'm a romantic, but at the end you have to keep your head cool, least you want to end in the most abusive ship or with the most inconvenient person ever.

Anyway yeah, even though you try to reason and weight the pros and cons of being with s.o. it's very probable you will misjudge, be partial, leave your objectivity at the door, ignore red flags and defects and focus on the positive; as you said: "love blinds." I'm guilty of that. It takes me 3 months or so after seeing someone to regain a little of my logic and stop seeing only stars. Supposedly it takes you 2 years to get objective again and with complete honesty accept minor or major flaws of ANY NORMAL PARTNER (but I haven't been in a relationship that long to be honest) or to deem them unacceptable and just move on. For me, that's a ridiculous amount of time. Yeah, I'm someone who easily falls in love, but I'm quite picky too. One of the things that just gets my red flags blaring alarms is manipulative lines: "Won't you do that even for me?" or "It's X or me" are my favorite. That last one is the biggest turn of for me and just begs for a GTFO my life ticket.

As for my friend, in his last visit, he told us (me and my family) that he is starting to doubt that all the positive and good times are outweighing the negative times. He has changed out of love because he deemed that little aspects as blemishes and he was enough honest to accept, but she hasn't changed one single horrible flaw! She always tries to send him to guilt trips, blackmails him emotionally and just generally makes his stay AT HIS OWN HOME a hell ("I can't even enjoy being out knowing that when I'm back I will have to deal with her complains, accusations and offenses". That's his words.)
Incog
7 years, 1 month ago
Seems as though this issue follows you around more often than it should. I guess I'd be captain obvious to say that...well, it seems as though you're attracting the wrong crowd, and I quite honestly can't wrap my finger around as to why or how. I mean, I don't think I can make a completely fair judgement call here since we're really just acquaintances, but...well gee, what is it about you that people want to see changed? Again, I don't know too much about you (yet?), but from what I've seen, you're perfectly fine the way you are, so why...?

I dunno. I don't change for anyone, though taking suggestions can't hurt depending on what kind of suggestion it is. It is annoying when people keep their personal gripes with their "friends" to themselves, though. At the same time, it's hard to just say "deal with it" when people say they don't like something about you. I'm not entirely sure what to tell ya, buddeh. I wish I did. :c
garuru
7 years, 1 month ago
Dont worry, becasuse you´re not the problem ovbiously. *lics and hugs*
Kupok
7 years, 1 month ago
Don't worry, I just like you for your art 0w0

But seriously speaking, It's good to know who you are. Wearing a mask is helpful sometimes, but people become attracted to the mask without seeing what is under the mask.
reccaman
7 years, 1 month ago
they may want you to because maybe they have changed i've had that with some of my friends they changed but i don't try to change them even though i have changed myself as well while other i guess stay the same so i guess it comes and it goes but that is just me and not you
MoonlightDelight
7 years, 1 month ago
I love how you still managed to slip a joke into that rant despite everything.
Manafox
7 years ago
You're the lovely person I got to know, and I'd rather keep it that way. I'd never want to change you, for you are a wonderful person already, and I'm honoured to be considered your friend, dear.

Neither parties of a friendship should be forced to change for the other's interests, whether the goals may be positive or negative.
RedRibbon
7 years ago
Welcome to. The furry world Asda
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