Return to sender

Earlier today, I wrote a journal.

You didn't see it, not because I deleted it or whathaveyou, but because subconciously, I stopped myself from posting it. It was really just more of the same ol' bitchfest that you see here. But at some point, I forgot what I was doing, opened a few other tabs (porn, naturally), had a fun time with that...and closed the whole window, including the unsaved draft of my original journal.

I think I did it on purpose without realizing it.

See, I have a basic understanding now of why no one ever comments here.

All I do is hate and rage. And probably not very well at that, either. Could even be called passive-aggressive in a way, but man...I really do just complain.

Part of me feels that *someone* has to. Someone has to say the things we want to say because no one else is willing to. But another part realizes I don't really HAVE to. No one is forcing me to spit these vile things out, but I do it because I love writing. Because I love writing, it has an outlet that's tailor made for finding an audience, however unwilling and unresponsive.

It also could do with the fact that I'm not much more than a writer anyhow. I post journals, but not stories (not enough time) nor art (not even close to the amount of skill). On this website, that's what gets the attention and the watchers. That's what get the responses and well...I should really know better than to expect it. I should know better than to get my hopes crushed because you all have better things to do. Pawing off, for one, and I really can't blame you. Not a lot of material here on my little chunk of the site.

So what's a wolf to do?

Either post more real art or just plain shut up. One takes skill, the other takes restraint and since I know restraint, that's just what I'm going to do for now.

I really just don't have much more to say and c'mon. I don't hate you if you don't want to respond.

I wouldn't.

So not a goodbye, not a seeyalater, not even a ciao.

Just me being quiet for a good long while. I'll comment on art and whathaveyou, maybe even the occasional journal, but I think it's high time I accepted that I was better off being an anonymous furry than trying to be popular. I'll be happier and won't take it so hard. You won't have to deal with silly problems or nonsensical, emotionally-biased rants on things that everyone either knows already or just isn't okay with talking about.

Quoth the turret. "I don't blame you."

:3

Viewed:	22 times
Added:	13 years, 10 months ago 20 Sep 2011 13:01 CEST

5 Comments on this Journal

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AlexReynard

13 years, 9 months ago

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>Either post more real art or just plain shut up. One takes skill, the other takes restraint and since I know restraint, that's just what I'm going to do for now.

QUIT BEING EEYORE, MOTHERFUCKER.

You have skill, okay? I don't know how many times I can say it, but you do. Yes, finishing a story is difficult. I always have to prod, badger and force myself to start a story, and do the same over and over to get the damn things finished. But I do.

You're the person who taught me that 'It's too harrrrd' is something to be ridiculed. I keep trying to tell you that, if I'm more popular than you, the only difference between us is quantity. I put out more stuff. And even when I do, the response is never as much as I'd hoped for. So I don't do it for the response. I accept that I am not going to get back what I put in. So I write the stories for myself. I finish them for the satisfaction it gives me.

And you know what? Sometimes that satisfaction still isn't enough. So I write another story to feel it again.

But even that brief, fleeting feeling of satisfaction is better than the feeling of not creating at all.

You can do this.

ZephonTsol

13 years, 9 months ago

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@ AlexReynard

It's just that time and effort are tough to get going once you have them because you're so tired from work. And it DOES tire me out. My days off that I have (until peak hits and 60-hour workweeks go crazy), I don't want to do much of ANYTHING.

Artistic skill at drawing aside, I just try to write journals, but no one ever comments period because I'm so...well, angry without much reason. I can understand it, like I said. I just want to write, but finding more time than a comment or a journal is taxing and saps my will. I'd love to start more work on DK stuff, but I just...can't.

Not yet, anyhow.

AlexReynard

13 years, 9 months ago

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@ ZephonTsol

Maybe, every time you want to write an angry journal, ask yourself, 'Can I add a little bit to one of my stories instead?'.

Obviously, you know more than I do whether you have the time to write. I'm just saying, I know that I'll often make excuses for why I can't write, when I probably could if I sat down and did it. It's like when I have to cook dinner; sometimes I'll whine about not wanting to, and then I force myself to start, and then the next thing I know I'm eating the food I cooked. My brain will tell me why something's harder than it would be if I just did the damn thing. You know your brain better than I do, but still, beware of this. It's especially prevalent when I'm depressed.

doitfeb31

13 years, 9 months ago

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A good rant in betewn storys is good it sayes real life is stoping the fun thair will be more in time
so we will whate and hope for a good story thank you