Life is basicaly a pain, yes dreary with the happy title, but its good. the phrase "each day never gets easier" its highly emphasised for my life currently.
Lately been having some headaches, nothing too bad, and I've been dealing this alot of raw emotion, alot hate, alot to do with seeing things that tend to be a bit much, but there are times, where i just dont feel it, it particularly anything at all, which scares me at times, and pains me horribly......and ive grown this rejecting pain to love, and memories, its clouded by everything else, but its there (also been getting these strange shivers during the night when i'm not cold, and a nervse cough, too consistant, becoming a problem too) and its horrible to think of it, but i cant help that.
social life has been average really, opposed from being the cloud, its really a average thing, but i know something is gonna change for me in the worst sense of ways.
my thoughts have lately been on the future, where will i go, will i get a room mate, will i get a gay one and have cracking of laughs, am i getting into the gay funny side of things, why are gay jokes getting funnier and funnier the further i go back, WTF IS WITH ME SEEING A MOVIE THATS TO DO WITH GAYS AND I RECENTLY GET INTO THE JOKES?!...its really weird, like im being forced into something, that i have been neutral about for so long, but not interested or affiliated with for so long, im suddenly interested (Concession comic is addictive, way too addictive, slightly attracting too) but yeah, maybe it was the thought of being apart of a group, i dont know, but this shit gets appealing, then it doesnt, the thoughts are there and fro, i cant complain about them though, their mostly to do with if i find that one person who is right, and i wont care if its a guy or girl.
overall: everything feels fucked, and i dont feel like i have any control of what is happening (i just cant wear my chess piece, i dont deserve it if i have no control of my life), thoughts arrive to my head, appealing, but at times not appetising, and i feel like my psychological standing is breaking down and my physical self is deteriating, like im destroying myself, but against my own will, not at all pleasant.