Monday
I hate Mondays.
This was going to be the worst Monday, ever-ever; I could just tell. He and I didn't see each other all weekend. We could have. But, we both decided that we didn't want to have another episode like before, when Panda came by. I kind of wish we had seen each other, though. It was a really boring weekend. But, I'm glad we took a break.
It's so silly. Ms. Hupp told us to eat a good breakfast and get plenty of sleep. Yeah, sure, I'm not two; I know what to do, and we had this same thing happen in third grade. I took an early bath and went to bed on time. But, I just stared up at the flippin' ceiling for forever! Even if I wanted to sleep, I just kept thinking about the Tests. I was this close to finally breaking down and taking an antihistamine, even if it would mess me up today.
You can't tell a girl not to worry.
So, this morning, I woke up late; barely had time for breakfast. Mom was nice enough to make scrambled eggs, but she won't be able to for the rest of the week. I dunno how, but I felt tired and energetic at the same time when I was finished eating.
But as “fun” as I felt, he looked even worse! I wonder how stressed he was... I wanted to hug him real bad when I saw him, but I couldn't cuz mom was around. And, he was sniffly, too! Great time to get sick! It better just be allergies.
The walk to school was kinda chilly this morning. I guess a cold front is sneaking in, and there's supposed to be a lot of rain tomorrow. It is April, after all. Worse, Rini almost saw us walking up to school. She's supposed to just be an afternoon Patrol. I guess because of the Tests they needed to have more patrols out in the morning? But, we snuck around the back and entered in the third-grade hall, across from the gym.
The desks were put in neat, ordered rows. I felt like I was in some kind of prison or something—more than usual, anyway. Everyone was facing the same way. The whiteboard had instructions on it. Anyone who didn't take their stuff home on Friday had to put it in their backpacks or leave it in the back of the room. Nothing allowed in, or around, our desks.
Lyza was there when we came in the room, sitting with her pencils sharpened and perfectly placed at the far-left corner of her desk. I'm not saying that because I noticed it. He was the one that pointed it out. He didn't make it like a big deal or anything, but I've learned to pay attention to what he pays attention to.
Sometimes I worry he pays a little too much attention...
There was a line for the pencil sharpener. I've never used that dang thing all year until now. Heck, I don't think anyone's used it until now. I kinda forgot it was there; stuck on the wall, right next to the door. I musta passed it at least... heck, a gazillion times, by now?
I think he's starting to rub off on me, just a little.
We had assigned-seats. Our names, student ID, and some other codes were written on them. I guess having a little bit of him rub off on me is a good thing: I looked at his nametag because I realized it might be Arkethius, especially since that's what it is in the student directory. But it was his shorter name, thank goodness. At least I don't have to worry about some people noticing its first three letters matching the name in my phone.
I really hope she forgot about that. She hasn't said anything for a while, so I really hope-hope she has. I hope I hope I hope.
Hope!
Sitting in that desk was so nerve-wracking! Just... all the waiting. It's like a doctor's office. I remember having to wait for vaccinations before school started. I was so scared; I hadn't gotten a shot in a long time. And it was just... Like, I really wanted it to just be over with, but no; we had to wait for a really long time to go in the room. Then, we had to wait a really long time for the doctor. And then there were these questions and stuff, and I didn't get the needle until right at the end, and by then I probably worked myself up more than anything else.
That's what this was like.
It's not Ms. Hupp's fault. I'm sure she has to be very careful and she has to follow all kinds of... “policies” and “procedures.” But, oh my gosh did it take her for-ever to pass out all the exams! And then, when I got mine, I didn't even get to do anything with it. I couldn't touch it and it was sitting right there on my desk.
Can't touch the test. It's lava, or something.
So, I looked around. And I noticed—again, rubbing off and stuff—that Ritzer wasn't in the room. At first I thought he might be absent, but then that would be really bad. Ms. Hupp didn't say anything about it. I spent the rest of the time until the test started trying to figure it out. And then, just as the announcements ended and Ms. Hupp was putting the last few exams out, it donned on me.
Ritzer was taking it for the third time, or something like that, so he was probably taking it in a different area. In fact, I remember having to do something like that when I was learning to handle my dyslexia. It was only up until, like, halfway through third-grade, but I was in a separate portable with just a few other kids. There were nice teachers that passed by and made sure I was doing okay, and helped me if I needed it.
Or maybe I'm just thinking way too much about it. What do I care? He's not here, that's all that matters. If he was I'm sure he'd be a gigantic mane-pain.
Ms. Hupp started talking as soon as the announcements were done, giving us the rules. We spent a long time filling out the information on our big Scantron card. I hate these things, they're so big and clunky. I hope I never have to see them again, ever-ever. Plus, trying to line up those stupid little dots—ugh! Just, don't get me started.
Then... I realized it was the Math section. All morning.
Math.
All. Morning.
All morning: math.
Math: all morning.
All math. All morning.
All morning, nothing but math.
Can't we do the Reading section first, instead!? I'm not awake enough to start doing fractions, let alone on a Monday! But I can read a little story or two. Math later, Emmy want story-time nyow!
I hate these Tests!
Tuesday
”You have forty-five minutes for this section. If you finish early, you may go back and review your answers and make any corrections until the time is up; otherwise, please remain quiet until the end of the section. Ready? And... begin.”
Okay, so maybe I kinda jumped the gun. She never said we couldn't look at the test and preemptively answer the questions in our head while she gave directions that I've already heard seventeen times already. I'm not saying I'm smart or anything; this is the Social Studies test. I need all the time I can get!
Dates, places, people. I mean... it's not that I don't care about any of this. It's just... boring. There's no dragons or magic or anything. I'd rather read the history of Narnia or Middle Earth.
I didn't get much sleep last night. I did the night before, when she didn't. I guess we kind of traded sleep-patterns, cuz she got really good sleep last night. I think after yesterday she stopped worrying so much. She didn't have to dread Math all week—just got it out of the way right away.
I couldn't sleep because I kept coughing all night. She keeps warning me it better just be allergies; I know she hates snot. I've never had them this bad. I woke up this morning and it felt like vines were growing between my vocal chords. Every time I swallowed it was like a thumb-tack jabbed into my tonsils. I didn't tell her that—I don't want her to start worrying about something else. I also didn't tell her about the headache I've had ever since I woke up.
Today is Social Studies and Science. I guess I get to face my Kryptonite kind of early, too. I know I'm not going to fail. In fact, now that I look at it, all these questions are pretty similar to last year's; but I can't shrug it off either. Let's see... was it Missouri or Kansas that was left out of the Emancipation Proclamation? Uh... true I guess...
I really wish this stuff was over the sixth-grade test. I could probably do better at that than this. Maybe I should force myself to read some history books instead of fantasy.
Maybe that'd help me fall asleep. Cuz they're boring.
I finished this first section in about twenty minutes. I spent another ten looking it over. Second-guesses, everywhere.
With about fifteen minutes to spare, I closed the section and set my pencil down. We weren't allowed to overtly look around the room, but... what else am I supposed to do? I rested my head on my desk, feigning taking a nap.
Kimberly was in the row next to me. Her pencil dragged back and forth across the page. Her lips were moving; she was reading the questions silently-aloud. It was one of the techniques Ms. Hupp taught, so it's not like it was weird. I might've even done it once or twice without really noticing.
I couldn't see her. She was behind me, and a couple rows over. She was probably doing fine, though. Yesterday she admitted her thumb was on her forehead a lot. I wish I could've seen that; it's cute when she rubs her forehead. I mean, I know it means she's stressed or something, but it's a habit that makes me smile for some reason. Sometimes, I kinda wanna rub her forehead for her. That's... love... not weird.
I could see Lyza, though. She sat diagonally to my left, a row over.
I wonder if she's still worried. She's got a really scrunched look on her face. She looks like she's focusing really hard, and I can't tell if she's still on her first pass or just reviewing her answers. Her right ear is twitching, too.
Argh, wait... shoot! It was one by land and two by sea, wasn't it?
”Time is up. Please put your pencils down and pass your test booklets to the person in front of you.”
Wednesday
This shit.
I've been dreading this shit since the first time Ms. Hupp announced it. Figures that the English and Language Arts section, and the Essay Writing, would be on the last day. Fate, or destiny, or whatever the hell you wanna call it, is having fun screwing with me.
I don't know how I feel about the first half of today. Fucking ELA section. Hell, I don't even really know what to think about the last couple of days altogether. Not until lunch came. Rini, Bitty, and Betty started talking about the vocab section we had just finished up with.
I know why they did it. Because I was nearby.
I probably failed.
I bet I failed Math. Maybe I did okay on Social Studies, but that's easy shit. Probably failed Science, too. I'll probably be like Ritzer. I'll have to repeat fifth grade a million damn times, all because I can't pass some stupid test.
That's an apt name for it: The Really Stupid and Boring Tests. Ms. Hupp's said their official title, but all I hear is that drivel. It's designed to tell you one thing, and one thing only: If you failed, you're a dipshit.
Maybe I'm just being cynical. Okay, let's say I don't fail. I pass. Congratulations; what's my prize, a damn cookie?
Big fucking deal. It'd probably be raisin, anyway, cuz fate's a dick.
I guess I should hope I pass. At least then, Rini and her bitches won't be able to ridicule me as much. You can bet if I get one fucking question under the bar, they won't let my long-ass ears hear the end of it. Might as well just stand up in front of the whole class and let everyone throw wet paper balls at me at that point.
That'd teach me a lesson.
I can feel Rini looking at me. I can't see her, but I know she is. With that smug smile on her stupid pretty-princess bitch-face. Like she's queen of the fucking school or something. She's just waiting, thinking up what she can say about me when the tests get passed back.
My pencil snapped in half. I just... had it in my hand and it broke. Not sure how. There's a cut in the saddle between my thumb and index finger. I think it was when I was stuck on this word. I hadn't seen it before... and I just kept thinking about how stupid it was. I should know every damn word in there. If I don't, it's because I've been slacking.
So really, it's my own damn fault.
That's why I probably failed.
Maybe I can go throw up. That might get me out of this... But probably not.
What's the fucking point, stupid? You've already come this far, suck it up and finish it.
The last section is the Essay section. I'm not a writer.
I'm not anything.
We have an hour and a half. Let's see how much I can bullshit in that duration.
Ket sneezed. He's been sneezing all day. And yesterday he kept coughing. Phlegm, probably. I know how to spell that word, too: p-h-l-e-g-m. Flem. Was that word in the vocab test this morning? Nope. Thanks a lot, universe.
”Now, open your booklet and we'll read the prompt together. Think about an event, activity, or adventure you've had, and explain what you learned from it. Does anyone have any questions?”
Yeah: why the fuck are we wasting our damn time with this irrelevant shit!?
”Okay. Timer starts right... now.”
I have an hour and a half; I can either think about what to write, or think about how I'm going to deal with repeating fifth grade. Let's see... I guess I could just write what comes to mind. Close my eyes... don't fall asleep, retard.
Maybe Camp Connalake. Take the easy way out?
Yeah... that could work. Maybe shouldn't use that stupid cliché my brother said, though; I think that was one of the things they told us not to do.
