I'm Sorry

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by ShaneFrost

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I have this knee jerk reaction with just about anyone. The urge to really constrain myself. Hey none of us are perfect right? I get scared making jokes around people. I'm actually very...bouncy... silly, some might even say crazy if there is such a thing.

I hold in a lot of things when I talk with people though. Just do my best... When they go quiet I feel like I did something wrong and I know, I know... I keep it together and just...act accordingly. It's hard some evenings. I haven't shown that many people in my life the way I feel. Eventually I'll work up the nerve....eventually. I've been conditioned for this since I can remember.

A lot of my time has been spent against myself..so when I find the things that make me happy I feel guilty that I'm still miserable inside. It's that whole feeling terrible for feeling terrible. It takes time. It will always take time. Contrary to belief the fear and sadness doesn't go away. ever. You just..learn to appreciate it, even use it...grow hope from it. I'm sad deep down inside. I'm as sad as I am happy. Alone and isolated on a rock that some days isn't so bad and others...it's terrible..

When the kind souls rest with me on it even for a little, I feel a little better. It doesn't last but that's what makes it so valuable. Dear souls, admire the strength you have. Some of us are on the edge, sometimes believing we're alone always even when we know better. You and me..we're very much alike in the ways that matter most. You and I..we hurt in a similar way too so I want you to know...you're my soft spot just as much as you may believe I'm yours.

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comic 88,320, mouse 54,234, art 34,696, stone-heart 1

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Type: Comic

Published: 9 years, 6 months ago

Rating: General

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TastesLikeGreen

9 years, 6 months ago

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Hope is important. Hope is what keeps us going at our lowest. Hope is what we fight with when we have nothing else left. All you have to do is believe that, if not now, if not soon, then someday, the fear and sadness will be gone, and hope will let you move mountains. And if you can't bring yourself to believe, then just tell yourself anyway, every night, and maybe it will eventually start to feel true.

That's what I believe, anyway. That's how I turned around from having anger and bitterness deep inside me all the time, even when I was happy or calm. I believed I could get rid of it, and I slowly learned to just... let go of it. Sure, the anger comes back sometimes, and sometimes it's just as strong as it used to be. But it isn't there all the time anymore, and that brings me a great deal of comfort.

I'm not used to giving people this kind of advice, and I had friends to help me along the way, so maybe it's totally unhelpful, I don't know. But when I read that honesty up there, I couldn't help but be reminded of the great pain I once felt, the pain that troubles me still, and I figure if it doesn't help you, friend, then maybe it will help someone else who sees this page. That's another kind of hope in itself. n_n

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