Chapter Six:
Did I Say That?
Raph felt a warm hand against his cheek. It was soft and pleasant, easing him into consciousness. His green eyes fluttered open staring eye to eye with Li Jing. At first Raph thought that last night had been a dream. That he had gone to the young man's bed. That whatever beautiful thing had unraveled between them remained a precious secret, even to himself. It only took a few second to realize that he was lying on the floor, in his bedroll. No, last night did play out exactly as he dreaded it had.
“Wake up sleeping beauty.” Li Jing's minty breath was warm against his face.
“Good morning! I hope I didn't sleep too long.” Raph said staying right where he was, enjoying the close quarters.
“It's almost nine, that's not too bad. I have to practice today, I was wondering if you're up for sparring with me for awhile.” Li Jing stood up, wearing a pair of training fatigues.
“Hell yeah.” Raph said, before he was even sure if his body was ready for that type of exercise.
Raph got up from his bed and winced at the settled feeling in his bones. They hurt, but not enough to stop him from this chance to train with Li Jing. After a quick moment of wrapping his hands and feet. Putting his elbow pads and bandana back on. He was ready to spar.
Li Jing led Raph through the front door of the apartment to the elevator. The doors opened the moment he pushed the button. Raph pursed his lips and begrudgingly followed Li Jing into the elevator. Li Jing pushed the button marked for the roof, and the doors slid closed. A quick lurching caused Raph's empty stomach to churn. Raph didn't bother hiding it in his face either. He hated elevators, he would much rather use the stairs any day.
“You train on the roof?” Raph was surprised by this thought.
“Yeah. It's a great place to go if you want to clear your head. Sometimes when I'm angry or stressed. I come up here to blow off some steam.” Li Jing explained.
When the doors opened Raph was assaulted by a cold morning wind blowing harder than either of them had expected. At first Raph thought that Li Jing would change his mind, but was pleasantly surprised by the young man's fortitude as he stepped out onto the cold expanse. The sky was gray and heavy. Threatening snow at any moment.
Raph had been on tons of roofs in the time he'd been allowed to leave the sewers. This one was only slightly different that most. Besides the rows of power converters, and air conditioner units. There was also a huge helicopter landing pad in the center of it all. Li Jing beckoned Raph to follow him to the helicopter pad.
It was freezing cold and Raph was still sore, but there was no way he was going to look like bitch in front of Li Jing now. The rocks crunched under his feet as he moved to stand at the edge of the circle. Raph did a few punches. Stretching his back and legs, before finishing with a roundhouse kick. He felt more spry than he had the day before. Any pain he was feeling was minor, even the ache in his back as lessened. After a few more stretches and some deep breathing exercises. He was ready to go. Li Jing was already waiting for him in the middle of the makeshift ring.
“Best of three?” Raph suggested.
“Sounds good, get ready.” Li Jing smiled back, his confidence was overwhelming.
Raph gave a respectful bow and took up a fighting stance. Li Jing bowed back, his eyes narrowing as he took an offensive pose. Raph eyes widened, he hadn't expected Li Jing to be aggressive in this sparring match. Li Jing nodded and flung himself through the air. The kick had force behind it, that Raph hadn't been expecting either. Bringing his arm up in enough time to block, but Li Jing didn't lose momentum. It was as if he predicted his kick to be blocked, because he brought a hard round house punch. Strong enough to send a small shock wave through Raph's other arm. The pain echoed through all the nerve endings. Li Jing wasn't pulling his punches. Which was disconcerting because he had some power behind his attacks.
Raph blocked a couple more hits. One with his other arm, and the last one with his shin. Li Jing's fighting style was different from anything Raph had ever seen. It was a martial art style based solely on offensive prowess. Breaking down an opponents defense until they succumb to the onslaught. Raph was impressed at the young man's tenacity. It was a fighting style Raph could respect.
In his musing, he'd left a slight gap in his defense. The second he realized it, was the second that Li Jing took advantage of it. A solid punch to his side, a gap in his natural armor, left him reeling. Raph dropped his defense to grip his side, willingly taking a knee in defeat, to allow him to recalibrate for the next round.
“Are you alright?” Li Jing asked, his tone thick with concern.
“Yeah, that was a good hit kid.” Raph stood back up, shaking off the pain.
“Get ready for round two.” Li Jing warned and took his place again, striking a different pose.
Raph couldn't read if it was an aggressive pose or a defensive pose. It could be either or, Li Jing knew how to change it up. Keeping him on his toes. Raph took a neutral stance, the only one he knew in fact. Li Jing nodded and ran at Raph. His steps appeared to be clumsy, but Raph could tell that Li Jing was pacing his attack. Raph counted the steps in his head, mentally setting a trap. Now, Raph's mind called out as he did a ground sweep with his legs. As he predicted, Li Jing jumped into the air to do a knee drop. Raph threw up both of his arms up into a stone wall. The inertia of Li Jing's body caused him to slide back a few inches. Gravel ground underneath their weight.
When he looked at Li Jing, the youth was astounded by the block, leaving him open to attack. Raph moved in, gripping the young man's hand, bending Li Jing's arm back. Li Jing was forced to comply with grapple hold. The young man was light and easily manipulated. Sending him down on his back on the rocks. A smile moving across his lips as he looked up at Raph.
“Damn, that was killer.” Li Jing seemed to be enjoying himself.
“Yeah boy! One to one. This is it, the tie breaker.” Raph playfully taunted, helping Li Jing to his feet.
“Alright I'm not holding back.” Li Jing chided.
Raph nodded. “I would feel unworthy if you did.”
The playful glimmer drained from Li Jing's face, becoming straight forward and studious. This must be his game face, Raph thought. He nodded at Li Jing, letting him know he was ready. Li Jing nodded back, before launching himself back into battle. The aggressive tactic again pushed Raph to defend. Li Jing brought a strong punch across his body, Raph slapped it away, but Li Jing flowed with it. Bringing his body around to hammer Raph in the face with an elbow. Raph dropped back a few steps and prepared to defend himself. Li Jing was already closing the distance. Raph took a chance and threw out a precise side kick. But Li Jing compressed his body down, sliding under his leg. Again Raph realized that he'd made a mistake of leaving himself open. Li Jing used all of the strength he had in his legs, to spring his trap. On his way up he wrapped an arm under Raph's leg, the other around the turtles waist. The force pushing them off the ground. For a split second Raph was weightless. When gravity caught up to him, the result was painful. Raph's back hit the rocks hard. The weight of Li Jing falling on top him. It sent a painful shock wave through his body.
Raph was laid out on the rocks of the roof. Li Jing was laying on top of him. Their faces so close together. It was quiet with the exception of the wind blowing around them and the sounds of their soft panting. Raph's green eyes searched the young man's face. The aggression on Li Jing's face was gone. A boyish glow taking it's place. His mouth hanging open slightly. From the reflections in his eyes, Raph could see that he was making the same face.
Raph had lost, but it didn't feel like it. It was a different feeling all together. Usually being beaten so easily would have angered him to no end. But when it was Li Jing who bested him, it felt more like a learning experience, or better described as a chance to be close to him on a more spiritual level. Since he'd been with Li Jing, he'd not felt the rage that haunted him. There was something to that.
“You alright.” Li Jing whispered, if they hadn't been so close, his words would have been lost in the wind.
“Never better. This has been the greatest two days of my life.” Raph blurted out, he was sure his words sounding more desperate, more creepy than sincere.
Li Jing didn't respond, he just got to his feet and help Raph up. “That was a good match, come on let's get some food.”
Raph watched as the young man walked away, wondering if he may have said to much. Wondering what was going on inside Li Jing's head. The thoughts of the night before broke into his mind. The idea that he'd been too cowardly to join Li Jing in bed. Undoubtedly that had left a painful mark on the young man's psyche. A guilty pain pushed it way through his heart as he rushed to catch up with the young man.
After the training session. The day flowed much the same as the day before. Li Jing had made a wonderful breakfast, that they shared. This time in the living room. Li Jing was eager to go back to read the book that they had started. Li Jing revved up by doing a fake 'last time on' to catch Raph up on what had happened in the book yesterday. Raph remember the story vividly, but didn't have the heart to interrupt Li Jing's playful bravado. Instead he watched Li Jing use his exaggerated expressions, making it so his mouth didn't match the words. Watching that beautiful smile play across his boyish face. Raph even clapped when the spectacle was over. Li Jing started back in on the story and Raph was whisked away to ancient Japan, to watch a Samurai battle an Ogre for the affections of a captured maiden.
The hours flew by as Raph was pulled deeper and deeper into the world, hanging on ever word that left Li Jing's lips. When the clock chimed five, Li Jing called a time out so that he could prepare dinner for Raph and his father. Raph sat at the counter so he could watch Jing work on preparing food. Pan seared fish with shallot stalks. Rice balls with soy glaze. Raph was once again left amazed at how well the young man could cook. How professional it appeared when Li Jing laid it out on the decorative plates. Raph made a joke about Li Jing becoming a professional chef, to which he got a sarcastic smirk in return.
When the food was ready and placed on the tray, neat and tidy. Raph and Li Jing retired to their room to eat in peace and finish their story. When it was finished Li Jing closed the book and set it side. The story had beautiful, happy ending. The fair maiden got her Samurai. The Samurai slayed the demon Ogre and rescued the beautiful woman. If only all stories ended that way. Raph ran his fingers along the leather cover of the book. Mesmerized by the feelings that the story had planted in his heart.
“Did you like it?” Li Jing asked, the coy look in his eyes told Raph that the young man already knew the answer.
“Boy did I ever. It was so beautiful.” Raph paused for a long moment.
“You know, in a way the book represents you.” Li Jing said softly, taking a sip from his juniper tea.
“How so?” Raph leaned back on his hands.
“Well, if you look at the cover. It's worn, old, doesn't look that appealing from the outside.” Li Jing didn't worry about picking his words carefully. “But on the inside, is a beautiful, rich story that's just dying to be read and enjoyed.”
Raph took a slow deep breath, trying to chock back the knot forming in his throat. “Make me a promise Li.”
“I don't do promises Raph, things in life change too fast for that. I would be so afraid I couldn't keep it.” Li Jing spoke harshly, true words that stung Raph deep inside.
Granted they were words that needed to be said, but Raph didn't want to hear them. “It's just a little promise. Promise me, that when you come back to New York. You'll read this story to me again.”
“I don't know when I'll be back, or even if I'll be back. I can only hope.” Li Jing again was being cruel, and Raph knew it was something that he had to do, but it was hard to accept.
“Please...I need you to give me something to believe in. Something that I can hold onto until I see you again.” Raph clenched his hands into his fist, trying to fight back his anger.
Li Jing hesitated for a moment, then smiled and took the book in his hand. “This was my mother's favorite book. That's the main reason I read it to you, because it's special. I want you to hold on to this for me. So that one day I have to come back and get it.”
“You mean it.” Raph took the book, hugged it to his chest, the notion was so moving he almost let his tears go. “Thank you so much, it means a lot to me.”
“I wish I could give you more.” Li Jing stood up from the floor and ran his fingers along Raph's head to play with the bandana knot on the back of his head.
“No this is wonderful, thank you.” Raph reached up to grab Li Jing's hand, but it was gone.
“I have to wake you up early tomorrow, so you can get back to your home before the sun comes up. My dad and I will be leaving shortly after that.” Li Jing crossed the room and opened the door.
Raph didn't say anything. He just watched Li Jing open the door, preparing to leave for the night. It was now or never. Raph's heart was pounding an S.O.S into his brain. If this didn't go well, he would die right on the spot.
“Wait.” Raph called after him, Li Jing turned on his heels to look back at him.
Raph decided he wasn't going to let another opportunity pass by. The idea that he'd ruined a chance at paradise last night was still fresh in his mind. Haunting his every decision afterward. Now he was faced with that prospect again. The courage was hard to gather. When he thought about the words leaving his lips, he got sick. He trembled like a scared kitten. That was when he reminded himself, that being without Li Jing on the final night the young man was going to be in New York, was a far scarier prospect, then speaking from his heart. What was he going to say though? Something romantic would be good. Just be sexy, just be appealing. And whatever you do, don't be a douche. Raph told himself, the words bouncing around his melon.
Raph patted the bed next to him. “Wanna sleep in here tonight?” Using his most soulful eyes he could to entice Li Jing to join him.
“Raph, I can't. I...” Li Jing cleared his throat and straightened up. “I just can't.”
Raph sighed and looked down at the book in his arms. “Li, I...I gotta be honest with you. I don't know how to take this. I mean, did I imagine last night? Do you find me attractive? Do we have something, or am I just barking up the wrong tree? I really need to know before I continue making an ass out of myself.”
Li Jing recoiled from Raph's tone. “It's not like that, It's complicated...”
“So uncomplicate it for me. I'm dying here. This is the first time I've ever put myself out there like this. I think...” Raph tried explaining, but Li Jing interrupted.
“Don't finish that thought. I...I...” Li Jing pursed his lips and left the room, sliding the door closed behind him, cutting off the link between them.
“Forget you, Li.” Raph grumbled laying down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling.
You deserve this. You had your chance last night. He's just returning the cruel favor. A voice called from the back of his mind. He knew the words were true, even if he didn't like hearing them. He was going to have to live with them. This was the last night he was going to spend with Li Jing, and he completely blew it. Raph took a deep breath and clutched his hand over his eyes. There was warmth there, a wetness. Was he crying? Did it matter? No, if he was crying, it was his own fault.
