Chapter Two:
Only Words
It seemed that the voices carried better in the sewers than usual tonight, Raph pondered as he picked at his pizza. Each time he managed to slip back into his thoughts, he was interrupted by the horsing around of his three brothers. Donatello was rambling on about something he was working on, or had completed. Raph hadn't cared enough to figure out which it was. Michelangelo was running off at the mouth about some new show he'd watched on television. Raph tuned him out after the first recycled joke the show had used. Leonardo was the only other one at the table that wasn't really talking, instead he was just listening to the other two. Offering his own bland insight about whatever dumb subject they were discussing.
Raph found himself thinking about the young man from before, Li Jing. Not why he was alone in the alley, but rather why did this young man left such a mark on him. Every time Raph closed his eyes, the boy was there. Not the stunning martial arts master the boy was, but the attractive waif of a boy. The young effeminate doe-eyed boy whose soft voice echoed in his ears.
This hadn't been the first time Raph had ever been attracted to guys. Chow Yong Fat, Jet Li, even Jackie Chan when he was younger, but this had been the first time he had been attracted to a guy he'd actually met in person. It made him giddy, almost to an uncomfortable degree. It even had control over his basic motor functions, such as speaking. All in all it was nerve wracking. All he needed to do was clear his head, maybe get some fresh air or something.
“Raph!” A voice jolted him from his inner consciousness.
“What?!” Raph snapped around staring face to face with Mikey, closer than he liked.
So close in fact that it made him lurch back, almost falling off of the seat. When he looked around the room, all of his brothers were staring at him as if he said something awkward aloud or done something questionable involuntarily. What could he have said? Raph wondered. What could he have done? Beads of sweat started forming around the mask that lay over his eyes
Raph had to play this cool, until he figured out what he'd done to make them stare at him. “What are you looking at?”
Donnie clear his throat and adjusted his newly acquired glasses, Raph got a better look at his reddish brown eyes. “We've been talking to you for like five minutes.”
“So?” Raph acted exasperated to better cover up his growing blush.
“We were just making a statement. It might not have been a problem except, you were humming a song to yourself.” Leo finished the last of his pizza crust.
“Yeah dude, for a minute there I though you were going to go all Disney Princess on us.” Mikey's chastising tone caused Raph's blood to boil.
“What? A guy can't sit here and hum a tune now? Is that what you're telling me? I just got a lot on my mind and the music helps.” Raph turned away from their gazes and back to his pizza, which remained untouched.
“Sorry for being concerned, I...we just thought that something might be wrong. You haven't touched your pizza.” Leo was always the voice of reason in these types of situations.
“So, I'm not hungry right now, maybe I had a late lunch, maybe I just want to sit here admiring my food and hum a tune to it.” Raph didn't look up from his pizza, not because he didn't want too, but because he was afraid that the others might see his flushing cheeks.
“Humming a love song maybe. Heh, I total get you Raph. Sometime I love pizza so much that I just want to, I dunno, start spouting poetry or something.” Mikey had a glazed look in his eye as he coveted Raph's pizza.
“And what exactly have you been smoking?” Raph grumbled, the heat in his face getting worse.
“What? How dare you cheapen my love of pizza? Our love is like freshly dribbled snow, or something.” Mikey retorted.
“It freshly driven snow Mikey, and how do you even know that term?” Donnie snapped as he pushed aside his plate.
“It's what you wrote about April in your diary.” Mikey cackled.
Leo finally chimed in with a laugh. “Extra cheesy Donnie, just like this pizza.”
“That diary is not for you eyes Shellhead. What did I tell you about going through my stuff?” Donnie got up from his seat, trying to grab Mikey.
Raph was relieved, that they had all turned their focus to each other, instead of on him. It was a lucky break too, he was running out of question dodging tactics. The idea of having to explain this new, and obviously unhealthy fascination with Li Jing was too terrible to imagine.
Raph's heart stopped when Mikey's words invaded his head once again. “Listen dude, you're the one whose always staring off into space and humming whenever April is around I'm just...” The voices had all died down and just as Raph had feared, all eyes were on him once again.
“Whoa dude, you're in love aren'cha?” The glow on Mikey's face was almost as blinding as the headlights had been earlier.
“What? No. That's stupid.” Raph wished that better planned word had just fallen out of his mouth.
“It makes so much more sense now. That's why you have that glazed over look in your eyes, the soft humming, the overly defensive nature. You met someone, didn't you? Someone that make you feel the same way I do about April. Now I'll have someone who understand. Maybe we can talk it out, unload all the feelings of our unrequited love.” Donnie's face twisted into a smile so impossibly wide, Raph was concerned his face might explode.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Easy! Next thing you know, you'll want to braid my bandanna and put fingernail polish on.” Raph was fighting to turn this conversation away from him.
“So who is she, really?” Leo moved to sit across from Raph a genuine interest in what Raph had to say.
“It's not a she...I...!” Mikey's eyes opened wide as the words left Raph's lips.
The realization of what he said was too horrible to imagine. Raph briefly considered just falling on his sais. Panic was starting to set in. Raph was wracking his brain to put together some damage control, before someone had a chance to ask a follow up question.
“It's a he, isn't it? Yeah! Raph's into dudes, dudes. I told you guy that how long ago now?” Mikey's triumphant chortling was like a dagger through Raph's heart.
“You've never told us that before Mikey.” Leo said, his gaze moving back to Raph, whose face was the same color as his bandanna.
“Is it true Raph?” Leo spoke, not specifying what he was asking about.
Raph wondered if Leo meant to ask such a stupid question. Maybe he was still curious if Raph met a girl, and just ignored the gay jokes that were bouncing around. It didn't matter though. Raph had already taken the question as the latter. That was the final straw, Raph couldn't take their accusing stares anymore. He jumped up from the table and gritted his teeth firmly.
“You know what? You can all mind your own damn business. I'm up their busting my ass everyday protecting you guys and this worthless city. I don't need this shit in my...” Raph was cut short by a grumbling voice from behind.
“Raphael, what is the matter my son?” Splinter stood in the doorway to his chambers.
Raph didn't turn around, didn't think he could take the disapproving stares of his master. Nor could he bring himself to speak to Splinter about these newly realized feelings. The outcome was sure to be a terrible one. Raph had kept the secret this long, he would continue to keep it.
“Come into my chambers so we can talk about it.” Splinter took a step to the side, inviting his son in.
Raph shook his head, fighting back the tears that were forming at the edge of his eyes. “I don't want to talk about it. I just want to be left alone.” Raph pushed his way past Mikey, on his way to the door.
Leo got up from his seat with the intent to follow, but his master's words pulled him back. “Let him go Leonardo. The burden he is carrying is not fully realized. When he's ready, he will come to me for guidance.”
Those words echoed into Raph's mind as he retreated into the shadows of the sewers. Maybe he needed to get out, be alone, get some fresh air. It just didn't seem that there would be any safe haven away from the memory Li Jing and the feelings he caused.
Raph walked along the abandon streets of the city. It was the broken down parts of town. Where few people gathered and the ones who did were almost as broken as the city around them. Several of them were huddled around a fire barrel trying to stay warm. They had no wish to speak to the squat figure in a trench coat and hat. In a way Raph was glad for that, the less talking he had to do right now the better.
He'd walked for a long time. How long? He didn't know. All he knew is that the more he snaked through those run down alleyways, the easier it was to escape the thoughts of the young man that haunted him so. It shouldn't be this way, he thought. Usually if he got that tickle of attraction, he would just polish it off in his bed and then go to sleep without sparing another thought about it.
This time it was different, he couldn't be entirely sure why. The only thing that kept coming back to his mind was, that he had actually met the person of his attraction. Spoke to them, touched them, smelled them. It may be in some way a sensory overload in some fashion. That's what it must be, Raph had managed to talk himself down.
It wasn't until then, that Raph realized that he had doubled back around. He was standing in the exact spot he and Li Jing had been standing in, when the black car pulled up. In a creepy way, he could almost smell that cherry blossom cologne Li Jing had been wearing. Could almost hear his voice. Raph cocked his head to hear. No it wasn't Li Jing, that was someone else, Raph's brain was starting to feed him some logic.
Raph moved quietly through the shadows, approaching a small offshoot from the alleyway. When he got close, he pressed his body against the wall to get a closer look. A dull light from some florescent blubs shone from one of the delivery doors at the back of the building. Raph could see several people clad in brown suits moving box after box from inside the building, placing them in the back of a truck. Judging by the masks and wraps that covered their faces, this was obviously a robbery.
“Only five of ya, huh? Should have brought more help.” Raph smirked as he rolled around and started down the alleyway, keeping low to the ground.
Raph stops at the back of the van, pulling his Sais out from under his trench coat. “Alright everyone freeze, you're under citizens arrest. You bitches move, you get hurt.”
Five sets of unimpressed almond shaped eyes stared back at him, Ninjas. Raph knew then, that he may have bitten off more then he could chew. Even if there were only five of them, chances of him taking them all on without being severely beaten was slim. None of it would matter anyway, because he wouldn't be conscious long enough to contemplate this fact further. Raph hadn't noticed the other three Ninjas approached from behind.
It wasn't until he heard the crunch of dirt behind him that brought him around on the ball of his feet. It had only been enough time to take a solid kick to the midsection. Raph could feel the air leave his lungs. Blackness flashed in front of his eyes, as he guarded against an attack that didn't come. It was nothing more than his vision failing. As he fought to breath, his balance weakened. He fumbled his Sais. One of them clanking loudly on the ground. Then his vision flashed white, his head filled with a sharp sting. The sound of cracking wood echoed through his ears.
Raph fell to his hands and knees. Fighting to take a deep breath, the cold night air filling his lungs. It was the dose of reality he needed to be brought back. Raph rolled hard to the right in enough time to dodged the heavy stomp from the strange attackers. Raph was up on his feet, taking a defensive stance. His green eyes moving around the battlefield taking it all in.
Tactics were definitely not his strong suite. His head was still spinning and the sharp pain in his stomach was hard to ignore. With the mounting number of ninjas, if he didn't plan everything out perfectly, he would fall. Once he was free of them, he could make a strategic retreat. On the count of three, spring to the group on the the right. Fewer numbers means a larger chance of success. It was as good a plan as any, he thought.
Raph tightened the muscles in his legs and crouched down to get a powerful spring under him. Now, Raph's mind snapped, pushing him from where he was perched. He was nothing more than a flash of green. When he approached the first ninja, he managed to get a clean upper cut to the unsuspecting figure, sending him sprawling. A clean high kick to the one behind and to the right of the first Ninja, was blocked, but the force pushed the ninja back. Raph dropped down doing a clean sweep of the legs. Sending the two other ninjas onto their backs.
When Raph came to a stand, he turned his attention to the others that were already moving in tandem. A beautiful flocking style, like ducks on a wing. They were moving fast. It was time to follow through with his plan. Raph never liked to run from a fight, but there was no way he could defeat them all. Raph took a few strafing steps back, when he felt a cold metal ting against the side of his head. The force was hard enough to send him rolling across the pavement.
Raph's eyes fluttered, fighting to stay open. Fighting to stay awake. Someone was yelling something in the distance. Or maybe it was closer than he thought. It was impossible to tell with the ringing in his ears. The foot fall that approached, sounded impossibly far away. A figure stepped up to him kneeling down. Whatever language he was speaking, Raph couldn't make it out. It was a foreign language he hadn't heard before. Raph was still fighting against blacking out. It didn't matter though. The figure reached out, touching a spot on Raph's chest above his collar bone. It felt nothing more than a cold gush of water washing over him and then he was out cold.
