From Ice Cream to “Topping”
Daniel’s Flavor – Chapter 2
As I stood there brazenly that cold winter afternoon at the edge of the river outside our villa estate, watching solemnly as the water flowed arbitrarily and slowly in-between the frozen sheets of ice that existed, thoughts began to bog me down as my well intentioned walk to clear my mind instead began to shift something inside of me; slowly and regrettably so.
What had it, in reality, my mom’s diagnosis changed for me; it was hard to say at first. Was it the case that my passion for life had just begun to fizzle out suddenly? Or perhaps was the problem the paralyzing realization that my all dreams and hopes in life were simply unattainable now, what with my mother’s guidance soon to be gone and all?
No, what her cancer really changed for me, and forever it may seem going forward, was my innocence; and how small a thing that even was in the first place to me anymore. And even though it can hardly be quantified or calculated, I knew deep in the swell of my heart that it was bruised, beaten, and reaching defeat now.
As I raised my lowered head to look around at this years deteriorating crops being cascaded over by the increasingly thick falling snow, I couldn’t help but notice how similar this scene looked to how I felt inside; like I died and someone wouldn’t stop holding the pillow over me.
It was because of this cold heartless emotional thought I in turn accidentally re-kindled the memory then of how I felt after my father found out about me being gay; and the heated exchange that can never be forgotten or taken back from my mind.
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It was late that night as I came back home from the movies with my best friend Jake; a local city boy who had took a fancy to what my family business was and how he could get in on the ground floor of the operation someday. I of course was eager to oblige him because at the time I liked him a lot. The way he carried his golden retriever like self around was something new for me to behold.
I wasn’t so sure at the start, hanging around with someone so… obviously flamboyant, but with the advice of to do so coming directly from my own mothers wisdom, who was I to challenge it? And for the better it was a pretty good working friendship, even if at the time I had always wanted it to be more.
That unfortunately was forever ruined that very same hour of darkness however as we made our way to the kitchen then; us both in a happy and jovial way, raiding the pantries for some snacks.
“Master Adams. Master McDougal. What may I ask are you two doing out here when you both should have been asleep hours ago?” Guiles said as came up quickly behind me then; my paw and maw full then with what I assumed was a freshly made chicken salad for tomorrows vineyard fall wine banquet.
“(Gulps) Guiles. Geez, you scared me man. We just snuck down here for a light snack that’s all; didn’t mean to wake you as we came downstairs.” I said with a bold smile across my face; knowing that lying to my butler always ended in some otherworldly, if not undeserved, punishment.
“Just came down now huh? Master McDougal looks pretty nervous over there.” Guiles said with his cunning as he narrowed in on the one weak link this moment had to offer; a natural gift of his he possessed I have to admit impressed me every time. “What’s wrong young man? Couldn’t sleep…”
I tried my best to signal to the pup not to give away the fact that we had not just only gotten back, but that the only reason me and him were running behind anyway was because we were both indulging in a bit of naughty bender and looked over several porn magazines together; innocently so I might add.
“Uh… Daniel, I hear my phone ringing. Be right back.” Jake said as he hurriedly and nervously ran back towards the nearby steps that led up to the hall where my bedroom resided.
“Nice kid.” Guiles said while shaking his head, myself believing for half a second we had gotten away with it. “But you know that gamble might have worked Daniel; if he didn’t have his phone sitting right here on the counter in the first place right?” Guiles said as he picked up the phone and handed it back to me. “I should tell your mother young master.”
“I think she already knows Guiles…” A voice spoke from the other entrance to the kitchen then, startling both myself and even the stoic Dalmatian as my mother came out from behind the shadows and walked over to us.
“Miss Marsha. It’s so late. What are you doing out of bed?” Guiles questioned as he assumed a more formal standing position then, to which my mother just dismissed with a wave and a smile that could relax anyone’s butt cheeks. Well accept for mine that is…
“Daniel, sweetie, why are you so late? Weren’t out doing anything… funny… were you?” She said as she looked at me first suspiciously, then towards Guiles has he held up the phone again that clearly was not my own. “Is that Jake’s phone Dan? Oh gosh, honey is he here?” She said excitedly now as her pitch and tone changed drastically; her obvious joy growing a source of excitement for her of me finally being out with another guy for the first time.
“Mom shhh; he’s gonna hear you!” I said with a worry and a whisper as she came up closer to me and embraced me tightly.
“Daniel… thank god. I’m so proud of you dear.” She said as she rubbed softly at my cheek, of which was I’m sure was now a full blush. Only mom knew how to hit me where she did…
“We both are Daniel.” Guiles said as he came over to me also and rubbed the top of my head then, his reassuring gesture bringing me to calm I never knew I’d get to experience ever. It felt amazing, having an accepting, loving family like this. I had prayed it would stay just this way forever; just my mom, Guiles, and me.
The good feelings all of them were short lived unfortunately however as seconds later a familiarly dark, and hate filled voice came booming from behind us all; shattering the illusion almost instantaneously of my real world being okay with me being gay.
“What the fuck is going on here Marsha? Guiles? Daniel!” My father yelled angrily and immediately then as his fist slammed down into the kitchen counter; its force shaking most to all of the cutlery strewn about its surface.
“Emilio! Honey! What are you doing up?” Mom questioned him quickly and methodically then, trying her best to salvage a bad situation, as she slightly pushed me back behind her person; a sign she sensed the same animalistic danger I myself had as well.
“Marsha don’t… just don’t. Stop. I mean what the fuck… my son’s a fag? And you’re okay with this!?” He questioned as he growled more, refusing to even look at me now.
“Emilio… now is not the time. You’re drunk. We should just get ourselves back to bed. Please honey.” My mom said slowly and self-sacrificingly as she gently handed me over to Guiles then and made her way over to my father; whose cock-eyed heated glance towards me now filled me with a fear so great I began to panic at what was gonna happen next.
“No! You’re not going to defend him again! I fucking knew this was what he is! I told you!” He yelled again as he pushed past my mom, almost throwing her over onto the nearby stove, as he stomped over towards me; cut off instantly by a canine teeth bearing Guiles now. “Should’ve known even the help would know before me. Move old man…”
The Dalmatian continued in his heated, protective stance as Emilio tried taking multiple swipes at me; blocked every time by my guardian and friend who always for some unexplained reason was always more of dad to me than my own flesh and blood.
“Emilio stop. You’re going to hurt someone!” My mother exclaimed as she cried out at him; her tears only further fuel for me to stop imagining what I was thinking and just pick up the knife nearest me now and end this reign of tyranny. If only I were that brave…
“Master Fair. You will not touch Daniel. How dare you even think you could you cur? Your father would be so ashamed of you.” Guiles said as we all danced around the kitchen table together; my self hidden behind Guiles’ back the whole time.
“Well like father, like son huh?” He said as he swayed in his steps, every drunken slur becoming more and more hateful as he continued on. “Just a little faggoty bitch now ain’t you? Even need the butler to fight your battles for you huh little man? Well I guess if you’ll just take it up the ass anyway…”
“Fuck you.” I cursed back at him; a burn to my tongue almost seeing as how I never really swear.
“Fuck me! Hahaha! Fuck me!!!” He screamed as he fumed, about ready to burst. “You ungrateful little bastard!” My father said as he came at both me and Guiles in full force now, tossing aside my defender like a feather and picking me up by the throat. “Can’t shove a cock down now right!?”
I struggled, I kicked and I protested as his increasing grip threatened to crush me. I could feel his fist pressure increasing, stupidly even more so as I looked into his angry, burning eyes; the gaze and glare behind them really telling me how much danger I was really in… that was until Jake came up behind my father then and hit him as hard as he could in his side with a frying pan that had been lying around.
“No Jake… don’t… run away please.” I tried yelling through my rage and self-repairing larynx then as I and my father fell hard to floor. I quickly struggled to regain my breath as I ran over to meet with my mother who was checking on Guiles as she shook his person; trying her best to wake him from his loss of consciousness.
“Mom we need to go please. He’s just too far gone right now to listen.” I said as my small frame tried picking up my Dalmatian friend; with little to no success unfortunately. But where my weakness faltered my mothers grew as she seamlessly hoisted him herself over her person, grabbed for my paw, and made motions towards Jake to follow us out the nearest exit.
“It’ll all be alright Daniel. It’s okay. We’ll go stay with your Aunt Deb for awhile until the coast is clear.” She said as we made our way over to the town car parked outside, piled herself and Guiles in the back and tossed me the keys. “Drive now and true… my wonderful son.”
“Mom…” Was all I finally managed to mumble out after with a sob, speaking softly and finally for that brief moment then as I let her spirit rise out of me, carried on my winter breaths trail as it raised itself onwards and upwards towards the many clouds that lead to heavens prophesized gates. “It’s too soon for you to go away. I need you…”
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The pain of my entire sadness rose in my head as a fever of disheartened thoughts grew in my imagination, bending and breaking me further than I ever knew I could endure. And as I tried letting go of these nightmares for that one brief innocent moment, I felt my heart murmur and snap in two, causing me to lose focus and accidentally fall forward into the chill of the world; with nary a soul around to listen for the splash.
To be honest, it felt right as my now muscled frame sunk me further into what felt like several yards deep slurry. Regrettably and shameful to admit, I didn’t even pretend to struggle then as the darkness at the bottom of the deluge swallowed me whole; myself unafraid of anything else life could throw at me now.
I’m losing my mom, my father hates me, and I hate the life I’m leading now; is it too late for me to be the man I want to be? Let’s see what happens next…
