Raph continued to improve over the months since he woke up. It had been nearly seven months since he was attacked and the Turtles have been staying at the Foot headquarters ever since.
Leo watched as Raph went through his physical therapy, he had improved so much. When it first started, his brother’s struggle to walk was painful to watch and yet, inspiring at the same time. Raph could have given up but instead pushed himself. There was determination in his eye and Leo was sure that he planned on seeking out Hun as soon as he was physically able.
Leo wasn’t going to kid himself. Raph was planning on killing Hun one day or die trying. Leo didn’t blame him and he knew that when that time came, he would be beside his brother, making sure Raph got the final blow.
But that was going to take some time. Raph’s once muscular body had dwindled down to a fraction of its former size though he had gained of it back. He started out suffering from equilibrium problems and headaches due to the loss of his left eye but has started to adapt. His face was no longer symmetrical as a result from all of the damage and when they managed to get him to smile, it was lopsided.
His body was healed and he was improving every day but, though he was determined, he still showed signs of depression. The greatest sign was the fact that he hadn’t said a word since he woke up. The doctors say that there is no physical reason for it, he just refused to speak. Leo took it personally.
Donny fussed over Raph and, along with Leatherhead, worked with the physical therapists to learn all they needed so that they could tend to Raph once he was able to return home.
Raph wanted nothing more than to be out of the Foot headquarters. Despite all they had done and continue to do for him, he did not trust them. He didn’t have to speak to make that clear.
That’s what they were fighting about that night. Leo was talking to Karai about an alliance and Raph was against it. Raph wasn’t able to see that, with the Shredder finally gone, Karai was trying to do the right thing. She was trying to regain her honor.
Splinter walked up to stand beside Leo. “You seem troubled, my son.”
“I have a lot on my mind,” Leo nodded then looked over at his father. “Two of my brothers were hurt by our enemies because they went out alone. And not just hurt… but damaged in one way or another. Donny hasn’t been feeling well since his return, nearly nine months ago, and Raph….”
He let the words just hang in the air and die as his eyes drifted back over to watch his brother exercise. They watched him in silence for a while, Raph’s gentle grunts as he lifted weights was the only sound.
“It seems to have gotten worse for us.” Leo’s eyes dropped to the ground and he felt a since of dread try to overwhelm him. He refused to give in to depression. “Our enemies are out to get us and I don’t know if we can stand up to them alone. There are so few of us already and we’re down two who can fight.
“Joining with Karai will help to keep us safe. At least, that’s what I want to believe. She has mutants in her ranks now, we won’t be alone. I just can’t force the others to do it. It has to be their choice. And what if Raph was right? What if we can’t trust them?”
“You weren’t kidding when you said you had a lot on your mind,” Splinter sighed. “I understand your struggles. I have faced them myself over the years. Is your enemy truly one who can now be an ally? But I fear that there is more still that is worrying you.”
“Guilt,” Leo admitted without making his father have to dig for it. “I have failed them. Each of them.”
“Nothing that had happened to your brothers was your fault,” Splinter insisted.
“I knew that if I kept arguing with Raph that he would leave the lair,” Leo said. “I could have let the issue drop but I was still struggling with what had happened between me and Mikey so I took it out on Raph, knowingly pushing him until he left.”
“Talk to him.”
Leo shook his head, “He doesn’t talk.”
“You are the one who needs to do the talking.”
“I will try when his session is over,” Leo said but didn’t promise any more.
When Raph’s session was done, it was obvious that he was in pain. His body shook, his chest heaved and he was covered in sweat. Leatherhead led Raph to a chair and he sat down hard while Donny went over to get Raph’s bottle of pain pills and a glass of water.
“I’m seeing a great deal of improvement,” Donny soothed as he handed over the pills. “You’re gaining weight and you were able to do a basic tree pose without falling over. It seems you’re starting to adjust to having just one eye.”
As Donny spoke, he held the cup out for Raph who dropped it the second Donny let go. “That’s my fault,” Donny said, picking the cup up. “I know your grip is still a little weak and I didn’t make sure you had a hold of the cup before letting go. I’ll get you some more.”
Raph waved him off and simply dry swallowed the pills. Leo managed a soft smile as he walked over, “Don’t fuss over him too much, Donny. You know he doesn’t like that.”
Raph looked up at Leo and managed a grunting laugh.
“Come on,” Leo held his hand out. “I’ll walk you back to your room before the meds kick in. No one wants to lug your heavy ass around.”
Raph scoffed then swatted Leo’s hand away and stood on his own. Donny grabbed Raph’s walker but Leo held up his hand and shook his head. “Raph can manage.” Leo then stepped aside so that Raph could lead the way back to the room. “You’re strong enough.”
Leo noticed Donny move to protest but Leatherhead stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. Raph, never being one to step down from a challenge, led the way and Leo followed.
He was physically tired and his legs shook but he managed to make it to the room without Leo’s help. Collapsing on the bed the moment they entered the room, Raph let out a sigh of relief.
“Pushed yourself a little hard today,” Leo said as he helped Raph get situated in the bed. “I know you want to get out of here but if you do too much, you could set yourself back. You should have left yourself with enough to make it back to your room with ease. Don’t let what I say antagonize you. If you’re too tired then ask for help.”
Raph huffed in response.
“According to the doctors, you will be able to go home soon,” Leo said, sitting down on the bed. “It will still be a while before you can start going to the surface again. Splinter and I talked about it. We agreed that you should be off the pain pills first and that you shouldn’t go up to the surface alone. None of us should. We’re thinking of going out to the farm for a while so you won’t feel so trapped in the lair while you continue to recover. Casey’s mom’s out there and said it would be okay if we joined her.”
Leo realized that he was rambling and looked down at Raph, who had his face set in an unreadable mask. Leo sighed, “I hate that you’re not talking. You can be so hard to read sometimes.”
A few moments of awkward silence passed then Leo grabbed hold of Raph’s hand. “I’m sorry. You wouldn’t be here if I was a better leader.”
“I d….don’t b…blame you,” Raph mumbled. He voice was rough and his words slurred and stuttered a little. “I l…l…left. Y…You d…d…didn’t kick m…me out.”
Leo could see the frustration splayed across Raph’s face each time he stumbled over a word. He must have discovered at some point that he stuttered and, pride getting the better of him, stopped talking because of it.
It took a lot for Leo to contain his emotions in that moment. “Talk do Donny,” Leo pleaded, knowing that if he made a big deal about Raph talking then it would keep Raph from doing it again for a while. “He wants to hear your voice again and maybe he can help you… smooth your words out again.”
Raph nodded and his eye was unfocused. Leo knew that Raph wasn’t going to be awake for much longer. “You get some sleep. I’m warning you though, when we get back to the lair, I’m not gonna let you make any more excuses. I want my best fighter back.”
A smug, lopsided smile spread across Raph’s beak. “B…est f…f…fighter, huh?”
“Don’t get too full of yourself,” Leo smiled, letting go of Raph’s hand and standing up. “I’m still better suited to lead. You’re too much of a meathead.”
Raph let out a soft chuckle as the pain pill’s side effects kicked in. A high school marching band could have passed through, playing three different songs out of key, and Raph wouldn’t have been disturbed in the slightest.
Leo left Raph and headed out to look for Mikey. As he walked down the corridor Leo passed one of the Foot soldiers who Shredder had mutated. Leo couldn’t help but wonder how the former human felt. Did he miss the freedom that he once had?
Mikey was in their set of rooms, playing videogames. Their relationship was strained for a brief period of time after they rescued Donny. It took a while for Leo to forgive himself for what had happened even though Mikey was never upset with him.
There were times Leo felt that his brothers were too quick to forgive him and wondered how long it was going to take for their forgiveness to run dry.
Hearing Raph’s voice helped to ease Leo’s guilt but he didn’t think that he would ever be able to get rid of it. He heaved a heavy sigh of relief that caught Mikey’s attention.
“Hey, Leo,” Mikey paused his game and hopped over the back of the sofa to stand in front of Leo. “Everything okay? You look exhausted.”
“I’m doing better,” Leo nodded. “I’m emotionally drained.”
“Something happen?”
Leo felt his lip tremble as the tears started to fall. “Raph talked to me. He’s not mad at me.” Saying the words out loud brought on a since of relief that made Leo feel lighter.
“I told you,” Mikey brought his hand up to thumb away Leo’s tears. “I knew Raph was just being a stubborn ass and not giving you the silent treatment.”
Caught up in the tender moment they leaned closer together but they both turned away before their lips touched. “I can’t do it,” Leo said.
“I’m right there with you,” Mikey nodded, turning back to face Leo. “We’re as close as two can be without any kind of sexual interaction.”
Leo looked down at Mikey’s smiling face and felt his heart soar. They had grown closer and were as close as any lovers without actually being lovers. They shared a bed, confided in each other and would seek comfort in each other’s arms but, aside from the one time that was induced by Bishop’s drugs, they don’t take it any further.
Leo often wondered if, one day, their need for intimacy would over power their sexual preferences. He could say with all certainty that an individual’s sexual preference was not a choice. If they were, he would already have Mikey as his lover.
“I wish I was a girl,” Mikey said, out of the blue.
Leo lifted an eye ridge. “What?”
“That would make things easier between us, if I was a girl who liked guys.”
“Wouldn’t be easier to wish we were gay?” Leo chuckled.
Mikey shrugged, “I suppose. But you have to admit,” he said with a huge grin, “I would make an awesome girlfriend.”
This made Leo laugh outright and it took him a few minutes to calm down. Mikey didn’t take offense by it. He knew Leo’s laughter was genuine joy and not mocking of what Mikey had said. “I suppose you would.”
“I know Raph wished Donny was a girl,” Mikey added in sing song.
“I’ve noticed that too,” Leo said, all humor dropping from him.
Mikey noticed and smiled as he teased Leo, “You would prefer a lady Raphie. Maybe that’s why you are lacking motivation to get over the fact that you’re not gay. Raph’s the one you really want.”
“Shut up,” Leo flushed. “Why would I want a girl like Raph? He’s a jerk and contradicts me at every turn.” Leo turned on his heel and headed towards their room. “I’m going to meditate.”
As Leo closed the door he could hear Mikey calling after him. “Don’t worry,” he chuckled. “I won’t tell anyone.”
