a cute young fur asks..."is that a lost n found? i had one as a cub..."
my sorry old furhead shook like a dried gourd full of seeds... i wanted to deny all but needed to reveal the sordid truth...
many years ago I was starting to travel for work and out of boredom would hit weird malls for "things"... when I saw this sheep plush toy my head exploded... what could possibly be more sad, more dejected? you cram a bottle in their "mouths", squeeze/abuse them roughly, and tears pour out... jesus who could come up with such a twisted concept? the little story on the box speaks volumes about the evil galoob brothers:
"In this big world of ours, there are little baby animals who are lost and alone, wandering about in search of a home. "I'm lost. I'm hungry," they say. "I need a warm place to sleep!" One of them might be walking through YOUR neighbourhood right now, peeking in windows and looking for a place to live. In one house, a boy and girl, playing on the rug look up at THEIR window. "Oh look, Mom! A little baby animal! Can we take it in?" They spend many hours cradling the new baby in their arms, talking softly to it, and feeding it water from a bottle. The little baby is so happy to be safe and warm, tears well up in its big, so-sad eyes. So keep YOUR eyes open. And if you ever find a little Lost 'n Founds, remember to feed it, keep it warm - and most of all, love it!"
oh baby, where to begin on that one... then later saw this commercial while cruising the early Saturday a.m. cartoons for cub content...
i had no choice, the little voices started in my head. i began to stalk them wherever I could... flea markets... kaybee stores (r.i.p.)... thrift shops... finally plumbing the depths of ebay
now i have over 70 of the little fuckers, as well as samples of the other crying toys... the mouse is particularly um, weird... when i joined the fandom in 1995 and needed a 'fursona', the toys spoke to me during a drug and alcohol-crazed plush orgy, and said i should be named after a tubular piece of meat ("cannon of lamb") eaten by people in England for some weird reason. "Obey us... be our earthly representative as we are mute and cannot destroy or maim as we want..."
this is enough for a platoon, wikip. informs me. "We don't seek world domination, but rather just serious consequence to those who would fuck with lambcannon. When you hear the whisper of polyester lamb fluff on your pillow, it will already be too late."
No one asked, no one needs to know. After playing gay dress-up with some of the lambs, I thought of having a few 'modified' for my 'pleasure'... but realized they had modified me a long time ago... a cry for help or a manifesto of madness? Come visit me and decide for yourself in my gothic log home in western PA...
yours in solemn, mute, tear-stained Seroquel-infused melancholy,
Got 'em as an Xmas present, I want to say, maybe 10th or 11th bday? Along with my Playskool Buster Bunny (the nice big one that's like, 14 inches if you count the ears) and some Nintendo games (some weirdo 4-in one cart with only one game on it that I enjoyed, Treasure Island Dizzy or some junk.) For a boy, my mom sure did get me a lot of... odd stuff, now and then. But hey, whatever, I also loved the shit out of the My Little Pony Cartoons (the ones that came before F.i.M.), Rainbow Brite, Punky Brewster, Glowfriends, Care Bears... but from my perspective then, liking of cartoons or toys wasn't really gender dependant, and even my dad, who was like, kinda churchie, didn't even see a 'problem' with it.
Except for that time my mom walked in on me at age 6 doing some rather inappropriate things with "Mosie Mouse" namely "eat the hot dog," (Mosie was my rather large plush mouse that my mother had named "Moses," lol). And then came the lectures about the birds and the bees and how "Mommy needs you to save that for later so you can make babies and she can be a Grandma." Yeah, fat chance of that.
By the time I was 12, I had enough plushies to fill several Glad bags, and I was routinely building a chair out of sleeping bags and blankets in my closet and spending my weekends hiding in said closet from midnight to 3am doing things you can probably guess at... I had also had some rather odd uses for q-tips that they probably weren't intended for... Oh, and candle wax... Yeah, fun times.
I have more ~personal~ stuff that I will save for private discussion.
"Didn't want to embarrass u by posting this as a reply to your question..." Hah. Embarrass, lol...
