The lost soul or the beautiful soul?
What is a lost soul some may ask? Only way I can think of explaining what a lost soul is to kind of tell you a story of one. She’s someone that has no direction in her life. How did she become this way? With many painful memories, mistakes that were made by and another, then finally a tragedy that she can’t seem to let go. Is there a way to help a lost soul? Until someone reaches for her, or she, herself finds the courage to reach out for help. A lost soul is the person that lost the light in her life, her way to happiness. She is lost to the nothingness within herself.
The lost soul is someone that seems to have no direction in their life. She seem to be unsure what she want to do with her lives often spending the days in a haze. She’s unwilling to move forwarded, afraid to move from the spot she rooted herself in. she so stuck in the past and afraid of the future, she don’t go anywhere. She doesn’t try in school, thinking it doesn’t matter anymore. She doesn’t try to be part of the class, but blankly stares out the window, not thinking of the future, but lost somewhere in the past. She thinks of all the harsh words that make her cry at night. She is filled with despair, self-hate, but doesn’t bother to hurt herself. Too broken to do anything, just wishing she fade to nothing. She think no will care, or even notice. She hides behind a group of livelily ‘friends’, behind fake smiles, and lies so they like her. Easier to blend in and easier to disappeared from. They don’t notice how she never looks them in the eye, so they don’t notice the stillness inside her. She perfected the lies of her past, the fake smiles, the fake laughter, and the easiness about her. She perfected being there with them, but not really being a part of them. They don’t know the tears she cries. The hurt she feels and carries everywhere. She the lost sheep, she is broken, she is unless, easily forgettable, she the lost soul you will never be able to spot. She is the lost soul that will one day fade to the nothingness inside herself. She is the lost soul that when she is finally on her own, finally forgotten by everyone they knew her, she will end her life
She hold onto the hurtful memories of her childhood because they somehow over shadow all the good that happen to her. She holds on to the hurtful words from the people that surround her. She holds on to the pain in her heart because it the only way she knows she’s alive anymore. Her soul tears apart because the man’s words echo and dangerously bounces around inside her head and heart. She can’t forgot his words, because he was supposed to be the man that was supposed to protect her, not hurt her. She knows he doesn’t know that he’s hurting her, that he doesn’t see how his words affect her, she still forgive him, defended him so for long about his action. He didn’t know what he was doing, didn’t know that his word did to her. He loved her, just didn’t know how to talk to her. She tries to forgive him but it’s still hard to look at herself and still think her beautiful, that she worth something. When the one that means the most to her, tells her constantly that she can’t do anything right. That is how a lost soul is started, the soul starts tumbling down into the darkness. Words can hurt more than a fist, a slap, a punch, coming from someone she looks up to and loves with all her heart. Then something major happens, the last thing that finally sends her so deep into the darkness brewing inside herself that is lost to nothingness, sadness, pain, and self-hate. The light that she had been holding onto -and not knowing she was at the time- is taken from her. She watched as the body withered to nothingness. Watched as the women she loved and admired for so long weaken and die. Watched through tears as the woman’s casket is lowered into a hole in the ground, not knowing how to move on. The women was the light in her life, was the kind word she looked forwarded to and needed to survive. She loses herself, unable to reach out to anyone, afraid to, afraid that they too will be gone. She draws to vent, unable to say all the hurt she feels. Unable to talk to anyone, and know how to do anything else. She tries to reach out to the man, but he too is lost now. He tells her to grow up.
The soul can be heal if given time and enough love but first someone has to notice her or for her to reach out willing. Years passed and she feels the day approaching. A soul so shattered it’s beyond repair, no can reach it, she thinks. Finally when everyone forgotten her, she can end it. The man wouldn’t have to worry about her. Her ‘friends’ couldn’t care to keep in touch with her. Then something unexpected happens to her. Someone saw her, someone noticed her, he saw her through her artwork, and he wandered if she wanted a friend to talk to. At first she doesn’t fully trust him, she thinks he like the rest, and they see her and then slowly stop talking to her. It was online after all, they wanted one thing, and she wasn’t willing to go that far, but he doesn’t push her, or even ask. They just talked. She told him the lies she told everyone else, but he didn’t seem that interested in that, he wanted to know about her. Months passed and unwilling she grew attach to him, he was once a lost soul too but somehow had pulled himself through the darkness. He was light in her darkness, even though anyone looking at him might think otherwise. She didn’t care, and wanted to reach out to him. Maybe he wouldn’t push her away, maybe he could help her. But she already messed up, she told him lies about herself and made him think that they were true. For weeks she battles within herself, she couldn’t start anything with him with lies. So she told him the truth about the lies of her life. She was so scared, she couldn’t breathe, and she never trusted anyone so much to tell them the truth. He asked her questions, she answered them, or tried to through a watery and shaky voice. He asked why she cries. She tell him that she scared that he would leave her, that he wanted nothing to do with her. She was so scared of losing another light but this time because of her own fault. He tell her wont. Why she cries. Simply put it, he loved her. He thought she was awesome, amazing, wonderful, beautiful, smart, and strong and so on. She tell him he shouldn’t because she so broken inside, so lost in her pain. He tells her it not her fault, it was just bad words, and tell her that she just has a big heart that got hurt all the time. A beautiful soul, that’s what she was. Soon she begins to see more lights surrounding her. Her real friends that stuck by her, and seem to call her just when she feeling down. Her family that supported her and her dreams -which by the way grew over time. Then see realizes that to some of her family, she was their light. Even the man, her father was a light, he still may not know how to talk to her, but he didn’t abandon her either. His action showed her that he still cared and loved her, and would have been lost without her in his life. They, her family would have been destroyed has she taken her own life, thinking no one would care or noticed. To a lost soul, it takes someone to notice and realize her worth to start the healing, but it takes a risky chance for the lost soul before she see what they see in her. Now she can see ahead, now she is full of love, for her boy, her friends, her family, her father and most of all for herself.
I just told you a story of a lost soul, and what it is, what it does, how it thinks, when it started, why it became a lost soul, and who changed it into the beautiful soul that she really was all along. Maybe it’s not what the assignment was supposed to be but I feel I wrote something never heard of, or spoken about. How do I know this is what a lost soul is? Simple, I was the girl, I was the lost soul. The man is my dad (still doesn’t think before he speaks, but nothing he says brings me down any more), the woman was my mom (passed away 8 year this last September, and love her so), and the wonderful boy that changed my life for the better is my fiancé joseph (getting married next summer). This was a true story that explains what a lost soul is, how it becomes that way, and how it’s healed. Thank you
Thoughts from the author
Why am I adding this? For a laugh or maybe because it’s like 0ne in the morning and I’m about to pass out. Anyways originally I thought of using music to try and explain what I was aiming for but thought it was not needed… but the soul did help me type this, and so did the scrap of paper that I was using to scribble nonsense on. Anyways I got work in the morning so night…
