And this story also took too long. I guess I had a lot of plot-bunny buildup during the art phase. But I decided to truncate it right at the above scene. -----------------------------------------------------
Today was not being kind to me. First, I had somehow gotten distracted enough that I'd let a pawful of prisoners escape-- a few windigoes, a boojum, a couple dangerous banishees (though no banshees, thankfully). Now I was standing my post even more attentively than before, and someone familiar had just arrived to taunt me in my hour of humiliation.
"Hello, Cerberus. Having a good day?"
"Discord," I snarled without facing him. "Here to turn yourself in?"
"Oh, come now! I can't understand you when you're growling like that." He floated down into my view, landing solidly, but comfortably, on his head. "What's on your mind?"
"My job." I strained my necks to keep my eyes on the Gate. "You're not helping."
"Well, I suppose I'm not helping *yet.*" He lay down and propped his head up, his horns scooping a white, brown, and pink-striped substance from where they had been embedded. "But that's what I'm here for. Would you like some ice cream?"
"No." "But I *would* like you to pass into Tartarus." "And never leave."
"Cerberus, I'm hurt." He wasn't. "Whatever did I do to inspire such ire?"
"I was perfectly happy as a guard dog. Then you grew me to forty hands tall and stuck me with these knuckleheads." I bobbed my left and right heads for emphasis, still taking no eyes off the Gate.
"Come now, Cerby, that's ancient history." The inequine creature-- okay, semi-equine-- pulled the three monochrome strata from his head and started juggling them in his lion paw. "Besides, aren't you still a guard dog and happy for it?"
I was able to calibrate my response quickly enough. "I don't credit you for giving me a job I love. I credit Celestia's and Luna's grace, along with the sheer good fortune of every good thing that escaped the clutches of your chaos."
The colored cylinders ceased their trajectories with a short screech. Discord looked a little shocked, but then pouted as his props puffed into powder. "Well, if you're going to completely shut down the banter, I might as well get to business. I'm here to cover for you while you recover the escaped denizens of Tartarus."
"Finally, something that isn't even trying to make sense." "Not that I believe for a second you're here to help..." "but why not gather the fugitives yourself, if you're so eager?"
"You know them better than I. The Princess thinks I would take too long chatting them up. And considering how long I've been talking with you--" At this time, he pointed up at a wall of glyphs which, while I couldn't quite say it had suddenly appeared, certainly hadn't been there before. "--I'm inclined to agree."
"As if you'd take input from Celestia seriously."
"Oh, you'd be surprised," Discord chuckled. "But no, that's not the Princess I mean."
"Luna, then?" "I might have guessed she was the one behind your escape."
He looked thoughtful for a moment. "That... might actually explain some things. But no, not her either."
I shifted to a more aggressive stance. "You know I'm out of guesses." "At least quit teasing." "Either tell me, or don't."
"All right, you'll find out soon enough." With only that as warning, he snapped his talons and my perspective swam.
I shakily picked myself up from a fall that probably happened seconds ago. "Discord--" Oh dear, I was making pony noises now. No prizes for guessing why. "What did you just do?" I looked up at him. Then I looked further up.
"You're a smart guy," Discord said from one gigantic, bulbous head. I didn't appreciate the caricature. "You can figure it out." "Just follow the trail I used to get here," he clarified with another head, also mimicking me. "Whee, this is fun!" "Well, what are you waiting for?" "Go. GO!" he barked.
I stumbled on my loaner hooves. I hate being yelled at, and I don't like running away, but Discord had finally decided I was beat, and I had no room to appeal. I groused and tottered my way through a new and unnaturally distorted hole in the forest, clearly created just for Discord's passage.
"Heehehehee," I heard him giggle from the Gate. "Raaawwr!"
When I was a comfortable distance away, I started talking aloud. "If you're truly sincere about guarding the Gate, you won't start following me." "And fair warning, I'm going to start pretending you can't hear me."
I also spread my attention to the finer details of my current body and my surroundings. My heads, while now equine in shape, still numbered three, so at least my vision wasn't hindered. My hearing and smelling were less sensitive now, but I suspected they were on par with how they were when I was a one-headed canine. I also noted icons on my flanks, as many ponies I had met also sported, that were identical except for being mirror images. I couldn't quite discern what the icon was; perhaps a wooden crate, built from oak or maybe cherry.
The distortion in the trees and other vegetation was a slight bowing out and over the path. Rather subtle, actually; if I hadn't known better-- and actually, since Discord was involved, I didn't-- I would have guessed he was holding back his chaotic magics. And I was surprised to see that the reds and greens looked so different from one another. I couldn't yet tell whether this was an effect on the area or upon my eyes; I gave the possibilities even odds.
"So how do you like it?" I asked myself haughtily.
"Hate it."
"Oh, come now. Your haven't really given it a chance! I think you'll enjoy what I have planned."
"I don't suppose you'll be telling me this 'plan,' will you?" I actually hoped I wouldn't really get his answer from my other head.
"'I don't suppose you'll be telling me this plan, will you?'" I echoed in a squeaky voice.
"I don't sound like that," I growled.
"You do when you imitate yourself."
"I-- bwha?"
I gave myself a raspberry. No, half a raspberry. I stopped and let my tongue hang out, stunned into a brief meditation.
"That's a bit smarter than I'd have liked to play Discord." I sighed. "Maybe next time."
I trudged on in silence, noticing I'd managed to find a good walking rhythm with my reproportioned legs. I heard movement up ahead, and I hesitated. Was I making a mistake, doing exactly as Discord told me? Even supposing that wasn't its own can of worms, I was several times shorter than an hour ago; what if I encountered a threat I couldn't go up against? Truthfully, I hadn't faced serious danger to myself in several lifetimes.
I finally decided that it would serve Discord right if I got killed in action. Not a particularly logical motivation, but if there's only one thing I hate more than running away, it's being paralyzed by indecision. I soldiered on, senses primed and adrenaline-heightened.
That didn't really pan out. As I moved closer to the source of the movement, I could have detected anything as stealthy as a cougar. But the sounds didn't seem like those of a stalking predator, more like prey trying to be inconsequential as possible. Sensing no other movement around me, I decided to hazard a dialogue.
"Hello?"
A gasp. A position. One individual. I trotted up to a bush and slowly, deliberately stepped around it.
"Are you all right?" I coaxed.
I admit that what I saw, I wasn't prepared for. Of course I'd seen ponies before (besides myself), even many with wings, and I'd even seen ponies with yellow pelts or pink manes and tails. My surprise, in truth, was at how sure I was that I had seen this particular butter-yellow, pink-maned, winged, curled-up, quivering pony before.
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