I don’t want to come off as nasty, and trust me it will sound it, but there are so many people who think they love someone. They fill their speech with love-heart, but they don’t mean them. Granted this isn’t the case always, but it is quite common. Love to me is the knowledge that no matter what, they will be there. They will protect you, and in turn look for your protection when the time comes.
When they are gone, far, far away from where you are, your heart screams for them to be there. When they are there for you in your darkest moments, to comfort and support you, or keep you company when you are lonely. Also the willingness to stay in touch, no matter what the consequences are, and to remain loyal to one another – those to me make love. Call me stupid if you like, this is just a taste of my opinion, and I can tell you, no one is perfect.
I am sitting here typing this in bed, feeling like an idiot. I cannot protect my mate without hurting everyone involved, including him. I am becoming too attached, even after we finished a call I sat there on the phone for 20minutes with it attached to my ear, unwilling to let it go. He has always supported me, no matter what, but I have never felt like I have ever helped him properly, I always bring something up, without knowing, that seems to bring him down again. As for staying in touch, I cannot even bring myself to hold a proper conversation because I am too afraid of talking to him and saying something stupid.
And, as for loyalty... I try my hardest – there is no one else who could measure up to him, however the call of a role-play is sometimes too strong. I have wronged him and myself for constantly being asleep or too busy to txt or call. I let him down by not changing my sleeping pattern to one that means I get to talk to him, and as for being busy, I don’t know, I am never busy, I will say that honestly – but I don’t want to avoid him and I want to talk to him, I just cannot think of what to send without seeming like the idiot I am.
I am in love with him I know it – I just wish I could express my feelings more... He started a call last night with “I am calling to say I love you” and all I did was “D’aww” and felt like an idiot afterward for not saying what I felt, what I knew and that was “I love you too”. If I have posted this, the he will see this. I want him to know that I really love him, I honestly do, and there is nothing that I want to keep us apart. If only I could be a better boyfriend, a better mate – a better lover.
I don’t want him to worry, and this isn’t some sorta stupid thing. Every word on here is the truth to what I feel, every little word from this idiot typing here. What I am trying to say is this is what I feel love is, and how I am failing at doing exactly that. I love him – I just don’t know how to say that to him, because I fell like my actions have been saying different things.