NeonThunder05... to me, he's a precious worth more than any treasure. A pillar of my life that's irreplaceable. He's... my world.
I never really talked extensively about him because of my insecurity... it's about time I change that. Because if I don't, I feared I won't get the chance to.
Whenever people commented on my posts or sent me a message, I just reply to them like normal, and checking back after a day or two. That is... until Neon one day shows up. He just out of nowhere reached out to me, greeting me. At first I didn't think much of it, so I just responded to him like normal... And then, I did not expect this, but he replied almost immediately. I normally didn't like leaving people hanging, so naturally I replied to him right away... then he replied again.
And that's the start of our friendship. For 7 years, we chatted every day and night, sharing thoughts, ideas, playing games. We had so many things in common, he's like another me. And the fact that we're in the same time zone... this matchup is 1 in a million.
He isn't just my best friend, he inspired me. Many concepts you saw in my arts were actually made by him - Some Mage Cat types, some character designs and lores, he helped me shaped my world. I've learnt to seek advices from him from time to time because of that. My world would've been way different if it wasn't for him... I really loved him.
And the fact that I got him to become as big of a PREY(2017) enthusiast as me... I deeply appreciates it.
But... our friendship still isn't perfect, I wished it was tho... I used to be a hotheaded person, I was short-tempered, I let my pride get in the way a lot... some of you probably already know that. That was... what I did to Neon too during our early time. I mocked him, insulted him, lashed out at him, spam stuffs at him when I get mad, I even gaslighted him. There's... even a few times I temporarily blocked him out of sheer pettiness. In a sense, I... sees myself as exploiting him... yet he always forgave me in the end. I couldn't understand, how could he forgive someone that big of a jerk? Not once, not twice, but for years... I understand it now: He didn't forgives me because he was as lonely as me; He forgives me because he sees me as someone misguided, capable of change. He saw something within me that I didn't realize, that I'm a good person deep down. He was always determined to drives me onto the right path, even if it exhausts him. ...wouldn't you feel miserable about yourself too, if you repeatedly insulted the only person close to you? Everytime I did something bad towards him, I kept a mental note to myself, every bit of it adds up to my guilt... and no amount of efforts could fully erases that. But he didn't care, because he forgives me regardless. I get that now... To change, you can't look at things from your own flawed perspective, you have to see it through others. If they believe you can change, it means they have faith in you. Focuses on your own thought about unredeemable then you'll truly never correct.
Neon taught me to be more open, more accepting. He helped me change to be a better person... Soon he introduced me to his friend group, I met great friends like Poke and Excell, and even great artists like SylvieTheAnimator. And then a year later he introduced me his new friend, Vexter. I quickly grew attached to Vex along with Neon, he's like... a second Neon to me. Something about Vex's mere precense feels like a living antidepressant to me.
...I knew the day would come, where he'll be forced to go to military camp for 2 years. That was why I spent the last couple weeks focusing on doing everything he ever wanted. I finished whatever unfinished games and videos with him, I played what he wanted to play, watched what he wanted to watch, finished all the drawings he wanted me to draw for him. I made sure to make his last couple moments here with me the best, to make it ever more worth it.
...it's been a week now since he left. Luckily, he's still able to chat, and he can return home on the weekends to spend time with us... something about it still feels hurt. I'm... really not used to not speaking to him 24/7. Even during the times I was mad at him, I still hoped to continue talking to him despite my pride getting in the way... Not gonna lie, he's not doing great at the camp... I dreaded over it all the time, but my friends convinced me to have faith in him, that the more he suffered the stronger he'll come back. I get that but... seeing him hurts always reminded me of my own mistakes towards him.
When my Discord randomly got falsely banned by their stupid AI coincidentally a day later, that grief must've snapped something within me. It broke all of my prides and egos... and that gave me the chance and motivation to reevaluate on my life, reflects on my mistakes. He always plays games with Vex whenever I'm busy with drawings and stuffs... now that he's not here, that responsibility is now mine. I promised Neon that I'd keep Vex accompanied. Which is why I forces myself to pushes even harder, get my things finished faster since this is my October tradition, so I'll have more time to spend with Vex, keep him accompanied... for him. I don't really care about my own health, or my mental health for that matter... As long as I can make them happy, it's all worth it.
Sorry if I'm being dramatic, it's just... It's not easy you know. Having someone this wonderful just appearing in your life, always so supportive, always there for you, despite you also being responsible for their suffering. You pushes them away and they kept coming back... that kind of determination is one of a kind.
I'm not trying to get opinions, nor would I care about criticisms as much as I used to, I only wanted to share my deep thoughts... and I supposed this serves as a good reminder for everyone: Always cherishes your friends, appreciates what you have. Any moments could be it's last. If someone stayed with you despite your flaws, it means they have faith in you. And if they believed you can change, believe them.
P.S. I remember now... I met Neon during a December. That makes him... my best Christmas gift ever
Thank you for staying with me all these years too, when we met, I made a promise to you that I would never leave you and I would make you better, our progress til now has proven that. You’ll always be the greatest person I have ever met in my life
Thank you for staying with me all these years too, when we met, I made a promise to you that I would
