Helga sighed. It was a long drawn out sigh, one born from holding a breath too long without realizing it. She’d had plenty of them in her life. Bad run in with cops, the aftermath of a shootout in a deal gone bad, and all sorts of other reckless experiences that culminated in her youth. Somehow meeting with her girlfriend’s mother for legal advice was just as stressful.
Rebecca hadn’t said anything yet. The pitbull in her passenger seat was too transfixed on the card in her hands. Helga didn’t press. She knew the look. It was the same look Tabitha sported, and the same look she saw on Helga’s face, when they were too young and stupid to realize the importance of knowing one’s social security number, or having their birth certificate, or an actual permanent residence. Freedom on the road sounded great until complications arose. Eventually grey hairs show and it's time to settle. The two of them were lucky enough to have some more well-adjusted members of the gang to help them get on solid ground. The pitbull had just her.
No, that wasn’t true. Rebecca had Amethyst, and Amethyst had her hotshot local lawyer mother. But the older vole didn’t know about Rebecca until after all the drama, and Helga realized she needed to be the responsible one to ask for help. It wasn’t like the girl’s deadbeat dad was going to hand over personal records of his adult daughter so easily. Broken Jaw or not, he’d drag it out. For a younger woman of a higher class, Amethyst’s mother could be quite scary when it came to convincing people the full extent of the law. Helga wasn’t even sure if half of what she threatened Rebecca’s dad with was true. She looked up at the ceiling of her car in thought, figuring it didn’t matter.
“Thanks,” Rebecca said. Helga glanced down to see the pitbull looking at her. It’d been a week since the incident, so the bruises her daddy left her hadn’t healed. She’d been slumming it on the pig’s couch since while they figured out what to do next. She had no family she knew of, and the gym was under her father’s name. She might as well have been cast out as a legal adult. The pig scoffed, knowing full well that’s basically what she was. Better than forced prostitution, or whatever Ronnie had in mind before Helga and her girls stepped in.
“It’s nothing,” Helga said.
“No, it isn’t.” Rebecca clenched her jaw. “You didn’t have to help with this. I should have done it.”
Should. Not could. A key difference and both women knew it. Rebecca was more capable than she believed but she’d been nothing but a fighter. The ins and outs of modern bureaucracy were not meant to help the uneducated like they were supposed to. Helga smiled to ease the mood. “Faster if I helped. What’s the point of connections if you don’t use them?”
Rebecca nodded with a downtrodden expression. “I guess…I still can’t believe that’s Amy’s mom. She looks so young.”
“That’s because she is,” Helga said, starting the car.
“How?”
“Teenage pregnancy.”
“Oh…” Rebecca stared off into space to do some math. “Wait, are you older than–”
“Yup.” Age happened to everyone and Helga never denied the gap between her and Amethyst. The acceptable gap for most people was half one’s age plus seven, not half one’s age. Frankly, if Helga had higher standards at that munch, she’d have told Amy to fuck off. But being without for so long can make almost anyone open for things they normally wouldn’t. Nevermind that she expected Amy to ghost her after their first session. Now the girl old enough to be her daughter was her most consistent relationship. She almost felt as pathetic as those men who stalk highschoolers because women their age knew they’re garbage. She justified it by trying to stay responsible and reasonable in the relationship, never pushing something Amy didn’t want. Then she remembered the trampstamp with her name on it and blushed. She really found a freak.
If there was any truth to like-attracting-like, then Rebecca would be on the same spectrum. But, as established, she had no one. No one but them. “Fuck,” Helga thought to herself, “Did I just become a parent?” She hoped not. They’d already fucked at least once.
“I’ll pay you back,” Rebecca said, hastily changing the subject upon noticing Helga’s discomfort. “I’ll find a job. I don’t have my driver’s license but I can probably use the bus–”
“You don’t owe me anything,” Helga said, “And don’t bother with the bus. It’s shit.”
“Bus services are always shit. Even in New York.”
“Yeah, well, in New York they’re pristine and professional compared to here,” Helga said. She’d never had a high opinion of public transit beyond it being necessary and it being too low standard despite that. “You should get a job to get you on your feet. Not because you owe me anything.”
“But I do,” Rebecca said, blinking dumbfoundedly. Helga kept her attention on the road, “I’d be…well, I don’t want to think about it. You saved me. You didn’t have to.”
“Bullshit,” Helga said, “Or did you think being a pacifist was going to break your dad’s wrist?”
Rebecca looked away. She curled up in her seat. “I’m not apologizing for that.”
“No, I wouldn’t think you should apologize for being hit.” Though she could have dodged. Helga knew she could. “Look, if this is some guilt thing, drop it. I helped you because you needed it.”
“Why?”
“Why not?”
“Bullshit.”
“Pardon?”
Rebecca’s ears shot backward in anger, “Why not is an answer for the moment. It’s been a week. We’ve both had time enough to think about it. Hell, Amy talked to me about it. She told me how you saved her life. You were already in a relationship then. We weren’t that close, and we still,” She bit her lip, blushing, “Well, we’ve fucked by now but that wasn’t your fault. I saw you two going at it and I–”
“Jesus H Christ, Rebecca, we asked and consented.” Helga snapped. She knew exactly the panic behind the girl’s eyes. The power imbalance, the lack of direction, the fear of being abused again. Helga couldn’t stop that all right away. The best she could do was be a guiding hand, but she had her limits. Ones stretched considerably thin after spending hours dealing with government bullshit with the mother of her girlfriend. Bad enough she was older than the woman, but the lady was way more accomplished than someone who installed drywall for a living. She didn’t think less of her own job, but she didn’t have awards on her wall. “You don’t owe me shit. You don’t owe Amethyst shit. I’m not going to make you pay rent but I do want you on your feet when you can.”
“Why? Why do you even care?” Rebecca said, tears in her eyes.
Helga by now had parked on the side of the road. “You wanna know the reason? The personal reason, not just because it’s the right thing to do?” Helga asked, earning a nod from the pitbull. “Around your age I had a friend in a predicament like you. Her family barely treated her like a person, and she would spend her time away from them or bumming it in her brother’s backyard while he was overseas. You’d think he’d give her the key but she was too stubborn to say if he did. Things got so bad that I was offering her food we were about to throw out from the place I was working. She had my back during the worst, and when shit hit the fan we ran. We gathered others like us, women struggling and needing some community. So, this shit? This shit isn’t outside of what I’ve done. I saw a woman in trouble, and I stepped in. But I can’t just ride off into the sunset anymore. I got a mortgage. And you’ve already established there’s no one else you can call. What am I supposed to do? Send you packing on the roads after I sent your dad to the hospital? No. Fuck that. Especially now that I know he’d basically hounded all your personal data. I mean, what kind of parent is so casually dismissive of their kid’s birth certificate? My excuse is that I ran, what’s his? You didn’t even know your social security card. You didn’t even know what that was supposed to be! I’m not helping you because Amy likes you either. I’m doing it because every other adult has failed you in life. You need at least one who doesn’t.”
“I am an adult,” Rebecca said after a moment.
Helga almost scoffed but nodded instead. “To the government, sure. Look, if you want to go back to the place in the gym and stay a few nights, I’ll take you there. You have my number, and Amy’s number. I’m not going to judge your decision. I just want you to have someone you can rely on. Is that clear?”
The silence that followed filled the care. It was suffocating, but Helga bore it.
“Your couch is better,” Rebecca said as they turned back onto the road.
Helga nodded, knowing that wasn’t what Rebecca meant. “Sorry I don’t have a guest room. Could get a cot sometime in the future.”
“Maybe,” Rebecca said, “Maybe not.” More silence passed before she spoke up. “So…would you recommend I work in a restaurant?”
“You’re committed to this pacifist thing, right?” She asked. Rebecca nodded. “Then no. Retail’s not much better, but I know a guy who owns a sex toy shop. Would need to look away on a few things, but it’d be safer. Also know a few people in construction if you don’t mind heavy labor.”
“How do you know a guy who owns a sex-shop?”
“We’re exes.”
Rebecca baulked, “I thought you were gay?”
Helga grinned. “I am. So is he. We didn’t know it at the time.”
