Hey everyone, I'm doing a quick update for the sake of transparency and to anyone who cares...
I was hospitalized twice very recently. I suffered a nightmarish experience of medical negligence and malpractice on the first one (still thinking if it's even worth pursuing with how I am currently, but well.)
It's better not to go into too much detail from how bad it was physically and mentally... but it involved disregard for my rights as a patient, literal prejudice of multiple types being yelled at me and gross malpractice. I arrived via ambulance barely able to breathe and extremely confused (never happened before, my condition is mostly physical neurological sequelae from dengue but does not affect breathing, speech or memory).
I'm very extroverted and would have absolutely called them out but I was in a state of not remembering simple words like pen, keys, bag, etc.
They barely tested me for anything. Got discharged from the first hospital being told i was ok, was not given discharge papers, was still visibly not breathing well at all. I could barely navigate my own house when I got back. Only the day after I was able to read the results.
My blood oxygen levels were so absurdly wrong they should have repeated the test (gasometry) straight away, one number alone was so wrong that if it was actually the case... I'd be a ghost-type instead of dark-type, so to speak, so it was literally criminal they didn't redo it and discharged me. All the while I heard absurdly disrespectful questions and remarks for no reason whatsoever besides prejudice and cruelty.
...Then it happened again, woke up disoriented and didn't recognize my own bedroom, where I was. Somehow managed to call the ambulance again. Second hospital was better but couldn't do an exam I needed due to very high risk and needed general anesthesia.
I'm going to be honest with everyone here. I've had over 10 invasive surgeries, been in the ICU, been admitted for long spans, so hospitals, pain and etc were totally something I was used to. But I'm now traumatized.
I didn't realize it at first but someone did and I was in disbelief until seeing my psych. I'm already working it out because I cannot risk developing aversion to hospitals and procedures due to my health being so shitty. I don't want to even describe it but I'm having physical symptoms, it's not my feelings, it's my nervous system, instincts and brain/mind being very hurt.
I'll see two docs next week to try to find out if the breathing issue was related to my overall health decline, or something new that got me. I'm sorry to say this but I'm not positive about the outcome of all this in any capacity anymore. I'm exhausted...
There's no help coming irl for me, to put it bluntly. I've been on my own for way over a decade now due to violent household back with my bio relatives. They begged me back around two years before I had dengue (mother got sick and needed help)... I did it. Then they kicked me out once I was the one who got sick and they realized I needed time to heal and would have to spend more money on my treatments than on them with meaningless luxury goods. I tried my best but in the end it was about money, they have plenty but I'm frugal so they felt entitled to mine.
I lost so many "friends", because nobody wants a dying person around even if I'm very good at pretending I'm okay when I'm not.
I'm not going to pretend here, saying I'm 'not okay' does not convey how I'm feeling. I'm terrified. I found the worst side of humanity irl to the point I'm feeling dettached from it. I have two dogs that are my entire life and now I don't even know what will happen with my old boys when something happens to me.
Having no irl support at all has left me in a mix of emotions I will not even describe. No contact family, friends live far away. I am unable to live in my beloved homestead now, I shouldn't even be living alone according to my main doc. The problem is, while I've been slowly grinding my way through the wingits and trying to get back on track (and doing terribly due to failing body getting progressively worse), I am now at risk of homelessness or having to move to the most dangerous areas of Rio to have a roof over my head. I have nobody to help me irl during all this, have to pay transport back and forth to the docs, exam labs, new meds... I'm ashamed to say this but I literally will run out of money today.
My problems are not anyone's fault but I'm my biggest critic. I'm so sorry to everyone who's still waiting on their art, afraid people will request refunds and leave me in negative. I have exams, photos, documents of all this that happened so recently if anyone wants to see it, I don't mind at all! I'm just in absolute horror thinking about my immediate future and what will happen... Laws aren't very well followed here, they could remove me forcefully.
...I need help. Please.
I've been awake for two days scared and anxious out of my mind, trying to draw but with my hands being forever numb from the paresthesia (and stress making it worse) it's so slow it's maddening. I'll not have food tomorrow. I literally don't know what to do, I'm hurt, scared and I pray anyone who likes my work can see this and can help me. Literally any amount at all to spare. Please don't feel pressured or guilty if you cannot.
I was dealt a very very bad hand in life, I did my best to stay strong, but it's entirely gone now...
I know life isn't fair... But I'm running out of sustenance after the one meal I'll have today. There's no emergency public support here. I'm scared of the next update being a goodbye, I don't want it to be... I just wanted to have a simple life with my old doggies and draw. I don't know how I got to this point, but I'm keeping the tiniest hope I have left that someone can help me.
I'm going to leave my paypal bat the end in case anyone can help. As soon as I'm physically able to get the docs I need I will set up a Patreon or similar platform so I can at least give something back...
I'm so sorry to anyone I inconvenienced and disappointed with delays. I'm sorry about all this, really.
I'm going to get off the pc and try to sleep a little, sorry if I don't reply straight away.
If anyone can, please help me. I don't know what else to do anymore besides ask for help.
I thank everybody who has read so far, helped me in the past, worked with me, sent me well wishes or just appreciates my art. And I thank all the amazing people I found in our community. I still have one last bit of hope left, so I'm blowing it into the wind like a dandelion and hoping I wake up without as much fear about tomorrow as I'm feeling right now.
Thank you for anything and everything...
Paypal (and email if anyone wants to see proof, exams, etc.)
g.bragger.s@gmail.com
I love all of you, I hope to be here as long as I can... ♥
UPDATE> Sorry for the lack of response everyone, been trying to draw as much as possible and staying offline helps me focus a bit more. I received some donations from wonderful, wonderful people and it helped me with food and basic stuff until now. I'll be trying my best to continue drawing because as long as I have these late projects I'm gonna try to not take new ones, I don't want to be stuck in this cycle forever. Some people have given up their wingits as donations (letting me keep the money and not finish the work) and it helped A LOT, but I feel terrible and I understand not everyone would be up to that. So I'll keep pushing until I cannot anymore, there's not much else I can do. I thank from the bottom of my heart everyone who helped so far and anyone who might help in the future ;w; It's tough, my body is not good at all but it's what I must do.
I apologize profusely again for the delayed pics and I'm trying my best even if it's very slow, I'm so sorry.
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2 weeks, 2 days ago
18 Aug 2026 22:18 CEST
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