Soon we’re flying over the road with my dad and Charlie in the car down below. It has been a quiet trip so far, and ahead I can see the campsite where I will hopefully turn into the wolf, and start the next part of this whole journey.
Shiners speaks up, <You don't need to be nervous about this, you got it. Just think about what happened back at the drive-in and how close you got. Your body and mind should be able to do the rest once you let it.>
I shake my feathers out, trying to relax a little bit, <Yeah, I know that, and my mind knows. Just still that excited and scared, how many things could go wrong? It's not like I've purposefully shifted before, last was while I was sleeping.> What if I can't fully shift? What if I'm stuck, or some weird wolf eagle hybrid, or worse?
Looking over to me, Shiners just shakes his head as we near the campsite, <Just go with what feels right. It shouldn't be hard, you just have to relax and accept it. I will be there to help if there is any problems.>
Looking below, I soon spot Charlie and my dad walking over. This is nerve-wracking. I know that this is what I want to do and should, but still, who knows how this will go. Though seeing Charlie give me a thumbs up definitely helps a little bit, as I give a soft skree in thanks.
I land next to them in a tree, looking nervous. My dad is sitting on a chair he brought from home as he nods, "No pressure, son, take the time you need. We will be here even if you just need to talk to us." He says, helping me feel a little better.
Charlie nods as he gives a small laugh, "Just don't make us wait TOO long," he says with a smile, as I can tell he's just teasing me for the moment.
Looking into the woods, I see a stump I can land upon and drop out of the tree flying in its direction with my wings spread. I know it's dangerous to be on the ground, but also don't want to fall out of the tree the second I start to turn into a wolf, so find a happy medium place.
Soon I hear the flap of wings as Shiners lands in a tree above me, <I will keep an eye out for any danger, you take your time, no rush, just let yourself meditate and relax.> he says.
I try to gulp, but it doesn't exactly work all too well with a bird neck. Closing my eyes, I try to center myself and focus upon the wolf and the feelings that are just below the surface. Except it's a little hard, as every little noise has me opening my eyes back up and looking around.
Shaking my head and trying to focus again, I close my eyes. Come on, I can do this, ignore all the spooky...scary probably hungry noises and just focus on my breathing, let's take this one step at a time.
And then I start to feel itchy as my foot itches and try to rub it against the stump, <OH COME ON...I can't concentrate, my brain just does not want to do so.> I say. It's like trying to sleep when excited, your brain just won't shut off.
Shiners just laughs, shaking his head, <You really are having trouble, aren't you? You humans always seem to have trouble relaxing when you're trying to meditate and such, see it in the parks.>
I groan. Well, it's not like it's meditation, but it's probably not too far off. I take a breath, <I know...now I've got an itchy foot, it was so easy with the movie, but now I can't quite get there.> I think.
Shiners just shakes his head, <Don't worry, no one's expecting you to just snap your talons and shift right away. Maybe once you get the hang of it, we have a few hours. And we can always just try tomorrow.>
I give a small nod of my head and close my eyes again and just relax. I can feel the wolf there, but it's napping, not a care in the world. I really wish I could call to it, but it should just be me...what would happen if it responds...okay, relax, forget about thinking.
I grumble, wondering if my mom is here with the food, maybe that would help. But then I may need it after I turn into the wolf. I try to center myself again, and this time get a little more relaxed. Just breathing and feeling the wolf, it is there as I can feel it. I just have to calm down enough to be able to go to it like before.
I think back to the dream that I had the night of the drive-in and give an inward smile, maybe that will help a little bit. I close my eyes and try to visualize and remember the moonlit path, the feeling of something following me, and the way the dirt felt. How in the dream, I had been a human waiting for something.
Soon I am able to find myself once again in the woods on the path. I can't see or hear the wolf, but it feels like this is where I will meet it. I wonder if this will be like my mom, but who is it? Did I have multiple moms, or something else? I am able to keep from spiraling for now, but my curiosity is definitely piqued.
Looking around the trail, it feels familiar and not just from the dream the other night, but like I had once been here long ago. I’m not sure why, the forest, the trail, nothing feels like a place that I have seen in my life. Yet somehow it feels real.
Soon I hear pawsteps behind me coming down the trail, I look and see eyes, a glint of eyes and teeth from the little light coming down from above. Looking closer, I see it, it is a wolf, a large grey wolf that seems to be smiling. No growling or other sign of aggression.
I lean down and hold out my hand to it, finally speaking, though with an unsure voice, "Just who are you? You feel familiar...like a long forgotten dream." It is like looking in the mirror somehow.
It just leans against my hand, rubbing against it, almost as if to say, 'Welcome back'. I don't get it. This wolf feels like me, but how could it be me? Then again, how could I be an eagle, or potentially a jaguar or dolphin?
Rubbing my hand down to its tail, I just bask in its presence. This is who I will become, I'm sure of it. For now, the how and why isn't important. Just that I know now for sure I can. "How...do we do this? Or I guess how do I do this?" I say.
Rubbing against my leg, it gives a whine before lying down in a crouched position. I remember it from when I tried to turn into leopard. It feels similar as I crouch down, feeling a tingling and warmth in my chest as something grows a similar need and desire to shift, to change my shape.
I take a deep breath and try to push, but nothing happens, it's like trying to push against a balloon, making me wonder if the problem is trying to force it to happen. Rather than letting it happen.
I feel the tingling grow and spread over my body. My fingers and mouth in particular grow tingly. I open my eyes and find myself in the woods where I started to meditate. But now my beak and wings are tingling, and I can feel it is time to begin. I’m not sure how to start, but I know that I can do it now.
After a few more breaths, I hear from Shiners, <I see it, you're on the threshold, it's like before, your body seems to have a shadow over it. This is your moment.> he says, sounding excited and happy.
This is it, I feel my body tingle almost to the point of being ticklish. I know this is it, I give in to the feelings, and just let them happen rather than push them.
