__________________________________________________________________
Hot Pink and the 7 Warriors (Originally Published August 12, 2008)
__________________________________________________________________
Cast (In order of appearance):
Felicity Mario= The Queen
Rex Koopa= The Magic Mirror
Claudia Miyadro= Hot Pink
Sirocko Aquato= Prince Studly
Waraphael Wario= Humbert the Huntsman
Jaden Von Bat= Don
Burn Bandicoot= Huffy
Axe Bear= Cheery
Snapper= Sleepsalot
Raphael Mario= Shy
Photon= Blastoff
Leather Slithersteen= Shush (His lines will be said on a little lap top-like device which allows him to speak by typing something in and letting it play audio from a voice on it…This was the only role that fit him)
Jibachi Zoomflini= The Witch (The Queen’s true form)
Valley Hige-hige= The Witch’s assistant (EX-assistant at the end), Belinda.
Honey Dew= The Witch’s monstrosity, Weapona. (I wanted to use all the current members of the Crossovers)
Shadow the Hedgehog= Arnold (“Huffy” before he became what he is in the rest of the story)
Rouge the Bat= Veronica (Arnold’s dead lover)
Doctor N-Gin= The Witch (Disguise form. He fit the insanity of the Queen/Witch…And he said he’d shower me with doom if I didn’t put him in)
Mighty the Armadillo= Himself (Cameo)
*The following appears in the form of a page on a book*
Once upon a time there was a super-hot princess named Hot Pink. Her cuckoo-Head of a stepmother known only as “The Queen” Was freaking out so much on how hot she was; she made her dress in rags and work as a Scullery Maid.
*The page turns to the following*
Each day, this queen talks to her magic mirror. All the opening topic consists of is “Magic Mirror on the wall, who’s the hottest of them all” And the poor guy just answers “You are, dear” to make sure the princess doesn’t get the brunt of her jealousy.
*Fade out to a castle on the mountain near the river. Close up on the castle to a window. Going through the window you see Felicity dressed like the queen from the Disney version of this in the room with the Mirror. She climbs the stairs leading to it*
Felicity: Alright you, come on out! I’m using wind and darkness to call you, so start talking! Flames rise in the Mirror Show me your face so I know you’re there!
*The flames die down showing Rex’s face through smoke*
Rex: *YAAAAAAWN!* 6:00 already? Alright, make this quick, what do you want?
Felicity: Are you serious? You KNOW what I’m going to ask, so FESS UP!
Rex: Okay, I can’t lie to you anymore…Fame makes you hot, but your new Scullery Maid has you in check! And trying to mask that in rags didn’t help, her smokin’ body makes up for that.
Felicity: Is that so…? *Mutters “It can’t be” under her breath* What’s her name then, smart guy!
Rex: You know, fang hanging from the left side of her mouth, Spring-Green eyes, Blue hair, pink fur?
Felicity: I knew it…! Hot Pink…
*Cut to Claudia dressed as Snow White as you first see her in the movie. She is cleaning the stairs to the entrance. She dumps the water on the stairs and takes the empty bucket to the well*
Claudia: Sighs looks in the well and whirls her finger on one of the bricks on it If you were a wishing well, I’d wish for someone special to find me today.
Sirocko (Off-screen): Maybe it is…
*Scroll over to Sirocko behind Claudia dressed like Prince Charming*
Claudia: Jumps in surprise as she turns around AH!
Sirocko: Hey there little lady, the name’s Prince Studly Flips his sunglasses down Your wish come true…*Winks and makes a clicking noise*
Claudia (Embarrassed): Uh…Excuse me! *Runs into her room and opens the curtain to it*
Sirocko: *Puts his sunglasses back on* Hey baby, don’t run away! I didn’t mean to frighten you.
Claudia: Oh, it’s not that, it’s just that this is the first time a boy has ever gotten this close to me.
Sirocko: Ah, a first-timer…*Mutters “Score” under his breath while giving a “Yes” gesture* Well, I’ll just give you some time to warm up to me, okay?
Claudia: Alright…I think you’re nice, though! *Closes the curtains*
Sirocko: Wow…Hm? *Realizes a pissed-off Felicity in the window looking at him* Uh, h-hi. I was just- I mean- Well- Oh God…I’ll be on my way…*Jumps over the stone fence* START THE HORSE!
*Felicity closes the curtain to the room she is in. Cut to her in the throne room sitting on her throne*
Felicity: …Take her far into the forest; find an area full of wildflowers…
*Reverse shot to Waraphael dressed like the huntsman wearing a fake Musketeers Goatee*
Waraphael: You got it, babe! Turns around and turns his head Anything else before I go?
*Reverse shot back to Felicity*
Felicity: Not that I can think o- Oh yes, there is…Once there…You are to END HER GAME!
*Reverse shot back to Waraphael. His body is completely turned around*
Waraphael: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! You want me to end the game of your own stepdaughter, YOUR only heir to the throne?
*Reverse shot back to Felicity*
Felicity: *Stands up and points at Waraphael* HEY, ARE YOU GOING AGAINST MY WILL!? YOU KNOW THE PENALTY FOR THAT!
*Reverse shot back to Waraphael*
Waraphael: *Hangs his head* Yeah…*Massages his neck*
*Reverse shot back to Felicity*
Felicity: And to make sure you DID end her game…*Pulls out that dreadful box* Cut out her heart, put it in here and give it to me!
*Fade out to Claudia in the dress you all know Snow White in picking flowers. Waraphael is in the background with a Yoshi. Close up to the two*
Yoshi: Hmm…
Waraphael: I know…*Pulls out his dagger* But if I DON’T do it, “Her Majesty” is gonna end MY game! *Walks towards Claudia*
*Claudia is dancing around not noticing what’s about to happen until she twirls and stops at the sight. Waraphael lifts the knife as Claudia lets out a gasp*
Claudia: AAAAAAAAH!
Waraphael: *His hand trembles dropping the knife* I-I can’t! I CAN’T DO IT! *Falls on his hands and knees to the ground*
Claudia: Huh?
Waraphael: Do what you want to me, but I’m sorry for scaring you like that!
Claudia: Why did you try to kill me!?
Waraphael: Her jealousy drove her bonkers! She’s more determined then before!
Claudia: Who?
Waraphael: The Queen!
Claudia: WHAT!?
Waraphael: Seriously! Look, just run into the forest! QUICK! HIDE! AND DON’T COME BACK! I DON’T CARE WHERE YOU GO, JUST GET OUTTA HERE! *Claudia runs into the forest*…Alright, I've got a dagger, a box to put a heart in and a queen that’ll be ticked off if I don’t do so…*Looks off-screen, picks the dagger and points at what he’s looking at* YO, PIG!
*Cut to Claudia. Moments after being in the forest, she falls to the ground face-flat crying. A bunch of Sonic-style animals pop out with some dear and Flickies*
Rabbit: Check it out, hot babe at 12:00.
Chipmunk: Dude, what are the odds?
Rabbit: That’s just bananas.
Chipmunk: …She seems upset. What’s up with her?
Rabbit: I’ll go check…*Walks over to Claudia as the other animals come closer to her. He taps on her head causing her to lift it* Hey baby, what’s the matter?
Claudia (Recovering from her crying): *Sits up* M- *Sniff* my stepmother is trying have me killed.
Rabbit: *Whistle* That’s rough…So, you got a name?
Claudia: Yeah…My name is Hot Pink, I’m a princess…
Rabbit: Oh yeah, I heard of you.
Chipmunk: *Walks into the scene* What are we gonna do with her? We can’t let her live with one of us!
??? (Off-screen): Hey, I have an idea!
*A barefoot squirrel in a red dress walks up to them*
Rabbit: Oh yeah? What is it?
Squirrel: Maybe the Seven Warriors can take care of her?
Rabbit: Hey, yeah, they’d kill for this kinda thing!
Chipmunk: Perfect!
*Everyone speaks unintelligibly*
Claudia: The Seven Warriors? Who are they?
Squirrel: A band of fighters for hire that live around here. We’ll show you the way, come on!
*Everyone guides Claudia to the house of the Warriors*
Claudia: It’s so beautiful…Are you sure they won’t mind?
Squirrel: Don’t worry.
Rabbit: Yeah, we’ll go in with you to tell them.
Claudia: Okay…Thank you.
*They make it across the bridge to the house. The squirrel knocks on the door*
Squirrel: Hello? Knocks on the door again Guys? Knocks on the door again SLEEPSALOT, IF THEY LEFT YOU BEHIND AGAIN, OPEN THIS DOOR! Pounds on the door They must be out on a mission…
*Claudia goes over to the window and wipes off some of the dust on it in a circular fashion. A raccoon does the same thing on a lower part of the window*
Claudia: It’s a little dark in there…
Raccoon: Yep, lights are off, nobody’s home.
*Everyone goes in looking around*
Claudia: Ugh, this place is so untidy! We should clean this place up for them.
Squirrel: Yeah, the Warriors have done so much for everybody, they must’ve lost track on who was supposed to clean.
Rabbit: Yeah, we should do these guys a solid!
*Cue a montage of them cleaning up the house which ends in a view of the exterior and a fade out. Fade in to a giant 7-headed Hydra with an army of dark creatures about to fight the Warriors (All dressed in more impressive versions of the clothes of the character their playing. None of them have beards). Jade pulls out his sword*
Jade: CHARGE!
Hydra (One of the heads): ATTACK!
*The battle begins. Jade and Burn start slashing at them with their swords causing them all to disappear. The two high-five each other*
Jade: YEAH-HEAH!
Burn (Simultaneously): ALRIGHT!
Cut to Snapper surrounded by the creatures. He lets out a long yawn and he droops his eyelids. He then sways around and attacks them. They all disappear
Snapper (Groggily voiced through out the fan-fic): Next time you wanna pick a fight with a tired person…*Squints* Make sure he’s not a master of the Sleepy Fist!
*Cut to Leather and Axe surrounded by more of these creatures. A gold-colored blur whizzes past them causing the creatures to disappear. The blur is reviled to be Raphael*
Raphael: You guys okay?
Axe: Sure are, thanks Shy!
*Leather types in the lap top and press enter. The voice in it says “Thank you, Shy” Photon’s arsenal goes haywire. The Creatures are all defeated leaving only the Hydra*
Hydra (Center Head): HUUUUUUUR, IMPOSSSSIBLE! HOW COULD FEEBLE BEINGS LIKE YOU HAVE BEATEN MY PRECIOUS MINIONS!?
Jade: Lady, have you even HEARD of us!? We’re the Seven Warriors, the greatest band of fighters for hire in the land!
Hydra (Right center head leaning toward Jade): I ssssee…But are you GOOD ENOUGH TO KILL A HYDRA!
Jade: First of all, you need a breath mint. Second, I know about every mythical creature there is to know so I know over 2 Billion ways to kill one! Turns around HUDDLE!
*Every one huddles up as the head pulls back*
Burn: Alright Don, what’s the plan?
Jade: Just getting to that, Huffy. Shy, once we break the huddle, I need you to run around to distract the Hydra.
Raphael: Right!
Jade: Cheery, you and Sleepsalot will be in charge of part 2 of the distraction.
Axe: Ya’ll got it!
Snapper: Yawn Fine, so much as there’s not a whole lot of work on my part.
Jade: Good. Blastoff, can you hold in an overload long enough for me to say “Now”?
Photon: I’ll try brah, but no promises.
Jade: Alright…Shush, you bite the arms and legs to paralyze it.
*Leather nods and types his response in and presses enter. The voice says “You can count on me! Would you like me to bite the tail too?”*
Burn: If that helps, then yes.
Jade: Huffy, you and I will go in for the kill.
Burn: Right!
Jade: Remember, don’t blow up the heads. It’ll just make more. ONE! TWO! THREE!
Everyone (Except for Leather): *Clap once altogether (The only thing Leather joins in on)* BREAK!
*Raphael Starts running around the Hydra making it go dizzy. Axe and Snapper run in front of it*
Axe: Hey, over here!
Snapper: *Yawn* Come and get us.
*The Hydra begins trying to eat them. Leather comes in, does his part and runs as far away as he can. The Hydra collapses. Zoom out to Jade, Burn and Photon*
Hydra (Center Head): WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THISSSS!?
Jade: Alright Huffy, I’ll stab it in the heart and you uses your blaster to Scorch the body!
Burn: What about Blastoff’s part?
Jade: That comes next! Flies to the Hydra and strikes it in the heart
*The Hydra's heads roar all at the same time as it falls to the ground. Jade Cuts the set of teeth out of the center head and runs back with the others to behind Burn and Photon*
Photon: Now?
Jade (Off-screen): Alright you two, now!
*Burn uses the blaster on his arm while Photon lets the overload go destroying the Hydra once and for all. The villagers cheer. The mayor walks up to Jade. (Still holding the teeth in his hands)*
Mayor: Oh, thank you Warriors, you will now receive your reward!
Jade: And while you’re at it, could you get me some water to rinse the blood off of these and maybe a sun lamp to dry out the gums out on them?
*Moments later They are all on a uniquely-colored bus with Jade at the wheel and the sun-dried teeth on the dashboard*
Raphael: *Yawn* Three monster fight-related missions in one day. The second one doubling as an ambassador-protection mission…*Plops down on his seat* I’m ready to get back home.
Jade: I know! Our job’s gettin’ crazy!
Burn: Don…
Jade: Yeah-huh?
Burn: What was the point of mine and Blastoff’s part?
Jade: Well, we couldn’t leave the villagers to clean up the mess, can we? Besides, you ever SMELLED rotting Hydra? Trust me, it stinks, we did them a solid! Also, I wanted to see if holding an overload for that long would make Blastoff not go off for a while.
Photon: And I think it worked.
*Cut to the back exterior of the bus. Fade out back to the house. Claudia is walking up to the stairs to the rooms holding up a flashlight. She finds the beds*
Claudia: These must be their beds. Their names are caved on them. Don, Cheery, Blastoff, Shush…Their names must match their personalities…*Ahem* Huffy, Shy and Sleepsalot…*YAAAAWN!* I’m getting a little tired myself…*Turns off the flashlight, turns on the lamp, gets into Jade’s bed and covers herself up then falls fast asleep*
*Everyone else gets into the other beds. The motor of the bus is heard outside waking them up. Claudia is still sleeping like a log*
Raccoon: CHEESE IT, IT’S THE WARRIORS!
*Everyone awakes runs back into the forest. Jade stops the bus*
Burn: What is it!?
Snapper: There had better be a good explanation on waking me up!
*Leather types in his response and presses enter. The voice asks “Why have you stopped?”*
Raphael: Yeah.
Jade: The light’s lit.
*Everybody exits the bus. They all hide in the bushes*
Axe: Ah’ll tell ya, something's in there!
Raphael: This is not good!
Jade: You’re telling me, that’s where my collection sleeps!
Photon: I don’t feel too good about this.
Burn: I say we have an intruder! Whatever it is, we better check it out…
Axe: Ah think we should sneak up on it!
Jade: Excellent idea. Let’s roll.
*Jade turns on the lights. Everyone walks up to the house. They enter after a quick peek. They sneak in. Leather is behind them. He slams the door causing everybody to get in to fighting stance. After looking at Leather, they all shush him. Leather types in his response and presses enter. The voice says “Sorry”*
Jade: Alright, you guys, search everywhere.
*Everyone splits up. Three Flickies are perched on one of the support beams looking at the Warriors. Cut to Jade, Raphael and Photon*
Raphael: This is starting to give me the creeps…
Jade: *Stops Raphael and Photon* Wait! Look at the floor! Somebody swept it!
*Cut to Burn*
Burn: *Swipes his finger across the top of one of the chairs* Hmm…Whoever it was, they dusted the chairs off too.
*Cut to Axe by the open window*
Axe: And cleaned this here windah!
*Cut back to Raphael*
Raphael: And got rid of the cobwebs.
*Cut to Jade and Burn*
Jade: Huffy, refresh my memory here, did we hire a cleaning lady to come in here today?
Burn: I think a more logical explanation would be that our intruder is a neat freak.
*Cut over to Snapper and Photon at the sink*
Photon: This is bogus. The dishes are missing!
*Cut to Axe*
Axe: They ain’t missin’ they’s in the cupboard!
Raphael: *Enters the scene and grabs a cup* They even cleaned my favorite cup…*Looks inside it* Not a spec of sugar to be heard of.
*Axe walks over to the pot where Leather is standing*
Axe: What’s cookin’ in here?
*Leather types in his reply and presses enter. The voice says “I don’t know, but it smells delicious” Axe grabs the spoon next to the stove. Burn runs onto the scene*
Burn: Wait you two! Remember the last time you ate something that you didn’t know what it was?
Axe: …Shush lost his ability to talk.
Burn: Exactly.
*Leather hangs his head. Cut to Jade over at the table where it’s set up for supper*
Jade: Look at this…I think this intruder’s trying to butter us up.
*Raphael enters the scene*
Raphael: Uh, Don? Blastoff’s gonna blow!
*Scroll over to Photon trembling like crazy*
Jade: Oh, for crying out loud! Dropkicks Photon
*Photon stops shaking*
Photon: Aw, thanks, brah…*His missile launchers go crazy hitting the other warriors*
*Burn enters the scene*
Burn: What the hell is wrong with you!?
Photon: Hey dude, I can’t tell when it’s gonna happen- Uh-oh…*Starts trembling again. Burn smacks him in the head with his Walloping Whack stopping him from shaking* …I think that one worked.
*The Flickies peck on the support beam they’re on causing the Warriors to jump*
Axe: What was that?
Jade: It must be the intruder!
Burn: Loads his Scissor-Launcher Be on your guard…
*The Flickies make a loud noise causing the Warriors to scatter and hide. They all meet back at the stairs*
Jade: It came from up there!
Raphael: In the bedroom?
Jade: Somebody has to go up there and bring it down…And it should be the quietest one here.
*Everyone looks at Leather who while annoyed, types in his response, places the device on the floor and presses enter. As he makes it to the bedroom, the voice says “Oh suuuure, make the mute go on the dangerous task!” He makes it to the door, takes a deep breath and lets it out. He opens the door. He looks around and sneaks in. Claudia is heard moaning and getting up with a sheet covering her entire body. Leather runs out. Cut to the bottom of the stairs where the rest of the Warriors are ready to fight the “Intruder”*
Burn: Here it comes!
*Leather knocks the others down the stairs. In caution, everybody runs out leaving Leather behind and shutting the door behind them. Annoyed, Leather picks up the device, types in what he has to say and presses enter. The voice in it says “Guys, it’s just me!” The others reenter the house*
Jade: The NERVE of you freaking it out like that!
Photon: Did you see it, brah?
*Leather types in his response and presses enter. The voice says “It was a monster alright"*
Axe: How tall was it?
*Leather types in his answer and presses enter. The voice says “I couldn’t tell”*
Raphael: What was it doing?
*Leather types in his response and presses enter. The voice says “Sleeping in Don’s bed”*
Jade: WHAT!? NO WAY! UNACCEPTABLE!
Burn: It’s now or never! I say we strike!
*They all walk up the stairs into the bedroom. Claudia moans again and stretches*
Photon: Bodacious.
Raphael: Oh boy…
Axe: GOL-LY!
Photon: That is unmistakably a monster.
Raphael: Right in Don’s bed!
Jade: Let’s kill it before it wakes up!
Axe: Which end?
Jade: We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.
*Everybody makes it to the bed. Jade removes the sheets revealing Claudia*
Axe: What is it?
Jade: It’s a she...A hot chick!
Photon: I can’t believe we wanted to kill this…
Raphael: We ought to be ashamed of ourselves!
Burn: Are you kidding me? We have to find someplace else for her!
Raphael: You’re so FULL of yourself, Huffy!
Burn: You’re the one falling under her spell!
Jade: Shushes Burn quiet, you’ll wake her up!
Burn: LET HER! SHE DOESN’T BELONG HERE!
*Claudia starts to wake up*
Raphael: Guys, she’s waking up!
Claudia: YAAAWN! I wonder if they’re back ye-NYA!
Jade: Morning…so to speak…
Claudia: You must be the Warriors.
Burn: How do you know about us!? Who sent you!? ARE YOU AN ASSASSIN!? If so, take out Don first!
*Jade raspberrys Burn*
Claudia: No, I’m hiding from someone…What are your names?
Jade: I’m Don, leader of the pack and head of this household.
Raphael: My name’s Shy, I’m the peace-keeper of the group.
Snapper: I’m Sleepsalot. I’m a master the Sleepy Fist.
Photon: I go by Blastoff… *Starts shaking a little and stops just as fast* …For obvious reasons…
Axe: Mah name’s Cheery, Ah’m what y’all may call the comic relief of this here group.
Claudia: What about your quiet friend over there?
*Leather types in his answer and presses enter. The voice says “My name is Shush. I lost my voice after being tricked by a witch into drinking a potion which makes anyone who drank it mute”*
Claudia: Oh, how sad…
Burn: *Leans over to Claudia* And I’m Huffy, second in command of these bozos…Under the ruling of the biggest one who should have asked you who YOU are!
Jade: Oh, right…Who ARE you?
Claudia: My name is Hot Pink.
Everybody (Except for Claudia and Leather): THE Hot Pink!
Claudia: Yes.
*The voice on Leather’s device says “What is the princess doing here?”*
Jade: Beats me, must be a relocation deal and they sent her to us for protection!
Claudia: Actually, the animals around here said you’d protect me from her so she won’t kill me.
Jade: Who?
Claudia: My stepmother, the Queen!
Jade: WHAT!?
*A sign that reads “Warning, the upcoming phrases are connections the characters they play have with the main antagonist” shows up and disappears after staying long enough for people to read*
Raphael: She’s as bad as that witch we fought last year! The very witch who ended my parents’ games!*
*Shy’s parents not Raphael’s
Burn (Sounding a little upset): *Shakes his fist. A tear runs down his cheek* The very one who turned me into this beast and killed…My beloved Veronica!
Jade: So that’s why your battle cry is “Veronica”?
Photon: The one who overloaded my circuitry!
Snapper: The one who stole half of my energy and made me into a narcoleptic… *YAAAWN!*
Axe: The one who done blew up mah family’s joke shop killing mah brother in the process!
*Leather types in his proclamation and presses enter. The voice says “That very witch who made me mute”*
Jade: And the one who destroyed my village and drove me into madness…Madness… THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAHHHH!
Burn: Don, calm down. This is NOT Sparta…He’s been yelling that a lot.
Claudia: I’m sure neither of them could find us here! If you let me stay I’ll keep the house clean, cook, and maybe be your secretary.
Jade: Hmm...Lady, you got yourself a deal! I’ll go get the bus parked and join you guys.
*Cut to the pot boiling over. Claudia runs over to it and removes the lid. Everybody makes it to the table ready to eat*
Claudia: One second, guys. You need to wash up first! Supper’s not ready yet anyway.
Burn: She’s right…Except for Blastoff who doesn’t eat or bathe since he’s a robot.
*Jade enters the house with the Hydra’s teeth in his hand*
Jade: Bus is parked, let’s eat!
Burn: First you need to go change the shower schedule.
Jade: …That’s right, out of all this excitement, we forgot to shower! I’ll go change the schedule to Monday, and we’ll see who goes first.
*Later that same night at the castle, Felicity is in the Mirror Room with the box in her hands*
Felicity: Now, you were saying?
Rex: Lemme think about it- Hot Pink. She’s in a cottage in the forest.
Felicity: WRONG! She’s lying dead in the forest! The Huntsman even brought back her heart.
Rex: Well…I hate to burst your bubble but…
*Cut to Waraphael and the Yoshi eating the rest of the pig*
Yoshi: YOSHI! BRRRRROOO!*
*Translation: “Are you sure she won’t know the difference?”
Waraphael: Quit worryin’ yourself, unless she has some sort of magic item with the ability to tell her otherwise, we’re safe!
*The earth starts shaking during the following*
Felicity (Still in the castle): HUMBERT YOU SOFT-HEARTED FOOL! MUST I DO EVERYTHING MYSELF!?
*The Earth stops shaking*
Yoshi: *Glares at Waraphael* WAH! *GROOOWL!**
*Translation: Aren’t you tired of pointing out the obvious all the time!?
Waraphael: Sometimes…Let’s just get outta here! *Jumps onto the Yoshi*
*The Yoshi runs as fast as he can. Cut to Felicity walking down some stairs still holding the box*
Felicity: *As she makes it to the bottom of the stairs she mutters “Stupid Huntsman tricking me like that, makes me so mad and upset!” under her breath. She makes it to a door* FINE! I’ll just end her game myself! And if she’s in the cottage those fools I tormented last year live in…*Lightning shoots out of her hand zapping herself*
*The lightning clears up revealing Jibachi with her hair down and a slightly flashy version of a witch’s outfit*
Jibachi: I’ll just give them a surprise reunion! Opens the door
*As she enters, she sees Valley wearing a sorceress outfit and a cap and Honey wearing a strange suit armor behind a table with potions. Valley notices Jibachi who sits the box on the table next to her*
Valley: My queen, what’s like, the occasion?
Jibachi: Belinda, we’re going into the forest to kill my stepdaughter.
Valley: Oh my gawd, you like, totally lost it now!
Honey: My queen, send me! I’ll kill her so fast, she wont have time to gasp! *Smashes the table*
Jibachi: Calm yourself Weapona, I shall do the honors. You’ll be my back-up when we see the Warriors!
Honey: Yes my queen…
Valley: But wouldn’t they have already like, described you to her?
Jibachi: That’s why I’m going in disguise.
Valley and Honey: As (Like,) what?
Jibachi: As a peddler…But how to kill her in the form of giving her something?
Honey: Highness, if I may make a suggestion?
Jibachi: Go right ahead.
Honey: If you were to dip an apple in poison and pass it off as a magical WISHING apple, she’s as good as putty in our hands!
Jibachi: PERFECT! I TOLD you that fish worked for her creation!
Valley: What-ever.
Jibachi: Belinda, get to work on that poison! Weapona, fetch me an apple!
Honey: At once, my queen. *Walks off*
*Valley sighs and gets to work. Moments later, Valley finishes*
Jibachi: Thank you, Weapona. Walks over to Valley with an apple Is the poison ready?
Valley: As it’ll ever be.
Jibachi: Excellent…*Dips the apple into the “Poison”* My beauty was unrivaled in this land until that RETCHED Hot Pink was ever born! Now once she eats this, I shall be envy of ALL girls once again! *Cackles and pulls the apple out*
*Boku wa Gakeppuchi is heard playing to Jibachi’s surprise*
Valley: ...*Pulls out her cellphone* Excuse me, I gotta like, take this. *Walks away*
Honey: *Walks up to Jibachi* My queen, if there is anything else I can do for you…
Jibachi: Not at the time, no.
*Cut to Valley*
Valley: I told you I’d like, pay you when she least suspects it. *Hangs up*
*Jibachi and Honey make it to Valley’s location with a basket of apples and the poisoned one on top*
Jibachi: Come, Belinda!
*The three of them walk down some stairs to a deeper part of the room where a rowboat is seen. As they get in, Honey starts rowing. Cut to the bedroom of the Warriors*
Jade: Well, where are you going to sleep?
Burn: She can have my bed. I don’t need it, remember?
Snapper: Then why does it have your name on it?
Burn: Hmm…*Zaps the front of the bed with his characters name on it. The carved in writing now reads “Guest”* There! Now if you will excuse me, I’ll be on the roof.
Claudia: Well, that was nice of him.
Jade: Yeah, under every hard oyster, there’s a soft spot with a pure jewel.
Claudia: Why doesn’t he like me?
Jade: This “Veronica” person must’ve been his number 1.
Claudia: Oh…What does that witch look like?
Jade: Greenish-Blue skin, long, dark blue hair and brown eyes, lips as soft as yours and a purple ball-like nose.
Claudia: And she did all that stuff to you guys?
Jade: Yep…Rumor has it that she and the queen are the same person.
Claudia: You mean she’s my stepmother!?
Jade: I’m sure it’s only rumors…Well, good night. Covers himself and falls asleep
*Cut to Burn on the roof. He sits down and meditates*
Burn: Women…They remind me to much of Veronica…
*The screen gets a little wavy changing to Shadow dressed in the same costume Burn is wearing standing out in a field of flowers. The waviness dies down*
Shadow: Ah, what a lovely spring day…
Rouge (Off-screen): ARNOLD! There you are!
*Reverse shot to Rouge who has apparently wearing a hair extension and a purple dress standing under a tree. She runs up to Shadow*
Shadow: Ah, Veronica, I didn’t see you there…
Rouge: You know; I found out that the king is remarrying.
Shadow: Oh, is he now?
Rouge: Did you know that his daughter was said to be the fairest in the land?
Shadow: My dear Veronica…As far as I’m concerned, YOU are the fairest in the land.
Jibachi (Her voice in the air): Oh IS she now…? *Cackle*
Rouge: Who was that?
Shadow: I don’t know, but she sounded close!
*Jibachi appears in a cloud of smoke in the costume of the witch*
Jibachi: I’ll soon remedy that! *Fires an orb of purple light towards Rouge*
Shadow: *Gets in front of Rouge* VERONICA, LOOK OUT!
*The Orb hits Shadow and covers him in smoke*
Rouge: ARNOLD!
*The smoke clears revealing Burn*
Burn:* Looks at his hands* …WHAT!?
Rouge: Arnold, is that you?
Burn: Yes…It’s me…Are you alright?
Rouge: I am.
Jibachi: AH! YOU LOVE-STRUCK FOOL! IF YOU DIDN’T GET IN THE WAY, SHE COULD HAVE AT LEAST LIVED! Now I have to do the only thing necessary…A fool and his lover are soon parted…*Charges up a red orb*
*Rouge gets in front of Burn*
Burn: Veronica, what are you doing!?
Rouge: You took a hit for me. I want to return the favor!
Burn: But…This blast is going to kill you if you don’t get out of the way!
Rouge: Avenge me.
Burn: What?
Rouge: I want you to see this curse as a gift and use it against her!
Jibachi: You better get USE to that cures…Because it’s going to stay with you until you die! Cackle
*A flash of red fills the screen*
Burn: VERONICAAAAAAAA! *End dream. He is sitting with his legs still crossed clutching his fists and crying* Veronica…You idiot! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF AND LEAVE ME IN THIS WORLD ALONE!?
*Cut to Claudia lying in her bed with her eyes open listening to Burn*
Claudia: Mmm…
Burn: *Sob* I don’t want to feel this way!
*Cut to Jibachi, Valley and Honey making it to the shore of the forest*
Jibachi: Alright, here’s the plan. Weapona, get up to the top of that mountain over there and await further orders.
Honey: Yes my queen. *Climbs up to the mountain*
Jibachi: Belinda, you and I will continue onto the Warriors’ cottage.
Valley: Fine…
*They walk along the path. Fade out to the Cottage on the next day. Jade walks out onto the stepping stone. Claudia is on the Porch*
Jade: Now remember, the queen is a sly one. So be careful of strangers.
Claudia: I’ll be alright.
Jade: Alright…Come on guys, we got a big mission today! We gotta protect a mine from a basilisk!
*Everybody heads out*
Claudia: *Stops burn* Huffy…
Burn: What is it?
Claudia: I heard you crying last night and…
Jade (Off-screen): Yeah, we learned to ignore that.
Burn: As should you…Be careful while we’re gone, she could be anywhere.
Jade: Get on the bus, ya big softy!
*Burn sighs and walks off-screen. Cut to the bus which rolls away. Jibachi and Valley are seen behind the tree. Claudia goes back in still worried about Burn*
Jibachi: Alright, show time.
Valley: I think you should like, change now.
Jibachi: Right…*Uses her transformation spell*
*The lightning clears revealing N-Gin in a black, hooded cloak*
N-Gin: Now let’s get in there and KILL US A PRINCESS! *Waddles to the door* EH-HEH-HEH! *GASP* EH-HEH!
*Valley puts her hood on and follows N-Gin. They make it to the door. N-gin knocks on the door. Claudia Answers the door*
Claudia: Hello?
N-Gin: Please ma’am, won’t you help a starving peddler man and his lovely daughter make a living?
Claudia: Sorry, I’m not supposed to let anybody in.
Valley: We won’t be lon- *Sniff* *Sniff* Are you like, making pies?
Claudia: Yes, Gooseberry pies.
Valley (Whispering to N-Gin): Are you sure you wanna like, go through with thi-
N-Gin: You SHUT UP, your STUPID, FACE! *Looks at Claudia* I mean…Maybe you might want to make some APPLE pies for them…Maybe…I don’t know…Apples like…*Holds out the poisoned apple* These?
Claudia: They look delicious!
N-Gin: Ah, but don’t take your eyes’ word for it, why don’t you try one yourself?
Claudia: I don’t know…
*Valley begins whistling like a bird*
N-Gin: I assure you, they are very safe…Eh-heh…Have a bite…*The Flickies randomly attack him* AAAH! GET OFFA ME! OR I WILL SHOWER YOU ALL WITH DOOM!
Claudia: *Runs out and shoos the Flickies away* Get out of here! Shame on you scaring a poor little man like that!
N-Gin: *Stands up and polishes the apple off* Thank you…I was ready to SHOWER THEM WITH DOOM! RIGHT IN THE EYES! EH-HEH-HEH! *GASP* EH-HEH!
Claudia: Are you alright?
N-Gin: Yeah, I’m fine…So you gonna eat it or not?
Claudia: I’m still not sure it’s safe.
N-Gin: I see…*Clutches his chest* UH-HUH! MY HEART! MY HEART!
Claudia: Oh, you poor thing…
Valley: We gotta like, get him into the house and junk!
Claudia picks N-Gin up and carries him into the house
N-Gin: Yes, the house! I MUST REST…! Oh, and can I trouble you for some water? I’m parched!
*They all enter the house. Claudia sits N-Gin onto the chair and returns with a glass of water*
Claudia: Here you go.
N-Gin: Thank you. *Drinks the water* Ah.
*Valley slips away, pulls out a laptop and types something in. Cut to the Warriors waiting around the mine. Jade jumps everybody with the following*
Jade: …MAN! I HATE WAITING AROUND…! I’m gonna check my e-mails…*Pulls out a laptop*
Laptop voice: You have 1 new message.
Jade: Okay…*Opens the e-mail and jumps with shock* Guys, check this out!
*Cut back to the cottage*
N-Gin: …And for being so nice to me, I’ll let you in on a secret shared only by my daughter. This is no ORDINARY apple…
Valley (Thinking): OMG…
Claudia: It’s not?
N-Gin: Nope, it’s a magic WISHING apple!
Claudia: Really?
N-Gin: That’s right. One bite, and all your dreams come true.
Claudia: WOW!
N-Gin: Go ahead, make a wish and take a bite!
*Cut back to the Warriors*
Snapper: What are you yelling about?
Jade: There’s this strange e-mail here and-
Burn: Is it from the little voice in your head again?
Jade: No, he only sends me an e-mail every two weeks.
Raphael: What does THIS one say?
Jade: It says “Dear Warriors, you have been like, tricked by the queen. The mission your on right on was like, a mere distraction. She’s getting ready to kill her right now. Singed a friend”…WE’VE BEEN PLAYED!
Burn: WHAT!?
Axe: DAG-NABIT!
Snapper: This isn’t good.
Raphael: I DON’T BELIEVE THIS!
Photon: Bummer...
*Leather types in his reaction and presses enter. The voice says “What do we do? We have to save here!”*
Jade: Back on the bus, QUICK!
*Everybody gets on the bus*
Burn: FLOOR IT!
*Jade stomps on the gas and the bus goes really fast. Cut back to The Cottage*
N-Gin: Isn’t there SOMETHING you want to wish for? Say a nice boy with long, white hair, yellow skin, of royal blood, feel free to stop me.
Claudia: *Takes the apple* There is someone like that I want to see again…
N-Gin: Go ahead then, make a wish, take a bite, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Claudia: I wish…I wish…
N-Gin: WE’RE NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER OVER HERE!
Valley (Thinking): *Looks to the side* Get back here you guys before it’s like, too late…
*Cut back to the bus going extremely fast*
Burn: I THINK YOU JUST HIT AN ARMADILLO!
Jade: IT WAS JUST A CAMEO STAR!
*Cut to Mighty lying on the ground*
Mighty: *Sits up and shakes* his fist HEY!
*Cut back to the inside of the bus*
Jade: LOOK, UNLESS YOU WANT TO TAKE THE WHEEL DURING MY HAVING AN EPISODE, SIT DOWN!
*Cautiously, Burn takes his seat. Cut to Claudia still making her wish*
Claudia: …And he’ll take me away to his castle and we’ll live happily ever after.
N-Gin: JUST TAKE THE BITE, WOMAN!
*Valley sighs. Cut back to the bus*
Raphael: Need I remind you of Blastoff’s high stress issues?
Jade: EPISODE!
Raphael: *Holds his hands up* Okay…Okay…I’ll shut up.
*Cut to Claudia taking a bite of the apple*
N-Gin: About time!
*Cut over to N-Gin and Valley*
Claudia (Off-screen): Oh…I feel so strange…
*Claudia falls to the floor seemingly dead. Thunder begins to roll*
N-Gin: EH-HEH-HEH! *GASP* EH-HEH! WHO’S THE FAIREST IN THE LAND NOW!? EH-HEH! *Runs Out*
*Valley soon follows. It begins to rain. The bus pulls up in front of them*
Valley: OH MY GAWD!
N-gin: RUN YOU FOOL! BACK TO WEAPONA’S LOCATION!
*The two run away back to Honey’s location*
Burn: AFTER THEM!
*The bus peruses them through the forest. They make it to the cliff. The bus stops at the bottom and the Warriors exit it. They begin to climb. N-Gin and Valley make it to the top only to find out that they are at a dead end*
Valley: Ready to turn yourself in yet?
N-Gin: NEVER! GO DOWN THERE AND DESTROY THEM!
Valley: MMMPH! *Transforms into Hyper Valley and advances towards Jade*
*Jade and Hyper Valley’s fists collide making a catastrophic sonic-boom (No pun intended). The two separate and Burn starts firing at Hyper Valley who dodges all his shots*
Burn: SHE’S TOO FAST!
Snapper: Allow me…*Yawns and attacks Hyper Valley*
*Just when it seems like he’s winning, Hyper Valley tosses him into Axe*
Axe: UMPH!
Hyper Valley: Is that like, ALL you got? I must say, I’m like, VERY disappointed to see the Warriors lose to a girl!
Jade: GRRRR! HUFFY, SHY, SLINGSHOT FORMATION!
Burn and Raphael: RIGHT!
*The two hold out their hands in a diagonal fashion. Jade jumps on and they launch him. Jade punches Hyper Valley and they begin fighting. Moments later, the fight ends with Jade as the victor. Valley turns back to normal*
Jade: You were saying?
Valley (Impressed and exhausted): *Pant* *Pant* *Pant* *Pant* Guess I was wrong to like, doubt you guys and junk…*Pant* *Pant* *Pant* *Pant*
Jade: Your speech…It matches the e-mail I received earlier today!
*Cut back to N-Gin*
N-Gin: AUGH! YOU USELESS WEAKLING! I HAVE NO FURTHER USE FOR YOU! *Picks up a big stick and begins making a boulder able to fall on them* I’LL CRUSH YOUR BONES WITH DOOM! *Begins laughing. A volt of lighting strikes and breaks the part of the cliff he is standing on. He falls back screaming with the boulder following behind. He states the following as he and the boulder are out of sight* I broke my bum!
*Cut back to Valley and the Warriors. Jade grabs Valley by the cloak*
Jade: Alright you, what’s going on here!
Valley: You remember that witch you all like, faced last year?
Burn: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT!?
Valley: …I worked for her…
*Jade drops Valley*
Everybody (Except for Leather): WHAT!?
Valley: It’s true…*Stands up* But I’m not as evil and twisted as her…Okay, I’m a little twisted, but not evil.
Jade: Then it was YOU who warned us about Hot Pink’s fate!
Valley: Totally…I had the whole thing set up from the beginning.
Raphael: Huh?
*Leather types in his question and presses enter. The voice says “Would you mind explaining that?”*
Valley: You see when I found out that the Huntsman was supposed to like, kill her, I hired him to make sure she was like, safe from her jealousy. Then I like, called a resident of the forest to like, suggest taking her to your cottage. Once she was safe with you guys, it was only like, a matter of time before she found her.
Jade: What happened to Hot Pink?
Valley: She like, ate an apple with a potion called Sleeping Death which can only like, lose it’s effect with love’s first kiss.
Jibachi (Off screen sounding like there’s a demonic voice joining in with hers): YOU LITTLE TRAITOR! I’LL DESTROY YOU ALL!
*Jibachi is apparently floating upward with lighting flowing out of her eyes looking extremely pissed off*
Jade: YOU FREAK OF NATURE! I JUST SOILED MY PANTS!
Jibachi (Her voice remains the same as the proclamation throughout this part): Nice…WEAPONA, COME FORTH!
Honey (Off-screen): At once, my queen!
*Honey pops out carrying a boulder in her hands*
Jade: So you ARE the queen…! AND WHAT IS THAT THING!?
Valley: Possibly like, the most powerful opponent you’ll ever face!
Jibachi: Oh how RUDE of me, I forgot to introduce my new friend…This is Weapona. A beast I have created recently…Weapona, please introduce yourself to the others, would you?
Honey: RAAAAAAAAAH! *Tosses the boulder causing them to scatter*
*Cue fight scene ending with the good guys as the victors*
Jibachi: WHAT!?
Honey: *Kneels before Jibachi* Forgive me my queen, even with my strength, they are too powerful. But fear not, I will not desert you like Belinda did.
Jibachi: Stand aside, I’ll deal with them myself! *Charges a spiky white orb*
Valley: Oh no…*Pulls out a mirror*
*Jibachi fires the orb at the mirror and a portal is open sucking her in*
Jibachi: NOOOOOOO!
*Jibachi is completely sucked into the mirror. The portal closes. Valley blows the smoke off the mirror*
Jade: What kind of spell was that?
Valley: A trapping spell. It traps the victim into like, a mirror. She used this spell on her ex-boyfriend to use as her all knowing overseer because he was going to walk out on her and junk.
Burn: Then that means…
*Valley turns the mirror showing Jibachi’s face*
Jibachi (Normal voice): Mark my words Warriors, I WILL find a way to get out of here and you’ll all be sorry! MARK MY WORDS!
Jade: That leaves…*GASP* HOT PINK!
*Fade out to everybody back at the cottage with Claudia in a bed*
Snapper: Sheesh, I’m a narcoleptic and I don’t stay asleep THIS long!
Jade: What are we gonna do with her!?
Raphael: Hmm…We could run a newspaper ad.
Jade: PERFECT! I’ll get started on it right awa-
Valley: Why don’t you like, let ME handle that? *Pulls out a piece of paper and starts writing*
*The scene changes to the next day at a branch of a tree. The following shows up under the branch*
…After the ad went through, the Warriors had to present her in a traditional way…
*This disappears and brings up another part of it*
…All Don could think of was to put her in a fancy bed lined with gold sitting on a hill in front of a random tree in the forest and the others went along with it…
*This part disappears bringing another part in*
…It took a while, but Prince Studly finally answered the ad rushing to the cottage.
*Fade out to the bed with Claudia in it. Valley and the Warriors are surrounding it*
Jade: Alright, I lost track of this, who’s idea was it to make the ad so interesting that so many people are mourning over not fitting the description?
Burn: …Yours
Jade: God, I’m such an idiot…
*Sirocko rides in on his horse*
Sirocko: Hey, I’m here answering an ad? “Single seemingly dead female looking for true love. Must have long, white hair, yellow skin and be of royal blood. Meet me at a hill in the forest” Is this the place?
Jade: Allow me to answer that by saying…IT’S ABOUT TIME YOU GOT HERE!
Sirocko: *Gets off his horse* Sorry, It takes time for me to get from one place to another.
Burn: She’s all yours.
Sirocko walks over to Claudia and kisses her on the lips…No response
Jade: …*Glares at Valley* YOU SAID THAT WOULD WORK!
Valley: It takes time spaz, be patient!
Burn: Knowing him, that’s not going to happen.
*Claudia opens her eyes*
Claudia: Uh…Huh?
Sirocko: Looks like your wish came true yet again.
Claudia: *Gasp* It WAS a magical wishing apple!
Valley: Sure…*Looks away and mutters “OMG” under her breath*
Jade: …I guess this means you’ll be leaving us, huh?
Claudia: Mmm…Hey, would you like to be my royal black-ops?
Jade: WOULD we?
Burn: Bows At your service, my queen!
Raphael: That sounds good.
Snapper: The beds had better be worth it.
Axe: Sure thing!
Photon: I’m there!
*Leather types his response and presses enter. The voice says “When can we start?”*
Claudia: As soon as possible!
Jade: Alright…*Turns his attention towards a depressed Valley* What’s up?
Valley: Now that the ex-queen is like, gone and junk, what’s left for me back at the palace?
Jade: Hmm…*Snaps his fingers* I know, why don’t you join us as the eighth Warrior?
Valley: Are you like, serious? You mean it?
Jade: You qualify for the position.
Valley: Oh, thank you! I won’t let you down!
*Meanwhile somewhere else in the forest, Honey is carrying the mirror Jibachi was trapped in*
Honey: Threat not my mistress, I shall be by your side until the day you escape your fate!
Jibachi: Thank you Weapona…Until then, you must train…for the next time you run into the Warriors...*Cackle*
*Fade out to the book which is on its last page reading the following*
And they all lived happily ever after…For now…
*The Book closes. Fade out to a sign that reads “THE END…? Doesn’t look like it!” This fades out back to the cliff’s exterior*
N-Gin (Still at the bottom): HELOOOOO! Is the movie over? I’m still down here…IN GLORIOUS PAIN! EH-HEH-HEH! *GASP* EH-HEH…! But seriously you guys, I need help…If you can help me, quicken the pace, my master is going to be upset if I’m late for role call again…THIS IS A REAL BOULDER, MAN!
*Fade Out*
___________________________________________________
Jade In Wonderland (Originally Published April 25, 2009) ___________________________________________________
*Fade in to Jade asleep on the branch of an apple tree. Burn is on the ground just under Jade meditating*
Jade (Waking up): Stretches yawns and flips onto his stomach Hey Burn…Burn…? BURN…! YO…! Ugh…*Plucks an apple off the tree and gets ready to drop it on him*
Burn (Still meditating): Drop that on me and I will rip out your intestines, tie you to that branch with them and convince some kids at a birthday party you’re a realistic piñata!
Jade: Sighs and flips back onto his back Killjoy…*Takes a bite out of the apple*
Burn: What do you want?
*Pan out to the tree in an open field*
Jade: *Gulp* Whose idea was it to make the rendezvous point an apple tree in the middle of an open field?
Burn: Yours if I recall correctly.
Jade: Oh yeah…
*Pan back in on Jade and Burn*
Burn: If that’s all you wanted to ask of me, I would like to be uninterrupted for a while.
Jade: Sorry, didn’t mean to disturb you…There is one more thing.
Burn: Ugh, what?
Jade: What would your world look like?
Burn: I beg your pardon?
Jade: I mean…You know what this world is all about, but what if you had your own world? A place made just for you.
Burn: If I wanted to figure that out, I’d buy a copy of Spore.
Jade: You should, it’s awesome. I have a copy myself.
Burn: Not surprising…I find it a lot of nonsense really.
Jade: Nonsense…? My whole WORLD would be nonsense.
Burn: Again, not surprising.
Claudia (Off screen): Hi guys!
*Reverse shot to Claudia standing a few steps away from the tree. Side shot to all three of them. Burn is now out of the meditation position still sitting with his legs crossed. His eyes are open. (The right one is covered by the banes of his hair remember. The bionic one) Jade jumps off the tree*
Jade: Hey, Claws*, about time you got here.
*A nickname Jade gave Claudia.
Claudia: Sorry I’m late; I was ambushed by an H-Class Comacrossover.
Jade: No harm done.
Claudia: You were saying something about making your own world?
Jade: Yeah.
Claudia: What would it look like?
Jade: Well…For starters, nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. In vise-versa, what it is, it wouldn’t be, and what it wouldn’t be, it would. You get it?
Claudia: I don’t think I do.
Jade: Heh-heh, let’s go for a walk. You coming, Burn?
Burn: No thank you, I’ll wait here until Raphael and Jibachi return here…Bear in mind, we’re still on a mission.
Jade: Dude, the Crossunders aren’t gonna get the Chalice of Kuboron. Crossfire may have my treasure hunting expertise, but his ancient text-reading skills could get them lost for DAYS!
Burn: Fine, just stay out of trouble as much as you can. *Returns to his meditation*
Jade: No promises…
*Moments later, Jade and Claudia are seen in a field of flowers*
Claudia: I think I understand now.
*The two sit down*
Jade: Alright then.
Claudia: What kind of things would be in this world of yours?
Jade: *Lies down disappearing into the flowers* Well of course there would be humanoid animals like you and me. The plant life could talk; there’d be special types of bird, amphibian and whatnot. It’d be so cool!
Claudia: Sounds like it’d be a real wonderland.
Jade: You read that story too?
Claudia: Mm-Hm…*Looks over at the distance and points to what she’s looking at* JADE, LOOK!
Jade: *Sits up looking left to right* WAH! WHAT-WHO!? *Looks at where Claudia is pointing* No way…*Reverse shot to a white Chao dressed like the Disney version of the White Rabbit walking down the path* A white Chao…That’s so rare!
White Chao (British Accent): *Pulls out a pocket watch and begins to panic* YIPE! *Dashes off* I’M LATE! I’M SO LATE! THE QUEEN WILL HAVE MY HEAD FOR THIS!
*Reverse shot back to Jade and Claudia*
Jade: A TALKING white Chao…This is worth investigating. Come on! *Runs after the Chao*
*Claudia follows soon after. They pursue the Chao to a hole*
Claudia: Looks down the hole He went down here!
Jade: Can you see him?
Claudia: He got really small. Steps back as Jade comes over
Jade: Gets down on his hands and knees I’m heading down there- *Part of the ground beaks causing him to fall down* WHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA!
Claudia: Oh no! *Runs off in the opposite direction*
*Cut to Jade falling down the hole until he catches the current of air in his wings*
Jade: Okay…That was scary…*As he is gliding down, it gets a little dark until he turns on a lamp. He sees a lot of different living room-related things. He passes a mirror. His reflection is upside down* This is really blowin’ my mind…*He lands on an armchair which drops him. He catches the airflow in his wings again* Sheesh, at this rate I’m likely to wind up in Chin-*Falls in a fast rate through a narrow passage*AH! *Catches the air flow in his wings yet again and flips upside down. Miraculously, he’s still floating down gently* Well, there’d be lava if I were…*Stops in his place. The White Chao is seen running down a hallway* HEY! *Pan out to him hanging by his feet to a bar in a fireplace. He climbs down and chases after the Chao* DUDE, WAIT UP! *Makes it to the other side of the hall and finds a door. He opens the door to find a smaller door* Huh? *Opens the small door to find another one What the-? Opens the door and finds…You guessed it* WHAT THE SENSE-MAKE! *This continues until the door is small enough for the Chao and big enough for him to crawl though. He makes into a red room* Alright, where you? *Looks at a small pair of curtains at the other side of the room* Aha! *Runs over and opens the curtain* I have you now…*Opens the curtains and sees a small door. He grabs the doorknob*
*The base of the knob grows a pair of eyes*
Door: One second there, buddy!
Jade: *Let go of the knob (The door’s nose) and falls backwards* WHOA! *Sits up) What on Earth?
Door: What do you want?
Jade: Look, I’m chasing a white Chao and I believe he ran through you (If you would pardon the expression) so if you please…
Door: No problem. *Opens his mouth (The keyhole)*
Jade: *Looks though the door’s mouth* Gotcha now, you little- Alright, I’m goin’ in!
Door: Sorry kid, no can do. You’re too big.
Jade: What can I do to get to the right size?
Door: Try the bottle on the table.
Jade: What table?
*A table with a bottle with a tag on it appears behind Jade*
Door: The one behind you.
Jade: *Turns around* Huh? *Points at the table* Okay, that wasn’t there before!
Door: Just read the directions and you should be good.
Jade: *Picks up the bottle and reads the tag* “Good day sir or madam, welcome to Wonderland” Of course I’d end up here. *Continues reading* “If you wish to get though the door, follow these simple directions. Step one, remove cork” *A corkscrew appears on the table* Okay…*Uses the corkscrew to open the bottle. He discovers another tag on the bottom of the cork* Huh? *Places the bottle on the table and reads the tag on the cork* “Step 2, ingest content” *Takes a sip of the bottle (If you pardon the expression)* Hm, tastes like a cheeseburger. *Shrinks slightly* Whoa! Huh…*Takes another swig* Huh? That time it tasted like pizza! *Shrinks again and takes another swig* Apple? *Shrinks again and drops the bottle which was bigger then him at this point* WHOA MAMA! Smacks his lips Now my mouth tastes like…fired chicken…? What happened?
Door: You almost shrunk to the size of an ameba is what happened.
Jade: *Walks up to the door* At least I’m the right size now. *Reaches for the knob*
Door: One more thing, junior, I’m locked!
Jade: WHAT!?
Door: You got the key right?
Jade: Key?
Door: You must have left it on the table.
*A key appears on the table*
Jade: This is starting to get annoying…Even with my flight speed, it’s too far away! *Holds out his hands and shrugs What am I supposed to do now?*
Door: Try the box of course.
*A little box appears in Jade’s left hand*
Jade: What the…? *Opens the box and pulls something out of it. He turns around to the Door* What am I supposed to do with this?
Door: Eat it, Einstein.
Jade: *Sits down* If I turn purple, I’m breakin’ out my battleaxe! *Takes a bite out of the item and grows big enough to barley fit in the room SWEET HALLOWEEN! *Hits his head on the ceiling* OW!
*The door is covered by Jades foot*
Door (Muffled): I uh…Think we just went back to square one!
Jade: Sorry? *Moves his foot*
Door: *Sigh* I said I think we went back to square one!
Jade: THIS IS JUST GREAT! *Starts sweating bullets*
*Beads of sweat begin filling the room*
Door: Hey, whoa! Stop it!
Jade: Sorry, I always sweat this much when I get this frustrated.
Door: Just drink from the bottle again, and you’ll get through here as I *Gurgle* drain this room!
Jade: *Grabs the bottle* Better not stiff me again! *Drinks the content of the bottle and shrinks back to the size before he ate the biscuit* YOW! *Falls into the bottle* Whoa…I should probably get that checked out when this is all over…*The Door opens his mouth and starts draining the room. The bottle goes though the mouth. He’s now in the middle of the sea* Great…
??? (Off-screen, sounds exactly like Claudia): AHOY!
Jade: *Looks behind him* Wuh?
*Reverse shot to a female cat similar-looking to Claudia except she has yellow eyes, purple fur, red hair, wearing an orange leotard and a pair of green boots and gloves. She’s in a rowboat*
???: How are you doing to day!?
Jade: Other then the fact that I’m freakin’ out and seeing somebody similar to a friend of mine back where I’m from, I’m fine!
???: Hang on! Let me get over there! *Rows over to* Jade Hop in.
Jade: *Gets into the boat* Thanks…What’s your name?
Cheshire: My name is Cheshire Kat, but you can call me Cheshire. I’m the leader of a rebel force. What’s YOUR name?
Jade: MY name is Sir Jaden Octavius Grujaka Von Bat IV, but my friends call me Jade.
Cheshire: Nice to meet you, Jade.
*The two shake hands*
Jade: Wait, “Rebel force”?
*A few spears fall into the water between the sides of the boat. A third one sinks the bottle. Reverse shot to a few men who look like playing cards with arms and legs in speedboats*
Guard: HALT! CHESHIRE KAT, YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!
Jade: Are those…Playing cards?
Cheshire: OH NO, THE’VE CAUGHT UP TO ME! *Pulls out a Rocket-Launcher* ROW!
Jade: *Salutes* AYE-AYE! *Sits down and rows very fast* WHAT’S GOING ON HERE!?
Cheshire: You just got yourself in the middle of an aftermath of an information-gathering mission! *Fires two rockets at the guards*
Jade: *Thinks “Man, what was in that apple…? Whatever it was had to be enough if I’M hallucinating” as he continues to row* Once we get on land, you are SO explaining all of this to me!
Cheshire: Agreed! *Fires some more rockets and hits all of the boats*
*Moments after making it onto the shore*
Jade: …So, this queen is a major tyrant who likes decapitating people and making others miserable?
Cheshire: That’s the situation in a nutshell.
*The White Chao is seen on the beach*
Jade: THE CHAO!
White Chao: I’M LATE! I’M LATE! I HOPE THE QUEEN’S NOT IN TOO BAD OF A MOOD TODAY!
Cheshire (Thinking): I saw that guy at the palace before!
Jade: *Chases the Chao* GET BACK HERE!
White Chao: SOME OTHER TIME!
Cheshire: WAIT! *Chases after* Jade COME BACK!
*Meanwhile at a castle with heart-shaped structures on it, two guards, soaking wet, are seen before a figure covered in darkness sitting in the throne room*
Queen (Jibachi’s voice): What news have you of the fugitive?
Guards: We lost her…
Queen: I see…HOW COULD YOU LOSE TO ONE REBEL!?
Guard 1: It wasn’t our fault!
Guard 2: She had the aid of a man she pulled out of a bottle!
Queen: A man from a bottle?
Guard 2: A stranger to our world.
Guard 1: He rows with the speed of a thousand men!
*The Queen gives two other guards a “Take them away” gesture. The two drag the first guards away*
Queen (Thinking): I sense an ILL omen for my kingdom…
*Moments later in the forest, Cheshire catches up to Jade*
Jade: Damn, lost him again!
Cheshire: *Pant* *Pant* You can’t go running off around here, it’s dangerous!
Jade: Danger’s how I roll, babe.
Cheshire: Don’t call me that.
Jade: Sorry. *Hears rustling in the bushes* What was that? *More rustling* There it was again!
*There’s rustling around them. Two individuals who look like Diamond and Pearl dressed like Tweedledee and Tweedledum (Except, the Pearl look-alike is in pink and the Diamond look-alike is in blue) bump into each other falling to the ground*
Pearl look-alike: Idiot. *Slaps the Diamond look-alike up-side the head*
Diamond look-alike: Ow.
Jade: *Grabs the two* Who are you two and why do you look like my cousins Diamond and Pearl!?
Cheshire: Jade, these are two members of the resistance, the Tweedle Twins.
*Jade puts them down*
Tweedledee (The Pearl look-alike): I’m Tweedledee. I’m known as the brains of the duo…Hmm…*Strokes Jades face* You’re cute!
Jade: *Steps back* Sorry, like I said, you look like my cousin Pearl and I don’t think it’d work out…*Looks at the Diamond look-alike* And you must be Tweedledum, am I right?
Tweedledum: How’d you guess?
Jade: 1, your sister introduced herself and 2, I read it in a book once.
Tweedledum: I see…*Makes a “Cuckoo” gesture as Jade turns around*
Jade: *Looks at Tweedledum who immediately stops the gesture* I saw that!
Tweedledee: How’d the mission go?
Cheshire: If it weren’t for our newest member here, I would’ve been a goner!
Jade: Newest member?
Cheshire: So long as you’re here, want to help us take down the queen?
Jade: I’m in!
Cheshire: It’s settled then.
Jade: Now, let’s find that White Chao!
Tweedledum: What?
Tweedledee: Why so?
Jade: He’s the reason I wound up in this world, and I’m curious about what he’s late for.
Tweedledee: Ohhh…He’s curious…
Tweedledum: That’s not always a good thing. You know what they, curiosity killed the cat.
Tweedledee: *Smacks Tweedledum upside the head* DUNDERHEAD!
Tweedledum: OW!
Cheshire: That really hurt.
Tweedledum: Tell me about it…*Tweedledee gets ready hit him again* Sorry.
Jade: Why do you find curiosity a relatively bad thing?
Tweedledee: He doesn’t even know…
Tweedledum: You remember what happen the last time someone got curious.
Tweedledee: The poor things…
Jade: What, What? What happened?
Tweedledum: Nope, nope, we’re too much in a hurry!
Jade: …I guess we could take this time to talk.
Tweedledee and Tweedledum: *Look at each other then at Jade* You talked us into it!
*One story later*
Jade: Wow…
Cheshire: That’s really sad…
Tweedledee: Yes…But that’s just a story.
Jade: Can we look for the Chao now?
Tweedledee: Yeah, okay.
Tweedledum: I think I saw his house down this path last time we were here.
Tweedledee: And you waited until now to tell us this?
Tweedledum: You never asked.
??? (Sounds like Burn): This is as far as you go!
*Russian-style battle music begins to play. Reverse shot to a man resembling Burn (except he has no cybernetic parts meaning his eye would not be covered) wearing a black T-shirt standing with his arms crossed in front of an army of guards. The box on the bottom of the screen reads “An Assassin and 100 Card Guards appear”*
Tweedledum: I think my life just flashed before my eyes…*Points at Tweedledee* YOU stole the cookie!
*Tweedledee looks down and shakes her head*
Cheshire: We’ll handle the Guards f-
Jade: That means I get to play with our little friend here.
Cheshire: Can you handle him on your own?
Jade: I got you away from those guards out at sea, didn’t I? I can handle this guy. I’M THE KEEPER OF THE SUPREME DRAGON!
Cheshire: Okay, as long as you can handle yourself, we leave him in your hands.
Assassin: You should give up now, Grass-Head!
Jade (Angrily): NOBODY INSULTS MY HAIR! *Charges toward the assassin. The following is in a high-pitched voice* KYAAAAYAGAKAHAAAA!
Assassin: *Pulls out his sword* Have at you then…*Charges toward Jade* AAAAAAH!
*The two meet in the middle of the field as the others go after the Guards. Jade has the assassin’s sword by the blade with his right hand much to the assassin’s surprise*
Jade: I feel little physical pain…*Crushes the top half of the sword with his bare hand. He shakes his hand out as he gives a smirk. The top of the other half is now jagged*
Assassin: D-didn’t that even cut you?
Jade: Hmm…*Looks at his hand* As a matter of fact…*Shows his hand. No cuts* IT DIDN’T!
Assassin (Thinking): Puts the sword away Damn, I’m dealing with a professional! I refuse to let guy beat me!
*Cut to Cheshire in a ring of Guards. A selection screen is seen over her head. It goes to Attack then Morph*
Cheshire: TAKE THIS! *Transforms into a giant serpent which smashes a big row of them*
*Cut to Tweedledee and Tweedledum in another area of the fight. They both nod at each other. They hook each other’s arms together. The select box goes to attack and the following*
Tweedledee and Tweedledum: TWEEDLE TWISTER! They spin around making a devastating tornado blowing them a clearing
*Cut back to Jade fighting the Assassin*
Assassin: Such power…What ARE you!?
Jade: …A bat.
Assassin: That’s not what I meant!
Jade: …I know…*Breaks the Assassin’s left arm with one Karate Chop*
Assassin: AAAAAAAUUUUUUUG! YOU F***! MY ARM…!
Jade: …Is out of service for a while…*Makes fists and crosses his arms making an X. He begins to glow white*
Assassin (In fear): What are you doing…?
Jade: Do you know what time it is?
Assassin: W-what?
Jade: …It’s time to play 50 Billion Pick-Up…DRAGON…*Spreads out his arms and opens his hands. A devastating white light comes out of him leveling the area* OVERRIDE!
*As the light clears, Cheshire is back to her original form, and the Tweedle Twins are right next to her. The music ends. Cut to the Assassin flying into the air to a distance*
Assassin: THE QUEEN WILL HAVE YOUR HEEEEEAAAAAAAADS!
*A spark flickers as he disappears out of sight. Cut back to Jade whose eyes are closed as he gives a toothy, satisfied grin on his face. Quickly pan out to the others who are just plain shocked at the spectacle. As what appears to be confetti falls to the ground, Jade is flashing a peace sign. The victory tune is a victorious version of the end of “A Golden Afternoon” without lyrics. The box at the bottom reads “All enemies defeated” The box disappears as the tune finishes. Jade gets out of the pose and opens his eyes looking at the others giving a smirk*
Jade: Shall we move on?
*Until the following, nobody responds*
Tweedledum: …Okay, is anybody else glad this guy’s on our side?
Cheshire and Tweedledee: YES!
Jade: …What?
Tweedledee and Tweedledum: Nothing…
Cheshire: Well, let’s keep moving.
*They begin walking down the path. Meanwhile, back at the castle, the Assassin is standing before the queen. His arm is in a cast and sling and he’s covered in bruises*
Queen: …You said you were the greatest assassin in all of Wonderland!
Assassin: I am…This newcomer is just too powerful…As further proof of his power, I wish to show this…*Pulls out the broken sword and hands it to the queen*
Queen: Hmm…Didn’t he cut himself in the process of smashing it?
Assassin: That’s the part that struck my heart with fear, it didn’t!
Queen: I see…Dispatch all bounty hunters in the kingdom once you’ve given a description of him for the wanted poster.
Assassin: I shall…
Queen: You may leave.
*The Assassin bows and walks away*
Guard: You don’t want him beheaded?
Queen: Though one man took him down, he is still of use to me…Keep that in mind or I’ll have YOU beheaded!
Guard: Yes, my queen…
Queen (Thinking): *Looks at the sword* Hmm…If he’s immune to blades and whatnot, beheading HIM is out of the question as well…
*Heading back to our heroes, they make it to a white house with pink frames on it*
Tweedledum: This is the place…Unless I got it wrong…
Tweedledee: …For the UMPTEENTH time!
*They walk up to the gate*
White Chao: JOANN! Where did she put those- *Opens the shutters on the top floor* JOANN! *Runs out of the house* THIS CAN’T WAIT! *Runs out the gate as our heroes go through it*
Jade: HEY, WAIT YOU!
White Chao: *Runs back* in THERE YOU ARE, JOANN!
Jade: Joann?
White Chao: Don’t just do something, stand there! *Starts nudging Jade* Get my gloves, I’M LATE!
Jade: Late for wha-?
White Chao: MY GLOVES! *Blows a whistle making Jade run in*
*Jade is up in the top floor looking for the gloves*
Jade: This is getting ridiculous…*Opens a jar with some cookies in it. He takes one and takes a bite out of it. As he’s rummaging though one of the Chao’s chests, he slowly begins to grow* AW GEEZE, NOT AGAIN!
*Cut back outside. The White Chao looks at his watch*
White Chao: AH! *Runs into the house * LISTEN HERE, JOANN, I- *Jades foot kicks him out upon exiting the door* MONSTER!
Cheshire: Jade, what did you do?
Jade: *Opens the shutters* revealing his face …Oh, I just have a lot more to learn about your world is all.
Cheshire: What are we gonna do?
Tweedledum: I have an idea! Cheshire, I need you to transform into a chimney brush!
Cheshire: Okay…*Transforms into a chimney brush* Now what?
Tweedledum: Just watch. *Grabs Cheshire by the handle and flies up onto the roof*
Cheshire: What are you thinking in that head of yours?
Tweedledee: It’d better not be anything stupid!
Tweedledum: We’re gonna sneeze the house off of him! *Looks down* When’s the last time you had your chimney swept?
White Chao: Not recently, why?
Tweedledee: *Looks at the White Chao* You might want to look for a new house.
*Tweedledum pushes the brush part of Cheshire down the chimney causing soot to fall into the room. He then flies down. Cheshire turns back to normal*
Cheshire: Are you sure this is going to work?
Tweedledum: Trust me on this one…
Jade: Ah…Ah…AH…AAAAAAAAA- *The house explodes revealing him still stuck* CHOOOOOOOO! *Sniff* Ah…Great idea, but one problem…MY LEGS ARE STILL STUCK!
White Chao: MY HOUSE!
Tweedledee: *Looks at Tweedledum* …What did we talk about?
Tweedledum: *Sigh* If I have an idea for a solution, I go through it with you first to avoid any silly consequences.
Cheshire: You waited until now to remind him?
Tweedledee: I wanted to see the whole thing blow up in his face…*Looks at the garden* Go grab four carrots from that garden over there.
Tweedledum: Why four?
Tweedledee: One for Jade, one for Cheshire, one for me and one for you.
Tweedledum: That doesn’t answer my-
Tweedledee (Whisperingly): We’re going to go find Apache next.
Tweedledum: Oooh…*Runs over to the garden and grabs three carrots. The White Chao tries to keep him away from the fourth one* HEY!
Jade: For godsake! *Grabs the White Chao by the back and takes him to the face taking the carrot along with him* Listen pal, apparently, I have to eat something to shrink. So unless you want to be my alternative, surrender the carrot!
White Chao: Fine! Take it and release me, you twit! *Tosses the carrot into Jade’s mouth*
*Jade shrinks down to the size of a bug and exits whatever’s left of the house. The others take a bite of their carrots and shrink to the same size. The White Chao runs down the path beyond the area*
Cheshire: Let’s go, we have to find Apache next.
Jade: Apache? Now where have I heard that name before…? Never mind, lead the way.
*Moments later, our heroes are found in a field of giant flowers (To their current state, that is)*
Tweedledum: Why does she have to be so small to be out here?
Tweedledee: She has the second highest price on her head is why.
Cheshire: I have the highest so far, but I think yours would be higher since you beat Wonderland’s greatest assassin.
Jade: GREATEST!? HA! I’ve faced tougher guys then that wimp!
Cheshire: You’re very cocky.
Jade: That’s what you get for bein’ the Ultimate Warrior*!
*Note, that’s Ultimate WARRIOR, not Ultimate LIFE FORM!
Cheshire: I thought you were this “Keeper the Supreme Dragon”.
Jade: I’m both.
Cheshire: Really…
*Some butterflies with fat, bred-shaped wings with a yellow goop on them fly over head*
Jade: Were those butterflies?
??? (Sounds like Rosalina): Actually, their known as Bread-and-butterflies.
Jade: Really- huh? Looks at the flowers behind him Hmm…*A fly shaped like a rocking horse appears in front of him* Then this must be a Rocking Horse Fly, right?
???: Hm-hm, very good
Jade: Interesting…
*The Rocking Horsefly flies away. Jade looks at the flowers*
Tweedledee: What?
Jade: This is gonna sound weird, but I think that rose is talking to me.
Rose: I am…
*The rose reveals her face. It looks just like Rosalina’s face. Patel over right eye and everything*
Jade: Okay, that’s just freaky…
Actaea (Sounds like Peach and has the very face): What are you, anyway?
Daisy (Before you say anything, yes): *Grabs onto one of Jade’s wings* Hmm…Three of you have wings, so you must be insects.
Jade: *Swats the Daisy’s leaf away* Hey lady, leaves off the merchandise…AND WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN INSECT!? NEVER SEEN A SHRUNKEN BAT BEFORE!? C’MON!
Actaea: That leaves you, ma’am.
Cheshire: Well, I’m not an insect either so think of something else.
Actaea: Hmm…You don’t look like a flower, so you can’t be that…SHE MUST BE A WEED!
Daisy: WHAT!?
Rose: Ladies, ladies, let us not jump to conclusions.
Cheshire: Look, were looking for an Inyuk-chuk Ant by the name of Apache.
Jade (Thinking): “Inyuk-chuk Ant?” This Apache guy sounds like he could be useful.
Rose: Ah, yes, we met such an ant, she’s down that way.
Jade: *Thinks the following* She…Right, just remember this time; you remember the LAST time you got your genders mixed up! *Internal Monologue Ends* You’re not gonna let up on that, are you? *Thinks the following* Nope. *Internal Monologue Ends Again* Damn…
Tweedledum: Who are you talking to?
Jade: My brain.
Tweedledee: Let’s go, you two.
*Jade and the girls leave soon followed by Tweedledum after he gives another “Cuckoo” gesture. They advance into the grass. They meet an Ant resembling Honey dressed like a Native-American female in pants performing Tai-Chi on top of a mushroom*
Cheshire: APACHE!
Apache: Hm? *Looks down* Ah, good day, my friends! *Jumps Down from the mushroom* What news have-? *Looks at Jade in a “Can it be?” kind of way*…You…
Jade: Excuse me?
Apache (Thinking): It CAN’T be…He looks exactly like him…
Cheshire: What’s wrong?
Apache: Cheshire, can I see you in private?
Cheshire: Sure thing…*Follows Apache behind two blades of grass* What’s this about?
Apache: Where did you find the newcomer?
Cheshire: Out at sea in a bottle…You don’t suppose…
Apache: The elders of my people have foreseen such a man, but I can’t be entirely sure…We’ll ask him once we have everyone together…How powerful is he?
Cheshire: He’s very powerful. He can create a devastating blast of energy from his body. He used it to shred 100 Guards. He even beat Wonderland’s greatest assassin.
Apache: What about his personality?
Cheshire: Kind, funny, unpredictable and very nonchalant in the battlefield.
Apache: We are honored and even lucky to find a man similar to him. Let us return to them.
Cheshire: Lets.
*The two walk back to the mushroom*
Jade: What were you guys talking about?
Apache: Nothing that concerns you yet...You see this mushroom?
Jade: Yeah…What about it?
Apache: One side of it will make you grow taller, and the other will make you grow shorter.
Jade: Really…? *Grabs a piece of the mushroom from both sides* I’ll be the Guinea Pig for this one. *Takes a bite of the right piece* This world is making me nerv-*Grows into a giant again* YOW! *He’s big enough for a series of individuals to spot him (Their in an open field) He takes a bite of the left side and shrinks back to his previous size* Hmm…*Licks the right one and grows to his normal size*
*Cheshire and the Tweedle Twins grow to their respective sizes as well*
Cheshire: You might want to move back a little.
Jade: I think I know why…*Steps back*
*Apache grows to the same size as Honey*
Apache: We have to keep moving if we want to get back to base.
Jade: Picks up the mushroom and puts it in his pocket I’m gonna save this.
Tweedledee: How did you know about the abilities of the Inyuk-chuk Ant?
Jade: I have a friend back in my world with the ability to shrink and grow to whatever size.
Apache: I see…
*Everyone who saw Jade comes out and forms a ring around our heroes*
Tweedledum: BOUNTY HUNTERS!
Cheshire: *Sigh* If it’s not one thing, it’s another…
Jade: I’ve got these guys! *One fight scene later, he’s seen in the center of the field with all the bounty hunters around him all knocked out. Close up on him as he screams the following* ...WHO ELSE WANTS SOME!?
Apache: It IS him…We must show him to the others.
Cheshire: We need to get back to base and talk about what I’ve learned. We also need to pick up Hatter, March and Dorian from there at this point.
Jade: Well, what are we waiting for, a snail? Let’s get a move on!
*They make their way back into the forest. Meanwhile back at the castle, one of the bounty hunters is kneeling before the queen*
Queen: You expect me to believe that this man took down every last bounty hunter in the kingdom by himself?
Bounty Hunter: He fights like a demon! No, WORSE then a demon!
Queen: Is that so…? Guards, as soon as you take this worthless excuse of a bounty hunter to the Guillotine, unleash project F-K-41 and send him to the forest.
Guard: At once, my queen!
Bounty Hunter (As he’s being carried away): YOU ARE A FOOL IF YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN USE HIM TO DESTROY SUCH A MAN! HE’S TOO POWERFUL! HE WILL FAIL! HE WILL FAIL! HE WILL FAAAAAAIL!
Queen (Thinking): Could this be the man from the prophecy?
*Moments later elsewhere, our heroes are seen back in the forest. The Forest Maze song from Super Mario RPG begins to play*
Jade: So, where’s this base of yours?
Cheshire: Just up ahead.
*They stop at a series of signs shaped like arrows pointing in various ways that read “Secret base”*
Jade: Which way is this place, anyway?
Tweedledee: To the left.
Jade: Ah, you did this to keep out the riff-raff, right?
Tweedledee: Right.
Tweedledum: Ooooh, I get it now…See, I usually take the signs literally and wind up lost for a week.
Tweedledee: And guess who has to find him.
Cheshire: Last time, we found him in the belly of a Tree Whale. *Walks down the path to the base. The Tweedle Twins follow soon after*
Jade: Tree Whale…? *Shakes his head and follows them*
*They make it to a big house with a straw roof. A violin playing a folk song is heard*
Cheshire: Sounds like their in the backyard…
*They walk to the backyard. They see an anthropomorphic mouse physically resembling Raphael wearing sneakers, blue shorts and a hazel t-shirt playing the violin. A man resembling Mario in a Red suit and top hat with the signature emblem on it and an anthropomorphic Hare physically resembling Luigi in a Green suit (Both in their respective mustaches) are clapping along as various tea pots dance on the table. The mouse stops playing the violin causing the other two to stop*
Jade: Why’d you stop playing? *The mouse walks over to him causing him to scoot back a little* Yeah, there’s a thing called “Boundaries”, kid!
Dorian: Sorry, you look like you jumped right out of that tapestry Apache keeps in her room…Anyway, my name’s Dorian. These are my friends.
Hatter: *Tips his hat* Hatter Madman, at-a you service.
March: And I’m-a March Hare. But you can-a call me March.
Dorian: And I see you met Cheshire, Apache and the twins so no need to introduce them, right?
Jade: Right…So, am I going to hear some back stories from anybody?
Cheshire: I guess you should learn more about us.
*Everyone sits down*
Tweedledee: I’ll go first. *Tweedledum tries to say something before she places her hand on his lips* I’m telling him because I remember more then you.
Tweedledum (Muffled): Fine…
Tweedledee: You see, before the death of the original King and Queen, the current Queen was the royal adviser. At the time, Tweedledum and I were tacticians for the royal army.
Jade: What?
Tweedledee: He was as smart as me until recently, if not smarter. He was known as a legendary tactician. He could come up with a plan faster then I can…But when the Queen took over; they threw us out by firing at us with the cannons. One of them hit Tweedledum. He survived with a price; he suffered brain damage giving him the level of inelegance you see him with today.
Jade: Wow…So your brother has a mental handicap after that? That’s harsh.
Tweedledee: Sad, I know. We’ve hardly ever left each other’s side before OR ever since he got the brain damage.
Hatter: Who would you like-a to hear from next?
Jade: Hmm…Dorian…Mind you, if your stories are connected, feel free to continue on where the other left off.
Dorian: Very well…My tale begins back 3 years before the Queen’s takeover. I was a young 10-year-old boy on the streets. I had to resort to thievery. The only job I had was looking out for number one. Until one day, Hatter took me in and agreed to be my father figure.
Tweedledum: His parents probably abandoned him.
Dorian: *Stands up* What did you say…?
Hatter and March: Uh-oh!
Tweedledee: Numbskull. *Flicks Tweedledum in the nose*
Tweedledum: Ow. I’m just saying it would make it a more interesting story.
Dorian: YOU’RE DIGGING A HOLE, I’M PUSHING YOU IN!
Tweedledum: I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just saying that just starting out 3 years back, it’s kinda boring, isn’t it?
Dorian: ALRIGHT, THAT TEARS IT! COME HERE! *Chases Tweedledum around the table making him scream like a little girl* WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I’M GONNA GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES AND SHOVE ‘EM UP YOUR NOSE SO YOU CAN SEE ME BEAT THE SNOT OUTTA YA!
Tweedledee: Not again. He always winds up getting him angry every time we sit down.
Hatter: March?
March: I’m on it. *Grabs Dorian as he comes around making him growl* I GOT HIM!
Hatter: Now, uh...
Jade: Jade.
Hatter: Jade, nice-a name. You DO look like a Ja- Could-a you hand me that-a jam?
Jade: *Hands Hatter the Jam* Here you go.
Hatter: Fantastic, grazie. *Spreads some of the jam onto Dorian’s nose*
Dorian: LET ME AT HIM! I’LL KILL…KILL…Kill…kill…Ah…
*All three sit back down*
Hatter: We may need-a this later. *Puts the jam into his hat*
Dorian: Sorry about that, I tend to get very violent when I’m angry.
Jade: It’s cool, I got a friend back in my world with the same problem…Hatter, would you like to get your story out of the way?
Hatter: Where would-a you like me to start?
Jade: Where Dorian left off, thank you.
Hatter: Okay…You see, I used-a to be Wonderland’s ambassador and-a second richest man in-a the kingdom. I took-a Dorian in because I felt-a sorry for him.
March: I’m-a his closest friend and I was one of-a his many servants.
Hatter: But when-a the Queen took over, I was taxed of everything except-a the clothes on-a my back.
March: She also took every servant except-a for me.
Dorian: We fled to this forest and built this house welcoming anyone willing to assist us in the fight against the Queen’s tyranny.
Jade: Interesting…Apache?
Apache: I was the princess of my tribe.
Jade: Really…Do tell.
Apache: 3 years ago, I lived peacefully in my tribe. When I turned 16, I was about to become chief, but that all soon changed when the Queen had her men eliminate all other governments in Wonderland. My father had me run away as a last act before he was killed. I fled in search of anyone who will help me. I came here.
Jade: And what about you, Cheshire?
Cheshire: …I’m the rightful heir to the throne.
Jade (Thinking): Whoa, the Writer’s going all out on this one...Brace yourself, reader.
Cheshire: The day before the takeover 3 years ago, I was the princess of all of wonderland. The Royal Advisor, Heartana was my oldest and closest friend. She has this thing for heart-shaped things. We’re the same age. We would always be seen with one-another. We were inseparable for all our lives. One day, my mother died of a horrible disease. The next day at dinner, Heartana poisoned my father. At the funeral, she lied to the kingdom saying SHE was to be queen and made me her patsy for her crime. I vowed to get back my throne which is why I came up with this society we’re in.
Jade: The plot thickens…So, Apache…
Apache: Yes, Jade?
Jade: You gave me a look as if you were shocked to see me…And what’s this tapestry Dorian was talking about…? Wait, did I trigger ANOTHER prophecy!?
Apache: …Dorian, could you fetch the tapestry and leave it on the rack?
Dorian: You got it! *Runs into the house*
Hatter: Would you like-a some tea?
Jade: I’m actually a lemonade kind of guy.
March: Comin’ right up. *Heads into the house*
*Dorian comes back out with the tapestry*
Dorian: Here you are, Apache.
Apache: Thank you, Dorian.
*March comes back with Jade’s lemonade*
March: Here you go.
Jade: *Takes the lemonade* Thanks.
*March and Dorian take their seats Native-American music begins to play as pictures on the tapestry matching the following are shown*
Apache: It appears that you ARE the man in my people’s prophecy. According to this tapestry and the elders of my people, rest their souls, a bond between two friends will be broken. One will become the Red Queen, and the other her enemy. After 3 years of suffering, a stranger from another world shall be drawn from the water in a clear jar…
Cheshire: That giant bottle I found you in.
Apache: …He bares great power…
Jade: It’s definitely me…Damn it…
Apache: …He will face all odds, defeat all enemies and feel superior to all who oppose him…
Jade: That…That last one’s a self-esteem issue…
Apache: …He will befriend an alliance who will go against the Red Queen…
Tweedledee: Which you already have.
Apache: …He will face the Red queen and come out triumphant. After such, he will return to his world until he’s needed once again.
*Cut to Jade. The music stops*
Jade: So, in a nutshell, if I wanna get out of this country-wide asylum, no offense, I have to beat up your queen, right?
Cheshire: That’s it exactly…Oh, and none taken.
Jade: Ugh, I hope to GOD that my friends back in my world are still at rendezvous point.
*Meanwhile back in Jade’s world, Claudia returns to the entrance of Wonderland with Burn and Jibachi tailing behind her*
Claudia: He fell down here!
Jibachi: Are you sure?
Claudia: Positive.
Burn: I’m telling you two, he might have already flown out of there and ran over to the temple.
Claudia: He didn’t before I left.
Jibachi: Why? He probably forgot again.
Claudia: He must have gone after that funny-looking man.
Burn: What “Funny-looking man”?
Claudia: He called it a Chao.
Burn: You mean that thing that hangs around that little girl who visits Jade back at headquarters?
Claudia: Hmm…They do look the same…
Jibachi: Looks like he’s not gonna be back for a while then.
Burn: *Sigh*…And once again, our loony leader has gotten himself into another mess and embarks on another misadventure…
Jibachi: Either that, or he triggered another prophecy.
Claudia: I hope he’s alright…
Jibachi: I’m sure he is…Should we have made Raph sure about where we are?
*Cut to the apple tree. Raphael has just arrived with a scanning device*
Raphael: …Guys…? GUYS…! Whatever, I must be early…*Sits against the tree and looks at the scanner*
*Cut back to where we last left Jade*
Jade: So, what did you find out when you were last at the castle?
Cheshire: I found out that Heartana is throwing a battle tournament soo-
Jade: Battle tournament? Why didn’t you tell me? I so wanna enter!
Cheshire: That’s what we’re going to do. I heard a rumor that Heartana is creating an army of Super Soldiers. Her first line of them is entering it.
Jade: More cards to beat up, ho-hum.
Cheshire: She’s using bio-genetics for them.
Jade: Okay, UN-ho-hum!
Cheshire: We need to get going if we want to get there on time.
*The White Chao runs in holding his watch*
White Chao: NO TIME NO TIME! I’M LATE I’M LATE! *Hatter grabs his watch causing him to stop* HEY!
Hatter: *Inspects his watch* Hmm…Here’s-a you problem, you watch, she’s-a two days slow.
White Chao: WHAT!?
Hatter: *Dips the watch into a pot of tea* Let’s-a see what we have here…*Opens the watch* Ah, it has-a too many wheels…*Pulls out a fork and takes the parts of the watch out with it*
White Chao: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING!
Hatter: What-a you think, March?
March: The watch, she needs-a more butter!
Hatter: Good idea. Jade, could-a you hand me that-a butter?
Jade: *Looks at the butter* Wasn’t the jam here a minute ago? *Hands Hatter the butter* This is getting weird.
Hatter: Grazie. *Spreads some of the butter onto the watch* What else?
Dorian: How about some tea to fragrance it?
Hatter: Fantastico! *Grabs a tea pot and pours some tea onto the watch* Any more ideas?
Tweedledum: How about sugar?
Hatter: Si, two spoons should-a do it.
March: *Hands Hatter two spoons* Here.
Hatter: Oh, grazie, March. *Smashes the spoons into the watch*
White Chao: STOP THAT!
Hatter: Jade, could you hand-a me that-a jam?
Jade: What? *Looks where the butter was* AYE CHIWAWA! *Hands Hatter the Jam* Okay, I’m officially freaked out!
Hatter: *Pours the jam onto the watch* Something’s missing…
March: Mustard?
Hatter: Don’t-a be silly, let’s-a use this lemon. *Squeezes the juice out of the lemon wedge onto the watch and closes it* There.
*The watch starts to go bonkers*
Cheshire: NOW YOU’VE DON IT!
*Everybody starts chasing the watch*
Tweedledum: MAD WATCH! MAD WATCH!
Tweedledee: I got it!
Jade (In a high-pitched voice): KYAAAAYAGAHAKAAAA!
Cheshire: THAT’S ENOUGH! *Transforms her fist into a hammer and smashes the watch. She then changes it back to normal*
Hatter: …*Pushes the watch aside* Two days slow, that’s-a what it is.
Dorian: That was kinda fun…
White Chao: Oh…That was an un-birthday present…
Jade: UN-birthday?
Hatter: You know how you get-a one birthday every year?
Jade: Yeah.
Hatter: There are 364 UN-birthdays.
Jade: Ah, so you celebrate every day?
March: When-a you feel like it anyway.
Jade: I see…
*The White Chao runs out the other gate*
Cheshire: AFTER HIM!
*Moments later, our heroes are somewhere in the forest. The Forest Maze song from Super Mario RPG plays again*
Jade: Man, I’m so pumped right now!
Hatter: I wonder what-a the prize is.
Cheshire: I think it might be a trap for us. Careful, Tulgey Wood is not a place to get lost in.
*They stop at the pond. Two unusually-shaped frogs hop away on some Lilly pads*
Jade: When I get home, I ought to make a video game about all this…
Cheshire: Let’s go, the Forest Gate is just up ahead.
*They continue past the river. Hammering is heard nearby*
Tweedledee: Look! *Reverse shot to a blank sign. Two birds with pencil-like heads write the following* “Don’t…Step…On…the Mome Raths”
Jade: What’s a Mome Rath?
*The little fuzzy things on the ground pop out showing little weird-looking things much to Jade’s surprise and run off making an arrow pointing to a path*
Dorian: Mome Raths are an omen of good luck.
Cheshire: That path leads to the Forest Gate, let’s keep going.
*They continue down the path. Tweedledum hears some sweeping and stops*
Tweedledum: Huh? *A dog with a broom-like head sweeps the path away. It stops and goes around him and continues sweeping. The following stops the others* HELP, I’M STRANDED!
Tweedledee: *Sigh* Wait here. *Walks over to Tweedledum, pops him in the head and returns with him* Sorry about that.
??? (Sounds like Storm): So HERE you are!
*Reverse shot to a familiarly-shaped shadowy figure standing in their path then back to our heroes. Jade walks over to the front. The music stops*
Jade: …Storm…? HEY BIG GUY, HOW’D YOU GET HERE!?
???: Sorry stranger, I have no idea who you are, but what I DO know is that you’ve been causing a mess of trouble around here.
Jade: Who are you then?
Death Hand: My biogenetics name is Project F-K-41, but you can call me…*The light reveals him. He resembles Storm in a peasant’s outfit* DEATH HAND!
*The 2008 version of Michel Jackson’s Beat it begins to play*
Jade: *Sigh* I’ll humor this guy and we can move on. I could use a warm-up match anyway.
Death Hand: Have at you!
Jade: IT’S ON!
*Cue fight scene. It’s a close fight, but Jade appears to be winning. At the guitar solo, they stop briefly*
Death Hand: Your power…It’s incredible!
Jade: Thanks, I’m the Ultimate Warrior.
Death Hand: If that’s true, then TAKE THIS! *Slams his fists down causing an earthquake*
*The fight ends a few minutes later. Jade is victorious. The song ends*
Jade: That’s how we do it back in my world!
Death Hand: *Stands up* Ugh…You are indeed a mighty one, young warrior, but you have yet to have proven yourself to be the ULTIMATE Warrior.
Jade: …Run that by me again?
Death Hand: If you were TRULY the Ultimate Warrior, you would be able to beat the Queen’s champion.
Jade: Champion? Ha, I’ll beat your stupid “Champion” then you’ll KNOW!
Death Hand: Your spirit says it all…When we meet again in battle, be prepared.
Jade: You should join us in taking out the queen.
Death Hand: I’ll think about it…*Walks off*
Jade (Thinking): He seems nice…TOO nice to go under the orders of this tyrant.
Cheshire: *Looks at one of the trees* Here it is. *Jumps onto the tree and pulls down on one of the branches like a leaver opening part of said tree like a door. She then jumps in front of the door* This is it you guys, once we get through this maze, we’ll be right at the castle.
*They all enter. Meanwhile, in the Throne Room of the castle, Death Hand stands before Heartana*
Heartana: You fell before him!? I should have listened to that man.
Death Hand: With all due respect my queen, I respect him as a warrior.
Heartana: Be that as it may, I cannot let this victory of his go un-punished…RAISE THE NEWCOMER’S BOUNTY TO FIFTY-ZAKILLION WONDERCOINS!
??? (Sounds like Sado): *Yawn* What’s all that yelling about?
*Cut to a man resembling Sado dressed like a king with purple fur, yellow eyes and red hair then back to Heartana*
Heartana: Ah, Shyster, you’ve finally awaken.
Shyster: What’s this I hear about a newcomer? And how did his bounty become Fifty-Zakillon Wondercoins so quickly?
*A guard runs in*
Guard: My lord, my lady, the resistance has been spotted in the Hedge Maze!
Heartana: No one we need to worry about unless he can handle a Maze-Dweller. *Begins laughing*
*Zoom out to our heroes somewhere in the maze*
Jade: *Shutters* That laugh gives me the willies.
Cheshire: She must know we’re here. Be careful, last time I used this entrance, I ran into a Maze-Dweller.
Jade: Maze-Dweller?
Tweedledee: Maze-Dwellers reside in a labyrinth such as this. Their part man, part bull.
Jade: Like a Minotaur?
Tweedledee: A what?
Jade: Their like how you described this “Maze-Dweller” person. Only one resides in a labyrinth at a time.
Tweedledee: The same goes for Maze-Dwellers, so I guess it’s safe to say that their both the same thing.
Dorian: No one has beaten a Maze-Dweller and the man who does will be known in the kingdom for such a feat.
Apache: My people were known for taming such a beast.
Tweedledum: You have to be foolish, lucky, clever or strong enough to be able to face him.
Jade: Well bring him on; I’m a strong, lucky, clever fool!
Tweedledum: …Okay, now you’re being difficult!
Cheshire: I barely made it out of here alive last time I was here.
Hatter: March, Didn’t-a you mama get mauled by a Maze-Dweller?
March: *Sniff* Yes.
Tweedledum: I hope we don’t run into him so soo-
*A Minotaur-like creature comes out in front of our heroes*
March: AAAAAUGH, THE MAZE-DWELLER!
*Jade is left behind to fight the Maze-Dweller*
Maze-Dweller: Who DARES to attempt to pass my maze!?
Jade: My friends and I do. I’ll take you out in one shot! Come on, gimme some of that pepper-atta pepper-whatta-pepper-who's-a-pepper- *The Maze-dweller jettisons him out of the maze over to three club cards painting white roses red. The following phrase is said in a dazed tone* I’m going to Disneyland…*Sits up and shakes his head and he now speaks in his normal tone* THAT WAS A CHEAP SHOT!
Ace: Are you alright, sir?
Jade: Yeah, got cheaply hit by your Maze-Dweller…*Looks at the roses* What’s goin’ on here?
Duce: You see; we planted white roses by mistake.
Tray: And the queen likes them red. If she finds out, she’ll behead us so-
Jade: Ah, I gotcha, change the color and none will be the wiser. *Pulls out an airbrush* Lemme help.
*After a while, a horn is heard. Heartana, Shyster and a big-ass army of the guards arrive to the area accompanied by the White Chao. The three cards run over and bow before them. Jade puts his airbrush away and joins the cards. Heartana walks up and is revealed in the light to resemble Jibachi dressed like the queen from the Disney version of the story (Except her hair is down and she has Jibachi’s figure) fanning herself with a heart-shaped fan*
Jade: The White Chao…And Jibachi?
White Chao: Presenting, the King and Queen of Wonderland!
Heartana: *Takes a look at the roses* Hmm…It appears that my roses have been painted red. Some of them have been airbrushed…one of you was smarter then the other two…*Sees Jade* You with the green hair…Rise. *As Jade stands up, she looks at him* Hmm…Eyes as blue as the sky, hair as green as the healthiest of plant life, flesh as tan as 1000 bronze Wondercoins, cattle-hide jacket and an unusual material for leg-wear…If I weren’t married, I would make you king of this land.
Jade: Weren’t you yelling at these guys for painting the roses red?
Heartana: You’re right…Who’s bright idea was this?
Tray: *Points at the duce* IT WAS HIS!
Duce: NOT ME, THE ACE!
Ace: NO, THE DUCE WAS THE COORDINATOR FOR THIS ONE!
Heartana: Is that so?
Duce: THE TRAY TALKED ME INTO IT!
Heartana: Look, to decide this, I’ll behead all three of you…OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!
*The guards take them away as the rest of them cheer*
Jade: Serves them right is all I can say.
Heartana: What business have you in my kingdom?
Jade: A few friends and I wish to enter a tournament.
Heartana: Where are your friends?
Jade: In the maze.
Heartana: Is that so...?
*The rest of our heroes make it to their location followed by the Minotaur*
Maze-Dweller: NO ONE LEAVES ALIVE!
Jade: *Sigh* Hang on; I gotta take care of this guy. YO, CHEAP-SHOT! *Beats up the Maze-Dweller* Anybody got some rope?
Hatter: *Pulls some rope out of his hat and gives it to Jade* Here you are.
Jade: Much obliged. *Hogties the Minotaur and dusts his hands off* That should do it.
Maze-Dweller (Now sounding like Mike Tyson): The other Maze-Dwellers aren’t gonna lemme live this down. How did you do it? I mean, you just stupendous. I cannot tell you how shocked I am that I didn’t see your attacks coming…*Continues unintelligibly*
Heartana: So, you are the man causing all this trouble in my kingdom…Cheshire, my dearest friend and sister-in-law, whereEVER did you find such a strapping young man?
Cheshire: He’s the one in the prophecy…! Wait, if I’m your sister-in-law, you would have married- *Looks at...* Shyster!?
Shyster: Hello, sister.
Jade: Oh-ho! JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY! JER- *Realizes that Cheshire and Shyster are looking at him funny* …Sorry, that’s a thing in my world…You see, there’s this show where…Uh…*Ahem* I’ll uh…*Points off-screen* I’ll be over here…*Scoots over to where he’s pointing*
Cheshire: Father said you died! You’ve been dead for 4 years!
Shyster: He just said that to protect the family. I was actually banished for 1 year because I tried to assassinate the ambassador of Atlantica. It was supposed to be for life until a year later when my beloved Heartana took over with an iron fist and got me back.
*Cheshire just stands there speechless*
Heartana: Stranger…
Jade: Yo.
Heartana: Are you Croquet kind of person?
Jade: I play a little when I feel like it.
Heartana: Then let the game begin. Would you like to join us, Cheshire?
Cheshire: I guess so…
Shyster: I shall set up the field and join you. *Walks into the middle of the field as the White Chao plays his horn* IN POSITION! *The Guards around him gather into a deck* SHUFFLE! *The Guards perform a series of shuffling styles* CUT! *The Guards perform a card cut* DEAL!
*The Guards scatter around the field and bend into wickets. Shyster walks over the bag as some flamingos jump into it. He picks a yellow flamingo; Heartana picks a green one and Cheshire grabs the pink one. This leaves Jade with the red one. He attempts to take it out but he struggles trying to do so*
Jade: Uh…My-my flamingo seems to be stuck! *Grunt*…*GRUUNT!* CAN I GET SOME HELP OVER HERE!?
Apache: *Runs in and grabs the bag* I have it!
Jade: PULL!
*The two pull on what they have and the flamingo is free but not happy. The flamingo tries to fly away until Jade maintains control of it and walks over to the others. Four Hedgehogs all resembling Sonic arrive*
Heartana: I shall go first. *Swings her flamingo and hits her matching-colored hedgehog*
*The Hedgehog makes it across the Guards and the other Guards cheer. Jade joins in with some clapping. Cheshire looks at him*
Jade: What? It’s good sportsmanship to applaud for your opponent…Especially if your opponent happens to be a tyrant who stole your birthright.
Cheshire: Well…*Shrugs and joins Jade in clapping*
Shyster: Alright, my turn. *Swings his flamingo hitting his Hedgehog*
*The Hedgehog makes it past Heartana’s. The Guards cheer. Cheshire gets ready to swing until her flamingo flops down laughing*
Cheshire: HEY! *The Guards laugh. She tries to use the head but her flamingo stands up causing the Guards to laugh more. She wrestles with it until she grabs it by the neck* GOTCHA! *Hits her Hedgehog with the Flamingo’s body*
*The Hedgehog runs into a nearby tree. The guards laugh harder*
Jade: If that’s how you want to play it…*Swings his flamingo which bends its neck at the last minute causing him to spin himself into the ground* WHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOA! *His head is swaying*
*The guards laugh as Tweedledee runs up to Jade*
Tweedledee: Are you alright?
Jade (Dazed): And if elected Miss Si-Fi, I promise you that comic book stores and video game stores have discounts on ????????????????????????????...*Shakes his head*
Apache: *Runs in and grabs Jade* Hang on! *Pulls Jade out of the hole and places him down next to it*
Tweedledee: Can you stand?
Jade: Yeah. *The flamingo tries to fly out of his hands. He drags him around tearing up the field until a rock knocks both of them out. The guards laugh at this*
Tweedledee: Thanks, Dorian!
Dorian: No prob. I got Jade by accident.
Tweedledee: That’s alright; we’ll explain that to him after he comes to.
Heartana: It appears our game is over…Now then, I’m aware that you and your friends want to join in the tournament.
Cheshire: Yes.
Heartana: It begins tomorrow. You’ll have to sign up. Everyone who does will be spending the night in the castle.
*Soon after at the castle, our heroes are all in a room. Cheshire is nowhere to be found*
Dorian: So you, Hatter, Apache, the twins and Cheshire are going to enter?
Jade: Yep…Why don’t YOU join?
Dorian: I’m not allowed to after last year.
Jade: What happened?
Apache: It was because he lost his temper after losing a match and killed the Master of Ceremonies.
Jade: Yikes…Why does jam on the nose calm you down?
Dorian: Let’s just say you never know what happens in Wonderland. Especially if you live here.
Jade: Ah…What’s the prize for all this?
Hatter: I’m-a not so sure, but it’s-a gotta be something good.
March: Where’s-a Cheshire?
Jade: She’s talking with your queen…Well, I’m going to do some snooping. *Leaves*
Tweedledee: I hope nothing bad happens.
Dorian: I wonder what he’s looking for?
Tweedledum: Knowing him (Which I’m starting to), he’s probably going to look for our Criminal Records.
Apache: He better be careful around here.
*Meanwhile in the throne room Cheshire and Heartana are seen talking to each other*
Heartana: And then when he ran into that wall?
Cheshire: Yeah, I remember that!
*Both of them laugh for a little*
Heartana: *Sigh* Where did those times go?
Cheshire: Those were some of our best days, weren’t they…? Heartana?
Heartana: Yes?
Cheshire: I’ve been wondering this for a while, but why did you make me your patsy for my father’s murder?
Heartana: Oh, that…Let me tell you a little story. 3 years ago this very day, my father was beheaded for a crime he did not commit. It was a nice summer’s day just like this. We were enjoying the scenery of the town. Then, a little boy ran pass the gap between us and stole an apple from a nearby merchant.
Cheshire: Dorian…
Heartana: Ah, so the boy who caused my Father’s death, the boy that killed the Master of Ceremonies from LAST year’s tournament AND that boy you came here with today are all the same person?
Cheshire: You put three bounties on his head.
Heartana: Then add all three of them together, and he has the 4th highest bounty in the Kingdom. *Looks at one of the guards* Make it so…
Guard: At once, your highness. *Leaves*
Heartana: You always WERE the observant one, Katherine…Continuing my tale, the Merchant blamed my father just because in his hand was an apple he bought from another merchant. After the beheading, I was put under his majesty's care.
Cheshire: I remember that part. Since your mother’s death from the same disease MY mother had, you two were the only family you had.
Heartana: Yes…Do you remember that pact we made for one of us to help out the other when she was in trouble? Where were you at that time?
Cheshire: I was performing my right to passage! If I knew the truth of what happened, I would have prevented this whole mess between us.
Heartana: That bit of GARBAGE is why I killed your parents.
Cheshire (In shock): …You…You killed BOTH of them?
Heartana: You knew I killed your father. As for your mother, I found a vile of the same disease mine died from and snuck it into her drink. I took your birthright to get back at you. And now you have the GAUL to bring the very man who’s going to “Save the Kingdom” into MY castle.
Cheshire: Jade will take you down and liberate this kingdom!
Heartana: Please, if he were pit up against me, he’s better off wishing he was dead!
Cheshire: *Walks over to the door* We’ll see about that…*Exits the door*
*Meanwhile at Jade’s location*
Jade (Thinking): Alright, two guards at the room where the Criminal Records are. I just slice them in half and-
*Two slices in the air come across the middle of both guards*
Guards: UGH!
Jade: What the…? *Death Hand walks in* Death Hand?
Death Hand: I’ve decided to join you and your friends in your battle.
Jade: Okay then.
*The two walk into the room. Jade types into the computer*
A.I: Please enter Password.
Death Hand: What do we do now?
Jade: Don’t fret; I’ll just use my Telekinetic powers. *His eyes glow bright Cyan for a moment. He then types in the password and presses enter*
A.I: Password accepted!
Death Hand: How did you…?
Jade: When your mind is as free and open as mine, you come up with a variety of cool things to do with Telekinesis…Now then…
*Later that night back in the room. Jade and Death Hand enter*
Cheshire: WHAT THE!?
*Everybody in the room (Excluding Tweedledum who ducks under a bed) gets ready to attack*
Jade: Whoa, chill, he’s on our side now!
Cheshire: Why should we even consider him a member?
Jade: I’ll tell you why…*Pulls a Hard Disk out of his pocket and looks at Hatter* You got a computer in that hat of yours?
Hatter: Si. *Pulls out some computer equipment and sets it up*
Jade: *Places a hard disk into the hard drive and brings up Death Hand’s file* His real name is Arnold Chobaski. He was arrested for attempted assassination of the queen 2 years ago saying that she robbed the rightful heir, but after he became Death Hand against his will, he was pardoned…I doubt that’s going to last long now.
Cheshire: You don’t say…
Tweedledum: *Crawls out from under the bed* That means he won’t hurt us?
Jade: As long as you don’t anger him like you do Dorian.
Cheshire: What else did you find?
Jade: All sorts of things…Princess Katherine Wonderland.
Death Hand: So it’s you…*Kneels before Cheshire and gently grabs her hand* My Queen, I promise you that I will not rest until your crown is returned upon your head.
*Cut to a monitor with a camera image of the room. Heartana is seen watching it*
Heartana: *Looks at one of the Guards* Have a bounty of 2 Zillion Wondercoins put on Arnold Chobaski.
Guard: Yes, your majesty. *Leaves*
*The next day at a battle arena. Heartana is sitting at a throne in a high balcony around an entire crowd cheering. The cheering stops as she stands*
Heartana: Citizens of Wonderland, welcome to the 13th annual Wonderland Throw-Down Fest. This year, we have a special treat for you. An outsider form another world has entered this tournament and claims that he can take on every contestant. *Holds up a trophy* As always, the winner of the tournament will receive this trophy and one request from me. If I see it reasonable, then it shall be granted. *The crowd cheers* Let the tournament begin!
Jade (Thinking): I know what I’M gonna ask for…
*One montage of Jade and Cheshire beating up other contestants later, the two are seen on the battlefield about to square off against each other*
Heartana: It all comes down to this! The trophy and the request will go to only ONE of these two…The other will receive a consolation package…BEGIN!
Jade: Don’t hold anything back!
Cheshire: If that’s how you want me to fight, then so be it!
*A black banner that reads “SCENE MISSING” flashes on the screen shifting it to Jade becoming triumphant, receiving the trophy, blah, blah, blah…Sorry, getting a little bored with this project*
Jade: *Puts the trophy in his jacket* This is goin’ into my collection.
Heartana: Congratulations. As promised, feel free to request anything.
Jade: Alright, here’s my request…*Points to Heartana* RETURN THE CROWN TO ITS RIGHTFUL OWNER!
*The crowd is shocked*
Heartana: WHAT!?
Jade: Don’t try to play innocent with me, lady! Cheshire told me everything about your history. See, I planted a wire on you yesterday and got your monologue recorded. *Pulls out a remote and presses a button which plays aforementioned recording*
*As the audience listened they started talking amongst each other. They start booing Heartana*
Heartana: Bravo, you got a whole stadium of subjects to turn on me…And here, I thought you would ask to find a way home.
Jade: FAT CHANCE! I’m gonna fulfill this prophecy! I’ll find my OWN way home!
Heartana: Your way….? YOUR way…!? ALL WAYS HERE ARE MY WAYS! MY WORD IS LAW!
Jade: If that’s true, then I’m not going to listen to you. I’m above the law!
Heartana: YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY! IF IT WERE POSSIBLE, I’D BEHEAD YOU RIGHT NOW! DON’T YOU IGNORE ME! LISTEN TO ME, DAMN IT! *Continues yelling at Jade*
Jade (Singing): *Turns around and covers his ears* ALAS MY LOVE, YOU DO ME WORNG TO CAST ME OFF DISCOURTEOUSLY! FOR I HAVE LOVED YOU WELL AND LONG, DELIGHTENING YOUR COMPANY! *Continues Singing*
*The Audience watches in awe as they witness Jade ignoring Heartana. The instrumental version of Greensleeves plays at the part Jade is singing at that Continuing part*
Tweedledum: Hey sis?
Tweedledee: Yeah?
Tweedledum: Remember when I said the day I’d gather the courage to confess my love to Apache would be the day someone ignores Hearana when she loses her temper?
Apache (Who was standing by him this entire time): I too have made that promise.
*The two look at each other and eventually hold each other by the hands*
Tweedledum: …I wanted to tell you, but-
Apache: Its okay, me too.
Tweedledum: Look, I know I can be a little slow at times, but I don’t care. For the rest of my days, I want to be with you. It doesn’t matter if my brain is in good working condition or not, I will be there for you even if I have to put my life on the line.
*Jade walks up apparently finished with his song and whatnot. Heartana is still yelling*
Jade: What’s this I see?
Tweedledum: Just something that should’ve been done a long time ago…
Apache: I have awaited this day for as long as I’ve known you-
Everybody in the resistance (Excluding Death Hand and our two love birds): JUST(-A)* SHUT UP AND(-A) KISS!
*Hatter and March with their accents hence the “-A” in the parenthesis.
*Apache and Tweedledum look deep into each other’s eyes, slowly move their faces towards each other and finally their lips touch*
Audience: Aww…*They start cheering*
Death Hand (Suddenly getting emotional): This has to be the happiest moment of my life…*Bear-hugs Hatter and March* IT’S JUST SO BEAUTIFUUUUL! *Starts crying*
Hatter (Breathless): You’re…Crushing…Us…Let…Go…!
March (Breathless): I…See…Bright…Light…Grandma…?
Heartana: I’ve had enough of this! *Presses a button on her throne. The structure she’s in transforms into a giant robot. The sky turns red and the audience flees the scene* Now outsider, come face me!
Jade: Tch, you’re serious about this? *Revs up his wings* Battering Ram…*Jumps and rams into the robot with the speed of his flight making a big hole in its chest* BULLET!
*The robot falls apart catching fire. Jade descends to the front of the flames*
Death Hand: S-s-s-s-such power!
Jade: You even stutter when surprised like the guy!
Death Hand: Beg pardon?
Jade: Somebody back in my world you look like.
Tweedledum: You’re really THAT strong?
Jade: Did I forget to mention? *Flexes his arms in a strong man fashion* There hasn’t been a robot made YET to take down THIS powerhouse!
*The White Chao Walks up to Jade*
White Chao: Sir, if I may…
Jade: So, you finally wanna talk?
Chad: I DO apologize for yesterday. My name is Chadwick P. Hukibottom.
Jade: …Yeah, I’m just gonna call you Chad…That okay?
Chad: Quite…After seeing what power the two of you have, I realize I would have nothing to fear.
Cheshire: Wait…Chadwick…*Bends over to Chad* As in my father’s Majordomo?
Chad: …Princess Katherine…Oh…*Strokes Cheshire’s face* You are as beautiful as your mother was…*Takes a look at Jade* And who is this strapping young man that has been chasing me?
Jade: Sir Jaden Octavius Grujaka Von Bat IV.
Chad: Pleased to meet you proper, Sir Jaden…And do forgive me for mistaking you for someone you weren’t, I have a housekeeper that went by the name, Joann and-
Jade: It’s cool, stress’ll do that to a guy…Oh, and I also go by Jade.
Chad: I wish to be formal, Sir Jaden.
Jade: Whatever.
Chad: Princess Katherine, if you-know-who survives that wreckage; I ask if I may join you into taking her down.
Cheshire: I suppose so…
Jade: Well, incase she’s hasn’t, what say I go look for that crown?
Cheshire: Don’t bother, that’s not the real crown anyway.
Jade: It’s not?
Cheshire: It’s a decoy my mother wore incase of thievery. The real crown is much bigger then that.
Jade: Really…Well, where is it? I’ll go get it.
Cheshire: It’s in a secret compartment under the throne.
Jade: Say no more, I’m on it! *Gets ready to leave until the following which makes him turn his body to the wreckage of the robot*
Heartana: You’ll get that crown…OVER MY DEAD BODY!
Jade (Realizing what happens next): *Slouches as his ears and eyelids lower* Oh, mother bleeper…I almost forgot about this part.
Tweedledee: What do you mean?
Jade: Well, if you played any Video Games recently, you’d know that this would be the part where the main antagonist is revealed to miraculously survive the wreckage of something they were riding and goes into a dual with the main protagonist...Which in this case, is yours truly.
*Heartana walks up to our heroes with the bottom of her skirt ablaze holding a weapon. The top bares a Pendulum of Doom-like blade and the bottom is a heart-shaped spear head*
Heartana: So, you’re familiar with this type of ordeal?
Jade: Pretty much since it’s happened in 5 out every 42 big-time battles I’ve been in like this.
Heartana: Well then…*Removes the burning skirt from her waist revealing that her dress is actually a red and black, flame-retardant jumpsuit* Shall we begin?
Jade: You’re joking…Look at the situation, you’re outnumbered!
Shyster: Correction…
*Everybody turns around*
Jade (More annoyed then scared): OH, ARE YOU BLEEPING ME!?
*Reverse shot to Shyster in a suit of armor with an army of Card Guards behind him with two holding torches in the back*
Shyster: YOU’RE outnumbered…*Unsheathes and raises his sword* LIGHT THE SURROUNDING AREA WITH A RING OF FIRE!
*The two Guards acknowledge this and light a fire around the battlefield*
Jade (Thinking): Yep, I’m DEFINITELY making a Video Game of my adventures here!
Tweedledum: *Gets in front of Apache* COME AND GET SOME!
Dorian (To Cheshire): You take care of Shyster, WE’LL handle THESE guys!
Jade: *To the following, he turns back around to Heartana, walks up to her, cracks his knuckles and punches his fists* That means it’s playtime with you and me. What game shall we start with?
Heartana: Hmm, droll…You see all of this as a little game…*Spins the weapon in her hand* Such cockiness will be your downfall!
Jade: We’ll see about that. *Unsheathes his sword. The following is in a high-pitched voice* KYAAAAYAGAHAKAAAA!
Heartana: HAVE AT YOU!
Cheshire: CHARGE!
Shyster: ATTACK!
*The battle begins. Cut to Jade and Heartana’s battle*
Jade: *Slashes at Heartana who dodges the attack* So tell me, what’s your problem? Just because your best friend wasn’t there to help you at that incident with your dad don’t give you the motif to go bonkers and off the king and queen!
*The two lock weapons*
Heartana: It was more then that. Every time I was in trouble, she’s doing something else COMPLETELY oblivious to what it is! How would YOU feel if your best friend who says they’d always be there for you stabbed you in the back like that!?
Jade: *Shrug* Eh, royal duties meets bad timing, go figure.
*The two separate*
Heartana: YOU may be able to laugh it off, but the rage from that betrayal will stay in my heart forever!
Jade: I can laugh it off because I’m an understanding man!
*They begin clashing*
Heartana: If that were true, then you of all people would understand my pain of betrayal!
Jade: I do…You’re a whiney bitch who can’t let go of the past!
Heartana: You’re going to regret those words…*Swings the blade at Jade* AAAAAH!
*Cut to Cheshire and Shyster’s battle*
Cheshire: *Blocks Shyster’s attack* Why did you try to kill the ambassador of Atlantica in the first place? *Roundhouse Kicks Shyster in the face*
Shyster: I was tired of peace. I wanted a war to start. Is that so wrong? *Dodges another blow to the head*
Cheshire: Why!?
Shyster: *Wraps his arm around Cheshire’s neck* Wonderland was getting soft. It was once the head warmonger nation of this land. At the point that mother and father were alive, we would have been vulnerable to attack by Agrabah within the time I came into power! *Cheshire bites him causing him to let go* AH!
Cheshire: We were neutral ground! *Punches Shyster in the stomach* Why would you want to change it now?
Shyster: Remember when I told you I believed in controlling people with fear?
Cheshire: *GASP!* You want the world to fear wonderland again, don’t you?
Shyster: Bravo little sister, you finally know my true nature.
Cheshire: Then Heartana’s ruling is a ruse for this?
Shyster: No, HER intent is to rule the world.
Cheshire: She’s gone wicked over time!
Shyster: Oh she was already wicked…You never found out about our secret love from before and ever since my banishment, have you?
Cheshire: What!?
Shyster: It was quite simple, she wanted power, I wanted power, we were made for each other.
*Shyster throws another punch. Cut to Apache and Tweedledum’s location*
Tweedledum: *Punches out a guard* So what do you want to do when this is all over?
Apache: Oh, I don’t know, maybe a walk in the woods, watch the sunset, that sort of thing.
Tweedledum: You’re trying to make me pop the question, aren’t you?
Apache: Oh, I’m not shooting for that…*Kicks two rows of guards with her front legs* Yet anyway…
*Scroll over to Jade and Heartana*
Heartana: FOR GODSAKE, SHUT UP! *Tosses her weapon on the spear side at Apache*
Tweedledum: *Pushes Apache away* LOOK OUT! *Takes the spear to the heart* UGH!
*Tweedledum begins falling onto his back in slow motion. Slow enough to play a montage of flashbacks by the resistance with him excluding Chad and Death Hand to Elton John’s “Candle in the wind” It starts out with Jade’s flashbacks then moves on to Cheshire and so forth ending with Tweedledee. The following is the last flashback before Tweedledum got his brain damage*
Tweedledee: Hahahaha! That’s so funny!
Tweedledum: Yeah, but the King was cool about it…Hey sis.
Tweedledee: Yeah?
Tweedledum: Let’s make a promise to each other.
Tweedledee: About what?
Tweedledum: Say that there would be a tyrant taking over the kingdom right now.
Tweedledee: Okay.
Tweedledum: And out of speculation, kills the king and queen, steals the Princess’ capability to replace them and evicts Ambassador Madman.
Tweedledee: Tell me.
Tweedledum: If one of us gets killed by aforementioned tyrant during their reign, the other has to promise to give them hell!
Tweeldedee: Done.
Tweedledum: Now then, let’s head back to the castle.
*End flashback. Tweedledum lands on his back on the ground. Apache and Tweedledee run to him. Tweedledee sits him up. Tweedledum starts to bleed*
Tweedledee: Tweedledum! Are you alright?
Apache: Oh god…
Tweedledum: I don’t think I’m gonna make it…!
Apache: Don’t SAY that, I’ll find a way to heal you!
Tweedledum: By then, it’ll be…*Coughs up some blood* Too late.
Apache: I won’t let that happen! *Tears start running down her cheeks* I’ll-!
Tweedledum: *Places the tip of his index finger onto Apache’s lips* Shhh, don’t cry. *Lays his arm down* I said I’d protect you with my life…Did you believe me when I said it? UGH…! Please lay me down…
Tweedledee: *Lays Tweedledum down and holds his hand* Why did you do such a stupid thing!?
Tweedledum: Love will make you do stupid things…Heh; you’ll know that eventually…Come closer…*Tweedledee leans her head to his. He whispers something into her ear and dies*
*Tweedledee hugs Tweedledum’s hand*
Apache: *Starts to weep hopelessly* WHY!? *Continues crying*
*Zoom out to Jade who looks super pissed right now*
Jade (Super Mega Ultra Maximum Pissed…Eh, I was close): *Starts breathing heavily* Congratulations…In two days…You’ve gone from tyrant in the way…To fly in the ointment…To thorn in the side…To pain in the ass…To heartless…Cold-blooded…MURDEROUS…BITCH!
Heartana: Oh yeah, and what’s the prize for that?
Jade (Starting to clam down): Nothing much…*Pulls the mushroom out of his pocket* Just a permanent spot in my list of people I intend to kill, that’s all. *Crams the mushroom into his mouth and gags a little* Ugh, that was a little hard to swallow…
Everybody except for Apache and Heartana: Oh, he did NOT just(-a) do that!
*Jade begins to grow a massive size and looks around. He realizes that there are enough living guards left to make a deck of regular cards. He picks up all aforementioned guards*
Jade: Huh…At my normal size, you’re nothing but flimsy cardboard that can move and talk. *Spreads the deck out* But in this size, you’re nothing but a deck *Tosses the remainder of the army out of the arena* AWAY WITH YOU! *Picks up Shyster*
Shyster: RELEASE ME AT ONCE YOU GARGANTUAN GREEN-HAIRED BASTARD!
Jade: Oh I’ll let you go…Hey Cheshire, where’s the farthest place from here?
Cheshire: Agrabah, west from here.
Jade: That’s far enough…*Gets ready to throw him* Sayonara Kingie, see you in the next installment! *Tosses Shyster to the west*
Shyster: THIS ISN’T THE END, I SHALL RETURN!
Jade: *Turns his attention to Heartana* Now as for you, LITTLE Miss Royal Pain…I think you’ll be good under my shoe. *Begins to shrink* It’s just as well, you’re nothing but a loudmouth, merciless, backstabbing, otherwise attractive…*Realizes that he’s back to his normal size*…Tyrant…
Heartana: *Faint chuckle* Now, what was that you called me?
Jade: Forget your ears at home? I said you’re a loudmouth, merciless, backstabbing, otherwise attractive tyrant!
Heartana: *Hangs her head slightly and three bangs of hair flip onto her face* That’s what I thought you said…*Lifts her head bends over and flexes her arms and legs into a heart shape. Her torso serves as the arch at the top* Let’s see you survive this…*The opening begins to glow pink*
*The others take cover leaving Jade alone*
Jade (In a “This is gonna hurt” fashion): Well…*Ears and eyelids lower* Crap…*A devastating heart-shaped beam knocks him across the battlefield* WHOOOOA! *Crashes into a wall*
Cheshire: JADE!
Jade: *Stands up* I’m okay, it’s all good.
Heartana: I’m through with this little game of yours…Are you ready to witness the punishment of my true power?
Jade: Do your worst!
Heartana: You asked for it…*A chain of heart-shaped lights comes out of her hand. Part of the chain wraps around Jade and she throws him to the ground at her feet* You brought this upon yourself. *Kicks him in the face over to the ring and runs over to him and picks him up* I tried to be merciful to you. I tried to help you find a way home!
Jade (Unshaken): Heh…Once you get your free hits in, I’m gonna kick your ass and be out of here…Like I said, I’ll find my OWN way home!
Heartana: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Listen to how STUPID you sound right now! Even on the verge of DEATH, you have the courage to spout out nonsense!
Jade: Oh, we’ll SEE who the nonsensical one here is after your last two free hits!
Heartana: Insolent FOOL! You seriously think you can defeat ME!? *Tosses him at Cheshire* HA! IT IS TO LAUGH!
Cheshire: *Jade knocks her down* OOF! *Both of them get up* What are you DOING!?
Jade: Trust me…*Heartana walks up to him* Saver this moment…It might be the last time you want to see my face.
Heartana: I’m sick and tired with your LIES! *Punches him in the face*
Jade: Heh, heh, heh…You just wasted your last free hit. *Assumes the position Heartana did with that beam* Now it’s time for you to learn your lesson.
Heartana: What the…?
Jade: MENTAL MIMIC! *Fires a beam that knocks Heartana a fair distance*
Heartana: AAH! *Crashes into a wall and runs at Jade* YOU’RE DEAD!
*Jade begins beating up Heartana with triumphant music. Jade is of course victorious. It begins to rain putting out the fire. The rest of the resistance begins to cheer*
Jade: Please, please, you’re embarrassing me!
Chad: JOLLY GOOD SHOW, SIR JADEN!
Dorian: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
Death Hand: YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR!
Hatter: LET-A THERE BE PEACE!
March: A CHAMPION, HE’S-A COME AT-A LAST!
Tweedledee: I promise to carry out your wish, bro…
Cheshire: *Gives Jade a peck on the cheek making him blush* Thank you.
Apache: Well done Jade, a land is given hope and blood is avenged. You are now able to return home until you are needed again.
The door appears in front of Jade
Door: Say your goodbyes kid, I ain’t got all day!
Jade: I’m coming. *Walks to the door and grabs the knob. He turns it and the door opens* Okay…Nearing the end of the installment…Here we go…
Cheshire: Wait!
Jade: Look, if you’re shooting for making out, it’s out of the question unless you were the one!
Cheshire: It’s not that. *Hands Jade a lollypop*
Jade: What’s this for?
Cheshire: Trust me; you’ll need it when you get back to your world.
Jade: Thanks. *Walks past the door to his world* Ah, home sweet home…*Realizes he’s the same size as he was when first entering Wonderland and looks at the lollypop* Hmm, I wonder…*Takes a lick of the lollypop and grows to his original size. It’s revealed that he’s at the rendezvous spot*
Raphael: *Jumps* WHAT THE!?
Jade: Hey, Raph…*Looks at the lollypop and tosses it aside*
Claudia: *Comes out of nowhere and gives Jade a big bear hug with one leg up and her tail wagging* JADE! I KNEW YOU’D BE HERE! *Starts purring with joy*
Jade: I’m happy to see you too, Claudia…But please let go of me, I’ve had a long day.
*Claudia lets go*
Raphael: What happened to you?
Claudia: Yeah, you disappear for two hours and you come back looking awful!
Jade: Two HOURS!? Where I wound up, I was gone for two DAYS! I guess time moves a little faster there.
Raphael: Where WERE you!?
Jade: Would you believe me if I told you I wound up in another dimension, became a resistance member, beat up a tyrant queen and came back here now waiting to be beckoned back?
Raphael: Knowing you, yes.
Claudia: GOODIE! Now we can go get that chalice of a person whose name I keep forgetting…!
Jade: The Chalice of Kuboron.
Raphael: What…? Oh yeah…*Pulls out a golden, jewel-encrusted, strangely-designed chalice* I got tired of waiting for you guys so I retrieved it myself. I’ll have you know, I lost 6 extra lives while I was in there!
Jade: Damn it…
Claudia (Simultaneously): Aww!
Raphael: *Hands the chalice to Jade* Here, I think it would be safer if you held on to it.
Jade: Huh…*Puts the chalice into his jacket* Happy Un-Birthday to me…
Raphael and Claudia: What!?
Jade: I have SO much to tell you on the way back to H.Q!
Claudia: Wait, should I go get Jibachi and Burn and tell them you’re okay?
Jade: Leave them for now, I wanna see how long it’ll take them to find out.
*The three leave. One credit sequence to Celine Dion’s “My heart will go on” later, we fade out to where Burn and Jibachi are at night time*
Jibachi: I’m telling you, he probably wound up somewhere else and left us here to mess with our heads!
Burn: And I’M telling you for the last time, there’s no way he could forget about his flying ability so quickly!
Jibachi: You know what, stay the night here for all I care, I’m hitching a ride back to H.Q. *Walks off*
Burn: *Screams the following into the hole* YOU HAVE TO COME OUT OF THERE SOMETIME!
*Fade out*
