I am having a weird dream about playing on the NES as a human, but my fingers are talons and keep slipping off the buttons, driving me nuts. Then suddenly my brain yells MORNING. I jolt awake and grumble, shaking myself out. <I really hate mornings now,> I say, though at least I got a decent amount of sleep.
Shiners laughs and shakes his head. <You can take the eagle out of the human, but you cannot take the human out of the eagle,> he says, clicking his beak as he eyes one of the partly frozen chickens and begins to eat it. <It is not even summer and you have had plenty of sleep.>
I eye the food hungrily as I feel conflicted. My eagle brain says nicely chilled, while my human mind screams DO NOT EAT DEATH, as fifteen years of being human collide with millions of years of predatory evolution.
Shiners stares at me incredulously. <Wait, humans cannot eat old food? That is so weird,> he says as I finally take a nervous gulp and grab the chicken leg, swallowing it whole. I am finally getting used to feeling like I am going to choke when I eat. Progress?
I shake my head and chuckle. <Nah, more complicated than that. As a human, that,> I say, pointing to the chicken, <probably would have killed me, but as an eagle it should be fine. I think. Assuming my brain is reliable. Humans do not do well with food poisoning, especially poultry.>
I am about to respond to the question when I hear someone outside and Charlie's voice. ``It is me, guys, so put something on and look decent.'' That makes me groan in my head loud enough that Charlie could probably hear it.
I laugh as Shiners calls out, ``Do not come up here, I am completely naked,'' as I try to fold my wings in front of me to cover between my legs as if I was embarrassed.
Charlie comes up and gives a cute scream. ``I am blind. Naked birds,'' he says, covering his eyes once he is able to.
It does make me think, as I tilt my head and look down at my feet as best as I can. <You know, maybe it was because I was in shock at the time, but it never really bothered me or hit me that I was effectively naked. I would have expected to feel more weird about it. Maybe it is because birds are so different.>
Charlie shakes his head as Shiners repeats, <Only you would just now realize you are naked. I know this might be a shock too, but you know you are an eagle, right?> he asks as I pretend to do a double take and stare at him with my beak open, doing my best to look gobsmacked.
Shiners shakes his head, groaning. <You humans and your weird obsession with being naked. I have never been bothered by being naked. Why should you two?>
I chuckle at that and move to grab another chickensicle. <Thanks for the food. I woke up with perfect timing. My brain alarm was telling me it was time to get up right as you arrived,> I say.
Charlie chuckles. ``I do not have a lot of time before class, but I wanted to check on you while I could. I will be back by lunch, and maybe if I am lucky I will have some more meat for you,'' he says.
I give my wings a stretch and yawn again. <We will be here. I am going to try meditating on the wolf, and maybe get some exercise.> I cannot help feeling both excited and a little nervous about the idea of being a wolf.
Charlie waves as he starts to climb down, and I walk to the edge of the fort to watch him. He looks up. ``Try not to cause any trouble or give anyone nightmares until I am back in a few hours,'' he teases, before heading off toward the school.
I watch as Charlie leaves, then turn around and head back into the fort. I close my eyes. <Okay, let us try this wolf thing. We have got a few hours,> I say nervously.
Shiners comes over. <You have got this. Just do not get discouraged if it takes a few days. Trust yourself. If you can turn into a wolf, I believe you will find it.> He takes a moment and adds, <Do not worry so much about whether you will succeed or not, just focus on trying. It is as much a part of you as the eagle is.>
Fluffing my feathers and relaxing, I close my eyes. Okay, let us see how this goes. I try to find the source of the feelings I had in the dream. I can feel it there, but it is hidden and faint. Hey, you in here? Hello? I reach for it, but there is nothing beyond that tiny hint of something.
After about ten minutes, I get frustrated. My mind keeps wandering. I cannot focus. And worst of all, I keep thinking more about thinking than actually thinking about the wolf. I sigh. <Gahhh, I do not even know where to go from here. Maybe I should sign up for meditation classes,> I half joke.
Shiners chuckles. <You have not even been focusing for that long. I doubt it will be that fast or easy. It is something you work toward, not rush. Just keep at it. I have faith in you. Or maybe you are just scared you will end up chasing your own tail.>
Suddenly a new thought goes through my head. New fear gained. I groan. <Thanks... not quite helping at the end there,> I say, though I do appreciate it. I close my eyes again and try to meditate, but I pause after a second. <Thanks for helping keep me focused. Keep an eye on me and make sure I do not get distracted,> I mutter.
Seeing only darkness and shades of colours, I keep trying. After a while, I can feel something more. It is a mix of curiosity, strangeness, and just there. It feels wolf, but I could not explain to how or why, I know that.
But I am not ready to give up just yet. There is something there. Not one that I can see, but one that I can feel. A small flicker of feeling, a feeling of longing, of belonging similar to what I felt with the eagle. That there is something that calls to me. It is distant, but I can feel something. It is not time yet, but soon it will be.
Hello? You there? I ask into the darkness, but I get no response, just the feeling of it being there deep within me. It is not ready to come out. Or maybe I am not ready for it to.
After a bit more trying, I finally open my eyes and give a small yawn. <Well, I can feel it in there. It is there. I just cannot seem to access it yet. But I think I am getting closer,> I say.
Shiners nods his head. <Well, we are not expecting a miracle just yet. It will likely take some time. Probably too much work for that predatory brain of yours,> he says as I groan and try to thwap him with a wing, but he dodges.
I give him a small glare before saying, <So what now? We still have a little while before lunch, I think. Should we go flying? I do not exactly need to hunt right now,> I say, motioning to the half-eaten box of chicken and meat.
Shiners nods his head. <Sure, it would be good for us to go out flying. We do not want to get too stiff, especially in this cold,> he says.
I give a mischievous grin. Ohhh I have an idea. <Race you,> I call out as I launch into the air, giving him no time to react for a few seconds.
Shiners chases after me. <Hey get back here, no cheating,> he calls, starting to catch up to me as we fly off to have some fun.
