Hey, this post is not really important, it's just like a diary entry, but I don't own a diary and I don't know anyone I can comfortably recall this to.
Firstly, i almost never dream, or if i dream it's something i can't remember at all, or rarely, it's dreams where i live and just involuntarily do everything wrong, so dreams like the one i had happen only once in years. and since i remembered many details about it, i'm gonna try to relate this as precisely as i possibly can.
So the dream began in my flat, i was with my imaginary friend steven (yeah i have one). We had travel backpacks on our backs, and our music instruments (mine's a ukulele) packed and ready to go, we were packed like we were going to vacation near the sea. We got out of the flat, and since I live near the sea, we took the boat to an island (that doesn't exist, since my dream made it up).
When we got out of the boat, we were welcomed by a couple wearing hawaïan shirts. They loaded our packages in a golf cart and they drove us around the island, showing us everything, and boy... that was a perfect place !
Basically, this island was like an autonomous village, where workers were divided equitably between everyone, work, like fishing, cleaning, cooking, healing... and all kinds of bullshit jobs were banned. It wasn't a permanent residence, but like a self-managed, community-run holiday center. So Steven and I got a room (with a shared bed UwU). And went down to the restaurant. Our task was to set up the buffet every lunch with the help of the cooks. The clean-up was done by another team. Every task came with a sheet of paper with instructions and tips to save time and guarantee safety and quality.
So we prepared the 11am buffet while laughing with the cooks, it wasn't hard at all, and after it was done, we were free to roam, so we ate, cleaned our own plates and cutlery, and went to the beach, we skinny dipped for an hour (yeah i'm naturist), played ukulele together for another hour and went back to the center. We entered a cute cafe, there were three vacationers running it, but we could if we wanted to brew our own café supervised by the café team. So I brewed my own espresso. We talked for hours with other customers while drinking coffee, and went back to the restaurant, set the dinner buffet with the second cook team. After setting the buffet. We noticed that the restaurant stage was set with our ukuleles. And suddenly everyone was watching Steven and I, asking for a concert.
I can’t remember what we played, but I can still recall the feeling, the pride of sharing art, the warmth of a kind audience without any cellphone, out. It was marvellous.
And just after, I woke up, and I was sad… really sad. Cause i was alone, without steven to cheer me up, without a kind audience cause everyone is running behind the 5 same celebrities over and over again. And with a job, that is, in fact selected, but that is organised as wrongly as possible by management, and that profit always goes to the same rich people.
God, sometimes, when my imagination creates too much perfection around me, I feel bad looking at my life after, but this time, it looked and felt so real ! So I just cried. But after, I realised something. Almost everything in my dream matched what I'm trying to build in my life. I’m part of a Ukulele association, where we play concerts and cheer for each other every week. I'm part of a self-managed associative supermarket where I work some hours once a month, and where I can shop with cheap prices.
The only thing missing is Steven… But you know what, since I now live in my own flat without any supervision of my queerphobic mom and her family. It’s now time to let go of this imaginary boyfriend, and find a real one. How ? I still don’t know, I only had one girlfriend and boyfriend in my life (that I had to break up with because he got cancelled for serious accusations), but i’ll figure it out. It was painful at the moment, but now I have more clarity on my life, and this time, I'm not going to let this go. Steven, I'm coming, and I really hope you can play the ukulele.
