Bleah, it's cold and I should sleep. But now I'm too restless. I feel like I could run a marathon, the energy is dim, but the feelings are not. The dream is still on my mind. Looking out at the world outside my window, it is such a huge contrast to the dream. Where the dream was hot and humid, this is cold and dry. What time is it? Looking at the clock, I see that it's two AM. Maybe I should go for a walk, I think, as if the answers would be outside.
Let's just go for a walk and tire myself out. I head downstairs, trying to be as sneaky and quiet as possible. My footsteps sound too loud in my head and great, stupid stair, as I hear it creak. I'm sure the entire house will awaken to the noise, but thankfully I hear no voices. I keep going down until I get to the front door and grab my boots and jacket. It's hard getting them on as my hands are shaking, the sensation of how it felt to shift still there, quiet but present. Come on, it's just a stupid dream. Putting them on feels weird, like they don't belong on me.
Stepping out into the cold, I shivered a little. BRRR... I kinda wish I was back in the jungle. It was so cold I could see my breath in the morning air. I decide to head down to the beach, it was a nice quiet spot to go thinking. There was a peaceful quiet, the only thing I could hear was the soft tinkle of the snow and the crunch of my footsteps. It was getting thicker as the snow was falling again. Alone with my thoughts, the dream returned. Just what was that? I could ignore a weird dream like that, think it was cool, but on top of the last two nights, and how real it felt? And I could still feel the call, somewhere in the distance.
I think back to the dream and how it all felt. The quiet night was such a nice blessing after the harshness that had been the jungle. The aura from the snow made everything brighter than I had seen in the dream. What was happening to me, was I going insane? Why did it feel like if I wanted to, I could fall onto all fours and turn into a jaguar as easily as I could breathe.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I almost slipped on a patch of ice hidden by the snow but caught myself in time. Gahhh... yeah, that's a bright one, Mike, go kill yourself so the weird dreams don't get any crazier. I move into the deeper snow on the side to avoid any more icy patches as my heart was racing from the shock of it.
As I'm nearing the trail I take down to the beach, I see movement of some kind and stop, as there was something brown standing at the edge of the road that I almost missed. Ack, a bea... oh, it's just a deer, stupid thing, I think, as it was a big one. I couldn't help but lick my lips as I clenched my fingers slightly as if I could extend claws. I barely even noticed that as it gives me what could only be described as a confused look and runs away, leaving me just startled. What was that, usually all I get from deer is a bored expression. I look around, half expecting to see a grizzly behind me, or did the jaguar from my dream follow me? Seeing nothing, I shrug, and while spooked, continue down to the trail.
Where is the stupid trail? I look around and finally spot it, the trail was partly hidden behind a blackberry bush due to all the snow. I whew, and stepping over an especially large bank of snow, I finally step into the trail itself, which thankfully had a lot less snow in it. As I step into it, I suddenly feel a chill run down my spine... oh wait, some snow had fallen from above? Looking up, I thought I saw something moving for a second but see nothing. I thought... hmmm maybe I imagined it.
Something had my nerves on edge, telling me that something was following me. Trying to distract myself, I think back to the last couple of dreams I had as I continue through the forest, keeping one eye open for whatever I saw earlier. First dreams I barely remember and would have dismissed as unimportant if it wasn't for the subsequent dreams. First the being a dolphin, the vivid feelings of swimming. The wolf, the power of hunting, the pain of being kicked. And now the dream of the jaguar, it is all confusing. I keep repeating them in my head, hoping for some kind of answer to the questions, or some way to dismiss them as my imaginations.
In each dream I had become an animal, dolphin, wolf and then jaguar. Each got progressively stronger... what would happen if this kept up? I hope that I don't wake up as a jaguar, my mom will kill me if I claw her furniture. I half joke, but I still remember how it felt in the dream. Thankfully before I could think too much more about such thoughts I near the end of the trail, and could see the park at the beach and carefully climb down and approach the water.
Walking through the park felt a little eerie in the darkness. This is so beautiful, if a bit spooky. Least it be impossible for anything to sneak up on me. Looking over the beach, I see a few boulders mostly covered in snow but still visible. Hmm... I feel like I could transform, probably silly, but let's try. At the least maybe it will help me sleep. Moving over behind a boulder and making sure that there was no one else around, I crouch down on all fours. My fingers cold against the snow.
I take a big halting breath and release it. This was it, either this works and it's real... or I'm insane, cold and feeling stupid. Not sure which would end up being worse.
I close my eyes and focus in on the energy and the feeling, it takes a moment but then I feel it. A tingling in my fingers and toes, my mouth having a rubbery feeling as it has the urge to push out. I curled up my fingers into a cat paw like shape as my jaw pushed forward. It wasn't as strong as before but it was there, like if I just pushed it would begin. But as I start to push I feel resistance. I feel a growl building in my throat that startles me. Come on, it's right there. Just a little more. But nothing happened, I felt the desire and energy build, but it soon hit a limit.
I could almost taste the salt air and the closeness of shifting. But it was starting to die down as if the energy was burning off. Instead all that I felt was exhaustion and soreness in my fingers and jaw from trying to push. Ughhh... I must be insane and stupid to think that shifting is possible. Now I'm just embarrassed and exhausted. And cold. Great... I'm an idiot, I think with a loud yawn. Least no one saw me.
As if to mock me, I heard the noise of something on the other side of the boulder. It wasn't something I could describe. Oh great, did something or someone see me? I was hoping I was mistaken, but soon hearing a voice sigh as it speaks. Its voice was grovely and almost like pretending to be a little girl. This perked my ears up as I was confused who it might be. ``Bit late to be out?'' it asks, making me nervous, I didn't hear anyone approach, were they standing there long while I had tried to turn?
I try to downplay being out late, ``Yeah, I couldn't sleep, felt like a good walk might help make me a little tired.''
``Well, it is a nice night for a walk,'' I hear from it as I gulp, hoping it didn't see me trying to shapeshift. When the voice speaks again, it sounds distant. ``But you will need your sleep for what comes next.''
I blink and try to look around the boulder, but all I see is snow, not even footprints. It's as if I've been by myself all along. What the? Was that a ghost, or am I now hallucinating on top of being crazy to think I could shapeshift.
Unnerved and spent, I wait for the voice to return but hear nothing. Finally, too tired to think anymore, I head home.
Once home, I take off my boots and jacket, not even bothering to remove my slightly damp clothes, and climb back into bed as my feet feel heavy. I hope by morning I will forget all this silliness, but I have a bad feeling it is only getting started.
