Okay... Maybe I Am?
Normally I liked the trailers, but today I was impatient to see the movie. Come on, start already! And then the movie began. It was slow at first, but when the kid finally moved to rescue the eagle, and her breaking free then flying, something hit me as I started to cry. I shook my head. What's wrong with me, this... it's just a movie.
My mind flooded with feelings I didn't understand or even have words for. Watching her fly made me feel like I could fly. I'm meant to fly, I think before I had any time to think about it, just... that this was right. Something deep inside me resonated with the sight of it.
I need... want to fly. It just feels so right. I could feel the rightness, every cell in my body called to the eagle in a way I couldn't explain. I see the way they fly, and something inside me shifts. My body starts to feel strange; my fingers want to spread and lengthen, my nose to stretch forward. It feels like something inside me is trying to get out, or maybe trying to make me into something else.
As the scene nears its end, I feel a tap on my shoulder. Charlie leans closer and asks, ``Are you okay?'' Uhoh, I feel nervous about being caught.
This is embarrassing. I must look strange, sitting there crying with my hand half raised. I nod quickly, trying to play it off, and think about getting up to catch my breath. But the scene isn't over yet, so I stay and finally wipe the tears from my eyes. I don't know why, but the scene hits me hard. I feel homesick. A strange kind of loneliness, especially when I see her eggs. Come on, it's just a movie, a good one, but still... what is wrong with me? Why was I feeling this? It made no sense.
Thankfully the others haven't noticed my reaction. They'd definitely have teased me. The rest of the movie goes mostly fine. A few scenes affect me too, but nothing quite as strong as that first one.
Walking out of the movie, I'm already feeling calmer. ``That was a great movie, what did you guys think?'' I ask.
John and Frank shrug. ``It wasn't bad. Pretty good for a kids' film,'' John says as I fight the glare. How DARE he? It was a great film.
I can't believe the movie didn't affect them more. Then again, they never seem to feel movies the way I do. The same thing happened with Ladyhawke, they liked it, but it hadn't hit them as hard as it did me.
I take a deep breath. ``So, what now? Should we go back to my place? We can play some games in the backyard, and if you don't have to go home too early, we could play some night hide-and-seek.''
Everyone agrees it sounds fun, so we head back to my place. Soon we're running around the yard, laughing and trying to get away from each other. I feel more energetic than usual and even manage to tag a couple of them, making it back to home base once too.
But as it starts to get dark, things begin to feel a little strange. It's my turn to find the others. They run behind the house toward the little wooded area by the creek. I count to twenty before heading in after them.
The rules are simple, you can hide anywhere, but you have to stay within the woods. Looking around I sniff the air breathing in as I stop myself. Wait, why am I sniffing the air? What am I, some kind of poodle?
Hmmm, they must be here somewhere, I think as I move deeper. My ears perk up and I scan the area for any sign of them. After a few moments, I spot something. AHA! There's a tree across the creek, and its shadow doesn't look right, too light to be just darkness. I jump over the creek, drop low, and start to move toward the shadow, keeping close to the ground to avoid being seen. Okay, I got this, just sneak up, my fingers digging into the ground as I approach.
Finally, as I get closer, I'm down on all fours. My eyes narrow, focusing on my friend as my lips pull back like a smile, but more primordial. Good, he doesn't see me. My nostrils flare as I search for a scent. There's a strange feeling, almost like a tail behind me, as I tense my muscles. This is it, I got him! My focus narrows so all that I see is him as I give a small growl and run straight at him, tagging him.
WHA!!!! I think as Frank screams the second I tag him, making me jump as he backs up till he realizes that it's me. He gives a nervous laugh as I frown. ``Man... you scared me, all I saw was something rushing at me on all fours.''
Charlie pops up from a bush nearby to check on us. ``Everything okay?'' he asks. He looks a little spooked too, though not as bad as Frank. Please don't let everyone have seen me scare Frank. God, I hope not.
I nod, and so does Frank. ``Yeah, I just scared him. I was trying to stay close to the ground to avoid being spotted and probably looked like a monster coming for him.'' I hoped they believed it more than I did. What was that?
``Let's call it a night...'' I say a little nervously. No way I want to risk another incident.
I'm wondering where John is when he finally shows up. ``What was that scream about? Did someone get eaten?'' he jokes.
We shake our heads. ``I just scared Frank.'' Though now I wondered, would I have eaten Frank? Though I quickly dismiss that. Of course not.
They agree, much to my relief, to call it a night. I did not want to find out what could have happened. I walk them to the bus stop. Frank and John get on their bus, and Charlie and I have a few minutes before his arrives. He turns to look at me, concern in his eyes but also a kind of resolve I'm not ready for. I swallow as he finally speaks. Dang, he saw something, didn't he?
``So what was that? I saw you from a distance, and you almost looked like a cat stalking a mouse,'' he says. There's no accusation in his voice, but definitely concern. Shit...
I hold still for a second, staring at him like a deer in headlights, my mind racing as I think back. How far did I go? Did Charlie see too much? I didn't think I was going to hurt him... but then where did those feelings come from? I try to calm myself down. I'm not some wild animal. Right?
Shrugging, I give a nervous chuckle that doesn't sound right. ``Umm... nothing, just trying to sneak up on him,'' I say, swallowing hard. Please don't ask, please don't ask.
Charlie shakes his head and gives me a stern look that softens after a moment. ``Look, I'm just worried. You've been acting weird since yesterday, nearly choking, which I could ignore. But now this, after a dream about wolves?''
Feeling panicked, I try to deflect. ``I said I'm fine...'' trying to convince myself as much as him.
Charlie looks hurt at my words. ``Look, you've been my best friend for years. I know you better than this. Something's wrong.''
That makes me frown. Ughhh... fine, maybe he can help. ``I'm not sure... it just felt natural. I started low to the ground to stay hidden, but the closer I got, the more it felt like I was stalking something. At the time it felt fun... but now I'm not so sure. I've been acting a little odd the past few days.''
He nods slowly. ``And what about the movie? I know you got emotional, but it was like you were feeling sad and happy at the same time. I get the happy part, but... the sadness?''
I give a small wistful smile despite myself. Something about it was so good and happy, even with how weird I feel now. ``I don't know... it was like remembering something, like I'd flown before. And then something about the eggs... I wish I knew. I didn't hate the feelings, but it's scary not knowing where they came from.''
He nods. ``Well, let's talk tomorrow, just you and me after school. If you have any more dreams, tell me, okay? I want to know what's going on.''
His bus pulls up, so I nod. ``I should get home and sleep if I want to be awake for school tomorrow.''
He laughs. ``Not like not sleeping ever stopped you from being at school... late, sure, but never skipped.''
I grin and say goodnight, glad the day was almost over, before heading home for dinner and sleep.
