The devil appeared before me in my living room. "I will grant you one desire in exchange for your soul."
Okay. That sounds like a plan. So I say: "I desire unlimited wishes."
The devil rolls his eyes, "I'm a demon, not a djinn. Only one desire, please."
I think for a second. "Then I desire a genie."
The devil responds: "So be it! The pact is made, and your soul is mine!" The devil vanishes and a lamp appears. I rub the lamp, and a genie pops out in a wisp of smoke and magic.
"Master," it declares, "I will grant you three wishes."
Cool. Alright, now I got something to work with.
"What is your first wish?" the genie asks.
"I wish for a ham sandwich."
The genie raises an eyebrow, but waves his hands. "Granted." A ham sandwich appears on a plate.
"No pickles?" I ask.
"You didn't wish for pickles."
Well, that's annoying, but I eat the sandwich anyway. I've had better.
"What is your second wish?" The genie demands. "Ask for anything, and I will grant it."
I think for a moment. "I wish for a ham sandwich with two pickles."
The genie frowns and then waves his hands. Another sandwich appears with pickles on the side. I eat one of the pickles, but I've already eaten a sandwich and am not hungry anymore. I wrap the rest up for later and put it in the fridge.
The genie rubs the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I'm almost afraid to ask what your third with will be," he says with a sigh, "unlimited ham sandwiches and pickles, I presume?"
I think for a while. That is an excellent suggestion, but perhaps I don't need that many ham sandwiches. What do I really need?
"Any day now," the genie says with impatience, "I want to go back to bed."
I scratch my chin. "Don't rush me." So I sit down and think. The genie decides to turn on the TV and starts to watch Will and Grace. Funny, I figured he'd want to watch Bewitched. What do I know?
"I'll make my last wish." I finally decide.
The genie hits mute. "Let's hear it."
I take a deep breath. "I want my eternal soul back."
The genie blinks. "Okay, granted."
Then there is a rumble, and the devil reappears in a plume of fire and brimstone. "What the FUCK!" the devil screams. "You don't get to fuck me like that!"
The genie shrugs, "It was a perfectly legal wish."
The devil stomps around in anger. "No! I got that fucker's soul forever!"
The genie wisps back into his lamp. "Sorry, bro," he says as he leaves.
The devil turns to me and points his crooked, clawed finger in my face. "Alright, you! I'll grant you another desire in exchange for your soul! And it can't be a genie this time!"
I smile. For I had beaten the devil at his own game.
"I'll take a ham sandwich with pickles and a side of coleslaw."
Everyone knows devils make much better sandwiches than genies do.
