14th, December 2032
Cucumber and Pickles were doing their usual at home, considering and devising plans to prepare for their retirement coming in spring 2033. It'll take a lot of work to be fully prepared for a retirement, they've been photographers for almost 40 years, but then again, nothing lasts forever.
In order for them to have themselves sedated, Darcy has called a yoga instructor named Fabio. He's a husky who teaches yoga to any couple who's struggling with life, along with feeling anxious about upcoming retirement like Cucumber & Pickles is. Fabio rings the doorbell, Cucumber gets up from the couch and answers the door. It was Fabio at the door ready to teach some yoga and Pilates. Cory and Patricia are at Zucchini's staying another night, because Cucumber & Pickles wanted to have some time alone. Vinegar is also participating in the yoga session, Sierra is home with Vicki to look after her.
Fabio: You must be Cucumber!
Cucumber: Who are you?
Fabio: The name's Fabio, I got a call from someone, because you three needed some yoga lessons.
Cucumber: What are you talking about? Who is this "someone"?
Fabio: By the name of.. Darcy.
Cucumber: Darcy O'Reilly?
Fabio: I think so, hence the accent she speaks with.
Cucumber: Did it sound Irish?
Fabio: Yeah.
Cucumber: Then that's her. She's an old friend of ours. She used to be our enemy by trying to torment us and getting us in trouble.
Fabio: I see. Can I come in?
Cucumber: Sure.
Fabio: (Comes in)
Pickles: Who's this beefy man?
Fabio: Are you Pickles?
Pickles: What's it to ya?
Cucumber: Pickles, this will be our new yoga instructor, Fabio. He will come here every other Tuesday to teach us yoga.
Pickles: We didn't even call for no damn instructor.
Cucumber: Pickles, I know we're both nervous about our upcoming retirement, but it's Fabio's duty to help us feel calm.
Fabio: He's not used to new people, is he?
Cucumber: I guess not.
Fabio walks in the house, places down the yoga mats. One yoga mat is for Fabio, there's also yoga mats for Cucumber, Pickles & Vinegar. The trio don their workout outfits so they can have a better experience rather than doing it in their photographer outfits, or their casual outfits.
Fabio: Is anyone ready?
Vinegar: Hell yeah I am! I'd love to feel good!
Fabio: My god, this cowboy is stoked.
Vinegar: I'm not a cowboy, I'm a photographer, but yes, I am stoked for this session!
Fabio heads to Spudify on his phone to find some ambient music for the yoga lesson. He presses the play button on his phone to start the music, and Fabio instructs his first move. He performs a stretch for the three to follow and hold. They all do the standing forward bend position to start off with, they hold for 10 seconds and breathe. After 10 seconds, they sit down and do a pose involving a forward fold. They do that pose for 10 seconds, breathe, and switches to another pose. Right when the three were in the middle of the one foot pose, an ad come up on Fabio's phone, causing the three to tumble from the pose to the ground.
Vinegar: Woah!
Pickles: What the?!
Cucumber: Are you fucking kidding me?
Fabio: Oh, my apologies, I got an ad. Forgive me.
Cucumber: You are forgiven. Can we continue, please?
Vinegar: Yeah.
Pickles: Uhhh.. yeah.
Fabio: Okay, let's try again.
They resume making the pose they've done before when Fabio's phone with interrupted with an advert on his Spudify. 10 seconds of holding and breathing passed, and they switch to another position.
After they did 9 positions, it was time for Fabio to leave until next time. He shook hands with the three, and grabbed his yoga mats and walks out the door.
Cucumber: How you feelin', Vin?
Vinegar: Good as hell! What about you, cousin?
Pickles: I feel fine, actually.
Vinegar: Ya sure? It doesn't look like it.
Pickles: No, really, I'm fine.
Vinegar: If you say so.
As of the 28th of December, yoga was cancelled, because Fabio had a funeral to attend. So that means no yoga until the 27th of January 2033, leaving the three disappointed. Patricia was curious about what was happening a few weeks back.
Patricia: Mama?
Cucumber: Yes, honey?
Patricia: What was going on a few weeks back?
Cucumber: We had to have a yoga session.
Patricia: A yoga session? I wish we were there.
Cory: Next time, can we do it with you?
Cucumber: Sorry, but this session is for grown-ups.
Cory: Phooey!
Cucumber: I'm sure Aunt Zuke would know how to teach you yoga at her house.
Patricia: Really?
Cucumber: I'm sure.
Cory: Awesome!
Patricia: Mom? What was your first day on the job like?
Cucumber: It was scary.
Patricia: Scary? Why?
Cucumber: Well, Me and your father were both assigned to take photos of the lions in the Savannah, but we were prejudging the lions, because we thought they were bloodthirsty and mean. But when me and your father fell asleep, the lions barged into our tent and started tinkering with the equipment. The father lion ended up flipping the camera on and it started filming. And those lions were being friendly to us in our sleep. It seems that the lions weren't that bad after all.
Patricia: Were they soft?
Cucumber: Uhhhh... yeah.
Cory: Mama, have you gotten hurt in a job before?
Cucumber: As for as I remember, yes. It was in 10 years ago, Me, your father and our best friend were on a trip to Australia for photos of Ayer's rock, and we came across a mean dingo. He tried to hurt me, and he hurt my arm so bad, that I had to go to the hospital.
Cory: Oh my gosh!
Cucumber: Don't worry! I was okay! It was only 10 years ago.
Patricia: I don't want you to get hurt again.
Cucumber: I won't, sweetie, I won't. Now, it's time for bed.
Cory: I agree, I'm tired.
Patricia: Me too.
Cucumber puts Cory and Patricia to bed, she kisses them in the forehead after she tucked them in, and walks out the door and closes the door gently, and walks into the master bedroom where Pickles is. Pickles is already passed out asleep in the bed. Cucumber removes her shirt and pants leaving her bra and panties on as her bedtime attire, and then hops into bed and goes to sleep.
27th, January 2033
Yoga sessions have resumed for the three, the kids are off to Zucchini's to spend the night there. Fabio places down the mats for him and the three to start posing.
For Fabio's third pose, it's a more complicated pose, that Pickles isn't used to. Cucumber, Fabio & Vinegar are all doing it just fine, but Pickles isn't doing it.
Fabio: Pickles, join us.
Pickles: Okay, I feel like I'm channeling horseshit right now. (Does the pose)
Fabio: Breathe, Pickles, breathe.
Cucumber: You can do it, babe.
10 seconds has passed, and it seems that Pickles did the pose just fine. Cucumber is volunteered to do the downward dog yoga position, and Fabio approaches Cucumber and started touching her hips, but Pickles is looking suspicious, because Fabio might be hitting on her.
Fabio: I'm glad to help you guys with your problems.
Vinegar: I agree. This is fun.
Fabio: (Goes behind Cucumber helping her out)
Cucumber: Ooohoo, I feel it.
Fabio: Okay, back into my pelvis.
Cucumber leans her buttocks to Fabio's crotch for a yoga pose. As her buttocks touches Fabio's crotch, he begins to have an erection, even Pickles noticed the erection and then starts to snap.
Pickles: Woah! Woah! Woah! Enough of that shit! (Runs to Fabio)
Fabio: (Pushes Pickles)
Pickles: Ah!
Fabio: Pickles, settle down.
Pickles: Easy for you to say! You're trying to touch my wife!
Fabio: But, I'm only doing a yoga pose.
Pickles: A pose to fuck my wife?!
Fabio: Alright, I'm done.
Vinegar: Fabio! No! Come back!
Cucumber: Fabio! Wait!
Fabio: I'm sorry, it's over. (Walks out the door)
Fabio walks out the door after he grabbed his things, Cucumber wasn't pleased and gives Pickles a dirty look.
Pickles: Guess you didn't care about getting it on with guys bigger than me, didn't ya?
Cucumber: Who are you to tell me that?
Pickles: He literally grabbed your ass, and is about to stick it in!
Cucumber: It felt like he was violating me!
Pickles: He wasn't trying to rape you, he was seducing you, and you were taking it!
Cucumber: Oh yeah?
Pickles: So what? You think that beef cake is better than me?!
Cucumber: I never said he was.
Pickles: Sounds like it! I saw that smirk on your face when he was touching you!
Cucumber: He's only being nice!
Pickles: And I saw a fucking boner from his speedo! I saw it with my own two eyes!
Cucumber: I'm sure as hell it was unintentional! You think I would enjoy it?
Pickles: Yes! You like him a lot more than your own fucking husband! You're like "Oooo! Fabio! That's a rock hard pelvis! Ooo! ooo!"
Cucumber: Now you're just making up wishy washy!
Pickles: I'm not washing anything!
Cucumber: That's an idiom, Pickles, you ass!
Pickles: I know it is! Christ! You're just like your mother!
Cucumber: I- What?! My mother never acted that way!
Pickles: Lemme guess, she had a hissy fit and takes things literally.
Cucumber: Nuh uh! Quit acting like a jerk!
Pickles: Quit acting like a cheating bitch then!
Cucumber: Quit acting like I'm cheating!
Pickles: You were letting. Fabio. take. your. ass!!
Cucumber: (Scoffs) Look at you! Look at the way you're acting!
Pickles: Look at me? What? WHAT?! No guy would lay a finger on my wife, and now you blew it!!
Cucumber: You never told me not to take it from Fabio, so you're the one to blame!
Pickles: I don't see you complaining about you being with a girl!
Cucumber: Yeah? And you don't complain about you being with a man! So what's the fucking difference?!
Pickles: EVERYTHING!
Cucumber: OH, BULLSHIT!
Pickles: BULLSHIT?! DO A WORLD A FAVOUR, AND SUCK A COCK!
Cucumber: YOU ARE GOING OFF THE RAILS RIGHT NOW! I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU GOT THAT DISRESPECTFUL BEHAVIOUR FROM!
Pickles: WHERE DO YOU THINK?! MY DADDY?! MY DADDY'S DEAD, YOU SHIT!
Cucumber: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEING SHIT, YOU ASSHOLE!
Pickles: YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT I AM!!
Cucumber: GET A FUCKING LIFE, PICKLES!
Pickles: HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH?!
Cucumber: YOU WANNA GET EVEN, HUH?! DO YOU?! DO YOU?!
Pickles: DO YOU?!
Cucumber: I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I'M THIS CLOSE TO KICKING YOUR FUCKING ASS!
Pickles: Oh yeah?! Funny enough, I'm leaving!!
Cucumber: GOOD!! YOU ARE ALONE, YOU PATHETIC CURMUDGEON!!
Pickles: FUCK YOU!!
Pickles walks out the door, slams the front door hard, gets in the car and drives away leaving Cucumber and Vinegar. Pickles drives to a hotel to stay in for a few days or so, he books a hotel room for himself, he receives the key card, walks up to the floor where his room is, and places his stuff onto the bed and starts unloading his things and starts to sit on the bed.
It was quiet for a few seconds back at the house with Vinegar & Cucumber sitting still sulking.
Cucumber: Maybe I should just risk my life.
Vinegar: What?
Cucumber: I don't even wanna live anymore, I have been accused of bullshit that I'm not responsible for, everyone gets pissed at me for something I didn't do or didn't know was going to happen! I FUCKING HATE MYSELF! I HATE MY LIFE!!
Vinegar: Woah! Woah! Woah, Cucumber!
Cucumber: WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, VIN?!
Vinegar: Why are you saying shit like this?
Cucumber: BECAUSE PICKLES TREATED ME LIKE SHIT! HE THINKS I'M A FUCKING CULPRIT OF EVERYTHING!!
Vinegar: Just be lucky your children are at Zuke's house sleeping over.
Cucumber: Oh, sure.
Vinegar: Sure?
Cucumber: I'm fucking pissed off at this point.
Vinegar: Well, I hate to disagree with ya, but Fabio was touchin' ya.
Cucumber: Maybe I should've told him not to do that pose in the first place, but that doesn't change the fact that Pickles did this to me.
Vinegar: Well, see what you did? Pickles drove off now.
Cucumber: I don't wanna see his stupid ass ever again, I hate my life.
Vinegar: I hope you don't mean that.
Cucumber: Why do you think that? You want him to see me like this?! You think it's a good idea for him to treat me like I belong in a fucking dump?!
Vinegar: You're gonna regret saying (Imitating Cucumber's voice) "I don't wanna see him ever again! I belong in a dump!"
Cucumber: DON'T YOU DARE!!
Vinegar: Cucumber, please!
Cucumber: Please what?! I'M LITERALLY ABOUT TO SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY FUCKING LUNGS!!!
Vinegar: Chill the fuck out! I'm trying to talk to ya in a civil matter, and you're making matters worse.
Cucumber: Then why did you say "see what you did"?
Vinegar: You were yelling at Pickles, drove him off, made him feel like a pariah from getting touched by Fabio.
Cucumber: He was the one pointing fingers at me for it!
Vinegar: We all get ourselves in situations like this. Do you remember when that Russian bear raped you and Pickles failed to save you, and you two blamed each other?
Cucumber: Maybe..
Vinegar: I wasn't there at the time, but Pickles told me all about it. And I seem to recall you and Pickles went to jail for fallacious reasons, because you two were framed from vandalising the Hollywood sign.
Cucumber: This is the reason why my life is the worst.
Vinegar: Listen, I've had a rougher life than you did.
Cucumber: Really? I thought it was equal.
Vinegar: I watched my mama die with my own eyes, my own eyes!
Cucumber: And I lost MY mother years ago and now, I'm seen as a culprit for something I didn't know was gonna happen.
Vinegar: Pickles treated me like shit too as a child.
Cucumber: How?
Vinegar: He picked on me, and I loved playing pranks on him.
Cucumber: Pranks?
Vinegar: Yeah. I used to like getting him in trouble and have O'Harold yell at him.
Cucumber: That boar who hated me without knowing me?
Vinegar: Yeah, I was there.
Cucumber: I'm still upset, I can't help it. Everything that's happened to me, I've had it! (Grabs a carving knife)
Vinegar: Cucumber, put that away.
Cucumber: ...
Vinegar: Put that knife down.
Cucumber: Why? I hate life!
Vinegar: Now!
Cucumber: My life is shit!
Vinegar: I mean it!
Cucumber: My life fucking sucks!
Vinegar: Gimme the god damn knife now!
Cucumber: FINE!! (Throws the knife on the ground)
Vinegar: Good girl.
After Cucumber threw the knife down on the ground, she begins to breathe in and out rather than trying to kill herself.
Vinegar: Yes, yes, let it all out.
Cucumber: (Heavy breathing)
Vinegar: Let out your feelings.
Cucumber: (Heavy and rapid breathing)
Vinegar: You can't swallow your anger nor sadness.
Cucumber: I know damn well I can't!
Vinegar: You passed the anger stage, and on to the next one.
Cucumber: Next one? What next one?
Vinegar: The sorrowful stage.
Cucumber: I'm.. still.. mad..
Vinegar: I can wait for the stage to pass, think about the good times you had with Pickles.
Cucumber: (Shaking and shivering)
Vinegar: All those love, sex, laughs, giggles, you name it.
Cucumber: (Covering her eyes with her hands breathing)
Vinegar: All those adventures you had with him.
Cucumber: (Sheds the first tear)
Vinegar: Especially with that.. Kevyn guy.
Cucumber: (Starts crying)
Vinegar: There we go..
Cucumber: I need to breathe..
Vinegar: Keep it up.
Cucumber: (Breathing and sobbing)
Vinegar: That's the spirit.
Cucumber: (Increases her volume of sobbing)
Vinegar: Ah, the tears, the yelling.
Cucumber: (Keeps crying)
Vinegar: Now, do you feel regretful?
Cucumber: I guess.. (Sniff) I'm still hurt by what Pickles said to me..
Vinegar: I know, I know.
Cucumber: And I was pushed to this point.
Vinegar: It may be too late to win Pickles back, but maybe he needs time away.
Cucumber: I need time away from him for a while.
Vinegar: There's someone far worse than Pickles.
Cucumber: Who?
Vinegar: Mr. Golding.
Cucumber: Yeah, he's the one who abused poor Sierra in her childhood.
Vinegar: He still does. What does that tell you? was Pickles treatin' ya like a shit an understatement?
Cucumber: M-Maybe so?
Vinegar: Could be worse if he hit you the way Mr. Golding hit Sierra.
Cucumber: And if that happens, I would never wanna see him again.
Pickles begins receiving a text message from his mother, it reads:
"Hey baby.. I'm not feeling good, I don't know if I'm gonna make it, I'm coming to stay here in Busytown for a bit. I wanna see my boys to see if they're doing alright. Love ya!"
Pickles didn't have the time nor the mood to read the message, so he swipes the message and ignores it. He then mutes messages on his phone so that way he can relax in the hotel in peace.
28th, January 2033
A day has passed, and Cucumber is still feeling down from what happened yesterday. Cucumber then pulls up her phone and leaves Pickles a voicemail to lament about how sorry she is and wants him to come home.
Cucumber: Pickles? Are you there? If so, I.. (Sniff) I wanna apologise to you for what happened yesterday. I didn't know you were gonna be this mad at Fabio trying to grope me. (Starts to sob) I just.. (Sniffs) I-I just can't stand being seen as a culprit for disastrous events that happened.. I just wanna help fix it, not be blamed for it, that's all. (Sniffs) I-I miss you Pickles.. Will you please come back home..? I-I don't want a divorce.. I hope you'll listen.. Thanks..
Cucumber ends the recording of her message and then starts to put her head on the table to cry. A few seconds of crying later, Cory comes up to Cucumber confused.
Cory: Mama? What's wrong?
Cucumber: (Sniffs) Your dad and I had a giant beef with me yesterday.
Cory: Beef? Like steak and a hamburger?
Cucumber: No, not that kind of beef, beef as in a bad argument, a dispute.
Cory: You and dad fight?
Cucumber: Afraid so.
Cory: Where's dad?
Cucumber: Ummm.. he ran away and he hasn't come home yet.
Cory: Oh gosh..
Cucumber: I'm in an emotional state..
Cory: (Sigh)
Cucumber: Let's face it, no one is perfect.
Cory: You're right, mama. Not even Vicki is perfect.
Cucumber: And I love you kids no matter what. (Hugs Cory)
Cory: (Hugs her back) When's dad going home?
Cucumber: I don't know.. Now if you'll excuse me, mommy needs to get some fresh air.
Cory: Okay..
Cucumber steps outside the patio, pulls out a pack of cigarettes, puts the stick in her mouth, and pulls out a zippo lighter to light her cigarette, and starts puffing the cigarette and blowing smoke.
Next chapter coming...
