8th, March 1995
Sam & Dudley are flying to Paris, France for a mystery to solve. Whilst they wait for any crime to come up, they buy souvenirs. After Sam has purchased some souvenirs, he stuffs them in Dudley's bag, so that way he wouldn't carry them around with their hands.
Sam: I love souvenirs! (Stuffs the souvenirs he purchased in Dudley's bag) There! Now that we're finished here, let's go to that big art museum.
Sam grabs a map of Paris in order to find the museum, but he misreads a French text and pronounces it poorly.
Dudley: It means way, Sam. But first, we must have something to eat.
Sam: Good idea, I'm starving like a motherfucker.
Dudley: Look over here! I see Madame Dog's bakery! She makes the finest
patisseries in all Paris.
Sam: Isn't that her right there?
Sam & Dudley both see Madame Dog walk out her bakery, but she was in terrible shock and in panic. She was yelling about a thief who broke into her bakery, which attracted Sam & Dudley's attention.
Madame Dog: Stop! Stop! Thief! Arret!
Dudley: C'mon, Sam! Hurry!
Sam: Yes, sir! (Runs, but has the map on his face and tips over the souvenir stand) Sorry!
Dudley already made it to the bakery whilst Sam is unable to see a thing except the map on his face. Sam enters the bakery and bumps into Dudley causing him to knob over the baguettes stand.
Dudley: Look what you did, Sam! You knocked over the fucking baguettes!
Sam: Sorry! I couldn't see shit!
Dudley: Now who the fuck's gonna eat all that bread after it fell on the floor?!
Madame Dog: Non, it's fine, I have tons.
Dudley: Sorry about that, Madame Dog, I'm Dudley, and this is Sam, and we are detectives. You say you've been robbed?
Madame Dog: Oui! A thief stole all my cherry pies!
Dudley: (Takes a look at the pie stand) Make that two thieves! And they escaped through this window. Come, Sam, Give me a boost!
Dudley hops through the window, but he was too fat to fix through the window, so Sam struggles to push Dudley out of the window.
Dudley: Uhhh, Sam? I think I'm stuck!
Sam: Hold still, Dudley! (Smacks Dudley in the ass with a broom and he pops out the window)
Dudley: Owww, my ass.
Dudley ended up falling in the bushes, but has found a clue in the bushes. One of the thieves has torn their pants, leaving a piece of fabric in the rose thorns.
Dudley: Hmm, one of the thieves torn his pants.
Sam: Dudley! Dudley! Look!
Dudley: Quiet, Sam. I found an important clue.
Sam: But, Dudley! The thieves are running towards the river!
Thief 1: (Running whilst carrying the pies giving the middle finger)
Sam & Dudley start to chase the thieves to the river. Dudley didn't notice the edge and almost fell off the curb, Sam saved Dudley by grabbing him. They continue their search for the thieves. Sam pointed out the thieves and let go of Dudley causing him to fall off, but he grabbed something with his umbrella on a boat which broke his fall. Sam jumps in the boat too, Dudley commands the boat driver to follow the boat of thieves.
Dudley: Sil-Vo-Plate! Follow that boat!
Sam: It's si-voo-play, dumbass.
Dudley: Can't this damn barge go any faster?! We're chasing a boatload of thieves!
Sam: They stole all of Madame Dog's cherry pies!
Boat Driver: Oh, non! Madame Dog's cherry pies?! Mon dieu! (Flips the switch to try and make the boat go faster) She's slow, but steady.
Sam: Dudley, look! They got off the boat!
Sam & Dudley see the thieves running to the art museum, Dudley uses his umbrella hook on the bridge so him and Sam can get back on the surface together to chase the thieves. They run into the museum and runs down the spiral stairs and run through a crowd of people bumping into them, but they couldn't stop. The thieves were still running, one of the pie plates fell off the thieve's hands, but the plate had nothing in it. Sam & Dudley were hiding behind a sculpture and saw a pie tin rolling. Sam & Dudley follow where the pie tin was coming from, hoping that they found another clue. As Sam & Dudley was running, a painting of a naked girl caught Sam's attention and he stopped to stare at it.
Sam: God damn! Isn't she pretty?
Dudley: Sam, I see a painting, but it's not a naked chick. It's the Mona Lisa, they say her eyes follow you wherever you go.
In the middle of the two looking at the paintings, a cherry rolled to Sam & Dudley, and Dudley picked the cherry up.
Dudley: Oh look, a cherry. The thieves are within reach.
Dudley starts looking around for clues to see if the thieves are in the crowd. He looks around at people to see if they had the cherries. Dudley ended up tugging a girl's dress thinking she pinched her butt. The girl was shocked, and she glared at Dudley, and punched him in the face. The crowd ended up bickering at the two detectives. The museum guard walks up to Sam & Dudley and asks what they're doing.
Museum guard: Que fais-tu?!
Dudley: Don't worry, sir, we're just looking for thieves of some cherry pie, it's cool.
Museum guard: Thieves in Le Louvre?!
The museum guard runs to pull the alarm at the museum and the crowd was running in panic and they evacuated the museum. One of the thieves pretend to say the thieves went somewhere.
Thief 2: We saw the thieves, they went that way!
Museum guard: Quoi?! (Runs)
(The thieves run off)
Sam: Dudley, the thieves are back!
Dudley: Follow them.
Sam & Dudley are chasing the thieves once again, they run up the spiral stairs, one of the thieves tore the fabric of the banner to blind Sam & Dudley so they can get away from them. Whilst they are covered in a banner, they are doing their best to guess where the thieves are going. The thieves have got the cherry pies, and got into their house, but Sam & Dudley bumped into their wall because they couldn't see where they're going.
Dudley: I'm guessing they ran into this house. How will we get in? Let's see what I have in my umbrella today.. hmm..
Dudley searches for something to find a way in the thieves' house without making them know they're detectives. Dudley found a head piece of a hippopotamus and puts it on his head, which left Sam bummed out because he wanted to wear the head.
Sam: But you wore the head last time!
Dudley: No I didn't!
Sam: Yeah you did!
Dudley: No, I fucking didn't!
Sam: Lies!
Sam & Dudley don the disguise, Dudley is wearing the head, Sam is at the bottom. Dudley disguises his voice as a lady.
Dudley: Are you alright down there, Sam?
Sam: The tail, is tickling my ear! Hahaha!
Dudley: Shh! Shut up! (Rings the doorbell)
Thief 2: (Answers) What do you want?
Dudley: (Female voice) Hello, kind sir! There's a package waiting for you!
Thief 2: We didn't order anything, fuck off!
Thief 1: I did.
Dudley: (Female voice) It's waiting for you, out here!
Sam: (Laughing)
Thief 2: What are you laughing at?
Dudley: (Female voice) Oh, nothing! Just thinking about happy times! (Accidentally farts)
Sam: (Holds his breath) Aughh.. (Coughs)
Thief 2: What was that?
Dudley: (Female voice) Oopsie! I made a poopsie! Anyways, come get your package!
(The thieves walk out their door)
Thief 1: Where is the package?
Sam & Dudley: (Catches the thieves with their lasso) Surprise, motherfuckers!
Dudley: (Grabs the banner and covers the thieves with it)
Thief 2: Non!!
After the thieves have been captured, Sam & Dudley tie a rope around the end of the banner to make it look like a sack whilst the thieves are trapped in it.
Sam: Great work, Dudley. Next time, I get to be the head.
Dudley: R-Right.
Sam: Taxi! (Raised his hand, the taxi comes)
As the Taxi cab arrives, Sam & Dudley places the big sack on top of the taxi with the thieves trapped in it, Sam & Dudley gets in the taxi to Madame Dog's bakery. After a few miles, they disembark the taxi, Dudley carries the sack of thieves and announces it to Madame Dog.
Dudley: Madame Dog! We brought you a surprise!
Madame Dog: Ohh? A sur- these must be the robbers who stole my pies, right?
Sam: We're just taking them to the police station.
Madame Dog: Non, I have a better idea. Vien avec moi!
Madame Dog motioned Sam & Dudley along with the sack to her kitchen. Madame Dog gets the thieves to wash her abundance of dirty pots and pans as a punishment for stealing her pies. Those thieves hate washing dishes, but it does teach discipline.
Madame Dog: To teach you filthy bastards to never steal again, you will wash all my dirty pots and pans!
Thief 1 & 2: Oui, Madame..
Madame Dog: And as I reward for my brave detectives, a cherry pie!
Sam: Uhhh, they're cupcakes.
Madame Dog: Oh, Désolé, I mean, cherry cupcakes!
Dudley: Oh yeah! Thanks Madame Dog, those look yummy! You're so kind!
Sam: Too kind..
Madame Dog: Oui.. (Kisses Dudley in the cheek twice and kisses Sam in the cheek)
Sam: How come he gets two kisses and I only got one?
Thief 2: I wash, and you dry.
Thief 1: Non, you wash and I dry.
Thief 2: No, you!
Sam: Oh, shut the fuck up and wash already! They ain't gonna wash themselves!
Madame Dog: Well said, monsieur!
Dudley: (Eating the cupcake) Mmmm, god damn, this is good!
Sam: I agree! What other pies do you bake?
Madame Dog: There's one that don't need baking, I make a cream pie.
Sam & Dudley: Cream pie??
Dudley: Oh god, I'm so turned on right now..
Next chapter coming..
