Lucy was on her way towards the Colorful Mall at the center of the city. Today was going to be a good goddamn day. You ever have one of those desires to just waltz into a mall and shop until you’ve satisfied the very core of your soul. She’d been bitten by the urge to treat herself this week.
She had carefully laid out her purple dress the night before, brushed her fur until it shined like the sea, and hummed to herself while adjusting her gloves a bit. “Today,” she muttered, “I’m thinking maybe a few new dresses and some make-up.”
She strutted up to the mall, stomping towards the door with a smirk on her face. It was pretty cool out. Maybe some kind of coat too? She didn’t come with one and these places liked to blast the air conditioning like they were in the arctic. It often seemed like it didn’t even matter the time of year it was either.
The store’s sliding glass doors whooshed open, and she was greeted with the aisles gleaming in a row under bright fluorescent lights. Lucy stepped inside and took a deep breath. “Oh man. It’s a lot more alluring when you’re up close,” she told herself. “I’ll just grab a few things. Maybe some fruit, a nice blouse or two, then I’ll be home before anything stupid happens. Like… I dunno, some kind of phone company tries to sell me something.”
Her hand reached towards the nearest clothing rack, where a pastel dress caught her eye. She tugged it free and held it up to her frame, tilting her head. The tag was big. Maybe it belonged to some kind of important brand. Hot Honey? Eh. It did look nice though. Lucy smiled as she took it into consideration. That’s when a small voice piped up: “That looks like a doll’s dress.”
Lucy blinked. A little ferret girl, barely knee-high, with pigtails and a cheery little smile, was standing right next to her. Lucy cleared her throat and tried to sound polite but firm. “Run along, kiddo. This is a mall, not a playground.”
The girl giggled as she moved around Lucy’s body from behind. Lucy tried to ignore her but a sentence ran by her ears that she absolutely couldn’t do that for.
“I can see your panties.”
Lucy froze. Her ears shot up like satellite dishes. Her tail puffed out in alarm. “Wh-what are you-?” She scrambled back, cheeks burning red beneath her fur. In her panic, her heel snagged on the base of the clothes rack.
“Wait-!”
Too late.
The entire rack wobbled like a drunken giraffe before collapsing in on itself. Lucy flailed, arms pinwheeling, as her purple dress tore at the seams. With a horrible riiiiip, she fell out of it completely. She tumbled across the tile floor in nothing but a training bra and a pair of Dora the Explorer underwear. Her eyes spun like a turnstile, her tongue flopped from her mouth, and she ended up sitting in the aisle, legs spread, dazed and drooling.
She moaned as her head lolled about, struggling to maintain its own weight now that the marbles swimming around in her head were drifting to one side.
A chorus of laughter erupted from nearby shoppers.
Lucy drank the laughs in and began to feel them start to affect her brain.
Lucy’s head jerked up. “N-no, no, no! Don’t look!” She scrambled to cover herself with her paws, cheeks glowing bright red. “This isn’t what it looks like!”
She darted to her feet, hoping to rush out of sight, but humiliation and bad luck never gave her room to breathe. She barreled straight into a shelf stacked with colorful glass bottles of fizzy, sugary drinks.
The shelf trembled. Then–!
CRASH!
Dozens of bottles shattered. Sticky liquid poured across the tiles, turning the aisle into an impromptu slip-n-slide. Lucy’s feet went out from under her instantly.
“YaaaAAA–!” She screamed as she flailed her arms and began sliding in the opposite direction from the exit.
She slid through the mess, her legs splaying and wobbling about as she tried to maintain her balance, her tail whipping around in a strange zig-zagging motions, and with her paws clawing at nothing. She ricocheted off of one display, bounced into another, and smacked her head on a dangling Halloween skeleton decoration.
Then a dangling pumpkin decoration. Then a dangling witch’s cauldron. Could you tell it was almost October?!
“Guh! Ow! OOF! Ow ow ow—!”
Lucy spun, skidded far across the way and slammed directly into a giant teddy bear display at the end of the aisle. She hit the soft plush with a splat, which looked as though she were giving it a hug. Looking at it one way, you’d be forgiven for thinking it was quite the naughty hug too.
She toppled over backwards and flopped onto her back, legs in the air for a bit before those two plopped down. The bear’s button eyes stared down at her judgmentally. She’d never seen an inanimate stuffed animal judging her so fiercely before…!
Lucy groaned, twitching, her tongue sticking out the side of her mouth. “Uuuugh… just… p-pway it cool…”
She slowly sat up, smoothed her fur, and stumbled a bit like a drunk. Taking notice of the onlookers still around and holding back chuckles of amusement in some vain attempt to simulate a sense of decorum, she decided to do her best job playing this off. If it were at all possible, she was certain she was charismatic enough to successfully do so.
She draped an arm over the giant teddy like they were old drinking buddies. “Heh… nothing to see here, folks. Just me and… uh… Teddy. Good old Ted here stopped my fun little skating party, right pal?” Was that the best she could come up with? Ugh!
She gave the bear a friendly pat.
Click.
The bear whirred to life. Or at least that’s what it seemed like it was doing. She hadn’t expected to hear something mechanized emanating from it but that was indeed what was happening.
Before Lucy could react, the teddy’s arms jerked up and began throwing mechanical jabs.
“Wait, what–?!”
POW!
The first punch socked Lucy right in the nose, making her eyes cross.
POW! POW! POW!
The teddy pummeled her face, chest, and stomach in rapid succession. Each blow made her body flail and flop like a ragdoll on strings.
“Guh–DUUHHH–owwwwDUUUURR–!” Lucy drooled, her head lolling with each smack. Her legs buckled, her arms waved like noodles, and her underwear peeked bright and clear as the teddy turned her into its personal punching bag.
The little girl from earlier cheered. “Go, Teddy, go! Punch her silly!”
Yes, good ol’ Ted here wasn’t just some ordinary bear. Lucy had found herself at the very end of the boys aisle.
Sitting there, waiting to be bought by some tough little brat with a desire to be rowdy or perhaps had an undiscovered pain fetish, was this new toy. It was Boxing Ted.
Simply give him a hug and he springs to life to rapid fire punches at you. The punches came in bursts from easy to medium to hard to PUNCH MY LIGHTS OUT.
Of course Lucy ended up hitting the last one when she smacked into it.
Lucy whimpered, eyes half-closed, drool dribbling from her mouth. Then the teddy’s boxing glove wound back for one final, brutal punch.
The finisher before the mechanized boxing session was complete–!
“Wait! Don’t–!”
WHAM!
The glove rocketed forward, blasting Lucy square in the face. Her panicked wide eyes and hung open mouth contorted into a silly gaze of cuckoo distortion!
She was launched into the air, spinning end over end like a pancake flipped way too high and way too far.
“WAAAHHHHHHHHH—!”
Her Dora underwear flashed for all to see. The little girl pointed, squealing with laughter. “I can REALLY see her undies now!”
Turns out that was a lie when she said it earlier. She hadn’t expected the line to fluster her so much that it would lead to Lucy experiencing a rube goldberg conga line of humiliation like that but whatever bone the universe wanted to throw her she was happy to take it.
This was too funny not to be grateful for.
Lucy’s ears rang. Her body stiffened mid-flight. And then, oh no, her bladder gave out! A dark patch spread across her underwear as she wet herself mid-air, droplets sparkling under the fluorescent lights. “WaaAAAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAaaaaaAAAAH!” She cried and wailed as she soared overhead. The slow-motion action replay of this would have been majestic. People were already recording it all on their cameras but the beauty of the wet droplets coupled with the lights bouncing off her panties and her bubbly butt cheeks made for a very beautiful image.
It belonged in the hall of fame of humiliating art pieces.
Then finally–!
SPLAT!
Outside the mall, Tails strolled down the sidewalk, his twin tails swaying lazily behind him as the crisp September air tugged at his aqua-green scarf. The shopping plaza buzzed with early afternoon chatter as people ducked in and out of stores. But Tails’ mind was elsewhere, already spinning faster than the little propellers on his butt.
“Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what you could even get someone like him?”
He let his eyes wander across the storefronts while his mind ran laps. “Do I go with something serious? Something he’ll actually use? Or do I throw in a prank gift too, just to mess with him?”
A chuckle bubbled in his throat at the thought. “Like… Sesame Street underoos.” He shook his head almost instantly. “Nah. He already wears those. Wouldn’t even count as a prank gift.”
Tails sighed, tail tips flicking. “Knowing him, he’d probably think anime briefs were a serious gift for me,” He smirked wider now. “And then he’d get me Care Bears briefs as a prank gift. Except…” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “…I wear both too.”
The fox gave a little laugh at his own predicament, though the sound drifted away into the cool breeze. “Guess the joke’s on me, huh? Maybe I should just stick to chili dogs and call it a day. But then again…” He trailed off, sighing again. “Christmas shopping in September. What am I even doing?”
His thoughts drifted back and forth, tugging at silly possibilities and practical ones alike. Then, just as he exhaled with a resigned shrug, the store window in front of him shuddered as a shape slammed flat against it.
Lucy, in a training bra and dripping wet Dora the Explorer underwear, was pancaked against the glass, birdies circling her head and merrily tweeting, tongue smeared across the pane as her body sloooooowly slid downward with a long screeeee sound.
Tails froze. His ears twitched. His scarf fluttered lightly.
He blinked once. Twice.
No, he wasn’t dreaming. There was a panty clad girl pressed against the window pane of the Colorful Mall.
Tails stared at it and another confused beat passed him by.
“…Bro. What?”
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