Naruto Uzumaki, the Seventh Hokage, had faced countless enemies in his lifetime: Madara, Kaguya, the Otsutsuki clan, even his own inner darkness. But none of that compared to the humiliation he was living through now; trapped in a daycare full of toddlers in Bourbon Jetblack’s strange world, wearing a crinkly diaper and treated like the biggest baby in the room.
For several days he had studied the caretaker’s routine with the careful eyes of a shinobi. Every time she turned her back to change a baby’s diaper, every time she shuffled into the bathroom for her own break, every step she took when she thought nobody was watching, Naruto memorized it all. He wasn’t Hokage for nothing.
At least, he had been Hokage before a smug punk named Calzone wiped the floor with him in front of everyone and declared Naruto “too immature” to remain a leader. His punishment? Sent straight to daycare, stripped of his dignity, stripped of his clothes, and stuffed into baby powder filled diapers.
He was the master of his own fate though. The Hokage wasn’t a title to be sullied and laughed at. He would prove once more that it was to be revered and respected.
The toddlers were giggling and fumbling about at play when the caretaker announced, “Alright, babies, I’ll be right back! Stay in the playpen and don’t make a mess.”
Naruto’s eyes narrowed. This was his moment. When she left, he leapt over the plastic playpen gate with all the flair of a shinobi escaping enemy lines, landing in a crouch that made two toddlers clap their chubby little hands and giggle.
“Oh yeah. I’m awesome. Believe it!” Naruto whispered, scanning the room. His eyes locked on the caretaker’s desk. He dashed across the carpet, yanked the drawer open and there, folded neatly, were his Hokage clothes! His hands shook as he touched the fabric. Finally, freedom!
But when he dug deeper, his face paled. His boxers weren’t there. All he found was a pair of My Little Pony briefs with cheerful ponies prancing across the fabric in rainbow colors.
Naruto grimaced. “Tch… I guess it’s… better than this diaper…”
With a dramatic yank, he tore off the diaper prison around his waist and tossed it into the trash with a triumphant grin. “No more Baby Naruto for you, ya dumb lady! The Hokage has been set free!”
He giggled happily. Then leaned down with his fists clenched and his eyes closed before his giggles turned into a dramatic gush of slightly demented laughter. “YES! YES! YES! WHOO-HOOO!” He raced away from the scene before the yelling attracted her back.
Then he froze when he heard the giggles from behind him. The toddlers behind him seemed very amused for some reason.
He looked down. In his excitement, he had forgotten to actually put on the clothes he found. The entire room of toddlers erupted into laughter as Naruto stood there, stark naked.
One baby clapped and squealed, “Nakie Nart-toe!”
Naruto’s face turned red. “N-No! I’m not—!”
The laughter rang out behind him as he rushed back over and fished out his clothes. He then bolted from the daycare while shuffling on his undies and bouncing about as his tiny wee wee wobbled in the wind.
The laughter faded in the distance but lingered in his mind.
—
Panting, Naruto reached a nearby playground. He leaned against the slide, catching his breath. “Okay… okay… I just need to find a way back to Konoha. No problem.”
Then he saw them: three boys, standing together and almost blending into the scenary. Troy Collins, bright-eyed and cheerful, waved his arms around as he laughed at a story he was telling. Bourbon Jetblack, saggy pants and bored expression, leaning against the jungle gym. And Ian Malechite, arms crossed with an exasperated sigh.
Naruto’s heart leapt. “Kids! You’re safe! Calzone didn’t hurt you, right? Don’t worry, Naruto Uzumaki, the HOKAGE-” He put emphasis on that as if they would care. “-Is here!” He puffed his chest out proudly. The boys looked at him blankly.
Troy tilted his head. “Uh… yeah? Obviously, we’re not fine. I was telling a story to cheer the others up after Calzone gave us wedgies so bad we could taste our briefs.”
“Don’t worry. As the adult in this situation, I’ll be sure to handle it,” Naruto grinned.
Ian squinted. “You’re the one who got clobbered by Calzone and sent to daycare. Out of the four of us, you’re the least likely to be able to handle it. ”
Bourbon smirked. “Hokage. Is that a weird word for Man-Baby where you come from?”
Naruto’s jaw dropped. “W-Wait, what?! NO! It’s a title! THE most prestigious title that–I’m not a-! L-Least likely to handle it? That’s not true! I’m an adult! I’ll take care of everything!”
Bourbon stepped forward, reached down Naruto’s pants making him yelp, tugged at Naruto’s waistband, and yanked his My Little Pony briefs up into a slight wedgie. “An adult wouldn’t wear these.”
Naruto yelped, hopping in place. “Ow ow ow ow! Stop that! H-He would if it meant not going around all nakie like a newborn! It’s the principle of the thing! I’m a victim of circumstance!”
“Anyone asserting they could protect us shouldn’t be a victim of anything,” Ian said, arms behind his back and leering up at him with an unimpressed glance.
“I AM an adult! O-Okay! I am! The bestest one you’re ever g-gonna meet!” Naruto stammered, palms sweaty all of a sudden.
Ian pulled out a notepad. “Fine. Let’s test this. What’s one plus one?”
Naruto wiped sweat from his brow. “Duuh-?… Uh…f-five?”
The boys all facepalmed, with Troy giggling as he did.
“N-No f-fair! Tr-Trick question!” Naruto accused.
Troy giggled. “Even we’re too old for ninja make-believe, kid. You wouldn’t even pass for a kindergartner. Sorry but it’s clear now that toddlers are just super tall from wherever you say you’re from.”
Naruto puffed out his now rosy cheeks. “I am the Hokage! It’s the most adult of adult things one could possibly be! Watch this!” He slapped his hands together, trying to form hand signs. But no chakra came. No smoke. No clones. Just a lot of sweating.
The boys stared at Naruto as he fiddled with his fingers, making uselessly looking shapes. At one point he even burped and whimpered at how embarrassingly untimely it was. He looked like a lunatic.
Eventually, Bourbon and Troy share a glance and smirk. They approached Naruto from behind and together, yanked his pants to the ground.. “Welcome to my world, bro,” Bourbon said, wiggling his bottom a little with the waistband of his Elmo briefs on display. “I’ve got a bit of a pantsing problem too so no shame right?”
Naruto flailed, his pony undies now on full display. The kids roared with laughter. They saw the briefs already but it was even funnier with his bare, chicken legs exposed too!
Naruto stomped his foot, face red. “That’s it! You’re all meanies! I’m telling your parents on you!”
At that exact moment, Chris Collins appeared, arms crossed, with his best bud, Mario Malechite at his side.
Chris scowled. “What’s going on here?”
Troy quickly waved his hands, sweat instantly on his brow “Nothing, nothing at all, Chris!” Troy desperately wanted to avoid being embarrassed by his brother here.
But Naruto rushed forward, pointing at Troy. “Your brother is a brat! He has no respect for his elders AND he humiliated me!”
Chris’s eyes narrowed. “Excuse me? Are you accusing my little brother of being disrespectful without any proof?”
Troy, Bourbon, and Ian all chimed in, “Yeah, he is!”
“He’s a big fat liar!” Troy exclaimed. “He’s not an adult! He’s a man baby!”
Naruto clenched his fists. “That’s it, brat! I’m gonna spank you!”
Chris’s aura flared, shadow looming underneath Naruto. The blonde’s pupils shrunk and his face went white as a sheet. He sensed death. A shiver ran through him the likes of which he hadn’t felt since Kurama had been his enemy.
“If you lay a finger on him, you’ll be the one over my lap, baby man.”
Naruto trembled, knees knocking. A wet patch spread across his briefs and seeped through to his pants. “Ewww!” Troy pointed, giggling. “He peed himself!”
Chris, having just gotten from the ice-cream palor, took his chocolate ice cream cone and yanked open Naruto’s pants. “I was giving chocolate ice-cream a try since I’m usually a strawberry lover but I figured the back of your undies would suit this flavor better than me.”
He let it glorp down the back of Naruto’s briefs. Naruto squealed, hopping and shivering as his buttcrack had freezing cold ice-cream spill into it.
The playground roared with laughter.
“B-But… y-you…!” Naruto’s voice was high pitched as he teared up. “N-No fair…! I’m the Hokageeee~! N-Not even my son would do this to meeee…”
“Well, he should,” Chris said, then lowered his voice into a whisper. “I can just tell by looking at you and hearing the cadence of your voice. Your son doesn’t respect you at all does he? Are you one of those dead beats? Too busy to pay attention to him so you excuse it by whipping out that lame “Ho-ka-gay” line to feign importance. Is that your excuse to be a big baby man? How irresponsible of you to pretend to be that poor boy’s father.”
“Guh… b-but I… b-busy…?!”
“You’re a VERY…bad. Dad.”
Naruto made a really pathetic baby whimper.
Chris grabbed Naruto by the ear. “That’s enough crying. You’re grounded.”
Naruto whimpered as Chris dragged him forward. “W-Wait, I’m sorry! Please!”
Chris ignored him. “Strip. Apologize to Troy and his friends.”
Naruto froze. Chris narrowed his eyes. Naruto practically leapt out of his clothes after that.
With himself fully butt naked once again and red-faced, he slowly turned to Troy and his two smiling friends.
Naruto’s face burned as he muttered, “S-Sorry…”
Mario crossed his arms. “Say it right.”
Naruto swallowed. “I’m sorry for being a fool…”
“And?” Mario cracked his knuckles.
“EEP!” Naruto peed a little. “-A-And a loser and a big man-baby… a-and saying you were lying a-and pretending to be cool and acting like the Hokage was a cool thing to be and.. and–!”
Chris smirked. “Good boy.” With a swift motion, he pulled Naruto over his lap while sitting on a nearby bench and delivered a series of loud SMACK! SMACK! SMACKS to his wobbly, naked butt!
Naruto kicked and wailed, “Owwww! Stop it! I’m Hokage!” He went right back to whipping out the Hokage line.
“No,” Chris said firmly. “You’re my little brother now. Until you grow up, I’m taking care of you full-time.” Troy’s eyes sparkled. He leaned over to Bourbon and Ian, whispering, “Yes! I’m not the youngest anymore! Chris has a new baby brother to overprotect.”
Bourbon snorted. “If Hokage didn’t mean Man-Baby before it does noooow~!” He sang. Ian scribbled in his notebook. “Truly fascinating.”
Chris shuffled Naruto’s pony briefs back onto his butt and slapped his bottom so hard he fell off his lap and onto the pavement. Naruto tried to scramble away, but Chris grabbed him by the waistband of his briefs and dragged him across the ground. “Come on, baby man. Time to go home.”
Mario chuckled. Chris looked over at him, “Hey, Mario, you want to take his pants as a trophy?” Mario sneered. “He’s not worth it.”
Chris laughed. “Fine. Then I’ll wash them and keep them as a souvenir.” He said, snatching the discarded clothes up for his own sake as Naruto was dragged along behind him, crying and wailing in despair.
— Back at the Collins house, Naruto knelt before Chris, forehead to the floor. “Please, forgive me. I’ll be good. Just let me go home.”
It was total debasement but perhaps his humble plea would give him a chance.
Chris and Mario raised a brow at each other. Then they burst into laughter. Naruto felt his entire world grumble all over again. His mouth squiggled as he blubbered a bit.
Chris pinched Naruto’s cheek. “Stupid baby. Babies can’t take care of themselves. It’d be irresponsible of me to let you go. That might be something you think is okay but we grown ups gotta be more mature.”
“Don’t worry, little man,” Mario looked down at him as he loomed and made Naruto’s eyes widen. “From now on, we’ll take care of everything.”
---
Weeks passed.
On this new day, at 7 AM, Troy bounced out of bed, full of energy. He dashed into the nursery and there was Chris, cooing as he changed his newest little brother’s diaper.
“Morning!” Troy cheered.
“Morning,” Chris said warmly.
Naruto blushed, covering his face. Chris glared. “What do you say?”
Naruto squeaked, “G-Good morning, big brudda Troy…”
Troy grinned from ear to ear. “He called me big brudda!”
Chris adjusted Naruto’s diaper, patting his tummy. “Good boy.”
Troy’s eyes lit up. “Hey, can I borrow his pants and cape for Halloween? The pants are big enough to be a death robe, and the cape can be a superhero costume!”
Chris smirked. “Good idea. Take them.”
Troy whooped with joy, running out the door with Naruto’s clothes.
Naruto gulped. This was his life now.
He was no longer Hokage of the Leaf Village.
He was Naruto Collins, the biggest baby of the Collins brothers. He was destined for daycare, bottles, strollers, and humiliation until further notice.
Chris lifted him into a stroller, buckled him in, and pushed him out of the house and down the street. Toddlers waved as he passed the house by.
Naruto whimpered and teared up.
“I don’t… believe it…” he muttered weakly, as his pacifier bobbed in his mouth.
---
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