I'm at the end of my rope, and if I try to tie a knot, I'll fall off.
This has been my 2012 in a nutshell:
* Since my layoff last February, I have, to date, applied for 2,519 jobs. That averages out to just over 48 jobs per week. I still spend, every day, six to ten hours a day, looking for work.
* In that time, I've had 26 telephone interviews and 9 face-to-face interviews. None of them panned out.
* In late April, I had a small stroke, leaving me blind in my left eye for nearly five months, and with limited use of my left hand. Both conditions persist, but are not as extreme as they were.
* Thanks to a few freelance writing assignments I was able to land, my total income for the past year was $9,500.
* I've been to 22 networking/resume exchange events. I can't count the number of handshakes and resumes I gave out, only to get a smile and a nod and “You sound good. You'll be hearing from us.” Countless follow-ups later, and...nothing.
* I've contacted, or have been contacted by, at least 50 professional recruiters. Invariably, they contact me with a position in mind that fits my qualifications, I express interest...and they disappear, ignoring all my attempts to follow up. I remain convinced that recruiters do everything but place people.
Without the help of good people who are concerned for my well-being, I wouldn't even have gotten this far. I know, after a year of this, my situation is straining my relationship with these people, and, frankly, no one wants to hang out with someone who's down on their luck. I understand that, and am tired of being an added burden to them. Bottom line: I don't much like the charity case I have become. Nearly all my life to this point, I was able to take care of myself pretty well. Yes, I would lean on friends and family on occasion, but they, too, could lean on me. Now it is all take, take, take on my side of the equation. I have become a leech with no redeemable societal value.
Good people with the best of intentions offer me advice, with the “teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime” philosophy in mind. I've used much of this advice over the past year, and it hasn't seemed to work for me, or can't work for me. Some examples:
Don't look for the perfect job right now; take anything that pays. I have. I've applied to McDonald's, Target, assisted home living, full-time, part-time, work-at-home; you name it. Thus far, those few who have replied have said I'm “overqualified,” even with the “dumbed-down” version of my resume. One hiring manager was kind enough to elaborate, telling me they wanted people who would stay an extended period of time, and that with my qualifications they expected I would jump ship the moment something better came along. So, even as a placeholder, that advice doesn't seem to be bearing fruit in my situation.
Also, there are physical limitations for me to consider. Under doctor's orders, I'm not supposed to lift more than 25 pounds or stand for prolonged periods of time. I'm by no means an invalid, but I have to keep these restrictions in mind when looking for work.
Apply for help (food stamps, rent assistance, etc.) Again, I have done this. First, I'm not eligible for unemployment at this time. Second, I live in a state (Texas) that is rated among the very worst when it comes to social support programs. Nonetheless, I've applied to every city, county, state, federal and nonprofit help program I've been able to find. The sad truth (and I've been told this numerous times) is that higher priority is given to families with children and minorities. By the time my name comes up on the waiting list, my being a single white male, there's simply nothing left. I've gotten some food stamps, so I'm by no means starving, but as for any other relief, I'm simply out of luck.
Seek financial counseling. I have, and I continue to. The only problem is that, with no income at all at the moment, none of my creditors are willing to listen. Even though you can't get blood from a stone, they call me, sometimes up to 16 times a day, despite the fact that I have no new information for them. Once I have income, I can strike a deal with them; until then, they don't care what I have to say.
A little side note here: I'm going through my bank in order to take care of this problem, but I did a lot of online research on the topic, and there are tons of predatory “credit counseling services” out there who are not what they seem, nor do they have your personal well-being in mind. They're soulless sharks, and will milk you for every red cent you have, without any measurable results.
File for bankruptcy.This is an option I've been giving very serious thought, despite the crippling blow it would deliver to my credit—but as things stand now, my rating can't drop much lower. The only problem is that it costs a considerable amount to file, up to $1,500 in personal bankruptcy cases. I just don't have that kind of money. Also, although the point is probably moot now, I would lose my apartment instantly if I filed bankruptcy. I guess that's not so much a consideration anymore since that looks highly likely anyway.
Move in/couch-surf with someone until you get back on your feet. I've looked into this, and it doesn't seem to be a valid option, with either family or friends. The people I know either don't have any space or are financially strapped themselves. Additionally, for the time being I'm limited to the city of Austin; I don't have the wherewithal to move anywhere else.
Along with the good advice I've been given, I've gotten some pretty nasty comments, too. Here's a sampling:
You're nothing more than a self-entitled drama queen/scam artist. Heaven knows people who fit that description are out there. It's easier for them to sit back and do nothing but fish around for suckers who will fall for a sob story. If I don't know you, and you hold this view, there's little to nothing I can do to convince you otherwise. But those who have bothered to get to know me can testify that I'm a hard-working person of integrity.
Didn't you already ask for help earlier this year? Yes, I did. And people helped. And I wouldn't have thought in a million years I would still be in this awful position today. I'm doing my best to dig out of this pit, and who knows? Something could come up tomorrow. But today I'm hurting. Bad things do happen to good people—and on occasion, they keep happening.
No one thinks you're really trying. It's far easier to dismiss and ridicule someone in need than it is to help. But do me a favor: don't express your own personal opinion on the subject and try to convince me it applies to everyone. You and I both know better.
Wear a jacket; I hear the park benches are cold this time of year. Cute. The smug and snarky tone of comments like these reflects far more negatively on the person saying them than it does on me. Ponder this a moment: I was fairly well-off a little over a year ago. If this can happen to me, it can happen to you. How would you react if you made an honest plea for help, and you got this garbage instead? I'm pretty sure your response would rhyme with “truck stew.” So, Truck Stew.
If there's anyone out there who actually read this far, you're probably asking what comes next. That's the big question, and I honestly don't have an answer. All I do know is I have two weeks to figure it all out. Unless by some miracle I am able to pay my March rent in full by March 4th at the very latest, my apartment complex manager will set in motion eviction proceedings. This is my fourth threat of eviction this year.
I want to believe in miracles—and it's probably one that I'm still around today—but I can't come to expect them anymore. I'll continue to work as hard as I always have to find employment and set things right, finally. But the clock is ticking, and in all honesty I'm scared half to death. People are tired of my requests for help; I get that. But I don't know what else to do right now.
