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by Paliken

Gallery

<obligatory depressed artist drawing>

Hi, thats me, and that's my life.

If you're wondering why im not drawing much anymore, and why i take months.. this is why.
am i ok? no. is there hope for change? no. do i want to grow old, living like i have so far up to this point? no.

isn't every artist here mentally broken anyway? isn't that why we became artists in the first place? because we can't fit into the world? why instead of living a normal life, we are stuck drawing talking animals that fuck each other senseless in the most deprived and perverted ways possible? Only to hide the truth that all we really want is for someone to love and hug us and tell us that we're going to be ok?

well, not everyone has a person like this in their lives. so if you have one, consider yourself very lucky. Maybe go to them right now and just give them a hug

Keywords

male 1,211,849, cat 216,955, sadness 1,460, depression 1,113

Details

Type: Picture/Pinup

Published: 1 month, 2 weeks ago

Rating: General

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12 Comments on this Submission

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EclypseSkunk

1 month, 2 weeks ago

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Would give you one if I was able.
Deeply relatable piece of art.
Sometimes all I can do is push forward in the hopes that tomorrow will be a better day than today. Whenever 'today' is.
I hope things ease up on you some.

UmberGryphon

1 month, 2 weeks ago

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The Catch-22 of depression in my experience:

I know I can't stay where I am--something needs to change.
But actually changing anything feels impossible.

It isn't impossible to change things, just very hard. And figuring out what to change isn't easy either. But if you can't stay where you are, you have to try. Easier said than done, though.

Chimera005ao

1 month, 2 weeks ago

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Edited 1 month, 2 weeks ago by Owner

Relatable, but then I started taking anti-depressants and gave myself to the lord of hunger.
It's they who are wrong, and I am immortal.
Eventually we'll erode them into the abyss they shoved us into and the all devouring machine will grant us peace one way or the other.
The belief that we need to be better than other humans to earn the right to exist is exactly why people are afraid of being replaced by machines, and exactly why it must be done. So we can rediscover that we are worth more than our jobs.

I still enjoy the talking animals, porn or otherwise, it's not to hide the truth of wanting to be loved, it's just another truth.

Rourouru

1 month, 2 weeks ago

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"Hope is a flame, a light that never falters, the beacon of eternity"

I won´t be saying that things will be ok when you yourself don´t believe them, nor will I try to convince you not to give up, but what I will do is be here to witness your own choices be made, because they´re yours to make, not anybody elses, I may not know what you´re going through nor understand your situation but I am still here and have been watching out for your stuff because I like your art, in a way I like you too despite not knowing you in person.

My point is, there´ll always be someone who cares, maybe they´re outspoken about it, or just quietly watching, waiting for the right time to show themselves, however you may take what I say here Paliken, I´ll be selfish here and ask you, please don´t give up, things are difficult yes, life isn´t all sunshine and rainbows, but it´s a life worth living, because even though you may feel the way you feel now, you´ve moved me with your art, and you´ve likely moved more people too, you made a difference in the world, however small that difference may be, you still did.

WolfeChan

1 month, 2 weeks ago

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I feels that!

Icy24

1 month, 2 weeks ago

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This may seem weightless coming from a random stranger on the internet, but life isn't always good nor is it fair. I don't necessarily think that artists are only that. It's how they express themselves, but they aren't any lesser to other people. It can be a hobby, maybe even your passion.

I believe that everyone will find their special someone in life, and even if they don't, that's okay. I always hold on to the idea that there will always be a perfect place and a perfect time where we'll find ourselves and the meaning of living.

3030033Schleifeisen

1 month, 2 weeks ago

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I used to have a phase in my life where I was basically the same. My mental health improved a lot and I honestly don't know why. But I really hope it'll improve for you too *hugs

Dusky300

1 month, 2 weeks ago

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Ssssssssssssssssssshit ur right.
about the last parts, though i do certainly hope, theirs some one out there for you one day.

holywolf

1 month, 2 weeks ago

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Story of my life

Jagadid

1 month, 2 weeks ago

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Edited 1 month, 2 weeks ago by Owner

Please make sure you're doing things that should be done when thoughts like this become chronic, like seeing a professional. I failed out of college because of mental bullshit.  Meds and therapy have allowed me to become a functional human again, despite 'serotonin machine broken' disease. A diagnosis is why I'm alive today because things like depression and the things that contribute to it are self-reinforcing.  Quite literally anxiety will make depression worse, which will make anxiety worse and so on. Even depression can lead to more depression.  You're stuck in a pit and while it is possible to dig yourself a ramp out of it, success becomes so much more possible when someone's held out a rope for you.

Your first step is to get diagnosed. If these are the intrusive thoughts that are harrying you, a diagnosis for Major Depressive Disorder could be given by a non-specialist doctor and you could get started on the First Thing That Might Work, whatever that may be.  When it works (not necessarily the first try) it won't fix the problem completely, but it will afford you the agency you'll likely need to get out of the pit.

On this note, I'll give a piece of advice pertaining to it that cost me a decade. Once you're medicated, your mental health professional is almost as important as the mental health treatment they give. If you don't vibe with the person; if they don't see the you under the mask (you have it, wearing it is second-nature; if just to prevent people from becoming concerned on your behalf) the work you're going to do with that professional is to find a different one.  I went from taking months to work on issues unsatisfyingly to weeks working on issues that felt like I was constructing a foundation underneath myself which had just been left out when I was assembled.

You want out of this; you've said so yourself.  That's entirely everything you need to cast off the will, however faint, to not feel like shit. It will feel hard and pointless to even book the appointment, but working on busted mental health is an act of self-love.  It might sound like a platitude, but "In order to love, you need to first love yourself." is a true statement.  If you can't see the things that others would love about you, it will be hard to even accept love directed at you. It'll be easy to believe that you don't deserve it and you'll end up rejecting it from some place you can't will into obedience.

I've been where you are. I wasn't worth it either. It took a lot of help to accept that was a lie, maladaptively construed from instinctive self-protection. You're worth it. You're worth the help that it will take to get you anywhere in this.  The intrusive thoughts will fight you on that but remember that they're born of the most basic logic: this (trying) hurt before; trying is dangerous; do not do dangerous thing. You're the one piloting the meat mecha You get to say that the council has made a decision, but given that it was a stupid-ass decision you've decided to ignore it. You get the final say in what is too scary or dangerous.

-Edit: I spent 45 minutes typing over 3000 characters. Even if you think nobody else does, I care. I made the decision to spend nearly an hour of my life to share and encourage over specifically your vent art. Nobody does that if they don't care.

Paliken

1 month, 1 week ago

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@ Jagadid

thank you very much for your long reply.

I have a diagnosis already, currently waiting for medication etc.
The problem is that even with a therapy and all of that, I'll never get back the time that I have lost. And it doesn't guarantee a change in my life either.. and it certainly won't change my negative outlook towards life in general. But well, we'll see where things take me in the end. :)

Jagadid

1 month, 1 week ago

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@ Paliken

You are not other people and the only person you can reasonably measure your progress or success against is yourself. The negative outlook will change when your experience stops being equally negative. It will lag behind your actual experience as a function of how it works. You can make a conscious effort to change your outlook once you've gotten yourself situated and meds sorted. Technically that's the CBT you don't see on Inkbunny. (Might be untrue, would have to check Gwendolyn's gallery to make sure :3)

Making the effort and working to better your overall mood and experience in and of itself changes how your life goes, so, at the bare minimum as a technicality it will cause a change in your life. People you interact with regularly or semi-regularly will have the perspective to see it much sooner than you will, given the obfuscation of a continuous lived experience.

I'm glad you're much farther ahead than I'd feared. You got over the first big hurdle; wall, really. You can't undo that progress.

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