Dissociation

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by LilJake

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I am really struggling to sleep tonight and I needed to get something out of my system.

Normally I don't really wanna use my full on painting style for furry stuff cuz it takes a long time, but I really needed what I was most comfortable with here. Something impressionist. Lots of lost edges.

I've dealt with dissociate disorder for... most of my life. It sucks. If you've experienced dissociation, you know what I mean. Just... The world melting into shapes that don't feel real anymore.

I've been really dissociative the past week. People aren't helping. People are getting mad at me for things. People are getting mad at me for standing up for myself. I feel ill. I wanna go to sleep. I hate insomnia. I have no weed. I hate my brain.

When do I get to be normal? When is it my turn to be okay?

Keywords

fox 257,260, nonbinary 9,692, transmale 2,727, vent 2,117, transmasc 883, venting 188, mental health 186, dissociation 20, playing guitar 19

Details

Type: Picture/Pinup

Published: 7 months, 1 week ago

Rating: General

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Sangie

7 months, 1 week ago

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Edited 7 months, 1 week ago by Owner

This is beautiful in a way that hurts...

The way you talk about dissociation here… it’s so deeply familiar. Sometimes I wonder the same: is anything real, or am I just trying to assign meaning to outlines? I got news last week that my leukemia may be coming back and well… it's scary.

But I think maybe... you don’t have to always see the beauty. Sometimes you just have to feel safe enough for it to come back on its own. Sometimes life is still worth it when it's ugly. Sadly, everything is temporary, but maybe that's good if it's pain?

I don’t know you in person, but from one dissociative queer soul to another: you're not alone in this. Even when your brain tries to tell you otherwise. You deserve to feel okay. You deserve to rest. You deserve softness.

And this? This painting is real. It’s raw. It’s fucking human. Thank you for sharing it.

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