WARNING: Although this particular chapter does not depict violence or cursing, future installments will. As this story is based on an adult parody of MLP called The Mentally Advanced Series. I would encourage that if you had not watched it to do so to get a grasp of the world in which this takes place. Many of the jokes, lore, and otherwise are in reference to MAS, not just simply My Little Pony. I have also made a supercut that includes every reference and appearance of Celestia in the series, in case watching the entire MAS series maybe too time consuming. If you find Celestia, or other canon characters, used in crude and unpleasant depictions offensive, this is your warning. However, I would appreciate that you take a look anyway with an open mind.
“Rise and shine, ladies!” The head mistress announced in a sing-song tone. The rhythmic banging of a pot and ladle made Hilfe’s ears ring and her head pulse. She struggled out of bed, scowling while rubbing sleep from her eyes. But when she was able to finally focus, she saw that the head mistress and the other maids were up and waiting for her.
“My, my, my! You practically slept the whole evening into the night, and you’re still tired, eh?” The head mistress chuckled as the other maids giggled behind her.
Hilfe let out a short chuckle herself, “I guess the trip took more out of me than I thought.”
“Well hopefully that was enough rest for you, cause it’s time to get to work! Right, ladies?” The head mistress bellowed.
The other maids answered back in unison, with Hilfe straggling behind, “Yes, ma’am!”
In no time at all, Hilfe had washed up and began slipping into her new uniform. A simple headdress and a frilly apron that was worn on her haunch. It felt a little bit odd, fitting a bit tight, and other ends feeling much looser.
“Oh, I wouldn’t worry too much about it, dearie,” The head mistress waved, “It looks fine on you. But if you need it a bit fixed up, you could have it fitted another time. For now, let’s get you on track with your duties.”
The head mistress personally watched over Hilfe and carefully guided her through what her usual initiatives were. Dusting, sweeping, cleaning up after royal guests, and freshening up the rooms of them and the royal sisters, just to name a few. None of the tasks weren’t anything that Hilfe hadn’t done before in helping her mom with the messy twins.
“Saaay, you’re not too bad at this.” The head mistress applauded, “You didn’t even mix chlorine gas like some of the other beginners have!”
Hilfe rubbed her neck in embarrassment, “Yeah, I already learned my lesson when my mom first taught me how to scrub toilets. Boy was she furious!”
“A life lesson you won’t forget, I’m sure.” The old unicorn tsked warmly. “But I do believe that covers all the basics, then. Are you ready to start on your first task?”
Hilfe nodded proudly, “I think so! What do you need me to do?”
Hilfe followed the scuttling old unicorn down several hallways and up a few staircases. Finally leading to a grand ornate door, she pauses and waved Hilfe closer, “Here it is, your first assignment! This is an easy one, you’ll be cleaning Princess Luna’s room all by yourself. What do you think?”
Hilfe gritted her teeth nervously, “Are you sure that I’m ready for this so soon?”
“It’s hardly a problem, at all! Just mind your manners!”
Her cloven hooves curled around to resemble a pair of thumbs up as Hilfe gently knocked on the mighty wooden doors. At first, there was only silence and even her own heartbeat began to make Hilfe feel tense. Just then, the great doors groaned open and a large pony, bathed in yellow, answered, “State your business.”
Upon a closer look, it turned out that the guard was wearing a banana suit. The half-unicorn glanced back at her head stewardess, who still had her ‘thumbs’ raised.
“Er, I am here to tidy up the princess’s room?” Hilfe bit her lips together.
A voice called from deeper within the room, “Oh, shut up, you stupid guard! You know why they’re here, they only come to clean my room every bloody day! Send her in already!”
The banana guard sighed with an exhausted eye roll and stepped aside to let Hilfe through.
She stepped into a vast, circular room with pillars that held the ceiling high. The room was imbued in various shades of dreamy blue. At its center was a decorative bed in the shape of a crescent moon, and on it laid the Princess of the Night.
A scowl crept upon the blue alicorn’s royal visage, “Hold on, you’re not my usual maid. Who are you?”
The oddly attired guard piped in, “That’s what I was trying to figure out your majes-”
“I thought I told you to SHUT UP!” Luna snapped, “Get out, I could answer my own door, thank you very much.”
The banana guard’s eyes began to bug out, clearly having dealt with his master’s temper on more than one occasion. But after a moment to collect himself, he silently, and perhaps begrudgingly, stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
The princess shook her head, “He acts like he knows everything, I tell you. Nothing but a true pain in the ass. I bet he wouldn’t talk to Celestia that way.”
Hilfe finally understood what the cranky receptionist was talking about, the princess indeed seemed to wear her crown a little crooked.
The young maid looked around the room, making sure not to look Luna in the eye, “I’m real sorry about that, I didn’t mean anything by it. Would it be possible if I could-”
“Yes, yes. Get on with it, then.” Luna remarked, shooing her away with a hoof. “That’s all you’re here for anyways.”
A slight perspiration gathered on Hilfe’s brow, now worried that just about anything would set off the younger princess. The new maid haphazardly wandered around the circular room, picking up blankets and towels that were strewn about. All the while, Luna watched with the stabbing gaze of a bird of prey. But the more the princess observed her, the more Hilfe’s mind began to draw a blank on what to do next.
Luna’s mouth grew tight on one side and her emerald eyes became half lidded, “What? Is this your first day, or something? You hardly look like you know what you’re doing.”
Hilfe rubbed her neck in light embarrassment, “Actually, it is my first day, my first assignment too.”
“Yeah, it sure looks like it.” Luna agreed, resting her head on her hoof. “So what happened to the old maid? Maple Berry, or something saccharine like that? I didn’t care to remember it since she acted mute and lame while I was talking to her. All she would do was scroop around my room like a rat, foraging for its nest.”
Hilfe’s eyes widened and her lips squeezed shut as she squirted more glass cleaner on the princess’s mirror. In the reflection, however, Luna’s ice cold gaze notified Hilfe that her majesty’s question was far from rhetorical.
“Are you feigning lameness and mutism too? A little late for that, don’t you think?” Luna’s ghastly tone rasped.
The half-unicorn hurriedly cleared her throat, “I-, ahem, I will have to find out from the head stewardess. I wasn’t briefed on anything like that.”
The deep blue princess rolled over onto her back, a hoof gracing her forehead, “Ah, A feeling I know all too well, New Blood. No one informs Luna either. In fact, no one talks to Luna at all. Not even that stupid guard in the peel suit out there will give me the time of day. He merely humors me under the threat of execution, but, woe is me… if only.”
Hilfe held her eyes shut and bared her teeth. Her heart pounded as she tried to remember what her peers had told her. Don’t answer. Don’t respond. Ignore her.
And yet…
“You,” Hilfe sighed, “You can talk to me if you want to.”
“Oh you’re just saying that!” Luna huffed as she rolled on her back towards Hilfe with a tail flick. “You don’t really mean it.”
Hilfe bit down into her lower lip, “I do.”
Luna rolled back with a small smirk, “You do what?”
Hilfe’s hoof shook from how tightly she squeezed the bottle of window cleaner, “I… do mean it. You can talk to me, if you want, your Highness.”
The Princess brayed in a cheery squeal, rolling back and forth in her bed, squeezing her pillow tightly, “How long I’ve waited for a best friend!”
Hilfe gasped, “I wouldn’t go so far-”
“It’s been so long since I’ve even had an acquaintance! Now I can share my deepest, darkest, most intimate secrets and thoughts. Believe me, they have been festering for a looong time.”
Hilfe let out a quiet sigh to relieve the uneasiness of what she waltzed right into. She moved on from the windows and began gathering Luna’s clothes.
Flicking the occasional side-eye, Hilfe asked, “So, what’s been on your mind?”
Luna sat up and flipped her hair boisterously, “Straight to the point, I like that! With so much on my mind, where do I even start?”
The room was silent except for the muffled sounds of Hilfe placing Luna’s laundry in a bin. Though the half-unicorn anxiously waited, the blue princess couldn’t seem to answer.
Luna tapped her hoof to her bottom lip, “Well, I… hm. You know- uh. Did you hear about the er-”
Luna blankly stared at her new maid, desperately hoping for all the things she had been wanting to talk about to come rushing back to her. But nothing ever did.
She quickly crossed her arms and looked away, “S-so, what’s your name, anyway?”
Hilfe stammered, “Oh, well your majesty-”
“Please,” Luna interrupted, “there’s no longer a need for formalities. Luna will do just fine.”
It was all a little too sudden, especially for someone’s first day, Hilfe thought. Would the princess just let anyone speak to her on a first name basis? Or was she really so desperate for companionship?
“Of course, Luna.” Hilfe could almost feel the noose tighten around her neck from speaking such words, “My name is Hilfe, it’s a pleasure to be your friend.”
A sharp snort left the blue alicorn’s nose, “Hm, I doubt you speak to your peers so formally.”
Her eyes and stern expression softened into a gentle smile, “But it feels so nice to hear those words after so long.”
Hilfe smiled back but felt a prick of guilt at the bottom of her chest. She was afraid of this new world she stepped into, with her parents’ warnings always present in her mind. However, despite the two awkward encounters with the receptionist and the strange unicorn aristocrat, the city of Canterlot had made an easing impression on the new maid. Perhaps, she thought, her stay here would be a bit more than bearable.
“Say, what do you do for fun around here?” Hilfe asked while pulling out a feather duster.
Luna jolted from her sitting position, “Fun? Well, I do paint on occasion for a hobby, but…”
The princess peered over her shoulder, looking towards the door. Seeing it was still shut, she leaned in closer and said in a soft tone, “I am embarrassed to admit it, but I don’t get to go out too much. Being stuck on the moon for a thousand years has made Equestria so alien, and everyone treats me as such, as well.”
Hilfe nodded with a wink, “Oh, and you were waiting for a friend to help you, huh?”
The Princess of the Night’s cold persona continued to evaporate, revealing, not an ice hearted second in command, but a pony who felt just as isolated as she was when she was imprisoned. Maybe this new maid wasn’t the key to Luna’s lack of sociability, but perhaps she could simply make Luna feel less lonely.
“You know,” Hilfe’s voice withdrew Luna from her thoughts, “I don’t know if you want to or not, but I have Saturdays off. I’ll need someone to tour the city with.”
Luna’s emerald eyes sparkled with anticipation, “And you would want to… go with Luna?!”
Hilfe’s eyes rolled with a sharp smirk, “Of course! Maybe you could take me to one of your favorite spots, so long as it’s not too pricey.”
“Fear not,” Luna’s voice deepened, a look of determination crossing her brow, “For we, Luna, shall hoof the bill and allow you, a commoner, to experience true decadence!”
“Now wait just a minute!” Hilfe snapped her head around in a huff, “I’m not just some country bumpkin, you know. I’ve eaten at the Canterfornia Pizza Kitchen, I got class!”
“The what? You don’t eat that peasant food, pizza, do you?” Luna sneered. “Thank goodness I haven’t.”
Hilfe gasped, “You’ve never had pizza before?”
“No, I can’t say that I’ve had Itstallion commoner, uh, ‘cuisine’ before.”
The half unicorn threw her feather duster to the floor before gingerly picking it back up, “Well, that does it! Your majes- er, Luna, I’m gonna find the best pizza in town for you to try! You’ll love it!”
“Well…” Luna rubbed her lower lip, “If it's for a friend, then I shall bear through it. But I refuse to pay for it! I will not waste my bits on something I won’t like!”
‘Cheapskate.’ Hilfe thought to herself, maintaining an annoyed smile.
But despite Hilfe’s initial fears, by the time she wrapped up her chores, she and Luna laughed and were showing each other a modestly good time. So when the maid began to put away her cleaning instruments, Luna visibly drooped.
“So, I suppose that’s it then?” Luna sighed listlessly as Hilfe pushed her cleaning supplies to the room’s entrance.
“For now. I still have a job, you know.” Hilfe replied as she walked back to Luna’s side. “But I’ll be back, and we’re still going to hang out on Saturday, right?”
Luna nodded, “That is true. Meet me here in the morning, then. Be vigilant, Hilfe. For I will be dawning a disguise to hide myself from the public eye, and it may even fool you.”
Hilfe tapped the fist of one hoof into the palm of the other, “Of course! A princess wandering around might not bring the best attention, huh?”
Luna winked, “You’re much sharper than you look Hilfe! I can tell that you will do well in keeping up with my razor sharp wit!”
Hilfe glanced to the side with a grimaced grin, “O-oh, well I try!” The half unicorn hurried out her cart of supplies as she called back, “I’ll see you around, Luna!”
The Princess waved through her blue hooves, “TTFN, Bestie!”
Out into the grand hall, Hilfe closed the door behind her. She leaned her back against it and let out a long steady sigh. She chuckled to herself, intrigued by the strange royal. Despite Luna’s eccentricities, and the thousand year age gap, she might as well have been one of Hilfe’s peers.
As Hilfe adjusted her uniform, she wondered what it must have been like to be abandoned by one’s self for that long. Would it feel like a dream? Or would every moment be as crawling as the last?
“Sounds like everything went well?” The stewardess asked as she poked her head out from behind Hilfe’s cleaning supplies cart.
Startled by her boss’s sudden appearance, Hilfe jumped, “You were here this whole time?”
The head stewardess coyly smirked, “Sure, in case things didn’t work out with you and her Majesty. Somebody would still need to clean up the mess. But thankfully, we need not worry about that now. It seems her majesty has taken quite the liking to you.”
Hilfe grunted as she began to push the dense cleaning cart down the hall, “I don’t know about that, I’m sure she would be friends with anyone who gave her attention. I feel terrible for her, really.”
“Well, be careful for who you give pity to. Everyone has a sob story around here, if you pry hard enough.” The head stewardess noted, focusing her eyes in front of her.
Hilfe glanced over with perplexion, “I suppose everybody does, sure.”
The head stewardess shook her head with an arrogant sigh, “You don’t know what I mean. This castle and just about everypony in it has a story but that doesn’t change who they are presently. The princesses keep their childhood under tight lock and key, but we at least know that they too have had it hard. But they are able to turn normal ponies into paste without a second thought. They, as well as many here, choose to act out and use any reason to justify it.”
“What are you really trying to say?”
“It’s okay for a mouse to pity a cat for its circumstance, but it’s a blessing for it not to be mauled for play.”
As the two ponies reached the end of the corridor, it split into two separate halls. The cleaning cart squeaked to a halt and Hilfe silently mulled over what she had just been warned.
The stout stewardess scurried down one such hall, breaking away from Hilfe’s side. Before going too far, she stopped and looked back to Hilfe, over her shoulder, and said, “Pardon me, I must check up on the other girls now. I’ll leave you to the rest of your shift.”
Hilfe nodded, turning down the opposite hall.
“Oh, and Hilfe?” The stewardess called, “A mouse has charmed a lion before, as well.”
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