Lena strolled through the futuristic showroom, rolling her eyes as she passed display after display of glowing, automated contraptions.
"Self-buttering toast machines. Talking refrigerators. A spoon that feeds you? Yeah, this all seems totally necessary," she muttered.
"Come on, Lena!" Webby grinned, practically vibrating with excitement. "This is the future! Think of all the possibilities!"
"Yeah," Lena deadpanned. "Possibilities like getting turned into a human science experiment?"
"That sounds amazing!" Webby gasped. "Oh! Bathroom! Be right back!"
After Webby ran off, Lena sighed and stayed where she was—until something caught her eye.
A sleek, gleaming Mechanical Barber Chair stood in the middle of an exhibit labeled:
"AUTO-BARBER 3000 – THE PERFECT CUT, GUARANTEED!"
A cheerful robotic voice announced: "Step right up for a premium grooming experience! Try our free demonstration today!"
Lena smirked. Free?
She had to at least try to scam this thing.
She sauntered up to the chair, arms crossed. "So, uh… how much does this usually cost?"
"Our full-service package is valued at 30 dollars!"
Lena gasped dramatically. "Thirty bucks? Oh man, if only I could afford such luxury!" She turned to leave. "Guess I'll have to go somewhere else—"
"HOWEVER!" the machine chimed in. "Today's demonstration is absolutely FREE! Please, take a seat!"
Lena smirked. Too easy.
She plopped down, stretching out lazily. "Alright, tin can. Do your worst."
The chair hummed.
"ACTIVATING LUXURY GROOMING EXPERIENCE."
A scanner arm extended, hovering near her head.
Time for phase two.
Muttering a quick spell under her breath, Lena cast an illusion over her hair—making it look like it hadn't been touched.
The machine immediately glitched.
"ERROR. ERROR. UNIDENTIFIED HAIR ANOMALY."
Lena smirked. "Oops."
The chair jerked.
"CORRECTING ERROR."
Before Lena could react, the seat launched her into the air.
"WHAT THE—?!" she exclaimed.
She flipped end-over-end—
And landed upside down.
THUNK!
Lena groaned, dazed, as the chair's restraints snapped into place, locking her in.
"Okay. Nope. This is NOT part of the deal!" Lena practically yelled.
"PLEASE REMAIN STILL DURING YOUR GROOMING EXPERIENCE."
The machine whirred. A mechanical arm extended—holding a crisp, silky hair cape— Which it promptly tied around her butt.
Lena's eyes widened. "Wait—why are you—?"
BZZZZZZT!
A pair of electric clippers revved up—and started trimming her rear feathers.
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" Lena screamed incredulously.
At the same time, another set of brushes fluffed up her head, giving her an absurd, cartoonishly poofy hairstyle.
"I SIGNED UP FOR A HAIRCUT, NOT A BUTTCUT!" she yelled.
"PLEASE RELAX DURING YOUR LUXURY GROOMING EXPERIENCE."
Lena thrashed, but the chair held her firmly in place.
Next came the massage function.
"COMMENCING RELAXATION TREATMENT."
Two mechanical hands descended and started kneading her butt like a loaf of bread.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Lena shrieked, flailing her arms.
"ADJUSTING PRESSURE…"
The hands squeezed harder.
"GAH—NO, NOT BETTER!" she added just as loudly.
Then came the hot towel treatment.
A steaming towel was placed directly onto her rear.
Lena yowled. "THAT'S HOT!"
The machine beeped. "TEMPERATURE TOO HIGH. CORRECTING."
SHWOOP!
The towel was ripped away—leaving Lena twitching, her feathers frazzled.
"I'm gonna kill this thing." Lena growled.
"FINAL STYLING SEQUENCE INITIATED."
Two mechanical arms emerged—one brushing her head into a glossy shine, the other combing her rear feathers, parting them perfectly down the middle.
"This is the worst day of my life." Lena proclaimed.
And for the final touch—
A small, dainty pink hair tie appeared.
The machine grabbed a tuft of feathers at the base of her tail—
And tied it into a perfect little pigtail.
Lena's soul left her body right then and there.
"LUXURY GROOMING EXPERIENCE COMPLETE."
A large mirror extended—
And showed Lena's rear end.
Perfectly smoothed. Perfectly styled.
With a pigtail.
The restraints released and Lena collapsed onto the floor. She lay there, twitching and shaking with rage.
At that moment, Webby returned, holding a smoothie. "Hey, Lena, I got you—"
She stopped when she saw the pigtail. At which point she just lost it.
"PFFFFFT—AHAHAHAHAHA!"
Lena, still face-down, groaned into the floor.
Webby wheezed, wiping away tears. "I—I'm sorry, I—pfft—your butt—"
Lena stood up slowly. She turned to glare at the machine.
It let out one final, cheerful chirp:
"Thank you for choosing Auto-Barber 3000!"
Lena's eye twitched. "…Webby?"
"Y-Yeah?" Webby nervously replied.
Lena ripped off the pigtail. "Get. Me. A. Flamethrower."
