Cringe compilation made real. And I’m the star of it. The auditorium floor’s now covered in spaghetti.
I nervously looked up to see what was projected on the screen. My anime collection. Everything from the comparatively tame yuri and yaoi to the really intense stuff like handholding. And worst of all, the crude photomanips I made of myself with various waifus.
My head swam as I panned over the auditorium. Everyone was laughing, the teachers and principal desperately trying to restore order. I searched the crowd to see who wasn’t laughing.
Naser had a smirk on his damn snoot. Reed was trying not to laugh, but I could clearly see he was failing at holding it in. Fang was simply staring in shock with the only signs of life on their face being an occasional blink of their eyes. And then there was that strawberry shithead, Naomi. I just wanted to rip that plastic smile off that Parasaurolophus’ssnoot.
Even Stella, the Stegosaurus (and Volcano High’s resident Saurian occultist weeb) was laughing. I couldn’t tell if she was doing it to hide her power level or if she genuinely found it funny.
I had just been hit by the worst nightmare of nerd: getting one’s power level revealed. And as much as I want to say I went Super Saiyan and turned into a blond god, the only thing that went Super Saiyan was my anger.
I stomped up to the nearest exit and practically knocked it off its hinges, not caring it was the emergency exit (though I’m certain this level of cringe qualified as an emergency).
Over the blaring alarm, the howls of laughter, and a loud crashing noise, I turned to face the crowd and proceeded to flip them off with both hands.
“Fuck every one of you fucking meteor dodgers!” I snarled before I exited the auditorium, turning around to hide the tears that welled up in the corners of my eyes. I didn’t care that I referred to the entire student body with a speciesist slur; I was just so angry I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
***
I stormed out of Volcano High’s campus and continued down the streets of Volcaldera Bluffs. I could see the rest of those meteor dodgers staring at me, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to get back to my shitty apartment at Skin Row so I could shitpost and troll. I know I promised Fang I wouldn’t be such a dickhead, but at this point, I didn’t care about the promise I made to them. I wanted someone to feel as fucked up as I do now and I didn’t give a shit who felt this way.
Eventually, I made my way to the outskirts of Skin Row. You could always tell because you’d start seeing broken bottles, cigarette butts, assorted trash, and bums. I heard footsteps behind me.
I whirled around, ready to face my potential attacker. I relaxed when I saw it was just Reed. The stupid pink raptor was still wearing his red tank top and torn up leggings. I also noticed he had still had his headphones draped around his neck; either he was too high to notice what neighborhood he was in or he just didn’t care. “‘Sup, Anon,” he said, flashing his signature twin finger guns gesture at me with a smirk.
My eye twitched; he was talking to me like he didn’t find my public humiliation amusing like the other students.
Okay, Anon. Come up with something witty that shows your righteous anger. “Yeah?”
I mentally kicked myself. The spaghetti container has been breached. Maybe I could stop the rest of it from spilling.
“I just wanted to let you know that everyone’s looking for you,” Reed said.
“Is that why you’re here? So you can laugh at me some more and then bring me back to Volcano High for more humiliation?” I replied.
Reed picked at one of the feathers on his arms. “Well—”
“Drop it Reed. I thought you were cool when I first got here at Volcano High. But now, I know better. You’re just like the rest of them. All those who saw a Human and went, ‘Hey, look a skinnie! Let’s fuck with him!’” Okay, spaghetti spillage averted.
Reed’s tail visibly drooped as he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Anon, I—”
Righteous anger mode engaged. “No, Reed, don’t start. You get playful ribbing because you do carfe, and everyone knows it. But you’re a dinosaur, like everyone else. You don’t know what it’s like to be the only one of your kind in school or to have your deepest and most embarrassing secrets outed to your classmates. Now, just leave me alone!” I turned my back to him and continued down the grimy sidewalk.
“Anon, wait!”
I ignored him. Fucking meteor dodgers, they’re all alike. They get in close, pretend to be your friend, and then they fuck you over.
“Anon! Please, there’s something I have to tell you!”
I dunno why I stopped and faced the raptor. Maybe it was his voice, or maybe I thought if I just listened to him, he’d shut the fuck up and fuck off so I could get my daily shitposting done.
“What!?” I snapped.
“Look,” Reed said. “Anon, can you just listen to me?”
Fine, I’ll humor the fucking carfe-head. “What is it?” “Everyone has their secrets, Anon,” he said. “And plenty of them have been spilled in the halls of Volcano High.”
You are not the only person in the world. Principal Spears’s words came back to me.
I then slowly put two and two together. “Is that why you’re here? To spill the secrets of the other students?” Dark thoughts came to my mind; I could make the others suffer like I did.
Reed shook his head. “Nah. Just walk with me and I’ll spill a bit of my own.”
“Fine.” I watched as Reed turned around and headed back out of Skin Row. As he did so, I saw a bit of white plastic sticking out the tail hole of his leggings.
So that’s where he keeps his carfe. No one’s going to be feeling around his ass searching for drugs and if they see that bag, they’ll just think it’s his underwear.
***
We had made it back to the nicer part of Volcaldera Bluffs without getting shanked. Trees and grass replaced garbage and broken glass. My heart sank as I saw we were approaching Volcano High.
“Relax, bro,” Reed said. “We’re not going inside.”
Cringe fest averted. I remained silent as he headed to edge of Volcano High’s property. I could see Naser walking out one of the side doors. Does that Pterodactyl have anything else to wear besides that flower puke suit?
I simply let myself zone out as I followed Reed. What was he planning to show me?
“Okay, we’re here,” he said.
I was pulled from my thoughts as I found myself in a seldom used corner of the school property. All around me were some various rocks overgrown with moss and vines. And a somewhat decrepit looking stone bench.
Looks like the gardening club hasn’t been keeping up.
“Well, no,” Reed said. “This was an experiment where they wanted to go for a more naturalistic and wild-looking garden, but Principal Spears said they’re not allowed to place more rocks around the school.”
Shit, I have to stop letting my thoughts out.
“Come, have a seat and chill a moment,” Reed said, sitting down on the stone bench.
The moment he did so, I heard an audible squishing noise.
Dude must have sat on some wet moss or something. Ugh. I inspected the seat and finding it suitably free of plant matter (and cracks, no need for a repeat of my first day), I sat down.
I watched as he pulled two slender cigarettes from his pocket. “Carfe?” he asked, offering me one of the cigarettes.
I blinked. Was he mocking me by saying my only way out of this was to go an hero? It was the easy way out, but I wasn’t going to let those fucking meteor dodgers win.
I shook my head.
Reed blinked. “Right, I forgot,” he said, putting one of the cigarettes away and lighting up the other. He took a deep draw and blew a stream of smoke from his snout. “Do you wonder why I do so much carfe?”
“Because you like it?” I asked. I mentally slapped myself. Spaghetti alert!
The raptor took another draw. “It’s the good stuff and it cleans your mind.”
Okay, this was sounding like the Reed I know. “Cleans your mind?” I asked.
Reed nodded, the smoldering cigarette held between two of his fingers. “Remember what I said about secrets that have been spilled in the halls of Volcano High? Well, the carfe helps keep my mind clean of those secrets and spills. It’s like a mop.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You’re high aren’t you?” Ah, fuck. I spilled my spaghetti over the bench.
Reed looks and me and chuckles. “Yep. But the high helps keep the pain away.”
“What? The pain of the fact that nobody calls you cringe, or laughs at you, or—”
“Worse.”
I got up from the bench. “Worse!? What in the auditorium is the reason I’m even here! The same fucking thing happened to me at Rock Bottom! Even caused by the same type of bitchy girl!” Great, I’m ranting and waving my arms around like a retard.
Off in the distance, I could see some of the afterschool clubs, whether it was the track team practicing or the gardening club working on the school’s greenery. I took a breath; I dunno why I decided to reveal to him the reason I transferred over to Volcano High. I silently prayed that my outburst hadn’t traveled over to the other students.
The raptor took another drag from his cigarette. “You’re not alone. The carfe is what turns me from one laughingstock to another.”
I turned to leave. I knew I shouldn’t have followed that carfe-head back here.
“Wait, bro, I want to show you something.”
I turned around to see Reed struggling slightly with his pants.
“If you want to me to kill myself, just fucking say it!” I snapped, assuming he was going to pull out another hit of carfe.
“It’s not that…” Reed then blushed lightly as he reached behind himself.
Okay, now I was morbidly curious.
To my surprise, the stoner raptor dropped his pants. I could only stare at the sight in front of me. I expected boxers or tighty-whities.
Not a fucking diaper. I just stood there blinking as my brain tried to reboot itself from the bizarre sight. I couldn’t help but notice raptor’s otherwise white diaper was marked with an odd design consisting of a set of parallel blue lines with another set of parallel yellow lines nested inside. Squiggly blue lines linked the two parallel blue lines, giving the impression of a set of railroad tracks. To the left of the “railroad tracks” were four narrowly spaced blue lines, interrupted every so often with “M4”.
Even worse was the fact that I could see that it was reasonably saturated with raptor piss thanks to the way it sagged and tugged at his waist. So that explains why he always smelled funny; I thought it was just the carfe or whatever the fuck he had in his backpack.
I tried to avert my gaze, but something forced me not to. Maybe it was Reed staring me down or just the paralyzing horror of seeing him in a pissy diaper.
“So, what am I looking at exactly?” I asked, closing my eyes as to not have to continue seeing the disturbing sight. Wew, you’re really spilling the spaghetti today, aren’t you, Anon.
I heard Reed pulling his pants back up, finally allowing me to open my eyes. “It’s exactly as you see,” he said.
Wow, helpful stoner wisdom. “You…you actually use them?” The words left my mouth before I could stop myself. I held my head in my hands as I made the spaghetti pile even bigger.
Reed could only give an amused chitter as he took another draw on his mostly burnt out carfe cigarette. “If didn’t use them, I wouldn’t wear them.”
“Why?”
The pink raptor sighed. “I was born with it. They don’t know how it happened, but well…”
Okay, maybe I was a bit harsh on him. Sure, the whole school now knows I’m some basement dwelling loser who constantly goons to anime, but at least I don’t piss myself.
“…so I’ve been wearing…these for years and probably will be wearing them for the rest of my life.”
Several seconds passed before a clawed hand waved itself in front of my face. “Yo, Volcaldera to Anon. Come in.”
Huh? I must have zoned out listening to Reed. After taking a moment to get my thoughts together, I spoke up. “So, is that supposed to make me feel better? I’m the only one who knows what’s under your pants but everyone in school knows what makes me pop a boner.”
“Bro, can you just be cool and let me finish?” Reed said, shaking his head. He then lit up another carfe cigarette and took a draw.
I decided to humor him and I shut up.
“What you said earlier…it’s not true.”
Was that supposed to make me feel better? He can legitimately say he has a medical condition and that’s an instant no bueno to bullying. Me? The fuck am I supposed to say? “I have a medical condition and I need to jerk off to anime titties or my balls’ll explode and I’ll die?” Yeah, might as well write “Bully me” on my forehead.
The faintest trace of a smile could be seen on Reed’s snoot, but he didn’t say anything.
I must’ve been mumbling again. He took another drag and blew out some smoke.
“Back in my freshman year,” he said softly, hunching over and looking at the ground. “The same situation happened to me. Not at a school assembly like you, but something almost as bad.”
***
Reed stood in line at the carnivore serving station. Even though the line of other carnivorous Saurians blocked his view of the serving station, the scent of high quality meat filled his muzzle. As the line moved, he watched fried eggs, perfectly grilled burgers, chicken nuggets, and other meaty delights doled out to the students. He pondered what to get as he licked his lips, his stomach growling in anticipation of the meals to come.
“What’ll it be?”Reed looked up to see the Daspletosaurus lunch lady looking at him. He looked at the variety of meats available.
“I guess a burger and a fried egg,” Reed replied. He watched as the burger, glistening with juices was placed on his plate and topped with a perfectly fried egg. He then finished the meal off with a package of nacho flavored fried chicken skin chips and an overly large can of Crimson Auroch.
He paid for his meal and slowly walked to his usual table, hoping that the crinkling of his underwear was masked by the general chatter of the lunchroom. And then he saw them, a trio of Utahraptor who had spent most of freshman year leering at him
“Where are you going sweet stuff?”
The tone made Reed’s feathers curl. His pink feathers had been the subject of teasing from the Saurians with less colorful scales or plumage. He ignored the much larger raptor and continued on. He turned to the raptor who made that advance on him. “I’m a guy!”he snapped, assuming the cause of the jab was the feminine color of his plumage.
It was then third raptor commented. “The only action he’ll get is from his own claws.” The rest of the trio chittered in amusement as they leered at Reed. The third raptor then continued. “I mean look at him, he’s a Velociraptor; they all got tiny dicks. No girl wants that when she can have some good old Utahraptor meat.”
More snickers broke out from the table. Reed ignored them and walked away. It was then the second raptor spoke up. “You gonna let those fuckers insult you? Or are you afraid of the big raptors?”
Reed paused. Maybe it was adolescent bravado or the judging stares of practically the entire lunchroom, but the Velociraptor turned to the smirking trioand spoke up. “Velociraptor or not, I’ve got more in my pants than you do!”
“Prove it!”
And just like that, Reed’s bravado vanished as he was suddenly reminded of his crinkly undergarments. Deciding that being known as the raptor with the small dick was less embarrassing than revealing what he was wearing underneath his pants, he simply backed away.
“On second thought, I don’t need to prove anything to you! Only guys who are compensating for something brag about their size!”Reed replied with a smirk. He pivoted and walked away with a contemptuous flick of his long, feathery tail.
“It’s okay. I’ll give you a hand.”
Reed heard footsteps coming from behind him. He made to avoid the much larger raptor, but the lunch tray with itstoweringCrimson Auroch drink slowed him down just enough that the larger raptor was able to hook a claw into his pants.
The sound of the Utahraptor’s finely honed claw slicing through Reed’s pants echoed throughout the lunchroom followed by utter silence. The pink raptor’s muzzle turned an even deeper pink as he realized that everyone now knew his secret. There was no salvaging the situation as his pants were in tatters on the floor. Seconds ticked by and then the jeers and finger pointing started.
“Is he wearing a fucking diaper?”
“Hah! Baby raptor can’t keep his pants dry!”
“What a freak!”
And as if the universe was taunting him, Reed could feel the front of his diaper warming up and swelling as his bladder gave way. He tried his best to cover himself with his hands, but to no avail. Even his attempt at covering up by bending his tail to use the feathery fan at the end to conceal his diaper failed as it instead looked like he was performing some fetishistic burlesque show.
“Raptor Jesus! He’s actually pissing himself!”
“That’s fucking nasty!”
“I told you he was into that shit!”
The pink raptor bolted from the lunchroom to the sounds of howling laughter…and likely plenty of pictures taken on the myriad of phones the students had.
***
I blinked as Reed relayed his own story of public humiliation to me. What can I say to him? “So, what does that have to do with the carfe?”I asked. Seriously, Anon? You’ve practically covered Volcaldera in spaghetti today.
The pink raptor tossed the stub of his cigarette onto the ground and then stomped it out. “It’s how I got into carfe,” he said. “Having diapers thrown at me for weeks on end; being called ‘Nappy Rappy’, ‘Piss Baby’, and other hurtful things; being publically asked if I need my diaper changed. All that takes a toll.”
I looked out over the school grounds to see the afterschool clubs starting to wrap up their activities. Was that what was going to await me for the rest of senior year? Having hentai thrown at me? Being publically asked about my waifu? Loud speculations about which body pillow I’m defiling? Getting called things like “Stick Beater” or “Handy”? Or something even worse?
“Anyways, the carfe helped take my mind off it all that since it helped mellow me out. And then I realized; what if I could reinvent myself? I’d be the funny stoner raptor and not the ‘Nappy Rappy’.”
Looks like it worked. I never knew about this until now and it seemed like everyone else forgot.
“Yep, it worked perfectly.”
I looked over at Reed. Damn my habit of mumbling. I sighed; how was I going to reinvent my identity? Join the gardening club with Rosa and turn into a gardener? Join Naser and be a jock? Join Tr— Abort! Abort! Nope, not going anywhere near that purple prick.
“By the way,” Reed added with an amused chitter.
I looked at the raptor. His eyes were reddened slightly and glazed over; a sure sign the carfe was really working its magic on him. Looks like I‘d better prepare for some more stoner wisdom.
“Yeah?” I replied.
“I don’t think Fang wears underwear,” Reed said between giggles.
Okay, not wisdom, but still hot to think about. A blush crept across my cheeks as I pictured the silver Pterodactyl wearing nothing under those tight…
“Yeah, they got something…more like me.”
WhatTheFuck.jpg
I turned to Reed the moment he said that sentence. “For fuck’s sake,” I exclaimed. “It costs you nothing to keep that shit to yourself!” Looks like I’m not the only one spilling spaghetti today.
The pink raptor smirked. “Well, it’s just that I…”
I zoned out as I tried my hardest to ignore the carfe-head’s speculations on why Fang wore diapers. At the same time, I was trying hard not to puke at the images he put in my head. Like…is he into thatshit or is it just the carfe talking?
“…and that’s why—”
“Cool,” I said. “I don’t care nor do I want to know more about your fucked up fantasies. What I care more about is how I can fix this clusterfuck and salvage my reputation.”
“Well,” Reed said, rubbing the back of his head as he pulled out yet another carfe cigarette. Strangely enough, he just twirled it between his fingers but didn’t light up. “I could always use a bro to help me out…”
High school drug dealer? Fuck it, my life’s already in shambles.
The pink raptor must’ve overheard as he chittered in amusement and stood up. “Well, Anon, it’s been fun hanging with you, but I gotta split! Later!” He then flashed me his signature twin finger guns gesture and headed back to the school building.
I spent what seemed like hours sitting on that stone bench and ruminating over what Reed had told me and how to pick up the remains of my life. I stared at one of the mossy rocks as if it held the answer to my question.
In the end, I pulled out my cell phone and texted Reed two words.
Following the reveal of his most shameful secret to the entire student body at Volcano High, Anon has a heart-to-heart talk with Reed, who reveals his own embarrassing secret...and offers a way for Anon to salvage his reputation.
