Ant and Four 21 - That We Belong
by Winter
"Hello, Ant." The figure... the person... the young man... stepped out onto the ramp. A bright smile played on his lips. Even through the acrid reek of burning plastic, even through the sharp smell of electricity, his scent made Ant's nose twitch and twitch again. It wasn't... it couldn't be. But it was. "I figured I would have to look for you everywhere but, here you are."
Forgetting everything else, Ant ran up the ramp and threw his arms around Four, squeezing him hard. It was him. It really, truly was his Four. Ant drew in lungfuls of air through his nose, letting that ever-familiar scent wash through him until all he could think was Four.
Four...
Four!
A noise came from Ant's throat, something half whimper, half groan, with a bit of a sob thrown in as well. He wanted to speak, to yell, to whoop, to cry, but all he managed was a sigh. Almost a year's worth of grief, of loneliness, of drifting along without purpose, went with that exhale, and it was replaced with...
"Four." It was barely even a whisper, but the arms that held Ant tightened in response. Arms that were longer. Stronger. "How did you...? When did you grow up?"
"Just now," Four said. His voice had changed as well. Gone was the almost clear boy soprano, with only a hint of budding raspiness. He still had a light tone when he spoke, but he clearly sounded grown. "And, for months and months. I promise, I'll tell you all of it. Or most. There are things I don't fully understand, but I'll tell you what I can."
"How...?"
"Later." The hug loosened, and a hand almost as large as Ant's own, gently caressed his cheek. "For right now, I just want to be with my Ant. I've missed you more than I could possibly ever say."
"Missed you too," Ant mumbled. "So, so much."
Suddenly, Ant's legs couldn't hold him up anymore, and he sank down to sit on the ramp. Almost at once, light feet ran up to them. Niklas stopped right in front of Four, glaring up at him.
"What did you do to him? Who are you?" Snarling, Niklas took one more step, clenching his fists. "You're him, aren't you? That Four guy? You don't look like Ant said, though. And you're s'posed to be dead."
"I was," Four replied softly. Ant could detect sadness behind those two words. And pain. A whole deal of pain. "But there was a robot, a repairs robot. It fixed me. I don't know exactly how, but I'm here, and I'm me."
"Why did you hurt my papa?"
"I'm not... I'm not hurt, Niklas." Ant opened his arms, and the boy hesitated for just a second, before he allowed himself to get hugged. When Ant breathed in, scents mingled. Boy and man, human and robot. To Ant, the resulting smell woke something deep, deep inside. A feeling, an instinct he had never truly known before. Pack. His... pack! He shook it aside, and focused on the there and then. "I was just overwhelmed. And confused. I don't know if I should be happy, or sad, or angry. Or, I don't know, go and hide somewhere."
"He made you sad."
"No, Niklas, it wasn't just Four's fault. It was mine as well." He glanced up at Four, who smiled wanly. "I used to say we talk things out, but when snarl came to bite, I just... stepped away."
"And I just left." Four crouched down, but stayed the hand that came to touch Ant, when a growl began to form in Niklas's throat. Instead, a wry grin crept onto his lips. "Papa?"
"Later," Ant replied with a smirk. "I might have a story or two of my own. Niklas, this really is Four, the friend I told you about."
"I remember."
"Four, this is Niklas Ramirez." Ant felt his chest swell a little, and he smiled at both of them. "My son."
"Hello Niklas," Four said, and held out his hand. The boy took it, reluctantly, but said nothing. All in all, it was barely even a lukewarm greeting. "It's really nice to meet you."
"I don't know how he's back, but I don't really care." Ant reached up and patted Four's arm. "I'm just so, so happy that he is here."
"Is he...?" Niklas glanced between the two of them. "Are you...?"
"He's not going to take me away." Ant lightly poked the boy's nose with a finger claw, enticing a small smile. "At some point the two of us might go with him, if we decide to. You and me. And Four."
"You really mean that." Niklas burrowed deeper into Ant's chest. "You and me. And... And..."
"And Four. But you remember what I told you? That we're in this together."
"Yeah."
"I meant it, and I still mean it. I'm not gonna leave you behind, son, and I'm not gonna drag you away to someplace you don't wanna be."
"Thank you, papa." A mumbled whisper, as if saying the words too loudly would break the spell. "But... I think you're gonna say, but..."
"But..." Ant met Four's eyes, and smiled warmly. "Four is very dear to me, and I don't want to leave him behind, either. Not again."
"I'm... I'm not going to take your place, Niklas." The boy tensed up briefly when Four's fingers brushed against his shoulder, but when the words sank in he relaxed a bit. "But if you'll let me, if Ant will let me, I want to hang out with you for a while. Maybe even tag along when you go places."
"I-I don't know..."
"We don't need to decide everything right now," Ant said, and he stood up, Niklas still in his arms. "Right now, I wanna sit down for a little while. And get something to eat. Then, we'll share our stories and talk about what's gonna happen. That sound good?"
"Yeah."
Four only nodded. The bright smile that had met Ant when they first saw each other, had faded. Now, he looked sad. Not sad as if he were about to cry, but sad as if he had resigned himself to sadness. Ant longed, ached, to chase that pout away. To bring back the sun, the life, the joy that was a happy Four. But instead he sat Niklas down gently, took the boy's hand, and turned to walk down the ramp. If Four followed, he didn't know.
* * * * * *
"Ouch!"
"Don't be such a wuss." Knife huffed, as Ant winced again when Tow dabbed his nose with a strong-smelling piece of cloth. "I barely touched you."
"You nearly punched my lights out."
"Tsch! Pathetic." She reached into the fridge for a bottle of soda. "Still, I'm almost impressed, the way you grabbed me. And that's after you said you'd stopped practising."
"I haven't practised. But you still thought I was a pup." Ant sneezed, then glowered as Tow's cloth returned. "Should've aimed higher."
"Or lower." She smirked. "A boot in the nuts, and you'd be less cocky."
"Thanks for the warning. I know where to guard, if we ever fight again."
"When, pup. When." She smirked. "You still owe me about a thousand sparring rounds."
"No more fighting," Raeder said as he returned to the main room. Four followed him, now wearing a set of the captain's clothes, minus the flight suit jacket. "That goes for both of you."
"Hardly likely." Knife laughed. "I firmly predict the two of us, claws and blades, blood flying everywhere."
"Not going to happen," Ant said sternly, then his voice softened as he turned to Four. "Looking better."
"Much better." Four fingered a shirt button. "I really needed a shower."
"Did Raeder help you with the taps?"
"Very funny." Four stuck his tongue out, and Ant smiled. "As if I don't know how a shower works!"
Tow finally put the first aid kit away, and they all congregated around the coffee table. Except for Knife, who had retreated to the gym. Suddenly there was an awkward tension in the room, as everyone waited for someone else to start talking. In the end it was Niklas who broke the silence.
"So, how come you aren't dead?"
"Niklas," Ant said. "Don't be rude."
"He's not," Four said with a faint smile. "He's got the right to ask. Truth is, I don't know. I did die. I mean, the ferry me. Screen Four. He... he did die. By rights, I ought to be dead as well. Without the Fourtitude, I should be nothing."
"But you're here."
"I am." Four turned to Tow. "It was your robot. It found me, and it wanted to fix me. And somehow, when I told it I wasn't me anymore and it shouldn't bother, it rebuilt me. Inside and out. Made me look older."
"That... that shouldn't have been possible." Tow shook his head. "It was made for simple repairs. Not advanced electronics and certainly not for cosmetic work."
"I like the new look," Ant said. "You're still you, but somehow, more you."
"That made no sense." Four smiled, and Ant felt a lightness inside him that hadn't been there in a long while. A rightness. "But really, very Ant-like. Wolf logic."
"So," Ant said, ignoring the jab, "how did you end up drifting inside a star cluster?"
"I don't know. We set out, screen Four and me. But then there was a fire, and everything stopped. Engines, life support, heating. It all... died. I think... I think I remember something about new memory storage. Inside me, the robot me. I think I did become two people in the end, and one of us died."
"You became your own backup copy," Raeder said. "You didn't really die, you just... transferred to your robot body."
"You think?" Four's face lit up. "Then my screen self isn't dead, it's actually... me?"
"Whenever Calm, our computer, clears her higher functions, she always retains some of the memories. Precious ones, she says, that she couldn't bear deleting. They sort of, become part of her backup self. She can access them, but they don't clutter up her programming."
"Though I'm not as sophisticated as you are, Four," Calm said from her screen. "I have performed a shallow scan of your systems, and you are way beyond anything I could ever aspire to. In ways I cannot explain."
"Th-thank you," Four said, and Ant was surprised to see a slight flush creep onto his cheeks. "That's kind of you to say."
"It is the truth. I am happy to be a computer, and look after my crew. But you, you are more."
"I am me. I'm Four, just a..."
"Don't say 'just a little robot'," Ant interrupted with a laugh. "Maybe that was true once, but not anymore."
"You're not still on about me being alive, are you?"
"You're a person. That's all I'm saying."
"Hmph!" Four huffed, then he turned to Niklas. "Is he still as stubborn as when I knew him?"
"Yeah!" the boy giggled. "You can't tell him anything he don't wanna hear, 'cause he just turns it around until he gets his way."
"That's our Ant," Raeder said with a smile. "Goes his own way and does his own thing. And occasionally, he stops to think before he does it."
"Hey!" Ant groused. "I'm right here."
"Did he tell you about the fleas?"
"Fleas?"
"They were greenflies!" Ant glowered at Four, who smiled even wider. "Traitor."
"Seriously, though," Four said once the laughter had died down. "What happens now."
"Well, you're very welcome to stay aboard the Calm," Raeder said. "Right, Tow?"
"Absolutely. A friend of my furry friend, is my friend."
"Thank you."
Four's cheeks pinked again, and Ant had to hold back a grin. Clearly, Tow's robot had done more than just repair Four. He still was a machine; Ant could hear the barely discernible sounds of moving metal parts, and he still had that artificial skin smell that Ant remembered so fondly. But it all seemed more fine-tuned. Even with the light purple lock that marked him as a proxy body, he looked all human. In all ways. At what point, Ant mused, did the perfect mimicry of life, become life? He did not voice that thought, though. Four would just call him stubborn.
And maybe he was. So what? He knew he was right, that Four was more than just a computer inside a machine. He was a person in his own rights. Biologically alive or not, didn't really matter. And most of all, he was back. The thought still baffled Ant, that his Four had come back to him.
It would take a while to get used to.
* * * * * *
"So the only thing I could do, the only thing I could think of, was to lie down on the couch, and pull the blanket over me." Four sighed, and leaned against the backrest. "And that's where I died. Or at least, I thought I did."
"That's why we thought the ship was empty," Tow said, nodding. "Scans showed no life, and no functioning electronics. And the drone captain Marrow sent in couldn't see you under there."
"I hope you'll thank him from me, for picking me up. Though I don't understand how he knew to pass me on to you."
"That's fairly easy," Raeder said, glancing Ant's way before he continued. "We lost track of you and Ant after you left Laya, and... we were worried."
"We reached out to friends and allies," Tow continued. "Asked them to keep an eye out for a PTV. I guess it was pure luck that one of them found you."
"Or I might have got scrapped." Four looked down at the table. "And rightly so, I was such a mess."
Ant had stopped crying a good while back. It was as if he simply ran out of tears, while Four told his story. Of failure after failure. Heartache after heartache. Or feelings-pain, as Four put it, claiming that he didn't have a heart to ache. So, Ant had wondered, who was really the stubborn one?
"After I died, or thought I died, everything got kind of hazy," Four continued. "I had some really weird dreams, as if my mind kept trying to tell me something. What that was, I'm not sure, but it had to do with who I am. I didn't understand, and I still don't. Then that repairs robot came, and it worked so hard to fix me. I hope you've looked after it, to make sure it wasn't overexhausted."
"I've set it to recharge," Tow said. "And I've made sure it doesn't drain power from the ship again."
"Please don't be mad at it, Mr Tow, all it wanted was to help me. I'm so sorry I caused trouble."
"It wasn't your fault, Four." Raeder reached across the coffee table and patted Four's hand. "Nothing broke that can't be replaced."
"Do we need to set down?" Ant asked, and Tow nodded. "Where?"
"We're going back to your place. After that, after we've patched things up, we'll see what happens."
* * * * * *
"I don't really know what to do next. Where to go."
They were sitting at the oak table, outside the inn. Ant was working on a clockwork car, while Four was meticulously painting a woodwork wolf. Niklas was fitting wheels onto tin cars. The Calm crew had elected to stay onboard, even though Ant felt sure Mrs Brunner would have found room for them. Maybe, he thought, they felt more comfortable in their own beds.
"You can do whatever you want," he said, reaching over to pat Four's shoulder. "But I was hoping you'd stick around."
"I'd love to. But I meant, in the long run. The Fourtitude is a wreck, and I don't really know how to fly commercial."
"It's not difficult. Just buy a ticket and go. Or hitch a ride with Raeder and them when they set off again."
"A-aren't we going with them?" Niklas asked, pouting slightly. "I thought we'd go to that junk yard place."
"We'll see."
"And we didn't talk to the captain 'bout the pirates."
"Pirates?" Four asked with a frown. "Like the ones from Lakeview?"
"The very same." Ant sighed. "Raeder's been trying to rope me into some kind of scheme, to root them out. I have not said yes."
"But..."
"Niklas..."
"You said we'd hear him out."
"That was before... Before..."
"Before him." There was an edge to the boy's words. "Before he came back."
"Like I said, Niklas." Four put his paintbrush down. "I'm not gonna steal your papa. Is there anything I can do to help? With the pirates, I mean."
"Not you too!"
"But they hurt so many people. Including poor Caleb." Four took Ant's hand, and held it firmly. "If we can help stopping them, we should."
Ant sighed. The thought of going back into danger did not appeal to him, and to bring Niklas with him was out of the question. Yet at the same time, he had promised never to leave the boy behind. The mutual trust they had begun to build, would it survive if he took off, leaving his young friend with Mrs Brunner? And to think about Four, going with...?
"I still say we listen," Niklas said, as if he could read the turmoil inside Ant's head. "If it's dangerous, I can stay aboard the ship."
"We'll see."
They had a nearly overwhelming dinner. Mrs Brunner was so delighted to have them back, she loaded the oak table with all of Ant's and Niklas's favourite food. What surprised Ant the most, was the way Four tucked in. Back in the days, he had only been able to eat a couple of bites before his stomach got full, but when he polished off his second helping of sour cabbage, Ant couldn't help but grin.
"That robot really worked on you, didn't it."
"I suppose. Why?"
"I have never seen you eat like that."
"Did I eat too much? I'm sorry if I did, but I was really hungry, and it tasted so good."
"No, it's okay," Ant laughed. "I'm just surprised nothing came back up."
"You're right. I didn't think about that."
"That's not all. You're blushing."
"No I'm not!"
"Not now, but I've seen you do it."
"That's not possible. You're being silly."
"He's right," Niklas interjected around a mouthful of beet pie. "I saw it too."
"I never could..."
"You're doing it again!"
They kept on talking long after the food was gone. Niklas was beginning to warm up to Four, for which Ant was beyond grateful. The two of them got off to a rough start, but it was as if Four's innate chirpy kindness put the boy at ease. That, and Ant's continuous promises not to leave him behind. They could do it, he realised. They could work things out. They could be together.
The three of them.
* * * * * *
After Niklas had gone up to his room, yawning widely, Ant and Four sat under the oak. They worked on their toymaking and painting, but neither said much. Tension was back, but it was a different tension than before. Ant kept glancing over, only to find Four's ocean blue eyes aimed his way.
When their gazes locked, it was almost as if the past year had never happened. They were two young friends again, travelling the galaxy together; children of the universe. No dark clouds on their horizon. They would be together, for always. But that hadn't happened. A lot of time stood between them now. Time, and pain. How could they look away from that?
The answer came to Ant as he watched Four worry his lower lip, while he painted the face of another wooden wolf. They couldn't. What happened, happened. All they could do was go forward. If that meant building a new friendship from scratch, then so be it. Only...
...was friendship really enough?
Spending so much time, too much time, without his Four, had been unbearable. Ant had never known how loss could hurt, until he lost Four. Before he could fully realise what his friend truly meant to him. They had joked about love and romance, but it wasn't a joke anymore. At least, not to Ant.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
"Huh?" Ant blinked away the haze inside his head, and forced himself back to reality. "A what?"
"Old time money. It's something people say." Four chuckled quietly. "You looked a million miles away."
"Nope, I was right here." Ant grinned. "If I was far away, it was far away in time. I keep thinking about us, back then."
"Oh."
"I was thinking how much I missed it. How much I missed you."
"I missed you, too. But I'm back now."
"I know. And I don't want you to ever leave again."
"R-really?" Four's cheeks pinked, and Ant grinned. "Stop that!"
"But it looks so funny. You're a real boy now, just like in that cartoon movie we saw."
"Aant!"
"I wonder what else that repairs robot changed. What's gonna happen to all that grape juice you drank?" Four groaned, and Ant laughed again. "Will you need help figuring out how the toilet works?"
"You're not funny, and you know it." Four pouted. "Bad Ant!"
It had turned dark, and Ant realised that the street lights were on. Behind them, the inn lay silent. Even Mrs Brunner seemed to have gone to bed. A yawn split Ant's muzzle, and suddenly he felt very tired. he stood up, but Four hesitated.
"I can go back to the Calm. Or I can sit out here, I don't really need to sleep."
"Don't be silly." Ant held out a hand, and Four tentatively took it. "My bed's big enough for two. That is, if you don't mind cuddling up."
"I don't." And there it was. That smile that Ant so craved. "I really, truly don't."
* * * * * *
It was bliss. Total bliss. True, the warm body in his arms felt different, but the scent said otherwise. Ant lay with his eyes closed, breathing in and out through his nose. Part of him wanted to cry, but in the end his joy won out. It should have been like this, all the time.
"You're gonna wear off my smell," Four giggled, "if you keep sniffing like that."
"I can't help it. I feel like I'm home."
"In Mrs Brunner's inn?"
"No." Ant mock-growled. "I meant with you. With us."
"You're so sweet."
"I mean it." Ant sighed. "Four, I... I really fell apart when you left."
"I'm sorry."
"It wasn't all your fault. But there were things I so wanted to say, that I didn't realise until I didn't have you anymore."
"What things."
"About us. That we belong together." He squeezed Four tightly. "I wanted to say..."
"Yes?"
"I wanted to say how much I love you."
"Love me?"
"Yes." Ant rubbed his nose all over Four's shoulders, and the back of his head. "We were friends, right?"
"Yeah. I hoped we still were."
"We are. But to me, it's more than that." Ant gave Four's cheek a lick, enticing a peal of laughter. "I love you more than that. I love you like... like romance love."
"Ant..."
"I know I was clueless back then, back when we were together. But I know better now. I've grown too, and not just taller."
"Ant, I don't know." Four turned around inside Ant's hug, so that they lay face to face. "I'm still a machine. How can you love that?"
"I don't. I love you."
"You're so..." Four groaned. "So much the Ant!"
"True. And that means, you know you can't win an argument against me." Ant grinned. "I know you're a robot, but you're also Four. My Four."
"But I thought you said I was a person in my own rights, that I don't belong to anyone."
"Also true. But that doesn't stop you from being my Four."
"Stubborn..."
"Always."
"You know I can't, right?" Four closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them again there were tears in them. "I can't do... the things that follow romance. The... intimate things?"
"I don't care."
"I can't ever have babies."
"You...!" Ant burst out laughing. "You're being so silly."
"Even if you do love me, I can't give you all that."
"I already have a son. As for the rest of it, can you hug me?"
"Yes."
"Cuddle me while we sleep?"
"Yes."
"Kiss me?"
"I guess..."
"Then I'm good. I wanna be with you. The rest of it, I don't care. That's not me."
"Oh, Ant..." Four rolled over to half lie on top of Ant. Tears were rolling down his cheeks, falling into Ant's chest fur. A finger followed, lightly brushing against his scar. "Sweet Ant..."
"This." Ant's voice was little more than a growl. "Forever."
"Forever..."
They had kissed before, but it had been nothing more than affectionate pecks. This time, Ant pressed his lips against Four's. Time slowed to a crawl, until Four pushed back. A sigh escaped Ant, and his mouth opened a little. Four was there. His tongue touched, licked, sought an even greater closeness. And Ant was only too happy to oblige. The kiss deepened, intimacy on a level Ant hadn't known existed.
Maybe it hadn't. Maybe they invented it, then and there. Ant sort of doubted it; surely people had been in love before? But it was new to him, and it felt wonderful. He never, ever, wanted it to stop.
* * * * * *
It was raining the next day, so Ant carried his breakfast tray to the patio. As always, the sound of drops hitting the pergola roof gave him a sense of calm. Not that he needed it at the moment. His tail started wagging the second he saw Four and Niklas, chatting amicably to Mrs Brunner. Just as he reached the table, the old innkeeper laughed, and patted Four's shoulder.
"It is so good to get to know you, Four." She turned to Ant and smiled. "You have put such a smile on the face of my Anty."
"He makes me happy as well, Mrs B. It just saddens me a bit that we were separated for so long."
"You're here now, boys, that is all what matters."
A bell rang, and she hurried back to the reception. Ant laid out the food, and they all tucked in. It felt good, he thought, to see both Niklas and Four eat healthily. He was just about to sink his teeth into a piece of toast, when Four shot him a sly grin.
"Anty?"
"Not you too," Ant grumbled. "Isn't it enough with one comedian in the family."
"She calls him that all the time," Niklas said, fighting back laughter. "It's so funny."
"It's like a nickname to a nickname," Four said. "Are you sure you don't remember your real name?"
"Yeah. Nobody's ever called me anything but Ant. Far as I know."
"And now, Anty."
"Hey, you watch it, pup!"
They finished their breakfast, talking about safe things like toys, and about life in Konigsbrucke. Ant hadn't seen much of the rest of the planet, and neither, it turned out, had Niklas. Save for a couple of school trips to the forest outside the town walls, he had spent his whole life in basically the same place. Pretty much as Ant had, up until he went with the Calm crew. That would change, he thought. The last couple of days was a good start, and he could barely wait to show the boy more of the galaxy. Maybe even go back to some of his own favourite places.
All the while, though, he could also sense another conversation looming. There were still things he and Four needed to talk about, despite the closeness of the night. What they would do, what they would be, in the future to come, was yet to be decided.
