The room was dark, lit only by raw energy crackling menacingly across gaps between tall coils, illuminating walls with shelves stacked with cages and jars, glinted light blinking fearfully from masses of huddled shadows peering out from their corners, watching...
… it was almost complete. Here now was the maestro, at the center of the room, watching a large and loud hulk of machinery, its grotesque and convoluted surface covered in brass gauges like a hundred eyes looking in all directions, and tubes falling like the tentacles of a dead octopus, to receptors in the floor. This machine was the centerpiece of this palace of foreboding - the culmination of years of covert work. The machine purred like an insatiable belly, steam rising from its vents as the test finished... and a drop of fluid, orange like the dawn, but viscous as phlegm oozed from a spigot into a jar.
As the machine sputtered into silence, electricity flowed back into the overhead lights, causing them to flik-flik-flicker back into illumination, exposing the monstrosities of the crime-against-nature being constructed in this solitary laboratory. Horrible misshapen forms crouched back in the shadows of their cages... creatures with eyes too large and too blue with eyelashes they could trip over, others with noses and mouths so small as to be useless, tiny animals that should be big, and others with tails too large and too fluffy for their bodies. In some cases, small-eared creatures had large ears grafted on, in others, scaly lizards grew thick and shiny pelts.
Dressed in severely-cut head-to-toe in white vinyl labsuit, he lifted the pair of welding goggles from his eyes to perch atop of his head. Then the Maestro grasped the jar with its one drop of precious goo and held it in his thickly rubber-gloved paws as he stared at it through the glass. He turned the jar this way and that, looking at it from many angles before carrying it to a table with racks upon racks of alchemical implements, bubbling flasks over burners and tubes distilling something blue from something red; and rows upon rows of jars and test tubes containing powders and fluids of every color and consistency imaginable, some idling, while others frothed or smoked. He spoke into the air, “Experimental Trial #23-17 as yielded about a full ounce of material. Purity appears excellent from visual inspection...” he said before capturing a bit of it in a medicine dropper and into a test tube. He mixed other chemicals with it, turning it a warm pink and letting it sit over a burner. It would evaporate, leaving only a powder that could be analyzed spectroscopically using LASERs. “If tests surpass 80% saturation, I will proceed on to the next phase.”
The son of a wealthy entrepreneur, Etheras - the Maestro, was a fennec of great privilege. The only son of a genius father and his trophy wife, he had inherited the traits of both - along with a sizable fortune and a powerful family-name. Growing up, all he had ever needed was provided for him, and that which wasn’t he discovered he could often get by being so unusually adorable. A smile or a lip-quiver could frequently achieve that which had no price in wiles or capital could.
And thus, The Plan formed - to create the ultimate weapon for world domination..! He would amplify his adorability such that even the coldest hardest heart would liquefy instantly before his visage, and their will evaporate at the slightest flutter of his eyelash. So much CUTE concentrated in one being would be insurmountable. But how to achieve such an ambitious goal? Here in his lab, tucked far away in the Experimental section of his father’s laboratory, had Etheras begun to investigate into the nature of adorability. Bunnies on treadmills hooked to electrodes next to jackrabbits (as a control group). Testing and re-testing, distilling compounds from cells and saturating others with the concentrated compounds, genetically manipulating them to have exaggerated “adorable” attributes and testing again. Finally he isolated the compound - pure, unadulterated liquid CUTE. Sticky-sweet with a color like happiness incarnate, it was incredibly potent. Even the cutest animals contained only a few drops - and thus Etheras set about creating the CUTE extractor to streamline the process. Put into it a cute little puppy in one end, and the machine would sort-of wring the adorability right out of them, spitting out some sort of wrinkled husk like a raisin, with beady eyes and a horrible pea-soup tinge to their fur. Of course, they have no concept of cuteness, so they’d trot off happily leaving a few dollops of their former selves behind, to serve the cause of SCIENCE.
The test came back with an astounding 82% purity. “Results look promising. The time has come for mass production.” he reported into the lab microphone. He lifted a box of mewling kittens and carried it to the extractor, “GO SCIENCE!” he cheered as he hefted the box onto his shoulder and dumped the kittens into a large plastic hopper at the top of the machine. The kittens were heavier than he expected, and he realized he was pouring too fast. Kittens were overflowing the hopper - spilling out over the sides of the enclosure. He cursed, but the pouring became easier as the box lightened. The machine was purring loudly, and making a faint gurgling noise, liquid cute gushing into the first jar in clumps and spurts as Etheras went to retrieve the puppy bins. The machine began to spit out horrible former-kittens. Odd blackened frizzled little puffy things were staggering around the lab now, trying to mingle with the escaped kittens, who didn’t really know what to make of the unnatural abominations. Even the cute smell of young life had left them, leaving them smelling faintly of old socks and onions.
After buckets and crates of kittens and puppies and bunnies and some fawns and chicks, the jar was completely filled. He detached it, weighed it, and stirred it up to ensure an even distribution of the various types of CUTE. He then distilled it to a purity of over 99% before cutting it with a saline solution.
Now everything was ready, and the final step could commence. He needed a delivery method that would be able to hold the massive influx of material CUTE, but wouldn’t break down the molecule's complex and magical bonds... so he couldn't eat it... and he couldn’t absorb that much so quickly intravenously....
That’s what the bathtub is for, of course. “Don’t want to make a mess” the fennec boy said to himself before stripping off his lab clothes and laying down in the large porcelain tub before scooping the cute into the liquid enema machine. He blushed, despite that he knew nobody could see him here, and pressed the tip up under his tail, spreading his ring and inserting the tip a few inches to ensure it wouldn’t slip out, then turned the machine on.
The effect was almost instantaneous. He could feel his body changing. His eyes got larger, with large round anime irises, vibrant sparkles and dark lashes, then his muzzle shrank and his ears got larger. His body shrank and became more puppyish. His fur glossed to an intensity so shiny it looked as if he were emitting light. And then unexpectedly he felt nubs on his back... they grew, and unfolded... he had wings!
He turned the enema machine off and tried his wings, fluttering them before lifting slowly from the ground. And as the floor fell away, his new high adorably-sinister voice resounded a triumphant “Mwahahahaha!” -^.^-
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PONIES SEASON 3 STARTED TODAY! For those of you who (like me) don't get Hub, I'm sure it will appear on YouTube shortly. :)
So I hope you liked my ridiculous and silly nonsense-story. I’m sure some people were offended, because some people are really uptight self-righteous bores and can’t take a little non-PC humor, to whom I say in advance: get over yourselves.
This story and image were originally for my other character:
