Axel told his mother he had a stomach bug and needed to stay home and lie down. He certainly felt weak, nauseous, and dizzy. But the puma knew he wasn't sick...
No. All throughout the previous night, and into the morning, his thoughts returned to the kiss he had shared with Isaac. He could remember with perfect clarity the velvet feeling of the fox's lips pressed to his, how Isaac's breath quickened and warmed his face, and the soft, gentle touch of Isaac's paw to his cheek...
Axel's thoughts raced as he lay in bed, his forearm draped over his eyes. I can't understand... why do I feel so damn anxious? I've never felt this way before about anyone. I can't stand to face him, but I hate that I'm missing school, because that means I don't get to see him, and I don't understand... A tear rolled out from beneath the puma's arm, and he whispered hoarsely, "...I miss you...''
Axel eventually got up around lunchtime, and wandered the house. Everyone was gone for the day; the twins would be attending an overnight camping trip after school, and mom... well, she'd be working into the small hours of the morning.
That's okay, he thought. I really don't want to talk to anyone anyway... not now. They wouldn't understand. If Mom knew I was having these thoughts, she'd... Axel shuddered at that. Shaking it off, he made a sandwich and watched TV, enjoying the mindless distraction.
The puma wasn't sure how many hours had passed, but he'd binge-watched almost an entire season of some overseas cooking show when the doorbell rang. Confused, he went to open the door. He unlocked it, then slowly opened the door to reveal...
Oh, God. Isaac?!
The fox was fidgeting on the porch with his hands behind his back, his car parked on the roadside. He looked like he'd come directly from school, still in his track uniform. Axel noticed how it clung tightly to him and how, although his frame was slender and petite, he actually had a good amount of lean, toned muscle, especially in his legs... then he realized he was staring at Isaac. He blinked rapidly a few times, shook his head, and finally spoke. "H-hey Isaac. Um... what are you doing here?''
If Isaac had noticed him staring, he didn't say anything. He looked up at the tall puma. "Oh! Uh, I just... I heard you were sick, so I wanted to, um, check up on you! Yeah, y'know, make sure you've got everything you need... Ah! And I brought your homework!'' He brought his hands forward, producing a manila folder. "S-should be everything; I asked Mr. Lopez for your schedule so I could visit your classes... I hope that's okay.''
The puma blinked again, surprised. He'd never had a friend to help him when he was sick before... although he knew he was really a coward. He sighed and took the folder from Isaac. Inspecting it, he noticed a wrinkly bend where the fox had gripped the thick folder so hard he'd crushed it. Well damn, impressive grip strength... now, what's his deal? Axel frowned, and bent down to look at Isaac on an even level. The fox froze, not moving until Axel asked, "Hey, are you... okay? You seem stressed, I-"
"O-oh, yeah, I'm... I'm... No, of course I'm not okay!'' Isaac blurted out. "There was... whatever that was in class yesterday, and then in the car when you...'' he dropped his voice for discretion, "...kissed me, and then you call out sick, and you don't even text me to say you're not coming, and I... I-I can't stop thinking about you, Axel. You were my first kiss, and you just... LEFT!'' Isaac's voice cracked as he covered his face with his paws. "You left, and didn't even want to talk about it! What the hell did any of it even mean?! Did it...'' The fox's voice trailed off, growing impossibly small and fragile. His arms dropped to his sides limply as tears started to run down his face. "Did it mean nothing at all? Do I even mean anything to you...?''
Axel's heart plummeted. His arms hung frozen at his sides, his paws balled into fists, and his head and shoulders slumped. Unable to look at Isaac, the puma slowly whispered, "I... I'm sorry, I didn't know. I wasn't planning on it; it just... happened. I don't even know why I did it, I...'' He cleared his throat and spoke a little louder. "Look, just... come inside. We'll talk, I promise.''
Sniffling and wiping his eyes, Isaac nodded. Axel stepped back into his tiny house and held the door open for the fox. Isaac walked inside, and looked around.
Everything was at least a little threadbare and careworn, but still serviceable. The wallpaper was faded but wasn't torn or peeling. There was a small water stain on the ceiling, but it looked old, too. There was a sweet floral scent in the air. "Lilacs?''
"Uh, yeah, my mom likes how they smell, she grows and dries them to put around... But come on. I... I shouldn't have left you the way I did. You're right, we need to talk... come sit with me, yeah?'' Axel gestured at a long, faded plaid couch in the living room. Isaac sat in the middle, and Axel took one of the corners next to him, leaning against the armrest.
The puma took a deep breath, then sighed. "Look, I... I don't know what all of this means. I wasn't planning to kiss you, I just... it just... happened...'' He shuddered. "And that's what confuses me. I like girls! I've always dated girls! I've never even thought about guys before, and then...'' A lump rose in his throat, and he swallowed against it, hard. "...And then you came along, and I... You're so different, you know that? You're nice to me, even though I was an asshole to you. You're helping me with my English, you even run track... All I've got is my football. And you're... ugh... so small, and fragile... a-and cute...'' Axel cringed, looking away when he said "cute''. These thoughts were vile, repulsive. He knew he wasn't supposed to feel this way, but... Damn it... he thought. I can't stop thinking about him! What will he think of me now? I bet he'll hate me, he'll be disgusted, he...
...
"Heh... so, y-you think I'm cute?''
Axel's eyes snapped to the fox. He was blushing so hard his ears were almost purple. He had his paws clasped before him and was smiling shyly. The puma's jaw dropped, and he stuttered, ``Y-you d-don't hate me? But guys liking guys... I can't! It's wrong! Good people don't do that!''
Isaac frowned, then let out a disgusted noise. Axel cowered, closing his eyes. Now he gets it... I'm a freak, I'm disgusting, I'm-
Something warm and silky pressed against Axel's lips.
The puma's eyes shot open, only to see Isaac stretching up towards him, and he was... He's kissing me! We're kissing... oh, wow... Slowly, Axel's eyes closed again, and he sank into the burning, electric, tingling feeling of Isaac's mouth locked to his.
After a few moments, Isaac pulled away, and stroked the puma's head, stroking a paw from the top of his head, over his ear, and down to his cheek. The fox was relaxed, although he was trembling just a little. His eyes shone again, in that particular way Axel was coming to know so well, the look that felt like it was just for him. Isaac bit his lower lip and, with his paw still on Axel's cheek, directed the puma's gaze into his own. Then, he whispered. "So... Did that make you feel like a bad person?''
Axel froze for a moment, then sighed, finally relaxing his shoulders. He closed his eyes and surrendered to the touch of Isaac's soothing paw, taking comfort in his gentle touch. ``N-no, I guess not...''
"Then how did it make you feel?''
"G-good... amazing. Incredible...'' Axel stuttered, and gulped against the tightness in his throat. "I-I really liked that...''
"Now say it,'' Isaac commanded, a serious expression overtaking his face.
"H-huh? Say what?''
"Say what you liked. It's important, trust me. What, specifically, did we do that you liked?''
Axel was confused, thinking about it for a few moments. "I... I liked...'' He swallowed hard against that lump again. "I liked... kissing you...'' Then, the puma's eyes lit up. He grabbed Isaac by the shoulders, causing the fox to grin maniacally. "I liked kissing you, Isaac! HAH!''
Axel was smiling from ear to ear, cackling at his new revelation. Isaac continued grinning back, letting him get it out of his system. Finally, when the euphoria had died down, Isaac asked another question. "So, um... it's okay if you don't know the answer to this, but I'm curious... do you think you're gay? Or bi, at least, then?''
The puma looked away, thinking for a minute. "I... don't know. I've honestly never felt this way about anyone before... And it's never crossed my mind at all. I just really, like, care about you. Like, I want to know what you're doing and your hobbies, and I want to hang out, watch movies, eat popcorn, and...'' His voice became a hushed whisper, like he was uttering a profane secret."And... I kinda wanna cuddle while we watch movies and eat popcorn...'' Axel cleared his throat before continuing. "B-but... I've never thought about any other guy this way. Or girl, really, and I've dated a bunch... What does that even mean?''
Isaac shrugged. "It might mean you're demisexual. It sounds like you're attracted to people you've formed a connection with first. I couldn't say exactly how you feel we've bonded; we've only been friends for like, a week and a half, but it's the best thing I can think of.''
Axel thought about this for several minutes, pondering in silence. Then, he gasped. "Oh... shit. No, it makes sense. I was bullying you, right? But remember, I never thought about it that way. I thought I was giving you a hard time, that you were having fun. I was so wrong!'' He said hurriedly; Isaac smiled and nodded for him to continue. "But... you kept playing along with it, so I think that's when I started to... like you. Crap, I'm still so sorry about that, dude.''
"You don't need to be sorry.'' The fox put his paw over the puma's. "I already forgave you, remember? Besides, you're doing so much better. Heck, you got me coming all the way out here to help you! Oh! Speaking of which, how are you feeling? I just heard you were out sick, they didn't tell us anything.''
"O-oh! Uh, yeah, I'm like, totally better now. T-thanks for checking on me.'' Axel glanced away, hesitating to look Isaac in the eye. Instead, his gaze fell on the clock... "Oh! Crap, it's past 5:00! You gotta get home, you'll miss dinner...''
Isaac pouted. "Aw. I thought you wanted to talk.''
The puma blinked. `"I... thought we already did?''
"There're a few questions that we haven't answered. Like, what does this mean? And what do I mean to you? And there's also the question of why you hated yourself for the idea you might be gay, that's a big one.''
Axel flinched. "I... that might take some time to answer, I don't know...'' Axel sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "I guess, since you're here, and if your parents are okay with it, you can stay for dinner? It's just me otherwise, and honestly, that's pretty lonely. I wouldn't mind the company.''
Isaac leaned in and gave Axel a quick hug. "Thank you! Thank you, thank you! I really needed to get out of my house too. Dad's been a real jerk about track this year, and I just... can't deal with him right now.'' He withdrew, and smiled up at the puma. "Do you need help cooking? I help my mom a lot, I'm not too shabby.''
Axel looked down at the tiny fox, relishing the warmth of his smile. So sweet... "Ah, sure, yeah. I was going to make a stir fry; can you chop vegetables for me?''
The fox smirked and gave a snarky salute. "Yes, sir!''
"Hah!'' Axel let out a bark of laughter. "Okay, let's get started...''
Axel loaded a rather old, yellowed rice cooker with a few cups of rice and some water, and set it to cook. Then, he went to the refrigerator and retrieved some meat and vegetables. "Here,'' he said, handing a couple of carrots, an onion, and some bean sprouts. "The sprouts just need the stringy bits pulled off. Then, can you slice the onion and carrot? They don't need to be too thin, there should be some bite to them still after they're cooked.''
"Yep! I think I know exactly what you're looking for. Leave it to me!'' Isaac grinned and took the veggies to a nearby counter. "Can you get me a cutting board, a bowl, and a knife?''
The puma nodded and retrieved the items from their respective nooks in the kitchen. He also got one for himself, and started to slice the meat into thin strips carefully. Then, he put them in a bowl with some baking soda and tossed them to coat. After washing his hands, Axel turned to Isaac. "Hey, how's it going over..."
Axel's words choked off. The fox had perfectly julienned the carrots and had cut the onion into perfect, precise slices. The massive stack of bean sprouts had been cleaned of their stringy ends, and they were piled on the cutting board, ready for use. Isaac was leaning against the counter; apparently, he'd been watching Axel for some time. He smiled up at the puma, registering the shock on his face. "Oh, yeah, this wasn't too bad. I hope I got it right...''
"Dude...'' Axel stood, mouth agape. The fox's smile flagged a little. Oh no... he thought. I did it wrong... crap... Isaac opened his mouth to apologize, but Axel found his voice first. "Dude! You did that so fast! And look at these!'' The puma excitedly picked up a pinch of carrot. "They're so even! This is perfect. It would've taken me forever to do it on my own. We're a bit ahead now, thanks to you. That meat needs to marinate for a bit... Let's put this stuff back in the fridge, and in about 20 minutes, we can start cooking.''
"Sounds good!'' Isaac chirped. He felt almost giddy. I'm cooking with Axel... I didn't even know he could cook. And he said I did a good job! I'm so... happy. He grinned and lightly punched the puma on the shoulder. "You did great, too, you know. You sliced that so thin... what's the baking soda for?''
"Oh, it tenderizes the meat.'' Axel started to put things away, loading the cutting boards into the dishwasher and washing the knives by hand. He continued to absently chat with Isaac while he cleaned, an easy rapport growing between them. After washing up, Axel motioned the fox to the couch again. "We've still got a bit of time, I think... Um... so, you asked why I was freaking out over maybe being gay?''
"Among other things, but if you want to start there, that's fine. I'm listening if you're ready to talk.''
Axel swallowed hard, a quivering half-smile on his muzzle. He looked down and mumbled something unintelligible under his breath. Running a shaky hand through his hair, he was silent for a few minutes before finally speaking. "Sorry, this is... difficult to talk about. I... so, you remember how I told you my dad left freshman year?'' Isaac nodded silently. "So, um... the reason he left my mom was because he... met another man, and decided to be with him instead.'' Isaac's mouth dropped open as Axel sighed, the puma's eyes still downcast. "Mom was obsessed with him, and when he left, she kinda went... nuts. Went off about how gays seduced the love of her life and stole him from her, how it was the Devil's work, stuff like that...'' The puma shifted uncomfortably. "So then, when I was in sophomore year, Colt came over and spent the night... he'd hurt his back, and so we were sharing my bed, and I guess in the night I rolled over and started, uh... spooning him. M-mom...'' His breath hitched, and his eyes started to well up. "S-she came in to wake us up, and she got so mad. She kicked Colt out, told him never to come back. Then s-she... she started hitting me, and...'' Axel's shoulders started to shake, and tears rolled down his cheeks. His voice became thick and hoarse as he cried. "A-and I turned around, trying to escape, and s-she... she clawed up my back. I-it was terrible, I should've probably gotten stitches, and I still have scars. She felt bad about it later, but... yeah. That's why I can't be gay. I don't know what my mom would do to me if she found out I was actually...'' Axel's voice trailed off, and he buried his face in his hands, sobbing quietly.
Isaac was stunned, utterly at a loss for words. Oh my God. Who would do that to their own child? How could she...? What do I say? What can I even do? I... The fox shook his head, clearing his mind. No. There's only one thing I can do for him right now.
Isaac scooted right next to the puma, and wrapped his arms tightly around Axel's waist, giving him a warm, fierce hug. "Thank you, Axel. For trusting me..."
Axel's breath hitched, and he lowered his paws to look at the fox through teary eyes. Isaac squeezed him firmly, his head nestled against the puma's chest. Axel could feel one of the fox's paws rubbing up and down his back, and heard him whispering that everything was going to be okay, that it was okay to cry... And so, Axel threw his arms around Isaac, squeezed him back, and bawled. Once he'd finally started, he felt like he'd never stop. "S-she hurt me... why did she hurt me...? And if I d-do something she thinks could be gay, she... she hurts me again. She says it's for my own good, that I need more discipline... A-am I... am I j-just that... broken?''
Isaac turned his head upward, craning his neck to look Axel in the eye. "Axel, listen to me. God, what she's doing is sick. I've known I was gay since I was 13, and I told my parents when I was 15. Do you know how they reacted?'' Axel shook his head slowly. "They were thrilled that I'd told them! They gave me unconditional love and support! And they kept it secret, letting me tell people when I wanted to, on my terms. That's how it's supposed to work. What your mom is doing is straight-up abuse. I can't... I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine going through that. And from your mom...'' Isaac reached up a paw and caressed the puma's cheek. "Look... you deserve to be happy. Gay, straight, bi, whatever you decide, I'll support you. Even if you decide that kiss yesterday w-was...'' The fox's voice got slightly shaky, and he started talking more slowly. ``...was a mistake, I'll still be your friend. I... Mmmpf!''
Axel swiftly moved his paws to either side of Isaac's head, and pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss. He could feel the fox's hot breath on his cheek, made more pronounced as it blew over the tracks of his still-falling tears. The puma's lips parted, and his tongue darted into Isaac's muzzle, seeking, questing to explore every inch of his mouth. Isaac moaned, his face flushed with excitement, the blood in his body running hot through his veins. He returned the favor to the large puma, slipping his tongue into Axel's maw and mingling the two together. They stayed locked together for several minutes, neither wanting to be the one to end this blissful moment. Finally, Axel gave Isaac one more lingering, wet kiss on the lips, and lifted his head back, kissing the fox on the forehead before speaking.
"Yeah, uh, so... kissing you doesn't feel like a mistake. It feels like... like my body's on fire, like I'm burning up. I like...'' Axel swiped a paw across his misty eyes, shook his head, then smiled. "No. I love kissing you. That was the best kiss I've ever had. I think you're amazing. And... I don't know if I'm gay, but... I'm definitely not straight, either.''
Isaac's heart started to beat rapidly. "So... what do I mean to you, then?''
"W-well... I really, really like you - a lot. I've had a crush on you for years and didn't realize it. And then I handled it in all the wrong ways...'' The puma's smile wavered briefly, but came back mere moments later. "But now I get the chance to start over, and do things right, so... um...'' Axel leaned in again and took Isaac's paws in his own. He was shaking, but his eyes were sparkling like a pair of ice-blue sapphires. "Isaac... do you wanna have dinner with me?''
The fox grinned widely and laughed. "Hah! Yeah, Axel. I'd love to.''
They clambered off the couch and went back to the kitchen. Axel set out the ingredients and started heating oil in a skillet. Isaac watched as he expertly seared the vegetables, then the meat, then added them back to the pan with a generous drizzle of sauce from a plastic squeeze bottle in the fridge. Grabbing two plates, he spooned rice onto each, then piled on the sauced meat and veggies. Balancing both plates on one arm, he used the other to get a couple forks, then brought everything over to the nearby dining table.
Isaac sat next to Axel, wanting to be close to him. They dug into their meal together, and the fox closed his eyes in bliss. "Mmm... wow, this is great! Where'd you get that sauce from?''
"I, ah... I make it myself.''
"Really? You have to give me the recipe! It's delicious!''
Axel blushed, swallowing a mouthful of food. "Oh! Um, thank you! You helped me out a lot, though, it really wouldn't be the same if you hadn't chopped things so finely. It's amazing.''
"Hey, anytime. Maybe we could do this again sometime?'' The fox looked up at Axel, his eyes hopeful.
The puma didn't pause to think for a single moment; he simply smiled and nodded vigorously. "Yeah! I'd love that! We make a good team, I-" His voice cut off suddenly as he froze, staring straight through Isaac. Barely moving, he whispered, ``Wait, is... is this a date?''
Isaac reached under the table and put a hand on Axel's knee. "It doesn't have to be... but, it could be? I-if you want, that is.'' He stammered a bit, unsure of what the puma was thinking.
Axel put his fork down and tentatively lowered his paw to rest on Isaac's. "I think... this would be a pretty great first date, don't you?'' The puma smiled, though his palms were sweaty and trembling.
"Yeah! Awesome!'' Isaac pumped his free arm in the air. "My first date...''
Axel's jaw dropped. "Wait-wait-wait... you've never been on a date? Like, ever?''
"No, never. I was never interested in girls, and coming out at school terrified me once I started getting bullied... So, I've never had the chance, no.''
Axel swallowed hard. I was part of that... I was one of his bullies. What could we be by now if I'd stuck up for him sooner? He squeezed Isaac's paw. "Well, I'm glad we're... whatever it is we are now. Friends? Boyfriends?''
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves!'' The fox let out a chortle. "It's too early for `boyfriend', but... I guess we're friends. Friends on a date...'' Isaac wiggled in his seat, scarcely able to contain himself. "Hee! A date! Gosh, that's just fun to say... I'm on a date... I'm on a date with a guy on the football team, dad's gonna flip...''
Axel's heart fluttered, as he briefly panicked. "Uh... actually, can you, like, not tell anyone about this, yet? I'm not ready to tell anyone just yet...''
"Oh! Yeah, sure, sorry.'' Isaac smiled brightly at the puma, who sighed with relief. "If we ever get serious, though, I'll have to tell my parents. They're cool, I don't like hiding things from them.''
"Well, by then, I guess I'll have to be ready, won't I?'' Axel smiled shyly and squeezed the fox's paw again. "Thank you for letting me wait and think about all this.'' He stood up from the table, stacking his empty plate on Isaac's. "So, um... do you have time to watch a movie with me, maybe?''
Isaac checked his phone. "It's a bit after 7:00... Yeah, I could stay a little longer. I don't have any homework tonight.''
They sat on the couch again, and Axel turned on the TV. He picked a new action film he'd wanted to see, and the two sat and watched the opening credits. About a third of the way in, Axel tentatively snaked his arm around Isaac's shoulders, and pulled him close, bringing the fox's head to rest on his chest. Isaac nuzzled close to Axel, snuggling tightly to the giant puma's muscular frame.
Eventually, the movie ended, and Axel glanced down. "So, what did you think of...!''
He abruptly stopped talking when he saw Isaac. The fox had fallen asleep, curled up against Axel's side. His heart skipped a beat. He looks so peaceful... It's late, I should wake him up... but... just a little longer, maybe...
Axel sat still, running his fingers through the fox's hair, eliciting chirrs of pleasure from his friend. The puma's eyelids started to droop, and his head began to nod. I'll just close my eyes for a minute... Just a minute...
...
Zzz...
