Angel wished she could have said that the life she lived was a hell that she wanted to escape from. That her parents would give her a reason to lash out. A wish that went unfulfilled. The weeks following her first day certainly weren’t easy. Punishments were indeed carried out swiftly and her pride got in the way more often than it should have. She got to play with Axel, learn his ins and outs but she tried to keep him at Arm’s length.
True to their word the library had books on every subject and that was where Angel spent much of her time. Every time she noticed Axel poke his head in it was because she’d started on a new tome about some far off system or scientific advancement. Puzzles and tinker toys let her escape. Being so young and small meant she didn’t get out much.
She was just finishing up a rather complex looking craft when Axel stepped in. “Hey princess go get dressed… what is that?”
“A mark fifteen class warp drive concept. I’m just trying to find parts to show the different gas and energy exchange channels.” She explained. It was cross sectioned so the inside could be seen. All of the parts were there, made of strong synthetic wood and polymer. She left it on the table with a pile of books and went to get dressed. Axel’s hand stopped her in her tracks.
"Forgetting something?" He asked. Okay, pile was too generous a word. Books were strewn haphazardly. A few were open. Some on top of other opened books, and a few sat just on the table with only the cover sticking off. She knew from his tone what she was going to get. Her tail drooped a bit and she was guided over to one of the recliners.
"You have an unearned today but I'll have to add four to it for the mess." She climbed over his lap without being told to and he rubbed her back for a moment. She caught a glimpse of the swatter paddle stored under the table and braced when her pull-up was tugged down.
She knew unearned were a part of being a penny but that didn't make the first bite of the paddle sting any less. She knew the drill and kept her tail pinned for the next. By the third misty eyes had become tearful ones and the fourth earned a soft sob. Growls and snarls filled the room as the paddle sang its song of agony.
She was used to it's sting but each stroke along with the shame she felt for forgetting something so trivial and she knew she was a failure. That she deserved so much more than what she got. The pain reminded her and grounded her. That didn’t stop the raised welts on her sit-spots and thighs from hurting or her legs from trying to kick in futility. It didn’t stop the rivers of tears or the hiccuping sobs that added their voice to the symphony. In her life before she’d been shot at. The bullets never compared to her punishments. She was screamed and cursed at. In nine hundred years they never came close to Axel’s disappointed look. She’d commanded a station of thousands and traded enough credits to buy the D’shalk manor a million times over. It wasn’t enough to save her.
Finally the blows stopped and Axel tried to pull her into an embrace, only to have her throw herself off his lap with all the strength her wings could muster. She knew by now that rubbing only earned her more punishment. Instead of letting her cry it out Axel helped her onto shaky legs and out of the pull-up she wore. He led her back to the couch where he pulled out a fresh one and helped her into it. It earned a bit of a wince but at least it would work like a cushion when she sat down.
“Come on, I’ll help you clean up.” She sniffled but started to take her books back to the shelves. Five minutes later they were all put up and she reached for her model. A fresh sob bubbled up from her muzzle when she popped that first peg out of its slot. Why was she crying?! It was just a dumb toy! Sure she’d spent time to get it all perfect, tried to do the most modern model justice. She’d read fifteen different books on fuel exchange but it was just a stupid piece of wood in the end! She’d dismantle it like-
“What are you doing princess? You weren’t finished were you? Come on.” And there it was. That stupid caring personality that kept her from hating him. The one that made her want to scream.Why did he have to care? She hated how much she liked to see him smile at her, or how he looked when he was proud. It was infuriating. She needed no one, only herself. She didn’t stop him when he took her hand and put the piece back in. Led upstairs on shaky feet without a fuss and helped into another a nice little skirt and top. There was another thing. They dressed her how she wanted. Maybe not exactly but there was no pressure to wear anything that she didn’t ask for. Why couldn’t they give her one reason to hate them? She’d thought of spanking but that fell apart the first day with their sob story. Her mind told her that it was her fault for getting caught and not just killing everyone involved in that deal.
“Well now that you're dressed I’m going to introduce you to an old friend.” She wanted to groan at his chipper tone but she valued her hide too much. “You’ll love him I promise.” He tapped her on the back and grabbed her bag. Outside the door the car waited for them. A purr of magnets and they were off. The city beneath them was barely noticed, lost in her own thoughts. She only came too when it started to slow and landed in front of a small building with a smiling sun on the front.
“Therapy?” She looked at the sign with disdain. Did they think she was some kind of loon?
“Yep court ordered I’m afraid. Had to pull some strings to get you one I trusted.” He said, unbuckling her seat.
“But.. why a sun?”
“Huh?”
“The mascot. Who would take joy in a burning ball of plasma that burns up anything that comes too close?” He looked surprised for a moment and burst out laughing. She didn’t get it.
“You know I’ve seen it so much I never gave it a second thought but you’re right.” He helped her out of the car and took her hand. She passed that judgmental sun and was told to take a seat while Axel filled out some paperwork. Around the waiting room were various others. A few with Vs, volunteer rejuves, many pennies, one with a black P, and even a girl with an M. That made even her cringe. Medical rejuvenation was only used when all other avenues were expended. Something colorful caught her eye and she took a look at the pile of plush toys in the corner. "You can play with one you know. You won’t be punished for wanting to play." Axel took a seat next to her.
She wanted to, she really did but she couldn't. She was an adult not a child. She didn't need toys. She didn't need anything but her own thoughts. None of the books they had out looked interesting either. Ones on subjects like etiquette or foolish fiction. She sat there in a pout. She didn't need therapy!
Just as that medicalose got up a voice called out. "Miss Kenush?" Axel trailed behind her into the back. She memorized the path they took. Escape routes and where the rally points were. The room into the office had only one entrance and exit and the door swung shut as though to trap her inside. Pastel painted walls and a carpet over hardwood floors. Bean Bags chairs, a couch, and two recliners sat between the windows. A few plushies and the paintings on the wall left no doubt that this was a place for a child. A nice cell was still a cell.
Her ‘warden’ sat in a chair to the side, an old human who smiled kindly at her. “You must be Angel, please pick a seat, unless you’d rather stand?” She didn’t like that he sounded so nice, like her father. Like he wasn’t going to give her anger to attach to. She settled onto the couch and Axel plopped down next to her. “I’m Doctor Lowe but you can call me Sam.”
“He’s an old colleague of mine and helped me get through some thoughts during the transfer from admiral to commander.” There was that smile that threatened to pull her out of her funk.
“Yep and he’s my friend to this day. Today isn’t about him though. It’s about you. We don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. Heck you can just play if you want to.” He pointed to the various plushies around the room.
“That would be a waste of time. You want to know what’s wrong with me, not what’s right.” She was just waiting for Axel to grab her and puller over his lap. “So what do I have to do to convince you that I’m not some nut job who needs to be here?”
“Who said that we think you’re ‘nuts’? This isn’t because we think anything is wrong, it's because when lives as long as yours are disrupted it can be jarring.” Why weren’t they punishing her? She wanted a reaction, something she could throw up her defenses at. A caring hand on her shoulder made her ashamed of such a thought.
“We both know your job is just a way that they can get into my head so they can punish me better. So that the pain isn’t just a physical thing. Physiological torture typically has more of an effect than physical anyway." Axel simply stroked her back gently, letting her speak. "It's unfair. We get told to be kids. To play and to grow but pushed into corners and punished daily even when we don't earn it ourselves?"
The doctor looked at Axel with a concerned look. "Daily? They're demanding that much?"
"The judge and council kind of threw the book at her on that front. I'm guessing they'll slow down soon. For now though she's had at least one unearned per day." Doctor Lowe pulled out a notepad and jotted a few things down. Angel had just assumed that this was all recorded so someone could find better ways to hurt her later.
"Can I leave you two here for a moment? I just have to check on something." Sam said, earning a nod and getting up. Once the door closed she saw Axel's shadow when he raised a hand to comfort her only to put it down before it made contact.
"Don't worry about your tongue here, so long as you don't curse us out or insult us you'll be fine. Do you really think we just want to torture you?" The look of hurt on his face made her feel ashamed. She wanted to tell him no despite her knowledge.
"Isn't it true? You take me over your lap daily then leave me in the corner with little care. I realize it’s what they order. Your hands are tied so what I think about it is pointless. I try to keep others at arm's length anyway so I’ll just handle it myself.” She couldn’t find the words to say that she was isolated, trapped in a bubble that she wanted to escape. That instead of being a life of happiness with the occasional punishments it was a life of torment studded with moments of melancholy. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to trust him, she just… didn’t know how.
“Well I’m not exactly an engineer but why don’t you show me what you’re doing with that engine when we get home?” She couldn’t deny the tingle of delight in her chest. Was he really interested?
“Axel, could I talk to you outside?” Sam called from behind the door. Left alone? Wasn’t that a violation? She watched Axel glance around for a moment, lingering at the windows. None of which even had a way to be opened. She sighed.
“I won’t run if that’s what you’re worried about.” He sighed, got up, and gave her a rub between the horns before slipping out. They left the door cracked and she tried to drown out the conversation with her own thoughts. For some reason the room felt… colder. It was like a coat had been pulled off of her in a chilly wind. Her wings pulled in and she crossed her arms. Shadows in the room become like dancing eyes, judgmental and aggressive. The walls too, seemed just a bit darker despite the sunlight pouring in. They were coming back right? She tried to focus in on their conversation but she couldn’t hear them even through the cracked door. The din of her mind was growing again. She didn’t deserve them, she didn’t deserve anything. Those around her only suffered. Maybe running would be better? Then they’d have a reason to…
The door opened and Axel didn’t bother hiding his concern. He sat next to her and slowly her mind started to calm. He was back, he came back, he wasn’t going to leave her like…. “Are you okay princess?” Had she shown her worries on her face? They were hers alone so she just smiled and shook her head.
“Just a little worried. The doctor pulled you out fast.” A half lie was easier. It didn’t really bother her but part of her did wonder.
“Sorry to make you worry.” Doctor Lowe took his seat across from them and the door hissed shut behind him. “I’m not really supposed to talk about the punishments you receive or how often they are performed but it seems a bit excessive. Of course I’m waiting on a reply from the council. For now it seems those dailies are just going to be a part of your routine.” Great… just great. She loved waking up to someone waiting to cause her pain. “Not here though! I’ve actually got someone here for you to meet. She was actually a part of one of those little ‘cells’ Axel tells me you talk about.” She shot him a curious look.
The door opened again and in walked that little six year old medicalose. Wings rested on her back, brilliant orange along the joints with downy brown feathers covering her body. Each foot ended like a talon and she had slitted pupils like her own. “What are you?” She blurted out before covering her mouth with beady eyes and looking up at Axel. Never would she have said anything like that as an adult! He looked off put and it quickly twisted into the stern face she knew meant a punishment.
“It’s fine mister! You see us less than dracons. I’m a phixin. Like dracons, we look like something from human mythology. People here have actually called me a phoenix by mistake.`` She was so bubbly. “Oh! I’m Canaan. It’s good to meet someone who helped me out.” Helped? “I was one of the people on the starstations you helped bust.” Angel cringed and her tail drooped a bit. “Oh not in a bad way. I was a slave.” Angel’s head darted up and she did little to hide the growl coming from her throat. Eyes slitted thin and if she could still breath fire fumes would have been forming.
“A slave?” It was like she was suddenly an adult again. Her voice was even and somehow took on an edge. “No one in business with me would dare trade in sentient life.”
“That’s what you thought about weapons too huh?” Canaan had her there. “So… yeah, they found me drugged up so much that my heart was failing. Some idiot got it into his head that if I wasn’t worth the credits I’d be better off dead.” Angel’s mask was slowly turning to one of rage, lips curled up to expose sharp teeth. “I know right? What an ass! Last thing I remember was Starfleet jumping into orbit and taking over the station. They kept me on life support for about a week but it was pointless so I had a date with a rejuvenator.” She spoke like this was no big deal! Like she wasn’t innocent and couldn’t have died like Angel… “It was the best thing to ever happen to me and I have you to thank for it.” That made her thoughts stop. How was she responsible?
“That little station was where that kingpin you mentioned was set up. He thought he was invincible because of his wealth and connections. Turns out that karma is rough on everyone.” Axel offered.
“Vengeance is mine so says The Lord and I will repay.” Angel growled. She wanted to see that kingpin. Hoped for punishments that far outweighed her own. She could handle dailies if it meant bringing a slaver to justice.
“No matter how you spin it, Canaan is here now. She actually lives only a few doors down from you. I was thinking you two could meet up and play together or something.” Angel glanced at Doctor Lowe with a raised brow. He just smiled. “I’ve actually got a chess set ready to-”
“You don’t get a choice!” Canaan grabbed Angel’s hand and used her superior weight and height to pull her over. The last thing she caught from the adults was a sigh. Plopped into one of the beanbag chairs while Canaan went about setting things up. “So how’d ya end up so young? I see the diapers.”
“They’re pull-ups.” Angel growled.
“Eh, same thing.” Canaan sat across from her. “In all seriousness though you asked me what I was so I get a free one.” That was fair.
“A chronostatic radiation bleed is what they said. It ended in another cycle and here I am due to limitations.” Angel said, studying the board before making a move with the king pawn. “Shame I was just into my thirties again.” She watched Canaan push her bishop pawn forward. “As luck would have it I survived but ended up in these. Checkmate by the way.” She stated, pushing her queen into position for the Scholor’s Play. It made the girl’s jaw drop open.
“Aww that isn’t fair! Oh well.” She reset the pieces and Angel moved her knight out. “I was about to turn forty. Only on my second time though so I wasn’t as old as you.” She moved her rook pawn out. “They let me read your pad when I asked.” That probably should have bothered her more than it did but she was focused on winning. Canaan was obviously playing for fun but having an off-worlder like her and getting to play her favorite game was nice. She went on to win that match too. Just as they were about to start another Axel stepped up with doctor Sam in tow,
“...as odd as it is, we have to keep going. Come on princess, it's time to go.” She wanted to refuse, to continue playing but she knew better than to complain and started to get up.
“Aww really? Can’t we play for just a bit longer?” Canaan groaned, only to be interrupted by a yelp from Angel when Axel hoisted her skirt.
“Sorry dear, I have to get her home and ready for dinner but how about tomorrow?” He asked, Angel’s face burning while he checked her. She wanted to crawl into a hole and die. “Besides, someone needs a change.”
“Axel!” She growled out, coming out more like a whimper when she tried to keep her voice even.
“Oh relax, I need 'em at night. Sucks when most of the federation ages differently huh?” Canaan took Sam’s hand. “See ya tomorrow!” Angel scowled at Axel, squirming in the pull up she now couldn’t get comfortable in. He at least had the decency to let her change herself. She stepped out of the bathroom a few moments later and he led her outside.
“You didn’t have to say that in front of a friend.” She said while he strapped her into her seat.
“Oh, A friend?” He asked, climbing up front he set in the coordinates for the house. “I’m glad you made one but I’m afraid that embarrassment like that is part of being a penny. You forfeited the right for privacy when you started smuggling. I said it around two people I trusted for a reason. I won’t always be able to be so private.” The shame brought thoughts creeping in from the outskirts of her mind. At least she’d held onto control of her bowels. That thought started the spiral. “Don’t let it get you down. I’ll ask instead of checking most of the time. If I notice I can’t just leave you in it.” There it was again, that stupid kindness that always pulled her out of her funk. That kindness that made her want to punch him and hug him at the same time. "Medical issues are no reason to be ashamed and I'll try my best not to make it worse. In fact… that's against the rules for parents so… do you want something cuter?"
She wanted to say yes, she'd seen some of the things they came up for rejuves. Some of the things they'd made just for dracons even but her pride reared its head again. "No way, this is humiliating enough as is." She huffed.
"Suit yourself. We can get some freedom by wording them as medical needs. It's why your pacifier is the way it is." He explained and for a moment she started to say something. Her pacifier was nice, even if she'd only need it in the short term. Someone caring about her health and opinion was good too. It was stifled though by her shame. “You were pretty good at the office. Besides the specism.” More shame poured onto the fire “Normally things said there wouldn’t get you in trouble but… you know right?”
There it was, a place she was supposed to be safe was again ripped from her. “Yes sir.” She said evenly. For all the care he faked he was still just her warden in the end. One meant to bring her suffering. The car came to a stop and he took her over his lap right there in the driveway. That strict face was back and her pull-ups were swiftly pulled down. She heard the soft woosh of her paddle and it cracked firmly across her rear. It relit welts from earlier in the morning and she snarled. She tried to keep it in. What was said wasn’t going to hurt her? Bull shit.
The second crack got the blaze going and despite her best efforts tears beaded her eyes. Her legs wanted to kick but she kept them firmly in place. His wrist flicked again and that blaze turned to an inferno. A sob racked her body and she looked down at the leg of his pants. She was a fool to think that home or office would bring her any refuge. That he’d help her with her little model. It was a childish thought that anyone cared! She’d gotten where she was on her own.
Another swat barely even registered in her mind. Pain mixed with her anxiety. She deserved so much more than this. Beaten and humiliated was just going to be her life now wasn’t it? Her tears meant nothing and her cries would fall on deaf ears. One final swat and he was quick to pull her pull-up back over that inferno in a way that made her wince. He placed her onto her feet and went to help her dry her eyes. She pulled away, forcefully wiping her muzzle. Stern expression turned to conflict and he sighed. Why?! All he was here for was to hurt her! “Come on, let's go see that model of yours.” She was glad she’d just been spanked because she could fake the choked sob as an aftermath.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll just disassemble it.” She didn’t deserve it. She only deserved one thing.
“Now why’s that honey?” His voice was stern again. Oh joy. He was going to punish her for doing something that wouldn’t be a waste of his time. “Because I had to swat you for something so simple as a slip of the tongue?” That’s what he thought this was about?
“You don’t care. It’s just a waste of time.” Just like her. She knew what to say to earn another punishment. To keep the pain going so her anger didn’t have to fade. Except instead of being scooped back over his lap he took her face in his hands and crouched. He pulled her snout towards him and she did anything to avoid his gaze.
“Look at me when I talk to you Angel.” The whole day he hadn’t said her name once and her eyes snapped forward. She wished the windows to his soul would have been dark, would have been angry but what she saw was genuine concern. She choked up another sob. “Nothing. About. You. Is. A. Waste. Of. My. Time.” She didn’t want this! Where was his anger? He had the chance to get out of dealing with her like everyone else. “You are not simply something to be tortured. You are a beating heart, one who needs to be nurtured, not thrown to the wayside.”
A squeaky roar bubbled from her lips before she could stop it and with it came her resolve. Sobs racked her body anew, turning quickly to bawling as her mind came back from the dark. Tenderly she was picked up and brought back into the home. She barely noticed Cerus in the foyer but when he got up to check Axel held up a hand and shook his head. He took her to the study and placed a pillow on the chair before setting her down on it. “Walnut.” He commanded and the hearth sprung to life. It filled the room with the scent of hardwood. He took the other seat at the table and looked at her little model. “Now what’s this one for?” He asked, taking one of the yellow pieces up from the ones still strewn in front of it.
“T-that’s for the p-power regulator.” Angel dragged scaled hands across her eyes, hating that her scales did nothing to pull it away. Axel though reached over to help, pulling away her tears with the gentle touch of a tissue.
“Oh? Then why aren’t they all connected?” He asked. She had no doubt he was faking interest for her sake. She didn’t like that it brought her comfort.
“E-each s-system is powered by an i-individual fuel rod.” She took a deep and shaky breath and the tissue returned. A second one was pushed under her nose and she blew without being prompted.
“I’m guessing those are these gray pieces?” He asked and she nodded, getting control of her voice and calming down. “Why are they different sizes?”
“Power for the systems differs based on where in the chain it is… think of your car. It takes more energy to start the reaction than to keep it going.” She was starting to get into it. “For an initial jump they need to energize the entire system. Afterwards all that needs to be done is to keep the rift open long enough for the ship to get through.” She took one of the yellow pieces and placed it gently onto one of the gray ones. “It takes a lot of energy to bend gravity like that and to close it but keeping it stable takes more calculation than raw power.”
“Gravity? I thought warp drives bent space time.” He tilted his head, was that actual interest in his voice?
“How do you think they do it? See, the first warp drives were inspired by black holes…”
That night she went to bed with a fully modeled warp drive on her desk, brought up by two pairs of gentle parental hands.
