Fighting, and yelling, quiet smiles, and submissive moans… growing up I never really understood why my mom and pops always argued, but as I got older… everything started to make sense and even the sense of "family" started to seem fake.
For as long as I can remember, Mom always tried to tell me "Everything that breathes life in this world deserves love, Alloy, even the smallest of bugs" So then why was he with someone like Dad? If I can even call him that…
It was not often that Dad would speak to me or Void, but when he did, he could give us the same void and empty expression he always wore, saying that "You will succeed me, and everything you touch will die"
Mom always wanted Dad to be more involved, but anytime he was, they would get into a fight. Mom would yell and things in the house would levitate, meanwhile, Dad would just keep provoking him, saying that me and Void didn't need either of them, that we only needed to bring calamity to this world.
Mom would argue back, but Dad would always have his way, taking Mom into their room and forcing him to back down, to give up, and instead, plead and beg Dad to "fill him up" or to "go deeper"
It all made me sick, and yet at the same time, I got so used to all of it that I was numb to it, as caring about wanting a happy or normal life was too exhausting, and Void didn't help either. I didn't like making Mom mad, but anytime some dumb fuck gives me the wrong look, Void kills them, and if a stupid ass cunt even tries to approach me, he kills them too. It's annoying. The smell of blood is too overwhelming and makes it hard to concentrate on reading.
Ever since we were born together, Void has been stuck to me like glue. Although Void doesn't talk much, I seem to be the only one that ever knows what he's fucking saying or even thinking. I think Dad knows, he just doesn't give enough of a shit to bother having any conversations with us, especially the older we got…
The older I got, the more and more it became harder to care about anything, so even though I had been against killing to avoid upsetting Mom and causing a fight between him and Dad, I ended up finding a hobby where I would sick void onto anyone I thought was scum or annoying. Void to most would seem like a lifeless killing machine, waiting for its next set of orders, but to me, He's just a big puppy dog who likes killing and doing whatever I ask him to. He's also clingy as fuck for some reason… though I guess I kind of am too. Since Void has always been with me, the thought of him suddenly disappearing leaves me feeling very uneasy.
The first time we hit our teen years, Void started developing a weird fascination with our inhuman bodies. Just like Dad, we could be stabbed, shot, torn apart, or cut open, and we wouldn't die. We would simply piece back together and our bodies would heal like nothing happened… but this led to Void always trying to cut me open in my sleep. It was annoying and he was always trying to shuffle my bones and organs around. I had to punish him just to keep him from trying to play Surgan every night.
It was only annoying because I didn't want to admit how ticklish it made me, and how fucking rude he was being by shoving his hands inside me while I slept. Fucking personal space! But he’s so fucking stupid sometimes and doesn’t understand a lot of things…but he's my one and only twin, so I don't mind it as much since it's him, but if it was someone else... They would be dead before they could touch me.
Whatever, I don't even know why I let Mom talk me into writing in this damn journal. What good will it do?
