The lovers slept deeply, Nate secure in David’s warm embrace, heedless of the passage of time. They’d said their first “I love you”’s mere hours before; It was entirely unexpected, but somehow also felt like the most natural thing in the world. When they awoke, they did so together, stretching and adjusting themselves under the bright light of the morning that crept through the window.
Nate felt the otter’s legs stiffen and straighten behind him as he stretched. He called out to David, still half-asleep. “Mmh… morn’, love…”
David felt an electric tingle at the sound of Nate’s voice. Love… The otter smiled, and kissed Nate on the neck. “Mornin’ kitten. Didja sleep alright?”
The tabby melted at David’s chosen pet name. He tensed his whole body, stretching from head to toe, grunting. “Mmph… Yeah, it was perfect. You were perfect.” Nate rolled over and placed a paw on David’s muzzle, caressing him, their eyes wide as they gazed at each other. “Damn… I really love you, hun…”
“I love you too, Nate…” the otter whispered back, almost sounding like he was praying. Then, he chuckled. “Shit… I’ve been waiting to say those words almost since I met you.” David touched Nate’s cheek, then cupped a paw around it. “I-“
A sound from the living room made them both freeze. Keys turned in the door, and heavy footsteps made their way inside. “David? You home, man?”
The otter swore under his breath, breaking out in a cold sweat. “Fuck! Quick, get dressed!”
Nate put a paw on his shoulder. “Calm down, it’s gonna be ok-“
“They don’t know about me yet!” David hissed, shaking the feline off. Nate noticed that David was… Panicking? His whole body was quivering, his eyes were darting around the room, and his breath was coming in shivering gasps. What the hell…? The otter started throwing clothes on. “Just… please get dressed…” he whispered.
Nate felt his face flush as he looked toward the floor, fidgeting. The beautiful magic of this weekend was gone, and in its place was a yawning pit in his stomach. Mechanically, he moved to get dressed, pulling on his clothes quickly.
There was a knock at the door. It was Josh, the Doberman. “Hey, buddy, wake up. Party wrapped early, so I was hoping we could hang out…” The doorknob started to turn.
“Uh, hang on! I’ll be out in a minute!” David said in a high voice. Turning to Nate, he whispered, “Just… stay here… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” Nate sat on the bed as the otter opened the door a crack. “Heyyy, Josh, what’s up…”
“Nothin’, man, uh… everything okay? You…” Josh sniffed the air a few times. “You got company or somethin’? Shit, didn’t mean to interrupt…”
“Nah, it’s nobody… I just had Nate over to work on an essay, it’s nothing.” Nothing… it was like a punch in the gut to Nate. His eyes turned misty, and he had to bite one of his fingers to stifle a sob.
“Oh! Why didja sleep on the floor again? One of you coulda crashed on the couch, ya know.”
“He’s, um… too tall, it was fine.”
“Well, man, whatever works for you guys. You two should come hang out, we’re going to my place tonight. My parents are out of town, I’m bringin’ beer and we’re firing up the hot tub. If you know any chicks, you should invite ‘em! Bets and Shaina are already coming…”
“Yeah, sure, man. Uh… be out in a second!” David shut the door. Breathing a sigh of relief, he said, “Whew… okay, I think we’re in the clear…” However, as he turned to face Nate, his heart sank.
The tabby had his knees to his chest, resting his chin on top, and was rocking gently back and forth. His cheeks were wet… Has he been… crying? David thought, bewildered. He cautiously walked up to Nate, and reached for his shoulder. “B-babe…?”
Nate swiftly batted away the otter’s paw. When he spoke, his voice was shaky, but with rage, not sorrow. “D-don’t… don’t touch me right now. I… I told you I didn’t want to lie to our friends. You told me you loved me last night, and then just a minute ago I was nobody? Nothing? You can’t even tell one other person that you love me…”
David’s eyes began to water, and his face felt warm and tingly. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Nate, instead casting his eyes at the floor. “I… of course you’re not nothing, I just said it to throw Josh off. I love you, I’m just not ready to be… public. Look, can’t we just be like we were? I’ll come out eventually, I promise, but I’m not ready to do that… Please, don’t make me…”
Nate wiped his eyes. The fire in him had been replaced by something icy cold. “I’m not going to make you come out. But… I am going to make you choose.” David flinched. “I’m not going to hide… us. I already promised I wasn’t going to compromise who I was anymore. So, if you come out to our friends, I can keep dating you. But until you do… I can’t date someone I have to hide my feelings for. I won’t. So… choose.”
The otter sniffled, tears running down his muzzle and pattering to the floor. “I… I… I’m not ready…”
Nate shrugged. “Then… take me home. I… I want to go home.” David’s head snapped up, and briefly, Nate’s stomach felt hard and queasy at the otter’s anguished expression.
“I-I-I… I love y-“
“No.” Nate raised his paw. “Until you can love me all the time, in front of everyone else… Look, it’s not that I don’t…” He sighed. “…it hurts too much, David. Right now, when you say those words… it hurts. I want… I want to hear you say them when they’re beautiful again. Right now though… please, just take me home. I need space, now.”
David wiped his eyes, bloodshot and wet. Everything had fallen apart around him, and he didn’t know how to even begin to put it back together. Nate wanted to be public… it wasn’t that the otter was against it, but… Can I tell him? Would he understand…? No, not now. He… wants space… With a final sniffle, he grabbed his keys. “O-okay… we can go…” The two of them walked out of David’s room and across the apartment. Josh waved from the couch.
“Hey guys! What do you wanna-“
David cut him off. “I’m uh, taking Nate home. He’s… ah…”
“Not feeling well.” Nate offered.
“Oh, shit, sorry dude. Hope you feel better, I’d love it if you could come to the hot tub tonight.” The doberman looked worried.
“I’ll… think about it.”
“Cool deal. See ya when you get back, D.”
They drove in silence back to Nate’s apartment. Several times, David opened his mouth to say something, anything, to try and cross the rift that had suddenly formed, but nothing would come out. Eventually, they pulled into Nate’s parking lot, where the otter shut off the car. Staring straight ahead, gripping the steering wheel tightly, he finally found words. “Uh… will I… see you tonight? At the hot tub thing? I-I-I swear, I’ll work on… us, but… I really want us to be okay… please?”
Nate sighed. “I don’t know… I said I need space and I meant it. I’m… sorry, if I was a little angry earlier, that wasn’t fair… but I meant what I said. I need someone who can be with me all the time, not just some of the time. And I hope that’s you, but… right now, it’s not, and so right now, we’re… not.”
“Okay… okay.” The otter took a deep breath, and shakily let it out, his mouth quivering again. “Just… I’ll text you when I get home okay?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Be safe. I lo-“ Nate choked on his words, his true feelings surfacing unbidden. “…I’ll see you around.”
David caught the sentiment that Nate almost gave voice to, and a spark of hope kindled in his chest. He still cares! He breathed deeply for what felt like the first time in an eternity. I… I still have a chance! He sat in the parking lot, watching Nate go into his building, and stared at the closed door for several minutes afterwards too, half-hoping he’d come back out, saying he was wrong, everything was all right, that they could just move on. But the minutes dragged on, and he finally realized he’d been sitting, numb, for half an hour. Cursing under his breath, he slowly started his car, and began to drive back to his apartment.
Nate walked in his front door in a daze. What… what have I done? He’s the best man I’ve ever had… and I told him to get lost… Over what? He slumped on the couch and hung his head in his paws. I’m such an idiot… he’ll never forgive me. Am I childish to want this? Would it really have been so bad to hide… us?
…
No. I want to be open. I don’t want to be afraid of my own friends. I shouldn’t have to lie about who I… love… and I love him… Damn it, I still love him…
“Hey, you’re home!... Uh, dude, you okay?” Bets had walked out from her room to see Nate shivering on the couch.
The tabby jumped. He’d been so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he hadn’t even heard her walking over.
“Sh-! Ah, yeah, sorta… Not… not really… uh, guy trouble.”
“Aww. Well, do you wanna talk about it?” The poodle plopped on the couch next to him.
“No, I think I need to work through this on my own.” Nate responded. “Thanks, though. You’re a good friend.”
“I do my best!” she said cheerfully. “Now, I’ve got the perfect thing to get your mind off it. Josh is having a hot tub party tonight. You gotta go!”
“I dunno, Bets… I’m not really in the party mood…”
“Nope! No arguing. It’ll be good for you. You’re just gonna lock yourself in your room and mope otherwise. Besides, you said you’d go with me to the next party, right? I’m cashing in. You’re going, and you’re gonna get drunk and have a good time. End of story.”
Nate chuckled nervously. “All right, all right. Just… lemme take a nap and then I’ll shower. What time are we headed over there?”
“Eight. Don’t worry about eating, we’re gonna order pizzas.”
“Okay, sounds good.” Nate heaved himself off the couch, his limbs feeling heavier than lead. He dragged himself to his room, and fell onto his bed. Damn… it still smells like him… Nate spent a while allowing himself to be comforted by the smell of David’s cologne, clutching the pillow the otter had used the other night tightly. A few tears moistened the fabric, and the tabby gave a great, shuddering gasp of breath as he tried not to sob. Finally, after several minutes of tossing and turning, exhaustion hit him, and sleep cast its spell. He drifted off…
David arrived home late. He’d taken back roads home, trying to clear his mind. When he walked in, Grant and Josh were in the living room playing a video game on the TV. Josh glanced up. “Dude, what took you so long? Thought you got in an accident or something.”
“No, I… shit, I need to text…” the otter fished his phone out of his pocket, and fired off a message to Nate saying he got home. Hopefully he wasn’t worried… well, he probably wasn’t… He put it away, then rubbed his sweaty palms against his jeans. “Uh, guys…? Can we… talk?”
“Sure, what’s up?” Grant said cheerfully, still staring at the TV.
David started to shake. Every fiber of his being was telling him to run. The game made a sudden loud dinging noise, and he flinched. I… have to do this… “So, uh… I think there’s… there’s someone, that I like…”
Josh looked up at David and crowed. “Aw, shit yeah! Do I know her? Ooh, is it Shaina? Cause I thought she was into me, but I’ll stay away if-“
“It… it’s not Shaina… and you know them, but… I think I screwed up, and I don’t know if we’re even gonna be a thing anymore.”
Grant paused the game to put a reassuring paw on David’s shoulder. “It’s okay, dude. You’ll get her back, you’re a stud! No woman can resist a sportsman!”
The otter felt bile rising in his throat, could taste a coppery tang on his tongue. “Um… about that… I’m-”
BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP!
The Doberman looked down at his phone. “Oop, hold that thought. We gotta head to my folks place to set up. You coming, bro? I gotta pick up someone else on the way, he’s on the football team too.”
“Ah… sure.”
They drove through the winding streets of suburbia to pick up Josh’s friend, a massive lynx by the name of Asher. David wasn’t really paying attention, more focused on what he was going to do if Nate showed up tonight, but he did catch that the cat was an offensive tackle. Eventually they turned onto rural roads, coming to a large house at the end of a back road. “This is the place!” Josh said gleefully. “Okay, everybody out!”
They walked in the door, and found a well appointed upper-middle class house, modern and stylish, and clean. Josh led them to the basement, which was… also clean, but definitely outdated. Wood paneling and drop ceilings abounded, and it smelled faintly dusty despite its pristine glow. “I’m gonna go get the patio and tub ready. Grant, you can put the beer in the fridge over by the bar. David and Asher, you guys can just reee-lax.” The doberman pointed to a few leather couches in the corner. “If anyone comes to the door, just let ‘em in.”
David sat down, nervously rubbing his forearms. Is he gonna come? Does he even want to see me? Is it too soon…?
Asher glanced over at the fidgety otter. In a deep, rumbling bass, he leaned over and asked, “Dude… you okay? You’re not like, on drugs, are you? I didn’t think it was gonna be that kind of party…”
The otter flinched. “Uh, no, man, I just… There’s someone coming tonight that I… well, things are rocky between us at the moment. They might not even show, but… I hope they do…”
The lynx nodded. “Ah, one of those things. I get it. Well, relax. Just go with the flow. Have a beer, it’ll calm you down.”
“Yeah, I… yeah, that sounds good. Thanks.” David grabbed a beer from the fridge and unscrewed the top. It was ice-cold, and it did steady his nerves somewhat. He sat back down and chatted with Asher idly for a while, when suddenly, a chime came from upstairs.
Asher put a paw behind his head nervously. “Uh, do you mind getting that? I don’t know anyone else who’s coming…”
“Y-yeah, that’s fine. Be right back.” The otter went upstairs and unlocked the door, opening it to find…
“Heyyy! We’re here!” Bets cheered. “Hope you don’t mind, we brought a friend…”
“Come on in, yeah, it’s fine. Set-up should be almost done.” David beckoned her inside.
The otter watched the group file around the corner. Bets, Shaina, an unfamiliar female mouse… Nate!
The tabby came around the corner, eyes downcast, holding one arm to his side. He stopped when he saw David, and waved meekly. “H-hey…”
The otter clasped his paws behind his back. “Hey… um… I’m really, really glad you made it.”
“I… didn’t have much choice, Bets basically twisted my arm into going. But…” Nate leaned over and whispered in David’s ear. “I am glad to see you, too.”
That flutter of hope jumped in the otter’s chest again. He shut the door and ushered everyone downstairs. Josh and Grant had finished their setup, and were sitting on the couch with Asher. The doberman looked up. “Hey, who’s the new girl?”
Shaina piped up. “Guys, this is Yumi. She’s in my fashion design class. Thought I’d invite her so it’s not such a total sausagefest… Yumi, this is…”
After Shaina made introductions, Josh clapped his paws together. “Well, hell, let’s get this party started! Pizza’s on it’s way, let’s all have some beers and then after we eat we can get in the tub. Sound good?”
Murmurs of assent wound their way around the room. Josh, Asher, and Grant went hard on the booze, seeing who could chug beers the fastest. Nate mostly kept to a corner by himself, nursing a single bottle. Yumi, Shaina, Bets, and David stood together. Yumi, it turned out, didn’t like beer, so she gave hers to David. The otter was feeling his nerves creep in, so he drank both his and Yumi’s readily, then went for a third. By the time the pizza got there, everyone but Yumi and Nate were feeling nice and toasty from the booze.
It was late in the evening by the time they finally got into the hot tub, and the cool night air was a perfect backdrop against the warm, bubbly water. Josh, Grant, and Asher had hopped in first, followed by David, when…
“Uh-oh, sorry, it’s a four person tub. Guess we’re gonna have to… double up…” Josh looked suggestively at the girls standing around the machine.
Shaina rolled her eyes. “God, the patriarchy… Heaven forbid you just say you wanna cuddle…” But, she slowly slinked into Josh’s lap and leaned her head against his chest. “Mmm, warm…”
“I CALL GRANT!” Bets shouted, practically diving in. Grant laughed drunkenly as she bounced on his thigh. “Damn, you’re tall! Can I touch your antlers?” The white deer craned his head down for Bets to rub.
Nate shifted his feet uncomfortably. “Uh, I don’t think-“
“I call David! Get me some of that otter!” Yumi cried.
David and Nate stared at each other, stricken. Nate glared at him, but… Well, if he’s pretending to be straight… I guess he’s gotta act the part. Nate clenched his teeth as he watched Yumi hop into his – No, he’s not mine anymore… otter’s lap, and his vision flashed when David loosely put his arms around her waist. Nate chugged the rest of his beer. He wasn’t sure whether the hot feeling in his ears was from the alcohol or these… feelings, but he wasn’t in the mood to deal with it now. “Well, looks like you’re full up. I’m gonna just… go back inside, and…
Asher raised an eyebrow at him. “Whaddaya mean, full up? Am I not good enough for ya?” The lynx flexed a hefty bicep. “Come on, it’s nice and warm. And I’ve got an extra beer…” Asher swirled the cold bottle temptingly.
Nate glanced over to David, who was looking away, talking to Yumi, Grant, and Bets. You know what… fine. Asher’s just some stupid drunk boy… And if David’s not going to claim me, then I’m going to have my own fun. Nate padded over to the tub and hopped in, sliding into the lynx’s lap and grabbing the proffered beer. “Sorry, dunno what you’re gonna get outta this, straight boy, but I’ll warn you, I’m gay, and you’re not gonna threaten me with a good ti- OOP!”
Asher had wrapped his arms around Nate’s midsection and pulled him tightly against himself. The lynx rumbled in his deep bass voice, almost growling, “Joke’s on you, cutie. I’m gay too... And I like ‘em nerdy.”
Nate’s eyes went wide. Josh and Grant laughed, then Grant joked, “Shit, man, you’re gay? I’ve been naked in front of you so much, I should’ve been charging admission!”
Asher chuckled. “Nah, man, you’re too built. I like ‘em softer…” and he rubbed Nate’s belly. “Muscles are nice and all, but you gotta have a little cushion if you wanna cuddle.”
Nate felt flushed and tingly all over. He’d been drinking, sure, and the water was warm, but if he was being honest with himself… Asher was objectively hot: big muscles hidden under a soft layer of fat, tall, a little stupid… everything he could ask for in a guy. But David… well, he still loved David. Nate looked over at the otter. He was expressionless, not saying a word as Yumi chatted with the others. His eyes were fixed on Nate and Asher, glancing between them every now and then, glaring slightly. You could stop this at any time, you stupid otter… you just have to speak up… Nate sighed quietly, and decided to let himself enjoy Asher’s advances: wrapping an arm around the lynx’s broad shoulders, scooting closer to his chest, laughing at all his jokes. A few beers later, and he’d fully relaxed into Asher’s arms. The tabby rested his head on the lynx’s chest, and began to purr, much to everyone’s delight… except a certain otter, who wore a sour expression on his face.
David continued not saying much, but he picked up the pace on the beer, a new one in his hand almost the second he finished the last. He couldn’t take his eyes off the lynx and the tabby, cuddling in the corner across from him. He watched, a fire in his gut, as Asher caressed Nate while the pair of them got drunker. He tracked the movement of the lynx’s paws sliding paws up and down the feline’s belly, squeezing his soft chest. He nearly spat out his beer when he noticed Asher’s hips buck under the water, and realized he was grinding his crotch against the tabby’s behind.
David took all of it in, everything seeming to move in slow motion. How could he do this to me? Do I mean nothing? Did… we… mean nothing? Then, a realization rocked him, so strong that it finally tore his gaze away. He looked down at the ground. No… I’m the one who said we meant nothing… this is my fault… Why can’t I stop this? Why can’t I just say…? David continued to stare, vaguely aware that his jaw was clenched so tightly it was sore. He sucked down air in coarse, shallow breaths. As he watched, though, he started to notice something else. His eyes… He keeps looking away… he’s looking at… me? David’s teeth unclenched somewhat, and he blinked rapidly. Nate noticed him looking at him, met his gaze, and held it. The tabby smiled, and shyly looked away, before Asher took his attention again by tickling his ribcage. David’s ears drooped. Is he still thinking of me? But what can I do now… Is it too late?
Somewhere in the basement, a clock chimed midnight. “Whoo!” Josh cheered. “Hey, it’s a new day! Let’s ring it in right! C’mere, girl, got somethin’ special for ya!” The Doberman grabbed Shaina and started making out with her, messily and passionately.
Grant and Bets, three sheets to the wind, needed no additional prodding. They locked lips instantly, eliciting a cheer from Shaina, Josh, and Yumi. Yumi turned to David next, her eyes wide. “So, um… you wanna make out, Mr. Otter…?” Yumi started to lean in for a kiss…
At the same time, Asher leaned Nate back in his arms. “Hell yeah, kitten, I’ve been wanting to do this all night…” The lynx started to bear down on Nate, so close that Nate could smell the beer on his breath…
There was a shriek, and a splash. Yumi sputtered. “What the h-“
Asher felt his arms lighten, as Nate was suddenly lifted up and out of his grasp. “Uh, wha…?”
Everyone looked up, trying to figure out what was going on. And they saw…
David had stood up, dropping Yumi out of his lap and onto Grant and Bets. He had pulled Nate up by one wrist, and they were standing together, mere inches apart, in the middle of the hot tub. The otter was panting heavily, utterly still, utterly silent, save for his heaving chest.
Stunned, the group watched the two of them for a moment, then Nate spoke up. “Um, David, what-“
The otter’s pained voice cut him off. “I can’t… I can’t do this anymore... I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with this...” He raised a paw and caressed the feline’s cheek, his glistening eyes never leaving Nate’s. “Seeing you in someone else’s arms, almost kissing them… I-I couldn’t… I’m so sorry, hun.” He took a deep breath, and put his other paw behind the tabby’s head. “I’m sorry… I love you, Nate!”
David pulled the tabby in for a deep, powerful kiss, causing Nate’s knees to buckle with its intensity. David swiftly caught him, his strong arm dropping from the tabby’s cheek to his waist. Nate let out a muffled moan as the otter pulled him tightly against his body, and at last, the tabby wrapped his arms around David’s neck, holding on as hard as he could. They stood, entwined in a passionate embrace. Fireworks went off in their heads, they could swear they heard bells ringing, and waves of bliss rushed through them, flooding their bodies with a tingling, fiery heat.
There was the signature sound of lover’s lips parting, loud and crystal clear, over the sound of the bubbling water. The two stood there, momentarily oblivious to their surroundings, wide and wild eyes staring deeply into each other. Then, David blinked, and looked around. Everyone was just… staring… at them… Josh and Grant’s jaws were completely agape, the shock on their faces palpable. David’s face grew hot, and he started to feel dizzy and nauseous. “Uh… guys… Sorry, I-I’m… gay…”
…
The silence stretched on, David’s stomach roiling, until ever so slowly, a smile crept onto Josh’s face. “Dude! Now that was a fuckin’ kiss! Shit, I’m missin’ out!” The doberman pinched Shaina, who squeaked and laughed, batting him away.
David turned to Grant, who just gave a thumbs up and said, “That was intense, bud… and, uh, I kinda already guessed… but I’m glad you finally told us. Congrats, man!” The otter breathed a sigh of relief. They… they actually don’t care… I was all terrified for nothing… they don’t care!
Then, David turned to Yumi, who he’d unceremoniously dumped in the water. “Uh, sorry, I… I was in a hurry, I-“
The mouse was sulking a bit, but she smiled ruefully at David when she spoke. “Oh, whatever. The good ones are always gay... I’ll get over it, this isn’t even the first time this has happened to me. I’ll be fine. Good on you for figuring it out, seriously.”
Nate glanced at Asher. The lynx was pouting. “Um… sorry… it’s a long story…”
Asher smiled sadly. “I’m honestly just disappointed that I didn’t get to kiss you like that. That was… epic…” The lynx sighed. “I guess if you guys are ever down for a threesome, lemme know.”
David and Nate both looked at each other again, and blushed. Nate stammered, “Uh… we’ll, uh… let you know.”
After that, they decided they’d been in the water too long. Everyone hopped out, dried off, and had some cold pizza before crashing out for the evening. Nate and David scored a guest bedroom, sharing a mattress for the third night in a row. But this time, there were no more secrets. Everyone knew they were a couple, and when they woke up tomorrow… they’d be there together, in front of all of their friends. The two were lulled to sleep by the quiet sounds of conversation down the hall.
Nate sleepily rolled over to face David. “You did a very brave thing tonight. Thank you for doing that for us… *Yawn*… I love you…”
David kissed his lover on the nose, and whispered. “I love you too. With all my heart, I love you.” He nuzzled into the tabby. “Goodnight. Sweet dreams…”
